How do you know if someone fancies you?

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Okay! Not to appear desperate or anything!

What signs should I look out for? Body language? Words said? Are museums good places to pick up chicks? (just kidding, but seriously are they?) How long should eye contact last? How do you let people know you fancy them?

So, the mechanics of fancying...

― jel, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hmm...the right amount of winks and wryly suggestive comments, based on my experience. But that's just a start. ;-)

― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ask them

― anthony, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The longing, meaningul glance. Or read person in question's diary.

― matthew, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh Anthony I wish it were that easy (for me!)

― jel, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What about INTERWEB FANCYING eh?

Museums: well, if you start talking to a complete stranger in a museum on anything other than a practical what's the time/when does this shut basis, then you are pretty much giving the game away I'd have thought.

― Tom, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

If a bird winked at me any more times than none I'd be fucking worried. If anyone winked at me any more times than none I'd be fucking worried. I'm shit at that whole "eye contact" thing - tend to turn it into the whole "staring at someone" thing when drunk. The other night this girl was looking at me and I was looking at her but I'd had perhaps SEVEN too many glasses of shandy and I ended up staring at her. She didn't break the eye contact so we were just staring at each other for about two minutes. I think by that point I may have looked like a serial killer.

― Greg, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

There goes that approach! :)...I had it planned like this, study hard, sit in museum, look approachable, wait for pretty girl to approach, and proceed to show her around the museum and impress her with my knowledge or go to cafe, try and avoid talking about Megadeth or Transformers...not gonna work is it?...I feel like Wyle E Coyote sometimes, back to the drawing board! :)

― jel, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Talk to more than one person. Start off talking to a really ugly bird then move on to the one you fancy. She'll think that's just what you do and not assume that you LOVE HER.

― Greg, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

avoiding talking about Transformers and Megadeth = dud.

Other place which is supposed to be pulling meccas: supermarkets. Has anyone on this board ever pulled anyone in a supermarket?

― Tom, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Supermarkets are the next place on my list!

― jel, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Greg, good idea, I may not give up on the museum approach after all!

― jel, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I call Tom's attention to the one track on the _Happy Listener's Guide to Mind Control_ about pulling in museums -- you *did* download all that, I trust. ;-)

― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You are all mentalists. I do nothing but watch TV, naturally, and many famous people as a result are in LOVE WITH ME. Sylvia Kristel, Trevor MacDonald, even Jools Holland. They wink at me most nights. I mean some of them do: Jools Holland is not on most nights, so how he could wink on the ones when he wasn't there? Hey?! Tell me that!! Hey!!! Hullo? HULLO!!??

― mark s, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Don't EVER talk to a mutual acquaintance about it. I once did this and was told the things I wanted to hear, which, er, turned out not to be true. Actually, this has happened a few times, do I just have bad luck?!

― Bill, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Women love to hear about Megadeth and Transformers. It makes them all horny like.

I've never pulled in a supermarket, but I've flirted in laundry rooms a lot. Something about the piles of underwear and the ability to be suave and deferential ("of course you can use this dryer. I'll just wait." *beaming smile*).

― Dave M., Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Just wait until they open the National museum of transformers and megadeth (with loads of lottery lolly).
You will instantly become a babe magnet.

― Billy Dods, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"famous people as a result are in LOVE WITH ME. Sylvia Kristel, Trevor MacDonald... "

Hmph. And all this time I thought it was me that Trevor luvved!

― DavidM, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

No need to fight about it, chaps. Trevor's got more enough love to go round and he ain't stingy with it neither.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Do not take a hint from blushing. That is not a sign.
So how DO you let people know you fancy them? Shy ones? Loud ones are not troublesome, but shy ones are really hard to read.

― Lyra, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

... was going to say, if you think someone likes you, they probably do ... then remembered this no-joke conversation: X: 'When I went out last night, all these girls tried to pick me up.' M:'Oh really? Were they asking you for your phone number and stuff?' X: 'No, they were just crowding round me.' M: 'So, were they trying to get you to talk to them?' X:'No, not exactly ... but they were trying to get my attention.' M: 'How?' X:'Well, they were exposing their breasts to me and stuff like that.' M: 'Exposing their breasts?! Really?! You mean like lifting up their tops?' X:'No, but they were wearing things and you could see part of their breasts.' ... but provided you have normal low self-esteem and don't have paranoid schizophrenia, if you think a girl likes you, she probably does.

― maryann, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Take your friend for a walk on a hot beach one day, he'll convince himself he has a harem by the end of the stroll.

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

If the guy jumps on you and starts humping you. Seriously, I mean, REALLY, you don't notice it? Me neither. :-) I am quite sure that my neighbour fancies me. But he's much too goodlooking.

― nathalie (nathalie), Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

How to tell if someone fancies you? Have you been receiving strange gifts through the post? Mysterious heavy breathing phone calls? Is there someone wearing night vision specs outside your house most nights? Well, then, someone fancies you. Congratulations!

Alternatively you can bore your friends to tears... 'do you think he likes me? do you? no really?' until they say yes to shut you up.

― Emma, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I really do wish I knew the answer to this question

― cabbage, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think maryann is spot on - assume everyone fancies you, unless you have some kind of psychotic illness, in which case question your assumptions.

I once watched that programme about flirting school, which suggested mirroring all their movements if you fancy someone. So if you catch someone freaking you out by doing this they probably fancy you but have had to resort to watching TV programmes about flirting so prob. not a good catch.

― Nick, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Is that not also how to succeed in a job interview? These advice people sure are lazy.

― Tom, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Getting a job, getting a girl, what's the difference?

― Nick, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

So "pulling" now means getting a new job, and having to "sign on" when you can't get a girl I guess means something else too.

― Martin, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

unfortunately, experience has shown, that i know when someone fancies me, when someone else, well after the fact, says something like "i can't believe you didn't go for that girl, she was really into you". what? she wasn't, was she? damn!

― gareth, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

two weeks pass...

There's an edge to the fancier; there's a bit of awkwardness there. Also a kind of momentum to stay connected and keep things moving. Just play a little aloof with someone you suspect fancies you and see what happens. You'll get your answer straightaway.

George in California

― George Vecchio, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Getting a job, getting a girl, what's the difference?
The first gets you money at the end of the month. The latter costs you loadsa money.

― nathalie, Friday, 7 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

two weeks pass...

okay well. the reason i know when boys fancies me is caos thery TELL ME i fancy yu Chasimno

― chasimino, Saturday, 22 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

two months pass...

Greg - your serial killer routine absolutely cracked me up! I sat here at work laughing so hard that snot dripped out of my nose, caked against my trousers and crystallised.

― Kodanshi, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Some day, someone will invent a simple litmus test, a piece of paper which, when applied to the skin of the person in question, detects the presence of hormonal signals, and deduces whether or not they fancy you.

Think of the wasted effort and sleepless nights and endless puppydogeye conversations with annoyed friends that this would prevent...

Then again, I suppose it would lose its effectiveness if a really attractive person happened to walk by/appear on TV while you were surrpepticiously trying to rub your litmus paper against your fancyee's skin... could lead to some even more awkward situations!

― kate, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Kate, you want to spoil all the 'fun'. Haven't you heard that life is a veil of tears?

― Nick, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yes, of course it is. But I'm thinking more of my poor friends and how many "Isn't he lovely? Do you think he's interested?" conversations they've had to endure? Wouldn't they just rather jump straight to the "Oh, he HAAAAAATES me" whingefest instead?

― kate, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I never bloody know! Not knowing this lead me to date someone I hated for 9 months because I thought no-one else would ever fancy me, especially not my CRUSH... and guess what else I found out, 9.1 months later, kids??? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

― Sarah, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I annoy my friends about it for weeks till one of them says to one of her friends "so what about Ro and......". It's childish I guess but it's nice and easy.

― Ronan, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Wa-Hey! My classic question is back!!

― james, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

THEY SERENADE YOU WITH "COUNT AVERBINA"

― Mike Hanle y, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

In spite of what everyone has said - prolonged eye contact is the surest way of knowing.

― K-reg, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What am I on about with my 'veil of tears'? That would be a rubbish veil. I meant vale, obviously.

― N., Thursday, 13 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Buying wrapping paper & cards in Smiths last night I noticed that the man behind me in the queue had chosen the exact same paper as me, same pattern and same colour. Aha! I thought - Mirroring! He must fancy me! At which point I realised ILE has made me insane.

― Emma, Thursday, 13 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I did wonder about veil/vale, but was so struck by the idea of a 'veil' of tears (like a film over your eyes), like that it wasn't life but its perception that made it sad that I didn't say anything.

― Ellie, Thursday, 13 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Emma, what were you doing in a Yellow Pages advert? Most disturbing.

― Trevor, Thursday, 13 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

But better than the Lambrini ad I usually inhabit.

― Emma, Thursday, 13 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Wouldn't it all be so much easier if people were honest?

― DG, Thursday, 13 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

when someone likes you they should simply put your hands on their ass.

― Tracer Hand, Thursday, 13 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Eye contact is one thing, but that could be just a side effect of flirtiness. If she initiates wanting to exchange numbers with you, that's probably a better sign...

― Brian MacDonald, Thursday, 13 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Skipping 287 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

yes marcello, the subways in new york are known for their safe and friendly riders at all hours.

i saw like, i dunno, three very pretty women on the train tonight? i kinda assume they don't wanna be bothered. and quite honestly i think it smacks of desparation, a little.

my accent only comes back when i'm in kentucky and/or drunk. : (

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 07:56 (twenty years ago)

Who knows, it's a situational thing. I liked the sort of "all in it together" subway chatter a lot better than the cold, impersonal "DON'T TRY IT" desperation of the tube.

It's a funny thing. I can live with the idea that I'm never going to have sex or be in a relationship ever again. But the idea I'll never be randomly fancied again makes me really deeply unhappy.

Is that really arrogant? Or just human nature?

― WE ARE THE KATE!!! (kate), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 07:58 (twenty years ago)

I could live with the idea of never having sex again if i wasn't MARRIED.

― Kate / We'll always be together in electric dreams (papa november), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:01 (twenty years ago)

(xpost)

both

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:01 (twenty years ago)

i can't live with the idea i'll never have sex again. i'm hoping i will! eventually. signs aren't particularly good though.

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:01 (twenty years ago)

where does this idea that you'll never have sex or be in a relationship OR be randomly fancied again come from? it seems kinda strange, and almost sad, that you think that way about yourself.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:03 (twenty years ago)

after the xposts, that became a general question to everybody.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:03 (twenty years ago)

i mean, i'm kinda assuming that all three of those things will happen to me again at some point. of course, wouldn't it be just typical if after saying that, i'm proven wrong?

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:04 (twenty years ago)

multi-x-post will start another post.

I'm thinking about this a bit. Maybe it was because I was younger, and therefore more open to people and/or experiences when I lived in NYC. Maybe it's because NYC is a city that's more naturally friendly to strangers than London.

Chatting to strangers on the subway felt very natural. It's kind of dance, if you smile at someone, and they smile back, you make a neutral comment of the "man, the N train sucks, but at least it's not the R, huh?" and if they reply openly, you've got a conversation, and if they reply guardedly or noncommittally you leave them alone.

I used to be good at that sort of thing. I wonder what happened. Oh yeah, England happened. ;-)

― WE ARE THE KATE!!! (kate), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:04 (twenty years ago)

i don't care if i never have sex again. it's the dichotomy between "loneliness" and "loneness" that bothers me.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:04 (twenty years ago)

Do english accents go down well in the US? As those who've met me know, I have a most pronounced english accent - maybe I should go the US and pull all the cute chix0rs like in Love Actually.

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:05 (twenty years ago)

(self xpost)

i.e. the "loneliness" of it'll-never-happen-again vs. the "loneness" of maybe-i'm-just-meant-to-be-a-loner.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:05 (twenty years ago)

This coffeeshop I go to whenever I need to write out of my apartment has about 3 or 4 regulars who always sit alone, watching every female that enters, and if she's attractive and has an "in" they can exploit as a conversation starter (carrying a book, speaking another language), they do it. Go right up to them in line or sit down next to them and begin talking. I've yet to see a woman who wasn't annoyed by this.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:05 (twenty years ago)

I don't mind not having sex again if it's my choice, not just because I married a man who by his own admission is gay or straight just not interested full stop.

― WE ARE THE KATE!!!! (papa november), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:06 (twenty years ago)

by his own admission is gay or straight just not interested full stop.

I mean isn't!

― WE ARE THE KATE!!!! (papa november), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:07 (twenty years ago)

I don't think I'll ever have sex again or be in a relationship because... well... it was something someone said on one of the anonymous advice threads. I don't *have* another breakup in me. I can't go through that again.

I was just thinking about the randomly fancied thing. I have actually had a couple of random flirtation/fancying experiences in the past few weeks, and it was really nice. I couldn't live without that. While I could live without sex or relationships.

x-post, Johnney - in America, with your accent and your charm, you would be the mack daddy with the anglophile indie chiX0rs.

― WE ARE THE KATE!!! (kate), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:07 (twenty years ago)

new thread!

where does this idea that you'll never have sex or be in a relationship OR be randomly fancied again come from?

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:07 (twenty years ago)

yep that seems a bit unfair kate, the choice has been removed from it somewhat

Go right up to them in line or sit down next to them and begin talking.

no one has done this to me for years

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:09 (twenty years ago)

When I was in America for a year - everybody *loved* my accent. However, I was too shy/stupid to actually notice that people liked it. So yes, the Love Actually trick might work (closest I got was a girl spending all night drunkenly by side at a party. She tried to get me to go home with her. However, I was a little glad that I didn't in the end, as I found out a week later that she was engaged...)

― carson dial (carson dial), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:09 (twenty years ago)

Coffee shop (or bar) lotharios are generally quite easy for a women to spot.

Random people stuck in the same situation (bad subway line) has an element of randomness - I doubt that any men hang out on the N train, waiting for a young woman to get hassled.

― WE ARE THE KATE!!! (kate), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:12 (twenty years ago)

http://www.freakytrigger.co.uk/pictures/monument-valley-goats-40.1.jpg

(that feels right)

― Jaunty Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:42 (twenty years ago)

oh i can't be arsed to work out why that failed right now

http://www.freakytrigger.co.uk/pictures/monument-valley-goats-40.1.jpg

― Jaunty Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:43 (twenty years ago)

ok it works on p3r but not wh3rd. time to change ft's htacess AGANE

― Jaunty Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:45 (twenty years ago)

YAY (stop talking to self now)

― Jaunty Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 08:45 (twenty years ago)

you'll never meet anyone in a subway, ever.

The train or the sarnie shop? Or both?

― caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 10:18 (twenty years ago)

I was talking about the train.

I did once have a flirtation with a boy in the sandwich shop over the lock-in loo, but then his girlfriend arrived. :-(

― We Are All Full Of Kate (kate), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 10:19 (twenty years ago)

people fancy me a lot, but never do anything about it.

so how do i know they fancy me? well.. i just KNOW that they do!!

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 10:46 (twenty years ago)

I still have no idea!

Though I did convince myself that this woman who was facilitating a focus group I attended recently did fancy me, as:

a) her foot kept pointing towards me.
b) at one stage she bought her toes together.
c) but damn, as if I'd do anything about it.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 15:28 (twenty years ago)

don't do it, folx!

― cozen (Cozen), Friday, 8 April 2005 18:12 (twenty years ago)

one year passes...

http://www.gosh.org/get_involved/your_school/kids/images/hall_of_fame.gif

― dommy p is alright WHICH IS A LOT MORE THAN I CAN SAY ABOUT A LOT OF PEOPLE (Dom, Friday, 3 November 2006 16:05 (nineteen years ago)

Get the old chap out, bounce it off her head. If she hasn't called the police she fancies you.

― Darramouss (Darramouss ftw), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:10 (nineteen years ago)

I met this girl last night, and I was getting on really well with her, better than I've got on with agirl in ages, and I think she was sending out signals. Like a cunt I chickened out of getting her number. We live in opposite corners of London, so there's no chance of bumping into her. She's a friend of friend of a friend, so wouldn't be too hard to track down, but would it be weird and stalky to do so?

― chap who would dare to welcome our new stingray masters (chap), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:15 (nineteen years ago)

get in touch with her! especially if you aren't likely to bump into her... if she says no, it won't matter as you won't see her again. i'd be terribly flattered if someone i chatted to at a party went to the trouble of getting my number from a friend of a friend.

― gem (trisk), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:17 (nineteen years ago)

why would 'Hall Of Fame' be written on a wooden sign post?

dumbest graphic ever

― banrique (blueski), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:17 (nineteen years ago)

well if by 'not hard' you mean secretly rifling through your friends phone book/diary/blogs then yes that would be stalkery. But I'm sure there's nothing wrong with just asking your mates if you could get in touch with her.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:18 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, I'm thinking I probably will. I might try and engineer a gathering which she'd be invited to first, though.

xpost to gear.

― chap who would dare to welcome our new stingray masters (chap), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:19 (nineteen years ago)

answer to original post: check their favoured internet hang-outs. if they ask a lot of total strangers if they should try to get in touch with you, you've got a real keeper.

― benrique (Enrique), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:21 (nineteen years ago)

gear?

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:22 (nineteen years ago)

yeah after i posted that i was thinking... you might want to get the friend of a friend to check that it's ok to give you her number rather than just cold-calling. but an engineered group gathering is even better! good luck. report back!

(i think he meant me RJG)

― gem (trisk), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:22 (nineteen years ago)

Yes I did.

― chap who would dare to welcome our new stingray masters (chap), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:27 (nineteen years ago)

I have outsourced my wooing to a number of diligent graduates in bangalore.

― Ed (dali), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:28 (nineteen years ago)

how's that working out for you?

― gem (trisk), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:29 (nineteen years ago)

OK although I suspect a couple of them to be wooing on their own account, the one who uses the steve identity recently married an english girl.

― Ed (dali), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:30 (nineteen years ago)

ah well. it's good karma to be a matchmaker so i've heard.

― gem (trisk), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:32 (nineteen years ago)

Give your number to your friend to give to her. Put the ball in her court and it's impossible to look stalkery.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:42 (nineteen years ago)

stevem is from bangalore?

my wooing branch has turned into a trendy wine bar :(

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:48 (nineteen years ago)

xpost if you're already putting the ball in her court i don't think you'll have problems getting her number.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:49 (nineteen years ago)

Update: Talking about Transformers didn't work, FFS.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 3 November 2006 18:15 (nineteen years ago)

whenever I think somebody likes me, I'm usually...wrong. SO, I DON'T KNOW! but I agree that the original poster should get in contact with said chick, cause what do you have to lose?

― gunther heartymeal (keckles), Friday, 3 November 2006 18:29 (nineteen years ago)

Keep checking "Missed Connections" on Craig's List.

― Jena (JenaP), Friday, 3 November 2006 21:01 (nineteen years ago)

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