Aaron Rodgers and The Panchakarma cleanse

jfc

this fuckin guy i tell ya

No wonder Shailene Woodley left him.

Eating clarified butter until you shit yourself is certainly one path to wellness.

Easier to just go to Red Lobster for all you can eat shrimp if that's your goal, though.

Red Lobster isn't nearly expensive enough

Too bad they confined the target area for Rodgers' evacuations to just the two ends. They should have thoughtfully provided him with a much larger number of openings in more parts of his body.

No wonder Shailene Woodley left him.

― a superficial sheeb of intelligence (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, February 22, 2022 5:49 PM bookmarkflaglink

she probably is the one that taught it to him, based on what i've heard of her

Ha, I don't know a whole lot about her, just being flip based on being stuck with someone evacuating their bowels for days on end.

yeah its kind of funny seeing all the reactions to the breakup being "good for her, he's nuts" when she's arguably even further off the deep end

lol I just remember the articles where she was endorsing eating clay

Matthews? christ, I know teammates don't always get along but that's extreme

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Just a couple hours left!

*explosive diarrhea and vomiting*

Golly ghee willikers!

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

Aaron Rodger Says Psychedelic Trip Was Blessing From Ancestors, Describes Feeling ‘Hundred Different Hands’ on Body https://t.co/zzYtTpvzTJ

— Mediaite (@Mediaite) August 4, 2022

Changing his audible phrase to AYAHUASCA AYAHUASCA

Aaron Rodgers will spend 4 days in a small house in complete darkness

He expects his decision to come after this pic.twitter.com/ofsDGz9Ky7

— PFF (@PFF) February 7, 2023

The room in which Aaron Rodgers spent his time is a partially underground, Hobbit-like structure with 300 square feet of space, devoid of light, with a queen bed, a bathroom and a meditation-like mat on the floor, via @Xuan_Thai:https://t.co/g5iDDeOmBV

— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) February 23, 2023

Rodgers will really get to know darkness if he ends up with the Jets or the Raiders.

Kenny Stabler or Joe Namath used to do the same thing except it was a drunken 4 day bender in Vegas.

who can understand this man

Aaron Rodgers at the Tony Awards? Aaron Rodgers at the Tony Awards. pic.twitter.com/ByjeQcWopI

— Chris C (@ChrisCelletti) June 12, 2023

"Broadway Aaron" doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.

well this didn't work

man it's gonna be hard to get a return on your investment for those authentic Rodgers jerseys

tbh I actually feel bad for him, I was rooting for him to fail obviously but not like this

dunno if I've ever seen anything like this before, the entire offense was built around Rodgers to be a Super Bowl contender and they don't really have a backup. would be like if LeBron tore his ACL in the first game with the Heatles without scoring a single point

I don't. I do feel bad for Jet fans even though we're mortal enemies. but not Rodgers.

also, I know there is no such thing as 'redundancies' for every position in the post-1993 NFL, but....building a team solely around one person to where you convince his old teammates to join, depend on him to run the offense and take pressure off of offensive coordinator, and run an offense that works with Rodgers only and that his backup literally can't run.....all for someone who is 39 years old, on a two year deal, whose play had already began to decline, I mean....that's a hell of a gamble. Brady pulled it off but he's a dude that defies all logic, not something that's going to work every time.

I never thought it was going to pay off if he was healthy all year, because I think even when factoring in his lack of options at WR, he had been playing badly by his own standards his last year in GB. but at least if you sign a QB to a 4-5 year deal in their 20s/30s, an injury like this might squash their career, but there's still the chance they'll recover and return to you next year, so you can salvage things or maybe he comes back, adjusts his game, and becomes a stud for you and you just lost the one year. this was a hail mary with a high level of risk and nobody on the Jets wanted to acknowledge that until yesterday apparently.

thing is, if they get a veteran signal caller, they can still put up a pretty good season with that defense. but they ain't doing it with Wilson.

this is nuts as you say though because he might literally retire having completed no passes for the franchise. it's rare to see a high profile signing have their season snuffed out so fast and essentially have their presence on the team permanently cancelled.

like when the Magic signed Grant Hill and they were supposed to be Eastern Conference juggernauts and he got lost 4 games into that first season, true, he was never the explosive player after that and subsequent injuries, but he did play with the team for several more years, and even returned to All-Star level play after that.

This is sort of like if the Heat traded for Shaquille O'Neal, and he tripped and fell and ended his career running onto the court during introductions.

I'm trying to think of football parallels and failing. even when Trent Green went down and Kurt Warner had his Cinderella run, Trent still played the next year for the team in relief of an injured Warner, and also who cared about Trent Green anymore at that point lmao.

LeCharles Bentley for the Browns was a big signing who never played a down for them because of a career-ending injury/staph infections. but that's not anywhere near on this level.

you don't build a team around a 39 year old without accepting the risk of exactly this, especially not in football

not sure how long he'd have lasted if his o-line played consistently like it did on his three dropbacks, where he got hit on each one

75 million guaranteed. it's wild. he'll be back, i think, but he was declining yeah. Brady's final season is maybe more the high end of what one could expect for him in 2024, and maybe that was even more in line with what he would have delivered if he'd remained healthy in 2023 for a bit longer than a minute.

honestly even just in the 4 plays he got last night i thought he looked like a shell of himself. frail, not very mobile... he seemed uncomfortable w/ the pass rush, he had no plan to get away from pass rushers. i'm sure his arm is in a good place and he would have had a decent game had he stayed healthy, but he did not look like a guy who was going to lead a team to a super bowl imo. he looked like a 40 year old scared of being slammed to the ground by 300-pound 25 year olds.

i'm sure he'll come back if only out of pride, i don't think there's many pro athletes who want to be forced into retirement by an injury. i also can't imagine being like "our answer at QB is a 40 year old coming off an achilles tear" but the NFL is so hard up for good QB play that i'm sure some team, possibly even the jets, will put their eggs in that basket

you don't build a team around a 39 year old without accepting the risk of exactly this, especially not in football

― ciderpress, Tuesday, September 12, 2023 10:24 AM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

sure but A) most Super Bowl contenders probably couldn't weather a significant QB injury and B) "what if he never even completes a pass for us this year" generally isn't something you have to worry about. I mean yeah Rodgers probably wasn't gonna start all 17 games but I can't imagine anyone actually anticipated this

I mean the whole thing is just so surreal, after all the hype and drama, Hard Knocks and all that, it all just ended before a lot of people even tuned into the game! and there isn't really a backup plan because it's only Week 1, nobody wants to trade a QB right now!! idk its just wild

but yea I think he'll be back next year too, Jets are already on the hook for a bunch of money and I am sure Rodgers doesn't want to have his career end as the answer to an infamous NFL trivia question. it's definitely possible he will suck too, kind of hard to believe given he'd won MVPs at 36 and 37 and you could even excuse his age 38 season as being due to injuries and being without a true #1 receiver, but ultimately when it goes for old QBs it goes really fast. Manning, Roethlisburger, and Brees were all basically unplayable at the end and I don't think any of them hit 40.

I think Brady and to a lesser degree Manning kind of reset the market for aging QBs. Not that signing QBs in their late 30s is a new thing, but there used to be tempered expectations and pay commensurate to those expectations.

Peyton took the Broncos to two Super Bowls, winning one. Even though he was almost a non-factor offensively that winning year. He was coming off a season ending injury but the Broncos still got him at the top of his abilities.

Brady was also still relatively at the top of his game and is perhaps the GOAT. Getting him was a no brainer.

Rodgers was coming off of his worst season and people asking how hungry he even was for the game anymore after he faded in his last playoff game. He didn't seem to have the same competitive spirit anymore like Manning and Brady did, and was a much more toxic teammate.

And now bringing him to a media market that chews up and spits out NY QBs like chum. I never got the confidence people had that it would work. Supposedly he had complained to his coaching staff about the cut block schemes they liked to employ during the preseason because they didn't allow him to extend plays. And well....

I do think the Jets will still make him their guy if he returns next year though, if for no other reason other than sunk cost fallacy

Time for the Zach Attack.

Wildcat is about to make a comeback

is perhaps the GOAT

Much as it pains me.

Yeah

We get to endure an entire NFL offseason of ESPN cover stories with a sober looking Aaron Rodgers photographed in black and white with headlines like "Aaron Rodgers has something to prove". Complete with details on whatever experimental treatments he's undergoing to fix his achilles.

Yeah Brady was the GOAT, I mean even that final season while not great, and while disappointing, was certainly not an objectively total disaster.

I think Manning is probably a good comparison, unfortunately for the Jets his Broncos phase was probably the Matt LaFleur years in GB, minus the playoff success of course. I mean a few people were sounding the alarm back in 2018 that Rodgers had regressed to basically a league average QB, but he wound up being quite a bit better than that before falling off pretty hard in that last year. I still think the Jets had reason for optimism and ultimately I think getting him was clearly the move to make, no clue what they do now, I've never really seen a team be in this position before

time to get Herschel Walker

they'll sign a vet off the scrap heap, if they keep winning (big if), maybe trade for a non-contending team's backup

next year, they'll have their first round pick which they can hopefully use to draft a qb from a potentially excellent class

as a number of NFL writers have pointed out though there really aren't any good vets out there, every name you bring up is someone who was genuinely terrible last time they played. I'm not kidding when I say coaxing Tom Brady out of retirement would actually be their best shot. not sure who they could trade for either, can't imagine any teams are gonna want to part with a starting-caliber QB during the first month of the season, besides the Jets don't have a whole lot of assets anyway

brady is not goiung to unretire to play behind a bad OL at age 45 or whatever

lol yeah “hey our 40 year old QB just suffered one of the worst possible injuries four plays into the season behind our awful offensive line… wanna give it a shot?” doesn’t feel like a very compelling pitch to tom brady, sadly

i think their best chance is signing an ex starter off the street like carson wentz or jameis. i think i heard someone mention that andy dalton is carolina’s back up…

yeah I know Brady ain't coming back just saying the veteran QB market is pretty dire right now. idk if Wentz, Jameis, Dalton, Matt Ryan, Flacco etc would actually be a huge upgrade on Zach Wilson. also theres the fact that they built their entire offense around Rodgers' game

time to run the wishbone

Maybe let Rodgers play in a scooter

Lure Ronaldo from Saudi Arabia to New York, wherever you get the ball try a field goal

Doubt he has any interest but one cool surprise unretirement scenario is Andrew Luck…he’s relatively young, has a similar game to Rodgers, and maybe is all healed up by now

wait a second. I meant Jay Cutler

haha I wouldn't even wish Jay Cutler on the Packers

Only if he plays nude

stunned to find out metlife stadium is the most expensive stadium ever built (in 2010) and that it uses astroturf??

Who was the last quarterback to return after tearing his achilles? Couldn't think of anyone off the top of my head.

The guys on OTH had to go all the way back to Sonny Jurgensen.

that's what the Zeppelin song is about

vinny testaverde tore his in 1999 and played another eight seasons

I liked Drew Magary's take on this. The injury just sucks for everyone. I really just wanted to see him do what Favre did in Minnesota (specifically, what he did on the last possession of the NFCCG). But alas.

https://www.sfgate.com/49ers/article/aaron-rodgers-torn-achilles-deeply-unfair-18362478.php

xp I forgot about Vinny. I'm clearly not the only one.

motherfuckers act like they forgot about Vin

they brought him up on the MNF broadcast for exactly that reason

that's what the Zeppelin song is about

Achilles' Last Sack

this fuckin guy

Aaron Rodgers latest Instagram story 💀 pic.twitter.com/DJgySAzcvM

— Joe Pompliano (@JoePompliano) September 4, 2023

I draw the line at fuckin' Comic Sans.

I mean seriously who is still talking about the vaccine in 2023?? weren't we all supposed to drop dead of heart failure by now?

i did but i'm still here

i will post through it

Great now that he's injured he's gonna be on social media more.

I mean seriously who is still talking about the vaccine in 2023??

Conservatives, particularly the anti-vaxx wing and their Q-Cousins.

It's wild, the vaxx was probably the best thing to happen under Trump's watch, and they don't want to own it.

thing is Rodgers could actually be pretty useful on the sidelines given this is a great team with a young QB and some players he knows very well, somehow i doubt he's willing to help out much though

Rodgers, in IG post, says 'I shall rise yet again'

okay bro

what Favre did in Minnesota (specifically, what he did on the last possession of the NFCCG)

^trigger warning needed

lmao the pettiness

Wait - why is @AaronRodgers12 wearing a mask https://t.co/xArNP0wlOz

— Keith Olbermann⌚️ (@KeithOlbermann) September 15, 2023

https://www.nbcsports.com/nfl/profootballtalk/rumor-mill/news/jimmy-kimmel-hints-at-potential-lawsuit-against-aaron-rodgers

“There’s a lot of people, including Jimmy Kimmel, really hoping that doesn’t come out,” Rodgers said regarding the Epstein client list, while appearing on Pat McAfee’s show, via Michaela Zee of Variety.com.

Said Kimmel, on X: “Dear Aasshole: for the record, I’ve not met, flown with, visited, or had any contact whatsoever with Epstein, nor will you find my name on any ‘list’ other than the clearly-phony nonsense that soft-brained wackos like yourself can’t seem to distinguish from reality. Your reckless words put my family in danger. Keep it up and we will debate the facts further in court.”

for more context on this, I'm pretty sure Kimmel was making fun of him in a monologue recently

jimmy-kimmel-hints-at-potential-lawsuit-against-aaron-rodgers

I'd say that was more than a hint. It was an explicit warning to retract the statement or otherwise make an apology, or else face litigation and a shitload of damages for running his mouth.

rightfully so too, there's just something about Jimmy that seems to piss these guys off more than the other late night dudes, I think it's because Jimmy Kimmel is exactly the sort of person these guys wish actually liked them.

Aasshole

Took me a minute to notice the double A's lol. I'm imagining him saying "A-asshole" a la Key and Peele.

Rodgers is definitely not smart enough to drop this; he’s got Musk brain.

booted from the Jets on Super Bowl Sunday (lol), guessing this is it for him and I'm starting to wonder what kind of legacy he's gonna have. best passer rating of all time, 4 MVPs, a half-dozen of the most insane throws ever, historically great at not throwing picks...and yet only ONE Super Bowl appearance, which he might not have even gotten if Jay Cutler hadn't gotten injured. seems like a guy who'll only be looked fondly upon by people who primarily watch football via YouTube highlights videos

and fantasy football fanatics, though those could be overlapping groups

Next Stop: Department of Health & Human Services, after RFKII's head falls off.

When can I pick up my government subsidized ayahuasca?

Sorry, no psychedelics only genital tanning lamps

sounds like the Steelers are psyched to welcome A-Rodg to the fold.

PITTSBURGH -- Cameron Heyward isn't joining Aaron Rodgers on a darkness retreat anytime soon.

The longtime Pittsburgh Steelers defensive captain said on his "Not Just Football" podcast Tuesday that he's not going to great lengths to recruit the four-time MVP to sign with the Steelers.

"I ain't doing that darkness retreat," Heyward said, responding to a question from co-host Hayden Walsh on whether he'd go into the dark with Rodgers to land the quarterback's services. "I don't need any of that crap. Either you want to be a Pittsburgh Steeler or you don't. It's that simple. That's the pitch. If you want me to recruit, that's the recruiting pitch. Pittsburgh Steelers. If you want to be part of it, so be it. If you don't, no skin off my back."

The tone matched that of new Steelers wide receiver DK Metcalf, who said last week it wasn't his role to recruit quarterbacks to Pittsburgh.

"This is a historic organization," Metcalf said. "They've done the recruiting before I even got here, so whoever wants to come here and try to win as many games as we can, they can join us. But if not, good luck on the other side."

https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/44303318/heyward-rodgersyou-want-steeler

Aaron brings his own pedestal wherever he goes.

I find it hard to believe that anyone is seriously interested but it's a pretty bad year for QBs. hard to see it being anyone other than Steelers or the Vikings though and if the Vikes weren't planning to go to JJ McCarthy idk why they wouldn't just sign D'Arnold

Vikings probably didn't want to pay nearly $40M to keep him. He made $10M last year. I don't know what their cap situation is (quick check shows $32M in space currently, but who knows what that means with incoming rookies and potential cuts/restructures), but I'd imagine they'd offer Rodgers less money than the deal D'Arnold got in Seattle.

I guess the point is they seem set up to compete for the next 3-4 years, you'd think they would want a QB who will be around for that long

not sure what any of these teams are seeing in Rodgers that make them think he's gonna help them compete, I mean he's three years removed from his last good season which for a soon-to-be 42 year old QB is an eternity. he doesn't seem like a guy you can just slot into any ol' offense either, you need to build things around him, he doesn't have the Tom Brady "whatever it takes to win" mentality, also he's completely immobile and is prone to getting hurt a ton, it's actually kind of a miracle he didn't miss any time last year

but at least he won't be a distraction off the field

I hope he goes to the Vikings just for the Drew Magary content.

vikes are not signing him

increasingly concerned the steelers will, however

awww, too bad. it would've been worth it just for the Drew Magary takes. Steelers would be pretty funny as well. somehow I don't think Steelers fans are gonna treat him as nicely as Jets fans did. if he sucks the fan reactions will be hilarious. hes exactly the sort of pretentious phony motherfucker that PA people hate.

I was kinda hoping the prophecy would be fulfilled, but you gotta roll the dice on JJ at some point.

https://www.nplusonemag.com/issue-50/essays/pirates-of-the-ayahuasca/