What's it like being married?

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Seems like an obvious sort of question but what's it like? How much does it change your life or general outlook?

― Ronan (Ronan), Sunday, 10 November 2002 19:08 (twenty-three years ago)

i liked being married. the fact it didnt last doesnt change my opinion of marriage.
we lived together for years before 'making it legal' and when we did do that we were able to write the whole ceremony ourselves so it was very meaningful and personal to us.
the difference between being married and living together 'in sin' was not something i expected to experience, but it was quite strange how our relationship changed afterwards.
somehow it felt more of a partnership, because we had publicly stated our intentions and love. i never thought so at the time, but in hindsight i can see that being married gave me more determination to 'stick it out' and try to make it work. i thought it was forever you see, and that belief was very strong for years.
that sounds cliched and i know that people who live in de facto relationships may disagree, saying they have the same commitment too, but my response to that is i also thought the same way, until i was married.

marriage was great, tough, wonderful, scarey, comforting, unsettling, cloistering, strengthening.

i would not marry again, after 17 years of it i prefer to keep that experience as something 'special' and not to be attempted again.

― donna (donna), Sunday, 10 November 2002 19:21 (twenty-three years ago)

My experience: very different than living together, amongst other things you share legal contract, you've made vows in front of family/friends/community, your relationship is 'officially recognised', you can't just say 'that's it you bastard' and leave without involving lawyers, you wear a ring so that everyone knows you're committed to an other, it brings stability, security (though only if the relationship is sound in the first place i suppose), you've made a very public statement of long-term committment. i love my wife very deeply and am extremely proud to have married her. Hang on I'll ask her the same question...

Mrs Stevo, she says: 'It's really good, makes you feel very secure, apart from that not a lot has changed, fortunately. erm why you asking like? What! you're typing this away to people I don't know or something....great, thanks, I'm off (walks downstairs).'

So there you have it...... Why Ronan you thinking of proposing or something?

― stevo (stevo), Sunday, 10 November 2002 19:27 (twenty-three years ago)

hehe no, god no! Not yet anyway ; ) no I was just thinking about relationships in general, and it struck me as something I didn't know much about.

― Ronan (Ronan), Sunday, 10 November 2002 19:29 (twenty-three years ago)

I lived with my partner for three years before getting married. Everyone told us it would change things, and when I said it wouldn't they would smile in smug fashion and make it clear that they were 100% sure that they knew me better than I did, which always irritates me. I can think of three impacts it had: some presents, tax cuts (don't know if this still applies), and it took less effort to make other people realise that it was a serious, long-term relationship. We broke up last year (after over 23 years together), and the downside has been extra legal messing about, though most of that has been about division of assets, which would have been the same without marriage. We are both sure that being married or not would have made no difference to the length, success or eventual failure of the relationship.

I should emphasise that I am only describing my own experience, and not at all suggesting that it makes no difference to others.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 10 November 2002 19:44 (twenty-three years ago)

I got married a year & change ago, and absolutely love it. I think I've described it elsewhere as "the ultimate 'got your back,' among many other things"--a guaranteed total mutual support system. It allows us to plan a lot of things in the _extremely_ long term, which has let us both do some stuff we've always wanted to do & would never have been able to do on our own. Challenging, yes, but in a really good way.

― Douglas, Monday, 11 November 2002 05:57 (twenty-three years ago)

I'll let you all know.

― Graham (graham), Monday, 11 November 2002 11:06 (twenty-three years ago)

"Cloistering" is a beautiful word Donna.

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Monday, 11 November 2002 11:47 (twenty-three years ago)

I'll let you know when me and Joolz walk down the aisle...

(exact amount of time it took between drunken joking on IL* and gossip getting round the internet telephoned out of control into bizarre semi-believed meta-reality: Four Hours.)

― kate, Monday, 11 November 2002 12:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Martin, the tax break finished three years ago, about the same time that i got married, blimming typical! i think being married is great also (this is going to be one of those kind of threads isn't it) especially the excuse for a huge party that you don't have to pay for ;)

but sherioushly folksh, um, it just kind of seemed the right thing to do at the time, despite never really thinking before that, that i'd ever get married. I guess it's all the standing up in front of your friends and saying "hey look, we mean it" type thing, not saying that people who live IN SIN don't mean it or anything...

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Monday, 11 November 2002 12:10 (twenty-three years ago)

Douglas' answer makes me happy!

(Personally I'm looking forward to the presents)

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 11 November 2002 12:36 (twenty-three years ago)

I've been married for almost a whole two months now and its been great. We had been living together for 6 years before we tied the knot so it was like we have always been married. Although now we have the joint bank account which is a little tricky! The wedding day itself was quite fun as well. I guess I'm just trying to say that its great!

― Chris V. (Chris V), Monday, 11 November 2002 12:57 (twenty-three years ago)

We didn't officially move in together until after we were married, so the main difference I can think of is not having to deal with roommates when you want to snuggle. Also, it wasn't until we were married that Joei felt secure enough to go for a singing career.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 11 November 2002 14:17 (twenty-three years ago)

I love all these positive stories, I do. :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 11 November 2002 14:58 (twenty-three years ago)

The biggest change for me was that my father-in-law started insisting on me giving him a peck on the cheek whenever I arrived/left.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller), Monday, 11 November 2002 20:15 (twenty-three years ago)

The biggest change for me was that my father-in-law started insisting on me giving him a peck on the cheek whenever I arrived/left.

SMART MAN for using "arrived" rather than "came".

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 11 November 2002 20:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Merely a case of keeping it in the family, Dan.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 11 November 2002 20:40 (twenty-three years ago)

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