In every US home run ever

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the crowd gasps for a second at the crack of the bat, the familiar excitement that nearly every long fly ball generates is quickly joined by ecstatic fragments of certain people in the stands piecing it together in real time - "it's going outta!", "get out! go!", "wow!". the fans of team that hit the home run stand. some of the fans of the defending team stand, too. the catcher sometimes stands up and stretches and walks around as the hitter trots around the bases. the pitcher pretends that nothing happened. the first base coach slaps the ass of the hitter as he begins settling into the home run trot. many fans yell "woooo!" and a few loud fireworks are set off from somewhere behind the bleachers. the outfielders wander around the warning track for a while before walking back to their positions in the grass in slow motion. a song which features the sound of a crowd of people yelling "whoas!" blasts through the stadium and some of the people in the real crowd add their whoas as well. the pitcher demands a new ball from the umpire so that he can occupy his hands while waiting for the home run trot to conclude. the pitcher's coach writes something down on his scorecard ("home run") in the dugout. the third base coach slaps the ass of the hitter as he makes the final turn toward home. the home run hitter steps emphatically on home plate and points both arms and index fingers up toward heaven and then jumps in the air and smashes elbows with a teammate, then drops down toward the grass to collect a low-five from another. the home plate umpire begins walking out toward the pitcher's mound, turns back toward home, bends and swiftly dusts off the plate with a few whisks of a brush. everyone in the hitter's dugout is slapping his ass and hitting him on the top of the helmet. the playback of the jock jams volume is suddenly cut off as the pitcher winds up to throw to the next batter

parenthetically yours, (Karl Malone), Sunday, 16 May 2021 16:11 (four years ago)

who he hits intentionally because he felt the last guy was showboating

Feta Van Cheese (Neanderthal), Sunday, 16 May 2021 16:14 (four years ago)

the exit velocity, launch angle, and estimated distance are calculated. 108.6 mph EV, someone says. "is that good?", no one knows. kiss cam

parenthetically yours, (Karl Malone), Sunday, 16 May 2021 16:18 (four years ago)

"Oh, Doctor!"

blue whales on ambient (C. Grisso/McCain), Sunday, 16 May 2021 16:35 (four years ago)

What is described above is a home home run. An away home run transpires in a similar manner, with the following edits:

1. Loud fireworks are not set off from behind the bleachers.
2. A song featuring the sound a crowd is not played.
3. A time-out is called to retrieve the home run ball, which has been thrown back onto the field. Cheers erupt.

henry s, Sunday, 16 May 2021 19:30 (four years ago)


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