Funniest joke at this year's Edinburgh fringe

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Full jokes in case they are cut off: (#1 is the winner)

1. "I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta" - Masai Graham
2. "Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it's next-day delivery" - Mark Simmons
3. "My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock" - Olaf Falafel
4. "By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I - but it is the same house and it is the same family" - Hannah Fairweather
5. "I hate funerals - I'm not a mourning person" - Will Mars
6. "I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that's four hours of my life that I'm definitely getting back" - Olaf Falafel
7. "I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx" - Richard Pulsford
8. "I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery" - Tim Vine
9. "Don't knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate" - Sophie Duker
10. "I can't even be bothered to be apathetic these days" - Will Duggan

We are voting for BEST here, not WORST, I know that is a tough ask.

Poll Results

Option	Votes
"By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I - but it is the same house and it i	9
"I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta" - Masai Grah	6
"I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that's four hours of my life that I'm definitely getting ba	6
"I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery" - Tim Vine	4
"Don't knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate" - Sophie Du	3
"My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock" - Olaf Falafel	1
"I hate funerals - I'm not a mourning person" - Will Mars	1
"Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it's next-day delivery" - Mark Simmons	1
"I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx" - Richard Pulsford	0
"I can't even be bothered to be apathetic these days" - Will Duggan	0

― link.exposing.politically (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Monday, 22 August 2022 10:02 (three years ago)

I like some of them but the one that won is like a joke a 6 year old won a prize for when they sent it into the Beano in 1972.
― Buckfast At Tiffany's (Tom D.), Monday, August 22, 2022 9:10 AM (fifty-three minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

― Buckfast At Tiffany's (Tom D.), Monday, 22 August 2022 10:04 (three years ago)

Ah but which ones do you like? I went for the time machine one in the end. Think the Hannah Fairweather one probably works as part of a set, but it's not a one-liner.

― link.exposing.politically (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Monday, 22 August 2022 10:06 (three years ago)

Time machine, Tim Vine, Hannah Fairweather.

― Buckfast At Tiffany's (Tom D.), Monday, 22 August 2022 10:07 (three years ago)

Yeah, those three are the least-worst for sure. Sophie Du again maybe works as part of a bit. The others are all just terrible.

― link.exposing.politically (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Monday, 22 August 2022 10:09 (three years ago)

I voted for Hannah Fairweather but I'll be charitable and say that any of these might be funny with the right delivery, except for the ones by Mark Simmons, Will Duggan and Sophie Du.

― Alba, Monday, 22 August 2022 10:44 (three years ago)

Oh and Richard Pulsford.

― Alba, Monday, 22 August 2022 10:44 (three years ago)

Especially annoyed by 'female' in the winner. Feels like a bodge.

Voted funeral. Short, clean, simple.

― woof, Monday, 22 August 2022 10:51 (three years ago)

abolish comedy

― Left, Monday, 22 August 2022 10:51 (three years ago)

funeral one surely has to be like 150 years old

― Left, Monday, 22 August 2022 10:56 (three years ago)

yes

https://twitter.com/search?q=%22not%20a%20mourning%20person%22%20until%3A2022-07-01%20since%3A2006-01-01&src=typed_query

― Alba, Monday, 22 August 2022 11:03 (three years ago)

yeah probably not an original joke if there is already a range of mugs with it

Finally got my ‘not a mourning person’ mug 😂🥰 pic.twitter.com/kAXDIWHbiy
— Dee Dee B. (@RebornVictoria) February 18, 2022

― link.exposing.politically (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Monday, 22 August 2022 11:05 (three years ago)

looking forward to winning next year's with my hilarious "789" gag

― Left, Monday, 22 August 2022 11:47 (three years ago)

People should have enough self-respect to not recite ILXor display names onstage to a roomful of strangers, is basically how I feel about this

― Beautiful Bean Footage Fetishist (Old Lunch), Monday, 22 August 2022 13:26 (three years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

― System, Thursday, 25 August 2022 00:01 (three years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

― System, Friday, 26 August 2022 00:01 (two years ago)

Hmm.

Which one's the good one?

― Mark G, Friday, 26 August 2022 09:08 (two years ago)

Pasta one at second place is 100% ilxors’ long-established inability to read poll instructions rite

― Wiggum Dorma (wins), Friday, 26 August 2022 10:55 (two years ago)

Hopefully, else I'm out of here.

― Buckfast At Tiffany's (Tom D.), Friday, 26 August 2022 10:55 (two years ago)

im pasta here

https://c.tenor.com/2PPadulQxkAAAAAM/midnight-cowboy.gif

― mark s, Friday, 26 August 2022 11:02 (two years ago)

Do Britishes pronounce pasta lake "past her?"

― Three Rings for the Elven Bishop (Dan Peterson), Tuesday, 30 August 2022 15:13 (two years ago)

Depends on where you grew up and what class you are, but many britishes would pronounce the first syllable of "pasta" the way a midwestern american would say "pass" (Canadians also do this ime; not sure if there are regional variations). I imagine there are also specific accents that would render "ta" as "ter" but you could also just stretch that for the joke

― rob, Tuesday, 30 August 2022 15:20 (two years ago)

almost everyone uses short a in pasta and it sounds exactly like past her if their accent has no trap/bath split, no rhoticity, and has h-dropping tendencies

my "past her" sounds like pasta with a broad a but i don't use broad a in pasta so joke would sound (more) forced coming from me

― Left, Tuesday, 30 August 2022 15:46 (two years ago)

i can't believe jerry sadowitz's dick was left out of the running

― Kate (rushomancy), Tuesday, 30 August 2022 15:48 (two years ago)

I was thinking the same, even an old wanger could compete with these jokes.

― calzino, Tuesday, 30 August 2022 15:56 (two years ago)

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Funniest joke at this year's Edinburgh fringe - 2022 edition

Poll Results