What if aliens finally made contact but all they wanted to do was sell us stuff?

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Intergalatic cold calling: classic or dud?

It's been playing on my mind.

― jel -- (jel), Saturday, 16 November 2002 23:14 (twenty-two years ago)

It woulda made a better plot for Signs.

― jel -- (jel), Saturday, 16 November 2002 23:17 (twenty-two years ago)

i think tha6t our intergalactic cosmic cousins have better things to do

― hellbaby (hellbaby), Saturday, 16 November 2002 23:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I was thining - why would they sell us stuff if they (clearly with the tech edge) could just take it? But then that isn't always how these things work - so I'm guess ing that you mean like something eqivalent to selling all of Manhattan for a hank of beads? Now I'm afraid that the rest of you are going to sell Canada to them for an alien TV set or something.

― Kim (Kim), Sunday, 17 November 2002 00:07 (twenty-two years ago)

(I haven't been drinking - I swear)

― Kim (Kim), Sunday, 17 November 2002 00:08 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.imagemagician.com/images/cowfish/madaliens2.jpg

― mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Sunday, 17 November 2002 00:23 (twenty-two years ago)

it's an interesting point, though: if we TRULY believe that glob cap is the best of all possible set-ups and the one that will takes us excelsior why do we also not assume that those who have reached trans-galactic capability b4 us are not also cheery freetraders in the idealised sense? (but in fact aggressive murderous racist hi-tech pirates?)

(not including star trek and offshoots in the "we" here)

(sw*lls of nme fame used to say, absolutely seriously, that spacetravel wz not achievable except under full economic freedom = rev.soc, in his book) (and so far he is k-korrekt, after all)

― mark s (mark s), Sunday, 17 November 2002 11:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd just like to credit the lovely Sergio Aragones for the cartoon.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 17 November 2002 18:19 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm gonna go one better and hereby declare lifetime props to sergio aragones for everything ever

― mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Sunday, 17 November 2002 18:27 (twenty-two years ago)

As I have said elsewhere here, he is perhaps the most charming and gracious man I have ever met. I really should dig up the cartoon in the letter he sent me after that interview...

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 17 November 2002 19:40 (twenty-two years ago)

as long as they dont try and sell us their equivalent of Jesus...thats caused enough trouble already

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 18 November 2002 01:07 (twenty-two years ago)

It slices, it dices, it replicates....I'll take two, please.

― Miss Laura, Monday, 18 November 2002 10:34 (twenty-two years ago)

wouldn't they try to fob us off with stuff that didn't work, taking advantage of the fact that we would trust them because they were clearly a superior intewlligence, seeing as they'd got here in the first place?

― MarkH (MarkH), Monday, 18 November 2002 11:51 (twenty-two years ago)

maybe that's where spam come from.

― alix (alix), Monday, 18 November 2002 13:24 (twenty-two years ago)

"Take me to your market leaders."

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 18 November 2002 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd like to buy one of their UFOs - think of the money I'd save on airfares. I wonder what sort of fuel they run on though?

― C J (C J), Monday, 18 November 2002 16:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I think they run on BABIES.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 18 November 2002 16:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh no! Not BABIES!! *sobs*

Though running on babies' diapers would be a Very Good Idea.

― C J (C J), Monday, 18 November 2002 16:26 (twenty-two years ago)

three months pass...

I also think this is the plot for Taken. The aliens are creating a hybrid with superpowers for free, but they are gonna charge megabucks for the formula. It's the old dangling the carrot technique.

― jel -- (jel), Sunday, 2 March 2003 14:42 (twenty-two years ago)

(I don't actually, I was just self-induldgently looking through my old threads and thought this was one of my better efforts)

― jel -- (jel), Sunday, 2 March 2003 14:48 (twenty-two years ago)

yes indeed - did you see Taken yesterday - it must be the penultimate episode right? i am so into it even though it really is the stupidest pile of schmaltzy ill-thought out crap to come out for some time. did you notice how a few weeks back one character made a reference to E.T. - so does Close Encounters also exist in their world? why isnt anyone saying 'oh my god these things and their ships look just like the ones in Close Encounters!' i mean i suppose they would figure Close Encounters was an incredibly accurate representation and just go 'well they sure did their research cos this is real' - if so where is Spielberg in this programme going on TV saying 'i told ya so! all hail me now' - surely everyone in the world knows about it after all that kerfuffle in Seattle and lights seen all over the world etc. - cuh...

despite these pathetic plotholes the attack on the mothership was quite gripping and i wanna see what happens next. i suppose Voiceover Girl will act as the peacedove between the humans and aliens before concluding that 'what people are really running from is not their problems, but themselves' - duh end.

― stevem (blueski), Sunday, 2 March 2003 19:47 (twenty-two years ago)

dude! you are watching it on BBC3 aren't you?

Usually about 45 minutes into an episode I'm saying "God, this is boring", and then by the end it's like "I can't take this, what happens next? This is the best show ever!!!"

Maybe at the very end, Spielberg will appear as some sort of Mekon, who is in charge of the aliens.

― jel -- (jel), Sunday, 2 March 2003 19:56 (twenty-two years ago)

oops, sorry i forgot, sorry if i spoilt it for anyone! well, i'm sure you figured they were going to attack the mothership when it appeared right? course you did...

meanwhile i havent seen 24 for two weeks now because i watched the first 2 consectively at gf's house thanks to the wonder of BBC3 - this kinda sucks because you totally forget whats going on and i'm actually losing interest already...i would just wait for the DVD to come out but everyone's gonna be talking about 24 for the next 6 months and it seems incorrect to not be able to join in so must keep up when can...

― stevem (blueski), Sunday, 2 March 2003 20:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I also think this is the plot for Taken.

I didn't see Taken, but isn't this also the plot for the "To Serve Man" episode of the Twilight Zone?

Spoiler (if anyone still hasn't seen it):

Aliens supply the earth with super-special new crop fertilization techniques, boosting nutrition and yield. They also invite a number of humans to come to their home planet. Punchline: "It's a cookbook!"

― j.lu (j.lu), Sunday, 2 March 2003 22:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Adapted from a brilliant mini-short story by Damon Knight, incidentally.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 2 March 2003 23:08 (twenty-two years ago)

one month passes...

Where did the cartoon go? :(

― Cozen (Cozen), Friday, 18 April 2003 17:16 (twenty-two years ago)

fucking image host that starts charging and then stops hosting your pictures. uno momento cozen...

― mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Friday, 18 April 2003 17:35 (twenty-two years ago)

http://home.global.co.za/~saidndun/madaliens2.jpg

― mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Friday, 18 April 2003 17:42 (twenty-two years ago)

eight months pass...

YOU: "hello"
THEM: "good evening, is this John Earthling?"
YOU: "yes?"
THEM: "this is Mork from Ork. can i interest you in a low-rate credit card from the First Bank of Yuiasy78shu?"

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 15 January 2004 00:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm disappointed that CJ said "Diapers" instead of "nappies"

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 15 January 2004 01:01 (twenty-one years ago)

THEM: "good evening, is this John Earthling?"
YOU: "yes?"

This is the part that amuses me.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 15 January 2004 01:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Why is it amusing? I have a cousin named John Earthling ;-)

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 15 January 2004 01:09 (twenty-one years ago)

what if aliens contacted us, and all they wanted to do was drone on and on about 'shaggable' popstars, and poke fun at fat people?

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 15 January 2004 01:10 (twenty-one years ago)

It's a zen koan!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 15 January 2004 01:11 (twenty-one years ago)

"What if aliens finally made contact but all they wanted to do was sell us stuff?"

This is a definite part of how the aliens intereact with humans in "Schismatrix" by Bruce Sterling. They come looking to exchange for 'interesting' things. It is clever and funny how Sterling lays it out in the book, especially when the central character makes first contact with an alien. "Schismatrix" is definitely a science fiction book worth checking out, it is one of my favorites.

― earlnash, Thursday, 15 January 2004 01:55 (twenty-one years ago)

alien jehovah's witnesses or amway sales-aliens!

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 15 January 2004 01:57 (twenty-one years ago)

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