Help get Alex in SF, Donut Bitch, JBR, and Geeeta laid

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Let the quest begin!

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 15 November 2002 09:08 (twenty-three years ago)

You approach a weapons shop.
* north
* south
* east
* west
* talk to the shopkeeper

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 15 November 2002 09:11 (twenty-three years ago)

(from now on, every post has to follow strict Infocom game command format)

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 15 November 2002 09:12 (twenty-three years ago)

what the fuck!!

― geeta (geeta), Friday, 15 November 2002 09:12 (twenty-three years ago)

HAHAHAHAHA! This is sooooooooooo unnecessary.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 15 November 2002 09:13 (twenty-three years ago)

I kiss you.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 15 November 2002 09:13 (twenty-three years ago)

You three have good luck on the rest of your quest though.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 15 November 2002 09:14 (twenty-three years ago)

>GET LAID

I do not see the "laid".

― Tom (Groke), Friday, 15 November 2002 09:14 (twenty-three years ago)

You quaff the vermilion potion.

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 15 November 2002 09:18 (twenty-three years ago)

you approach donut bitch

do you:

*kick his ass
*kick his ass
*kick his ass
*talk to the shopkeeper and then kick his ass

― geeta (geeta), Friday, 15 November 2002 09:22 (twenty-three years ago)

geeta attacks the Fun with her +2 Hate sword

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 15 November 2002 09:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Alex, you're *schmoking*. hehehe

― nathalie (nathalie), Friday, 15 November 2002 09:36 (twenty-three years ago)

I dare anyone to find another more obnoxious thread started by me.

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 15 November 2002 09:47 (twenty-three years ago)

donut- what abt the vice thread?

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 15 November 2002 10:32 (twenty-three years ago)

damn-misread it again.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 15 November 2002 10:33 (twenty-three years ago)

look

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 15 November 2002 12:34 (twenty-three years ago)

inventory

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 15 November 2002 12:34 (twenty-three years ago)

You are in the amazing maze. Exits lead N S E W and Down.

> N

― Tom (Groke), Friday, 15 November 2002 12:41 (twenty-three years ago)

You are in the amazing maze. Exits lead N S E W and Down.

> E

― Tom (Groke), Friday, 15 November 2002 12:41 (twenty-three years ago)

You are in the amazing maze. There are marks on the wall. Exits lead N S E W and Down.

> S

― Tom (Groke), Friday, 15 November 2002 12:42 (twenty-three years ago)

You are in the amazing maze. Exits lead N S E W and Down.

> N

― Tom (Groke), Friday, 15 November 2002 12:42 (twenty-three years ago)

A griffon blocks your path

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 15 November 2002 12:43 (twenty-three years ago)

>KILL GRIFF

You do not have the Professor Griff CD.

― Tom (Groke), Friday, 15 November 2002 12:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Your path is blocked by Chuck D blaming record companies for the poor sales of Professor Griff's CD

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 15 November 2002 12:49 (twenty-three years ago)

>Fuck Griff

I do not understand the word fuck

― Dave B (daveb), Friday, 15 November 2002 12:58 (twenty-three years ago)

>Use +4 Crybaby repellant

Chuck D and Professor Griff run in the other direction.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Friday, 15 November 2002 14:20 (twenty-three years ago)

what is this thread about?

― zebedee (Jeff W), Friday, 15 November 2002 14:58 (twenty-three years ago)

did they get laid yet?

― ron (ron), Friday, 15 November 2002 15:58 (twenty-three years ago)

No, the Amulet of Laid is on the 20th level of the volcano, you need to clear out the dungeon levels first to get enough experience and enough money to buy the +12 Venomous Greatsword of Vanquish Demon.

(HELP HELP AAAARGHH SOMEONE STOP ME BEING SUCH A STEREOTYPE)
(haha last time I played Dungeon Crawl the random scroll name generator came up with EMOFURY)
(NOOOOOoooo... must... stop... *dies*)

― r, level 7 dwarf dork, Friday, 15 November 2002 16:24 (twenty-three years ago)

> what is this thread about?

I do not understand the word about

> Hint

There are no hints provided with this game.

― Dave B (daveb), Friday, 15 November 2002 16:57 (twenty-three years ago)

> get laid

I do not understand the word laid

> get fucked

I do not understand the word fucked

> pick up laid

You can't pick that up!

> open laid

You have found the Magical Orgy Chamber. Attractive women and men in various states of undress cavort and frolic in front of your tantalized eyes. A woman walks up to you and gives you a bottle of gender-neutral Viagra pills. To the north is a bathhouse. West is the women's quarters. East is the men's quarters. There is a set of stairs leading to a lower level. You see naked people walking very slowly past the final step, wearing ludicrous masks.

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 15 November 2002 17:49 (twenty-three years ago)

> wear mask smugly

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 15 November 2002 17:54 (twenty-three years ago)

(snugly even)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 15 November 2002 18:04 (twenty-three years ago)

> there is an alien in your bed

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 15 November 2002 18:12 (twenty-three years ago)

> kiss everyone in this thread

I do not understand the word "everyone in this thread"

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 15 November 2002 19:01 (twenty-three years ago)

> kiss my ass

― jess (dubplatestyle), Friday, 15 November 2002 19:02 (twenty-three years ago)

I do not understand the word "headcheese"

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 15 November 2002 19:12 (twenty-three years ago)

>lick my neck, my back, my p@55! and my crack

― jess (dubplatestyle), Friday, 15 November 2002 19:14 (twenty-three years ago)

wow, that orgy that David described sounds like "eyes wide shut"--N. to thread!

― Mandee, Friday, 15 November 2002 19:21 (twenty-three years ago)

I do not understand the words David, eyes wide shut or N.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Friday, 15 November 2002 19:26 (twenty-three years ago)

>punch tom cruise

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 15 November 2002 19:28 (twenty-three years ago)

I do not understand the word twat.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Friday, 15 November 2002 19:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Xyzzy

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 15 November 2002 19:39 (twenty-three years ago)

>juanita's special bean dip

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 15 November 2002 20:01 (twenty-three years ago)

you stop
you see a little yellow dot
you keep staring at the yellow dot, until.... OH NO!!

http://www.kuci.org/~brianm/ile/shockey.gif

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 15 November 2002 20:18 (twenty-three years ago)

You have found Botanica's Tiny Hut of Grog. You see a set of chairs arranged around a low table.

>Sit

The chair welds itself to your behind!

You see an attractive elf from across the bar.

>Talk to elf

You can't. The chair seems to be cursed.

― felicity (felicity), Friday, 15 November 2002 20:37 (twenty-three years ago)

this is THE ULTIMATE THREAD!

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 15 November 2002 20:54 (twenty-three years ago)

for db and tom:

zork

― gygax!, Friday, 15 November 2002 21:18 (twenty-three years ago)

> order grog

You are brought a drink by a lovely waitress. As she turns to leave, you notice she has a bloody axe in her back pocket.

The grog is contained in a jewel-encrusted golden chalice, and you reach for it -- but it moves across the table, and just out of your reach!

> take chalice

You try and grab the chalice, but you are welded into the chair, and the chalice doesn't seem to be headed your way anytime soon.

> look elf

The elf watches you bemusedly, batting her eyelashes.

> look chalice

As you eye the chalice, you notice it is glowing with a faint blue glow.

― maura (maura), Friday, 15 November 2002 21:24 (twenty-three years ago)

> look table

There is nothing unusual about the table, except for that thing.

> look thing

You have no idea what this thing is, but it looks... INTRIGUING.

>take thing

As you pick up the thing, a lively ditty wafts across the tavern. The attractive elf leaps to her feet and strikes a pose.

>put down thing

The elf dips to the side and does a half-turn.

>flip thing

>The elf does a helicopter in front of the bar while the waitress pops-and-locks in the corner.

>reverse thing

All of the patrons in the tavern jump up, swing to the right and moonwalk out the door, chanting "IT'S YOUR FREMME NEPPA VENETTE!" The chair flies out from under you, releasing you from its grip, while the chalice of grog floats in the air and begins to circle your head.

You are standing in the middle of the tavern. A beautiful elf is gettin' down next to the bar with a waitress.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 15 November 2002 21:36 (twenty-three years ago)

one month passes...

A thread about not getting laid leading to Zork references = rich, RICH irony.

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 10 January 2003 19:32 (twenty-three years ago)

(Irony aside, I just cracked myself up with my "fremme neppa venette" post.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 10 January 2003 19:39 (twenty-three years ago)

I want this thread to die.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 10 January 2003 19:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh God, Dan, I didn't even get that far.

"Flip thing" = classic.

(Sorry Jody)

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 10 January 2003 19:50 (twenty-three years ago)

>kill thread
You hack away at the thread, but it springs up yet again, ready for action.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Friday, 10 January 2003 19:53 (twenty-three years ago)

>kill thread
Thread won't die coz some smartass will always do things like this

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 10 January 2003 20:11 (twenty-three years ago)

(I wasn't calling sean a smartass btw)

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 10 January 2003 20:12 (twenty-three years ago)

You were, Marge, admit it.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Friday, 10 January 2003 20:28 (twenty-three years ago)

and besides, he is. ;)

― Kim (Kim), Friday, 10 January 2003 20:30 (twenty-three years ago)

>ask moderators to delete thread
I do not understand the word moderators.

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 10 January 2003 20:33 (twenty-three years ago)

>derail thread

You have entered the chamber of Googlers! You are surrounded by NAKED PICTURES OF J-LO, jade statuettes of KID ROCK, PAMELA ANDERSON, CRADLE OF FILTH and the INSANE CLOWN POSSE, maps of IRAQ, NORTH KOREA, AFGHANISTAN, and stills purporting to be purloined publicity PIX from RETURN OF THE KING. Video screens around you loudly blare the great political speeches of the twentieth century as read by CONOR OBERST of BRIGHT EYES, that guy from DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL, JENNA JAMESON, and SAVES THE DAY.

*N
*S
*E
*W
*do best imitation of that guy from Dashboard Confessional

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Friday, 10 January 2003 21:20 (twenty-three years ago)

TAKE VIAGRA

― Colin Saunders (csaunders), Friday, 10 January 2003 23:43 (twenty-three years ago)

You have scored 14 out of 2000.

Do you want to play again?(Y/N)

PRESS PLAY ON TAPE

― Al Ewing (Al Ewing), Saturday, 11 January 2003 00:20 (twenty-three years ago)

― , Saturday, 11 January 2003 22:03 (twenty-three years ago)

i do not understand the word "I'm a doctor"

― gabbneb, Saturday, 11 January 2003 22:12 (twenty-three years ago)

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