Pick your favorite new Heinz mashup sauce

HANCH sounds like a '70s movie starting Walter Matthau as a hard-bitten cop from the Bronx who takes a foul-mouthed 9-year-old orphan girl on as his charge.

WASABIOLI is the only one of these that sounds almost normal. HANCH is the funniest, voted HANCH. TARCHUP sounds like something you don't want to eat.

'Tarchup' sounds like the body's response to ingesting Tarchup

Put a little TARCHUP on my fries, wound up TARCHUP-ing all over the men's room, it was sick

TARCHUP is the kind of thing they name monsters in horror movies these days, I'm pretty sure.

TARCHUP is clearly where they threw in the towel

KETCHTAR

Wait, did we know about this

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/38/Ed_Sheeran_X_Heinz_ketchup.jpg/800px-Ed_Sheeran_X_Heinz_ketchup.jpg

On June 5, 2019, which is National Ketchup Day, Heinz along with singer-songwriter and ketchup-lover Ed Sheeran released a limited edition ketchup product known as Ed Sheeran X Heinz ketchup, more popularly known by its portmanteau, “Edchup”. Heinz announced the release in an Instagram post on June 5, 2019. The post featured Sheeran posing with a bottle of “Edchup”. Ed Sheeran is a long-time ketchup lover. He made this apparent when he had the Heinz ketchup logo tattooed on his left arm.[14]

The bottles, which were 20 ounces each, were limited to 5 per order. The ketchup inside was no different than ordinary Heinz tomato ketchup. The bottle itself featured a unique label in which the title was “HEINZ TOMATO EDCHUP”. The labels of standard Heinz ketchup bottles feature a tomato hanging from its stem. On the ”Edchup” label the tomato is wearing glasses and has a leaf on the top of it which appears to be hair. The tomato on the label was designed to imitate Ed Sheeran.

Ed Sheeran is a long-time ketchup lover

It shows.

I'm just gonna assume Ed Sheeran dipped his balls in that ketchup

Tarchup sounds like carpet cleaner

Sheeranch would have been better

Tarchup sounds like a star wars planet

But nothing tops that twitter thread which uses 'wasabioli' as sopranos-ish insult

WASABIOLI sounds like something Chef Boyardee cooked up between bong rips

WASABIOLI ... since 1869

I don't understand why it had to be one word - calling it HOT RANCH would probably have tripled sales, while getting the point across more clearly.

HANCH all the way baby

hot ranch
barely 21
hot ranch
looking for big fun

I guess this is an object lesson in finding that sweet spot between pouring too much time + money into focus testing a new product and giving your burnout teenage nephew a multimillion dollar budget to invent and name an entire product line for you.

tar and ketchup, together at last

Someone in that Twitter thread said "so Heinz, if you combine tartar sauce with baby back barbecue sauce, are you going to call the result TarBaby" and I haven't recovered yet

The stink of desperation hangs all around these products.

idk these just seem like when old navy starts putting out last years styles... like aren’t these all just sauces they serve with calamari and stuff at “gastropubs” and places called Twine & Hay? they have wacky names yes

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

I have never been more nauseous than the day I found out that Hair Mayonnaise is a thing.

https://images.heb.com/is/image/HEBGrocery/prd-small/organics-hair-mayonnaise-000481163.jpg

Hey, don't knock it 'til you've tried it. It's made from very high-quality hair. Delicious.

It's the blend of sink drain and shower drain you've been dreaming of!

Tarchup sounds like something you use to fix your roof

shoulda mixed Ranch and Honey Mustard and sell it as Runny Mustard

I still haven't figured out where Wasabioli fits into the Wario/Waluigi canon

https://uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/mr-show-sketch-heinz-mayomust-jpg.jpeg

those kids will expire if they eat it

I do love these 'innovations' which are just like lazily mixing two existing things together in a way your kids have probably already done.

I remember, when I was young, accidentally discovering that mixing ketchup with honey (I believe it was) actually made for a passable sweet and sour sauce. Heinz, plz give me money for my new disgusting Ketchney/Honchup concoction.

is Coke going to partner with other soda brands and market Coca-Cola Suicide?

(note, where did that name come from, anyway?)

Ha, it never occurred to me to wonder. I guess it's because of all the kids who died horribly after chugging a Big Red/Mr. Pibb blend.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

They're not supposed to tell you that the "secret sauce" is just ketchup and mustard mixed together.

HANCH WINS

Never in doubt

Winner & still champion

Hanchalanche!

Out to Hanch.

Down the hanch!

I desperately want the advertising for these things to feature people just full-on shotgunning bottles of the stuff.

did any of you actually try any of these? Wasabioli seems like the only one I could stomach.

Waiting patiently for TÁRcup