Fashion: How Do You Start?

They have no fat = they have no third all- body brane. What you wear must declaim THIS!! (Also: check out the chick in The Gossip...)

I think you're confusing fashion with being some kind of freak.

I'm always amazed the way people look up to Madonna, for instance, as some sort of fashion goddess. It is SO silly. The first rule of marketing is that people will buy whatever you tell them to buy. Madonna and others wear whatever is NOT being worn currently with confidence and suddenly everyone is following suit like a bunch of mindless automatons. If you wear what YOU wear with confidence (and you should) you will always be "fashionable" in someone's eyes.

Playing dress up is great fun, though. The best part of shopping.

There's a lot of truth in kidding, as we all know. Anyway, without batting an eyelash, I said in the same joking tone, "Why? So people like *YOU* won't judge me?" It's the perfect line for when people try to be snotty because it suddenly makes the offensive person very defensive (especially if you sound kind of disgusted when you say *YOU*). Even if they say, "Oh lighten up", you've won hands down. There's no intelligent comeback to that because you've said the unspeakable truth. It definitely changed the expression on this girl's face. It was funny and no, there wasn't a big fight and yes, we still are friends and no, I wasn't being overly defensive because I really didn't care. That's been my patented response since I went through the dumb punk phase at age 15. However, it's a lot more effective if you don't have a really dumb punk outfit on when you say it. It works especially well, if you're just dressed "normal".

I spend very little on clothes, but enjoy picking things out at thrifts with what I'd consider a graphic designer's eye. This pattern (floral) on its own has a limited set of associations (silk bathrobes, old gents clubs), but put together with this other one (pinstripes, with a 1920s court stenographer flavour) they create an interesting confusion. The best thrift store in the world is Humana at Berlin Alexanderplatz.

I like looks which suggest other ways of thinking / being: Muslim suits (cheap in the Bangla stores on Brick Lane), hippy mixed with uniform, the maximum brilliance colours of toddler-wear (a look you can get away with even if 'rounded')...

Oh, and one final pointer: never, ever, take fashion tips from musicians or music publications.

[Breaks into 'Think Pink' from 'Funny Face', dances a special 'clothes empowerment' tap, reads excerpts from 'The Madwoman's Underclothes' by Germaine Greer]

Anthony
Who always thinks pink

As a side note: can someone please explain to me why my boyfriend's goal in life is to, and I quote, "look like the biggest wanker alive"? What kind of goal is that?

1) A suit. All guys look good in a decent suit. Single breasted. Black pin-stripe. Find a decent shirt to wear with it - white can work, I prefer a dark blue or grey one. tie isn't necessary but if you'd feel better in one then wear a simple one, understated colours and slight pattern. I don't really need to say this but avoid at all costs anything 'wacky'. ie. a Daffy Duck tie or some shit.

2) If you'd feel a bit too dressed up for a suit then just try a classic shirt (again don't for for wild colours or patterns unless you want to look like a cretinous Ibiza 'lad'), matched with a decent pair of jeans (expect to pay about £40 for something that doesn't look either 80s or laughably futuristic). Pair of smart black shoes. A black leather jacket if it looks good (generally only works for the skinnier guy, but have a try anyway) or maybe even the jacket from that suit you should've bought. Maybe consider material other than jeans - thin cord can look good. A slight flare on the trousers is not a bad thing. Underwear? Go commando, you're a free living guy. Oh yeah, untuck that shirt and undo the top button, maybe get a subtle necklace/bead thing to go round your neck (no gold or lots of big thick beads). Lose any facial hair you might have. Don't be blonde or have any 'zany' colour in your hair unless you're still in your mid- teens. And voila, you look good. Mind you, all this is no good if you talk like a buffoon, but hey, that's another topic.

why oh why is it not available in hypertext?

Ian's second bit of advice is terrible. Never EVER wear jeans with suit jackets. You will look like JEREMY CLARKSON. And GAH! Untucked shirts!

However, I stand by my untucked shirt advice. A tucked in shirt can seem terribly stiff and dad-at-the-barlike - particularly in relation to jeans (actually don't buy jeans - they're too much trouble). A shirt untucked on a suit is touch and go. Again, it appear less rigid and formal but can look a touch too shabby. Depends where you are. But if you do desire to have your shirt tucked in then you *need* a belt. Preferably a thick black belt with a thick yet non-80s rockstar buckle.

And in response to Mark, I'd very much like to read this piece you speak of. It seems that dignity and elegance do go hand in hand with bleakness. Look at Leonard Cohen, Tindersticks, Nick Cave, etc. You may not like them but you cannot say that they lack style and refinement.

Regardless of the jacket, the jeans or the person wearing them, there's no escaping this equation (see WESTLIFE on CD:UK last week!)

And looking awkward and out of place IS style, no?

casual gets a bit more iffy doesn't it? and how does one manage this cheaply? tell me and I might start looking better

But what if you work that awkwardness?

"As for the garb, the outer husk, of the modern hero ... , has not this much-maligned garb its own native beauty and charm? Is it not the necessary garb of our suffering age, which wears the symbol of perpetual mourning even on its thin black shoulders? Notice how the black suit and the frock coat possess not only their political beauty, which is an expression of universal equality, but also their poetic beauty, which is an expression of the public soul -- an endless procession of hired mourners, political mourners, amorous mourners, bourgeois mourners. We are all of us celebrating some funeral." Benjamin citing Baudelaire. Arcades Project J39,3

Charity shop runs: Mornington Crescent >> Camden, Putney High Street.