Living With Your Parents: Cool or not?

if you've lived away, then living at home again may not be a bad idea at all (it is also a great way of saving money - in the year after university but before coming to london i saved about £100 a week)

its unlikely i'll ever live at home again, my parents house and my job are 200 miles apart, and i like living in london, but in certain circumstances i could envisage it being nice

my parents are good, though. nothing like the way madchen sez. it's nice to let them know if you're not going to be home of an evening but whatever. sometimes I forget and phone them the next day and say "oh, I'm not coming home last night." and my dad sez "okay--see you later, richard!" but, yeah, I'd like to move back into glasgow just for ease of STUFF. I wouldn't mind if my parents decided to move to glasgow, though! haha, that would be great.

''Madchen, have you been spying on me?''

or me! though its not as bad as madchen describes. but i can understand it. London isn't that safe I suppose. I do live with them but once i start earning enough I would like to move away because i will eventually have to live on my own someday.

I'll miss my mum's spaghetti tho'.

Unfortunatley, I can't see this changing, as every window that seems to open with regard to moving out appears to close equally quickly, or circumstances change or whatever. And I'm deliberately limiting myself because the idea of living with strangers appalls me.

haha, no. I might buy a bicycle, though.

I imagine moving back home will be such an unbearable concept that I'll be forced to find work and move out. Probably with my current girlfriend. I'm looking forward to this, despite the fact that I live in a really nice house with great parents in a great area. My sister does drive me a bit insane from time to time.

if you do it right though its fine. i did loot again this year and moved in with strangers, and i like them. you have no rush either because you're at home, so you can get the right place, not the first place

That was an accurate description of my nightlife after moving home again after 4 years (including a year and a half abroad) The worst thing was not being able to get a spur of the moment kebab!

"Mother, if God had intended us to eat Curried Cod he would have placed the North Sea off the coast of Bombay!"

Genius stuff.

I like my parents. So I don't live with them.

what?? london is perfectly safe!

I like my parents. So I don't live with them.

archel is v on the money here. i get on v v well with my parents and i think one of the main reasons is that i see them for two weeks a year, one in the summer and one at christmas. i used to only go home for a week or so each holiday when i was at university, too; i just love my independence, i guess. also my parents always live in tiny villages and i'm a city person.

I'm okay with that, but I go ballistic whenever my mom says, "And after you leave, we can get rid of all those books..." "MOM!" "What? you don't need them all, and you won't fit them all in a dorm room." "MOOOOOOOOOOM!"

well that's what my parents believe (they do believe a lot of what they read in the papers).

but yes i agree that it is safe.

I couldn't live with them again.

If I have a problem with people who live with their parents, it's probably through sheer jealousy. From the age of 18, my mother had this rule that I either had to be enrolled in school, or else I had to pay HER rent. I think she was trying to teach me a lesson about the harshness of reality and turn me into a non-trusta. All it ever did was increase the widening gap of resentment between us. Many of my friends lived at home rent free until they got married. This was never an option for me. I felt totally pushed out of the nest.

I still to this day feel like I have nowhere to turn if things go wrong. (During a really bad patch last year, I spent 2 months living with my godparents, and felt like such an imposter/freeloader, like I didn't belong there that I've barely talked to them since, through guilt and embarrassment.) Perhaps this contributes to why I won't go on benefits, either.

Maybe if I actually got ALONG with my family, it would be different. I think my mother feels guilty about it now. She keeps trying to send me gifts of clothing and the like, because she knows I'm in poor financial straits right now. I'm like... don't send me stupid clothing I won't wear, send me CASH.

Now my mother is alone, having pushed EVERYONE out of the house, and I really think she is feeling pangs of... I don't know. Don't want to think about this. I won't visit her cause I don't want to go back to the States. Though maybe if she moves to North Carolina, I'll go, and live out a bit of my Gram Parsons fixation...

i'll leave when it suits me but none of this false notion of 'freedom'

im moving back in with my parents later this month for what will prob be a year to study. have reservations about it, mainly 'arent i too old to be moving back?!' but i dont have much choice.

I'm living at home right now until I'm done with school, which should probably be another full calendar year. If I was 24, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. But I'm 34. I obviously wasted my 20s just fucking around and not planning for the future. It's humbling, but not embarrassing.

34 ?
there goes my countdown to getting the TV remote back and some peace in the house.

... But I have this awesome cable access show, and I still know how to party.

when i moved back home at the age of 20, after living away for 2yrs, it was the most miserable 4 months of my life.

I moved back again last autumn after 5 years out in order to cope with an intense break-up and staggering debt. At first it was really good to see them again, but it's been miserable. I have plans to move out at the end of summer, but a year was way longer than I intended to stay.

How old are you titchy?

28. just moving back to do a course for 6 months. after which point i hope ill get a new job and then move out again. not lived with them for about 4 years or so (had to move back after uni for a bit) so might be odd and humbling but i think itll be a more 'equal' situation this time (ie not the usual falling into teenage habits thing).

oh man.... that's what you THINK... parents have a way of treating you like you're still 14 which in turn makes you kinda act like you're still 14.

"Odd and humbling" is a pretty good way to describe it. As long as you have a time limit and an exit strategy though, it won't be too bad.

what kind of relationship do you have with them? this will sound kind of dr phil-ish, but maybe you could talk with them about what they expect from you and what you expect from then when you move back, just so you both understand that you're an adult and not a kid anymore.

oh i plan on keeping VERY busy when im there so were not in each others hair that much. only thing is all my friends from the area have moved out so theres no one for me to hang out with locally which is a bit of a pain.

yeah, i had that little talk with them about what we should both expect/want last week. basically was me saying 'you cant do this like im 15 anymore' and them saying 'well you cant do this and ACT like youre 15 anymore'. but i think itll be okay lol. ill save a bit of money in any case.

oh man.... that's what you THINK... parents have a way of treating you like you're still 14 which in turn makes you kinda act like you're still 14.

-- Rubyredd, Thursday, 5 June 2008 13:25 (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Real talk.

Yeah, no kidding.

I get along better with my parents the further I am away from them.

After 11 years out from my father, I lived with him for a few months this past winter year, and it was surprisingly easy and enjoyable. It's humbling to be in that sort of situation in the first place (and I knew I was out in a matter of a two months), but as long as you are okay with that, I got to know my father and step-mother as proper adults in a way I wouldn't have otherwise. I can't imagine having done such a thing any earlier in my life, and maybe not later, but my late 20s it worked.

my parents have totally turned into unbelievable slobs. they want me to visit so i can clean their shit up for them. which i wouldn't necessarily mind doing if it would last more than a week.

I've gone through the most incredible shit that'd send other ppl scurrying back home - abusive relationships, loss of job, bad breakups - and not once have I considered moving back home even for a second. I dont mean to offend anyone else here but to me it'd feel like failure and taking an easy out. I'm an adult, if I cant look after myself wtf am I doing wrong. I am perhaps overly hard on myself but I have to be or I really would just pack it in, I reckon.

Besides, my parents live in a godawful butthole country town and drive me insane.

yr parents don't understand goths ;_;

Hahahah :D so tru ;_;

unless you live in a palace, obv dud.

my parents house feels like a palace to where im at now. its never been an option, and i still dont wanna do it, but its only temporary. and yes it feels like failure but fuck it. ill take a temporary failure if it lets me study better.

it's not a failure, just an easy solution. that said, living with your parents is a bit dud (unless it's a palace and you can have your own "quarter) because you're stuck with eachother. that's the same with living with anyone else (aside from your partner and kids, duh!).

How do I save my mid 20s still-dragging-his-ass-through-college brother from his never-ending cycle of codependence with my parents*? My dad is still waking him up in the morning for crying out loud!

*I know, answer is probably I can't because it's his problem. Still frustrates me to no end.

probably part of the problem is him waiting around for somebody to save him from the never-ending cycle of codependence. but yes, it is terribly frustrating to want to.

They and my brother talked nonstop about all the work he wasn't getting done the whole time he was here. Then we left my brother in my apartment to study and went for coffee, and my parents kept going on about that, and then about how he doesn't make it to his morning class.

Finally I said "YOU HAVE TO STOP WAKING HIM UP IN THE MORNING."
-- "But why do you think he's living back at home in the first place?"
-- "YOU NEED TO TREAT HIM LIKE AN ADULT. STOP WAKING HIM UP IN THE MORNING."
long pause
-- "This is a really great cafe. It must be so nice to have this in the neighborhood"

moving back in a bit after 10 years. desperate times. hoping it doesn't last long.

feels weird because i haven't lived at home since i was 14 and my parents still have this habit of either treating me as if i'm still that age or as if i'm much older than i am, simply because they never really watched me grow up properly.

it is weird, roz, but maybe since you've been away so long, and are now moving back as an adult, you can live more parallel to them instead of under their roof. what's it like to be treated as if you're much older than you are?

hurting, what's happened with your brother? mine's a bit more independent at this point - i.e. parents have stopped waking him up - but still nowhere near ready to be on his own. we'll see, i guess.

i'm living with my parents cause i'm unemployed and broke. It's fine since we get on good and i'm as independent as i can be living under someone else's roof, have my own living room so i can have company round, I probably cook for them much more than vice versa etc. Main problem for me is talking to new people and having to say "Hi, I'm Jim, I'm unemployed and I live with my parents."

http://itodyaso.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/george_costanza.jpg

that's happening to more and more of my friends, even some employed ones!

what's it like to be treated as if you're much older than you are?

it's nice when they trust me with things like taking care of money and so on but sometimes my mom goes a little overboard, like coyly suggesting that i was ready for marriage. at age 21. :/

most of the time though they still treat me as the baby (youngest of three, much older siblings) and staying with them means a constant: "where are you going? with who? have i met them? what time will you be back?". personal space will the the biggest issue i think cause they just don't really know how to leave someone alone. my sister got into so many fights with them when she came back for a little while after college.

It takes a while to adjust to each other again. I've moved back home TWICE (including right now), and it's much better this time than when I was in my early 20s and thought I knew everything. As long as I avoid discussions about politics (the '08 election was a good time) and religion (my dad is actually a literal creationist...yes, for real), it's not much different than having roommates.

Fortunately, I'll be done with school in December and get the fuck back out. As comfortable as I've gotten, I know it's killing me.

this thread =
http://i3.iofferphoto.com/img/item/447/227/01/o_gal4.jpg

depressing as fuck. get out while you can.

If you have parents you can really talk to and get along with, you're probably much too well adjusted to ever have to live with your parents.

not true.

bro down with old man on the reg

yeah, definitely not true.

I gotta say, I think the success of living w parents as an adult depends on parents either being a) really cool and hands-off now that you've been independent, or b) you having pursued a course for your life that your parents approve of and/or is v similar to the course THEY chose for themselves.

Speaking as someone who has made v v v v v diff choices than my parents, any attempt to go home wd be a complete disaster. We can do about one week of vacation, that's the limit.

And sometimes I start getting the disapproving lectures in the middle of that one week, if my folks think that circumstances warrant.

I think it is also hugely related to whether you grew up with the expectation that adulthood entails being independent and out of the house, or in more of a large family oriented situation where another contributing adult in the household is welcome. I say "contributing" because that's how the people I know who are doing it successfully long-term treat it, they're trying to help out as adult members of the family in whatever ways they can rather than mooching off of their parents...it helps that both they and the parents see it this way.

Yes but no amount of dish-washing on my part would make my parents approve of my drinking hobby.

Haha true. I'm not sure if I approve of my own drinking hobby but I have to be out of the house to engage in it. Although I do know one guy who's been brewing beer with his dad since high school, which probably helps with living with his parents at 24.

lol yea i'm happy to help around the house but i'd also like not having to explain sitting around in my pj's marathon-ing tv shows all weekend if i feel like it.

packing up my current apartment... ugh.

xposts

I'm glad it's not true, in a way.

my parents hate my drinking hobby but i've been doing it since i was 12 so they've gotten used to it by now.

Main problem for me is talking to new people and having to say "Hi, I'm Jim, I'm unemployed and I live with my parents."

yeup. im doing a phd is my excuse but it's still some both bogus and sad.

two years ago i was on holiday in Barcelona, and coincidentally was unemployed and living with my parents. Me and my friend were talking to this really cute American girl and it got round to what you do for a living, her - did press for Fabric, had been talking to Ricardo Villalobos earlier on in the day, me - oh i'm on the dole. Embarrassing.

ugh, guilt

two years ago i was on holiday in Barcelona, and coincidentally was unemployed and living with my parents. Me and my friend were talking to this really cute American girl and it got round to what you do for a living, her - did press for Fabric, had been talking to Ricardo Villalobos earlier on in the day, me - oh i'm on the dole. Embarrassing.

― suggestzybandias (jim), Friday, 12 June 2009 19:39 (1 month ago) Bookmark

lie, ffs

My wife's parents have been living on our property in a 5th wheel for the last 3 years. They are very nice people. However, I feel that we have no privacy. If we have arguments, my wife runs to them. They no everything that is said, every thing we do. I never can go outside without one of them coming over. It seems that they are constantly involved in every aspect of our lives. It was my idea for them to live here but it was to be a short time. Is it ever a good idea for either spouse's parents to live with or live that close to us. We have been married 4 years.

when you have kids they are free daycare

Sunshine it sounds like you guys need to sort out a new arrangement.

Living in the same town is good, in the same house/property? No. I love my parents but any more than a few days in my house and it starts getting too much.

two years ago i was on holiday in Barcelona, and coincidentally was unemployed and living with my parents. Me and my friend were talking to this really cute American girl and it got round to what you do for a living, her - did press for Fabric, had been talking to Ricardo Villalobos earlier on in the day, me - oh i'm on the dole. Embarrassing.

― suggestzybandias (jim), Friday, 12 June 2009 19:39 (1 month ago) Bookmark

lie, ffs

― max arrrrrgh, Saturday, July 25, 2009 3:28 AM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

care to reconsider in light of recent internationally-reported court verdicts?

"did press for Fabric"

this is not a particularly impressive job tbh

haha i think i know that fabric girl.

did press for Fabric

sounds like a badly translated washing machine instruction

or like her job was going around urging people to give her bolts of cloth.

Yeah, "doing press for..." is the only job in the Music Industry so shitty they actually let girls do it... fnar etc.

been back less than two months and we are pretty much at each others' throats. (well, for us, anyway. we're all pretty easy-going.)

i really need to get the hell out of here.