It is 5 am. You have just awoken inside the body of noted talk show host Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson. How do you go about the rest of your week?

Discuss.

Roll over and go back to sleep til a sensible time

"My next guest is Judith Butler."

i think someone could play this really well and -- over a year -- convert at least a part of his captive audience into left populists.

5 am is better imo because it at least gives you some time to adjust to your new avatar.

i could save america honestly, if i had his audience in the palm of my hand.

let's do this.

I agree, and there is only way to achieve this:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demonic_possession

Has Tucker's soul in turn been transferred into my old body? Do I have to somehow convince him to turn away from evil in order to reverse the curse?

I'm afraid I have no answer to either of those questions. You may certainly use your new body to look into it, however.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDL3IofqXFA

Not sure exactly who this is but I would definitely just murder myself

I hop on my comically undersized BMX bike and hightail it to the fairgrounds, only to find the mysterious Zoltar machine gone. I spend the rest of the week on job applications and finally wind up at a bespoke bowtie boutique.

a good romantic comedy would have someone wake up in the body of a right wing talk show host, and need to "win back" his liberal/activist girlfriend.

<Inventory>

I would spend a few hours in front of the mirror trying to come up with a second facial expression besides "confused dog."

Side note: Sean Hannity's head looks like a foot.

if you don't want to be banned, I suggest you immediately apologize for bodyshaming sean hannity

and don't even think about mentioning the likeness again, even in an attempt to explain yourself

unless oddly-shaped facial features are fair game? i'm honestly still kinda trying to figure the rules out myself

🙄

if you make that face for too long it might stick!!!

😜

Idk hannity and tucker aren’t bad looking guys. The problem with them is not their looks.

Kill myself if we’re being real here

get a bunch of face tatts and take up shooting heroin

well that's dumb but I think we can all agree that evil man Sean Hannity should be spat on, get cancer from the spit, suffer indescribable physical pain from the cancer, eventually beat the cancer only to become disfigured by a gruesome automobile accident on the way home from the hospital, and then have his spirits broken to within a quarter millimeter of irreversible hopelessness only to lose it completely after being pecked in the nard by a goose*

*the nard peck was filmed by a 14 year old girl who uploaded it to TikTok where it went so viral that she became wealthier than Sean ever was

uh, are you sure you feel OK, burrito? maybe get a bit of rest or a change of scenery?

I have nothing against Sean Hannity's head, but if he's going to be out where children might see him, he should be wearing a shoe and a sock.

I would definitely pull out

find a steamroller
lie down in front of steamroller

how far away is the nearest river and what materials do I have on hand that can be used to securely attach bricks to a person's body

Q: If I wanted to ensure that I made it through the end of the week, how slowly would I have to skin myself?

I would definitely pull out

― Evans on Hammond (evol j), Sunday, October 18, 2020 11:10 PM (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

Underrated, lol

Agreed.

Do a Lee Atwater-style deathbed confession on air and announce your retirement.

Hold a televised monthlong series of tearful, mea culpa press conferences with AOC, Ilhan Omar et al, conclude each by eating one of my stupid bow ties

Pull a Mishima.