Friends

Haha, now I sound like i'm trying to get sympathy or pity or something.

Does any of this make any sense?

I guess I expect my friends to listen to me! I find myself talking to some people and I'd say they think I'm quiet because we're on such different wavelengths, but if I said I was shy or quiet to my friends they'd laugh.

i met MH! at the rephlex braindance brockup, i went to fabric with her and another person who was nice too

I don't know what to term all the people on the internet that I talk to. It's a strange medium.
Also, I feel strange calling people that I've met very infrequently (specifically, people I met on the Radiohead tour) friends. Not that they don't feel like friends, but I don't interact with their daily lives at all, and I'm not so sure they'd consider me friends.

Lucas - best male friend. Dislikes reality and is quite content to make up alternate ones with me. Always good at providing wine and sympathy (and on the other hand I thank God that his new girlfriend is lovely, which makes a change.) The boy with the stupid haircut and the girl with pink fishnets under her jeans cackling in the corner of the pub or talking total bollocks on the tube, that's me and Lucas. I've known him and housemates Paul, Tom and Dave since univerisity too. They cook for me when I am sad and they try and look threatening if people are mean to me, which is endearing because they all have the kind of snap-me-in-two physique that isn't at all threatening.

Kate and Suzy - my London girl gang (not ILE Kate and Suzy, to avoid confusion) Kate has brown hair and is very politically motivated, Suzy has blonde hair and just wants the world to be a better place. With red-haired me we make up what our mutual friend Martin calls "your bloody trio of cackling witches. There's some weird power of three thing going on there."

I have hardly any acquaintances, I'm not sure how I consider people I know from ILX, internet friends? (but not acquaintances).

About telling us - believe me, you've told us - not out loud, but on the Internet all the time. I don't want to fight, though; the above was my attempt at reconciliation. If it upsets you, I'll retreat from the thread.

There are too many others to mention. People from university and Sinister make up the great majority of my closest friends, with only maybe 2 or 3 being ex-colleagues. I wish this wasn't so, but I lose all confidence in the work environment and become the weird bloke who no-one likes. Sigh.

And, I will never hate you. I hate no one or rather, I try to not hate anyone. I hope that you suceed in every single thing you attempt and I have always hoped that. I just hope that you feel the same about me.

I don't hate you, I still like you. I realize we have grown apart, and I still do care about you and want you to be happy and successful, but it seems we have to do that with more distance now because we have less in common. I hope that when we still do talk to each other, we can be friendly and enjoy whatever it is we can talk about.

Maria, I think you're contradicting yourself here. I know you well enough to say with the utmost confidence that the reason you don't compare grades is because you fear those occasions where others outdo you. I've seen it happen time and again. But that is not the point, so let us not make much of it...

I think the real important things are a bit too personal to be discussed on a public forum like this, but if you'd ever like a more detailed explanation, you know where to find me.

Think of it as being like Last of the Summer Wine only with young people and sex.

I'd say I do have lots of different groups of friends who I flit from from time to time. I have to do this as I start focussing on peoples bad points when spending too much time with them. Also, I'm v moody and use diff people for my diff moods. When I'm feeling posey I'll hunt down my attractive well-dressed friends. When I'm looking for pure fun I'll latch onto the yobs. Either way, D is usually around with me. I feel I've got the best of all worlds - a close best mate, plenty of close friends and loads of casual associates. Now all I need is a gf and a highpaid job and my life will be perfect!

Go shit in your own nest/s, you viper/s. Go and be 'creative' somewhere else. She's got a lot of friends here; why are you trying to take them off her? The fact that you won't succeed doesn't make you any less evil. If you're so tired of her, why are you following her here? She's never said a bad word about you and frankly I admire her restraint.

PERRY TO THREAD!!

I have like 1 friend from school who i've known since i was 11, and even though i only see him about once a year, he's still a good friend. I only regularly see 1 person from college also (mypete, who several of you have met). everyone else, with the exception of Meg, is OFF THE INTERWEB, or a friend of someone off the interweb.

J1 - I met when I was 12, so have known her 18 years: she's a smug married, married to a man who everyone I know loathes because he is such a twat and who also wants to sleep with me. Lovely.

J2 - met the same day I met J1 - is 30 something and single, meets scads of men from the internet, who like her until she spends the weekend with them, then they dump her and move on. I hope she finds her prince one day. She lost her son a few years ago, and knows almost everything in the world there is to know about me. She's my other half.

T. I met a year ago, and it feels like I've known her forever - I have so much fun with her and we take roadtrips to nowhere just because we can, in convertibles with the wind in our hair, screaming along with the cds.

B... he was my first love, the best friend I've ever had, we dated off and on for many years and I love him completely - I wept the day he married someone else, 5 years ago. We don't talk anymore after my husband threatened him on the phone one day in a fit of jealousy (which he was completely off base on) and insanity. I miss my friend.

J3 - he's another high school friend - funny, brilliant, crazy, also dated him for awhile, but realized we make better friends. I cheered when he told me he was engaged - I love his fiancee.

G. is crazy and amazing - she has more energy than anyone I know, is kind to animals, the elderly and children LOVE her. Everyone loves her. She's beautiful and neurotic, a talented actress; someone who will always always bring you out of a bad mood, who makes the world crackle with life just because she's in it. I adore her.

G2 is someone I met a couple years ago who knows my mind and likes me anyway - because of, not in spite of. We have the same taste in nearly everything but food (burgers with no cheese? It's criminal), he makes me laugh and cry and think and feel, and wants to be my future...

I am blessed in this department, truly blessed.

Man one of my friends is really bumming me out. To try and make the story as short as possible, a guy I've been friends with for about 15 years now has recently decided to run a marathon because he was way out of shape and to raise money for charity. I'm really proud of him, but it has really become the ONLY thing important in his life. It is 100% impossible for him to have a conversation about anything but running or his training. Any attempts to talk about something else, get focused back on his running. I've been trying to find a time to hang out with him (which is tough, in his defense, because he has two kids and also works full-time) but he pretty much told me that the only way he'll hang out with me is if I get up and run with him at 4:30 in the morning. Which, honestly, sounds more like torture than anything else. So then, after a couple days of being really down about being unemployed and shit I give him a call to talk about it with him. He basically cuts me off and won't really talk about it. Two days later he posts a really passive-aggressive thing on his blog about "cutting the negative people out of (his) life" and how he only has room for "successful, happy people". Now I know that is partially aimed at one of his parents who has given him a lot of shit about the marathon and tells him he's going to fail, but I can't help but feel it was aimed at me too since he now hardly speaks to me. He's the only friend that didn't wish me luck for my interview last week and even though we had two brief IM conversations, never asked me how it went either. Am I wrong to be kind of pissed about this? Or what. I don't know, the whole thing just bums me out. Sorry to get all LiveJournal here, but its been on my mind a lot and sometimes it helps to throw it out there.

Since apparently I'm using ilx as free therapy today, I can't really pass this thread up without taking the opportunity to get this off my chest in (semi-)public: I have no friends. I have literally never talked to a single person in my life who reacted to me talking about music or movies or literature with anything but a blank stare. I have never done any of the normal, healthy social things everyone does and as a result I feel like it's too late for me to catch up and have any kind of normal relationships with other people.

so how about them oscar nominations huh

i can't be bothered to really get worked up about stuff like that anymore -- someday you're going to punch him on the shoulder and remind him of that time when he was really annoying and refused to hang out unless you would run with him two hours prior to the crack of dawn. then you'll say he's an asshole and he'll agree and things will be ok.

just wait it out. not worth getting fussy about imo.

Yeah that totally makes sense, but I feel like that point will really be harder to get to now that we pretty much never see each other. I mean, its easier to move past bumps like that when you are in regular contact... but seems more difficult to iron these things out when you don't get together anyway. I'm sorta afraid things are just going to fizzle out.

i dunno, i have a lot of friends who have gone through shit like this. usually i just check in from time to time like "are you done yet?" and they come around. if you've been friends for 15 yrs, it takes a good long while to fuck up something like that. at least it does for me.

I will be positive and say - hope that his dickishness is only temporary. I have friends like this, though, and it's kind of sad but you learn to expect less from them when their behavior starts becoming more and more self-absorbed. You can try to salvage it, but friendship is a two-way street...

I have no friends.

I know how hard it is to make friends, but do you have hobbies which enable you to go out and interact with people? Don't know how it is where you live, but in some cities - not in my town though, most people here are dicks - you can check out bands and you will have people approaching you (if you're alone).

Today my oldest kid asked me how many friends I had.lol

Any attempts to talk about something else, get focused back on his running.

Ah fuck, let him, he's enjoying this newfound passion. It'll pass, I'm sure.

I don't know, I don't think a new passion means you have to stop giving a shit about your friends and what is going on in their lives.

he pretty much told me that the only way he'll hang out with me is if I get up and run with him at 4:30 in the morning.

LOL. You could turn up at said time with a backpack of buds? I'm kidding. Personally I'd take some time off from this dude. But y'know, you should just do what you feel is best. If you feel crap around him, it's time to take a break.

he only has room for "successful, happy people" would suggest his own success&happiness is not v.robust. I say relax; it'll help you beat him in the marathon, which you literally have to do otherwise he'll never snap out of this and your friendship is over.

Hahaha, I'm screwed in that case.

totally agree that you should probably just lay back a while. he's obviously having some other issues and manic marathon training is him dealing with that for a while. like said, 15 years is hella long friendship to to be ruined over something like this, wouldn't worry

yeah, be supportive from a distance and when he's done it have a "lol @ u" kind of talk while you reteach him how to drink beer or something

Yeah, I think that is good advice and totally the way to go. Just sucks because really, since being laid off and two of my other friends moved to other parts of the country, he was pretty much my only real close friend nearby.

That sucks. :-(

So I've decided to completely cut ties with the friend I was talking about last March. His attitude remained pretty much unchanged and in many ways got much much worse. I was really doing my best to ride with him and see if he came to his senses, but this weekend was where I had to draw the line. My wife and I had our baby shower this weekend and he was invited, I'd been to both of his kids' showers and I hoped this would be a good opportunity to bridge the distance we've had. Well, he never bothered to respond to the RSVP so our friend that set up the shower for us asked me if I would reach out to him to see if he could come. Sent him a couple friendly emails, still no response. Shower comes yesterday and, unsurprisngly, he doesn't show up. Which is fine, I just wish he hadn't been tweeting about the awesome nap he took instead. I'm just through putting effort into this.

Similar thing happened to us. Dude didn't show up at our wedding because he had a gig that night. Didn't show up at the baby shower because somehow his invitation was overlooked (we didn't make the invites, but I told him I regretted his lack of invite.) Dude and his girlfriend doesn't show up at Beeps' birthday party because they have kickball practice (they've still never seen her after four years.) When dude and his girlfriend get married, we get an invitation to the reception at the bar. I've seen the wedding album on Facebook with pictures of mutual friends and lots of empty chairs.

We meet up at another mutual friend's party. Sunny sees him sitting by himself on a couch and sits down to make conversation. Dude jumps up after she sits and runs off into another room.

You have to wonder how these things deteriorate like this, but it happens. With that dude, I'm sticking to our fantasy league since there's 10 other people to talk to on Yahoo Sports, but for the rest of it, we've closed the book on them.

Yeah, its weird that I feel both liberated and guilty about the whole thing.

It's weird, you say you've been friends with this guy for 15 years. Same thing with the dude I'm talking about. I don't know how old you are, but I became friends with this dude post-college. And we've gone on trips to New Orleans, countless poker nights, played in a band for awhile….

And yet, it's easier to let this dude go and meanwhile, I've still got friends from third grade on my Facebook list. Played golf the other day with a guy I met in first grade. I'm in my late 30s and unfortunately, a 15-year commitment ain't worth as much as it once was.

We meet up at another mutual friend's party. Sunny sees him sitting by himself on a couch and sits down to make conversation. Dude jumps up after she sits and runs off into another room.

this is super-weird

Well, yeah. Kind of the final straw.

He was cool later on (I forgot, they did finally meet Beeps after nearly four years. He was showing her his Freddy Kruger claws) but the guy needs some meds.

missing my friends today. boo!