Psychology thread - reconfirming plans

Main reason for this thread is my best male friend is the type that if you made plans five days ago, they're ironclad and he assumes you're still on.

Me , I always like to reconfirm cos I'm paranoid I'll go and waste my time

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

I usually initiate a gentle day-of/day-before confirmation/check-in, but I loathe the thing that texting enables and encourages where some people feel the need to provide multiple status updates. "Leaving in 5 minutes!" "On my way!" "Almost there!" "Walking into the place now!" We're meeting up at a well-known place in a city we both live in, not rendezvousing with the International Space Station ffs.

like my underwear, i voted depends

some people feel the need to provide multiple status updates. "Leaving in 5 minutes!" "On my way!" "Almost there!" "Walking into the place now!"

I don't provide multiple updates, but providing one "alright, we're on the way" soothes my mind if I haven't heard from the other party.

One time a few years ago I had plans to visit a friend an 9hr-drive away. Plans had been in place for a few weeks, and I confirmed the night before that I would be there at 3pm tomorrow. The next day on the road I decided I wasn't gonna be chained to my phone and because I was making perfect time I didnt send them any updates about leaving, being on time, etc. When I showed up at their door at exactly 3pm they were very shocked to see me and I instantly regretted my decision and realized that was kind of a psychopath-y thing to do.

not looking at your phone while on the road is the exact opposite of psychopath-y

makes me crazy when people are texting you and they should know you're driving

I don't provide multiple updates, but providing one "alright, we're on the way" soothes my mind if I haven't heard from the other party.

I only expect a "we're on the way" if someone is running late, otherwise don't bother. Likewise if it's me that's running late.

one confirmation the day before or several hours beforehand on the day of, and then nothing until you're face-to-face, unless some emergency comes up at the last minute. xp oh and i guess if you're running late a text is merited.

if I'm going to someone's home i reconfirm, if we're meeting in public i don't usually

This is indeed a stupid source of anxiety and time-wasting that the modern world has brought on itself. But mobile connections are good in other ways, so I guess you take the rough with the smooth.

I do wince at the 'text me to let me know you got home safely' thing that some women do, because it really does seem to be opening up a window of anxiety that might turn into more if the person's battery runs out or they fall asleep or whatever, and how likely is not receiving that text when they genuinely are in danger likely to set off a course of action that actually saves them from that danger? But I'm a man so it's not like understand the thought processes and dynamics at play, and I'm not going to say any of this to a woman who does it! I guess it's often just a way of maintaining a bond with someone. Anyway, ramble over.

my mom still makes me ring when i get home and i'm 53

*checks maths in head* yeah that's right

Yes, this thread is making me think of my mother too!

well y'know anything can happen to a middle-aged man once you get on a train

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I expect people to be reliable, to do as they said they would, or else tell me if their plans change.

I mean, the other thing is that my advance plans rarely require being at a place at a specific time. Usually we'll decide on the day of. Like, "Hey, do you wanna take the kids out to the ice rink tomorrow?" "Sure, I'll hit you up mid-morning and let you know when we think we can get out there." Not a whole lot of "I'll see you Wednesday at the cinema at the mall at 4:45."

Few years ago I invited my friend to an NBA game. Then he invited 2 of his friends. I offered to buy all 4 tix and have them pay me back. I confirmed that they all were def gonna go and def wanted me to buy their tix.
A month goes by and its game day. 2 hour drive to Phoenix. Haven't heard from him since. So I call and then send a progression of texts ie we should leave by 4pm, ok I'm about to leave are y'all coming???, ok I've got your tix meet me at the gate I guess??
Finally he responds and says yeah neither he or the other 2 are going. Ok and you were planning on notifying me of that when exactly??
I never did get his ticket money. Cause the fucker left town without even telling me!

that's pretty hideous

That's a person who would no longer be my friend.

Request the money for both his ticket and his friends' tickets on Venmo. If you tell me his handle, I'll do it for you, then send you the funds.

Makes me furious just thinking about it.

tabes and I will be your enforcers, just hire us

As for me, I confirm day prior or day of, depending on the friend.

also the difference in interpretation of the 'permanence' of plans makes a big difference.

Me, I can't stand planning, and I operate purely on a 'first come first serve' system, so if I promise you to go see fucking The Land Before Time 11, and then someone asks me to see 35" print of Terminator, I'll still honor the original plans, because I don't like the idea of breaking promises, not being trusted, an also, the idea that "plans are temporary until I find something better to do".

whereas some people I know use the 'ante up' approach where they'll agree to something but once something better comes along, you're out, even though you held your night for them. these people don't usually last very long with me, unless it's something completely understandable (like being surprised with front row concert tickets as a birthday present that conflicts with your original plans w/ me, I'd be a dick if I held you to that).