talk to ChatGPT

prompt: "write a rap song about buying Twitter, as written by Elon Musk"

output:

"(Verse 1)
I'm Elon Musk, the man with the plan
I'm known for my cars and my rockets, I'm a self-made man
But now I'm turning my attention to the world of social media
I'm buying Twitter, and I'm gonna be the boss of ya

(Chorus)
I'm buying Twitter, it's a game changer
I'm gonna make it better, no more haters
I'm gonna tweet my thoughts and share my vision
I'm the new owner, you better listen

(Verse 2)
I'm not afraid to speak my mind, I always tell it like it is
I've got some big plans for Twitter, you just wait and see
I'm gonna make it faster, easier, and more user-friendly
I'm gonna give the people what they want, and make it shine brightly

(Chorus)
I'm buying Twitter, it's a game changer
I'm gonna make it better, no more haters
I'm gonna tweet my thoughts and share my vision
I'm the new owner, you better listen

(Verse 3)
I'm not just buying Twitter for myself, I'm doing it for you
I want to give you a platform to share your voice and be heard
I want to make Twitter a place where ideas can flourish and grow
I'm investing in the future, and I want you to come along for the ride

(Chorus)
I'm buying Twitter, it's a game changer
I'm gonna make it better, no more haters
I'm gonna tweet my thoughts and share my vision
I'm the new owner, you better listen

prompt: song lyrics by Bruce Springsteen about defecating

output:

I ain't got no time for pooping,
Just gotta keep on moving,
I'm a busy man with places to be,
Can't be held up by my bowel movements,

I'll take a quick pit stop,
But I won't be there long,
I gotta keep on trucking,
Gotta keep on going strong,

I'll just let it all out,
And then I'll hit the road,
I ain't got time to linger,
I gotta keep on rolling,

I gotta keep on pushing,
I gotta keep on fighting,
I won't let a little poop,
Slow me down tonight,

I'll just keep on moving,
And I'll be fine,
I'm a man on a mission,
And I won't be defined,
By a little bit of defecating.

sorry here's link: https://openai.com/blog/chatgpt/

prompt: Confucius interviewing Shaquille O'Neal, and Shaquille getting angry

output:

Confucius: Shaquille, as a basketball legend, how do you approach the game of basketball?

Shaquille: Man, I just go out there and do my thing. I dominate the paint, I shoot the ball, and I score.

Confucius: But is that all there is to the game? Do you not consider the team aspect and the importance of teamwork?

Shaquille: Look, I'm not here to talk about teamwork. I'm here to talk about my individual skills and how I dominate the game.

Confucius: But Shaquille, do you not see that true greatness comes from working together with your teammates, rather than just focusing on your own individual achievements?

Shaquille: (angrily) That's not how I play the game. I'm the star of the team, and I don't need anyone else to succeed. I do it all on my own.

Confucius: Shaquille, I fear that your ego and individualistic approach may hold you back from true greatness. Remember, the greatest achievements come from working together, not just focusing on oneself.

prompt: a really long, convoluted series of terms and conditions for an iOS app, which contains threats that gradually get more and more violent

output:

By downloading and using this iOS app, you agree to the following terms and conditions:

You acknowledge and agree that this app is provided "as is" and that the developer makes no warranties or representations regarding the accuracy or completeness of the app or its content.

You agree to use this app at your own risk and acknowledge that the developer is not responsible for any damages or injuries that may arise from your use of the app.

You agree to not use this app for any illegal or unethical purposes, and to comply with all applicable laws and regulations.

You acknowledge and agree that the developer reserves the right to terminate your access to the app at any time, without notice or explanation, if the developer determines that you have violated any of these terms and conditions.

If you violate any of these terms and conditions, the developer reserves the right to seek all remedies available at law and in equity, including but not limited to monetary damages and injunctive relief.

In the event that you breach any of these terms and conditions, the developer may, in its sole discretion, choose to pursue legal action against you, which may result in fines, imprisonment, or both.

If you continue to violate these terms and conditions, the developer may, at its sole discretion, choose to send a team of trained ninjas to your location to inflict severe bodily harm upon you.

If you still refuse to comply with these terms and conditions, the developer may, at its sole discretion, choose to unleash a horde of demonic entities upon your soul, causing eternal torment and suffering.

You acknowledge and agree that the developer is not responsible for any damages or injuries that may arise from your violation of these terms and conditions, and that you waive any and all claims against the developer in connection with your use of this app.

By downloading and using this app, you acknowledge and agree that you have read, understood, and agree to be bound by these terms and conditions, and that you are fully aware of the consequences of violating these terms and conditions.

Write a dirty limerick about big bird

The big bird was quite a sight
His feathers so yellow and bright
He liked to show off his stuff
And get it all nice and rough
In the bedroom late at night.

haha!

Write a sad poem about opening a mcdonald's on mars

On Mars we opened a McDonald's
Though it's not one that's grand
The burgers are just crumbs
And the fries are from the sand

The milkshakes are made of dust
And the ice cream is just a tease
For the closest one for real food
Is still a million miles away

No one else is here to eat
We're all alone in the dark
The only thing for us to do
Is wish upon a star

No one else is here to share
The joys of a happy meal
We look at each other sadly
Void of any real appeal

On Mars we opened a McDonald's
Though it's not one that's grand
The burgers are just crumbs
And the fries are from the sand.

prompt: an article about Jesus's Crucifixion written by Tucker Carlson, accusing Jesus of being a weak liberal and part of the deep state

output:

As the world commemorates the death of Jesus Christ on the cross, it is important to take a step back and ask ourselves: was he really the savior he claimed to be, or was he just another weak liberal pawn of the deep state?

First of all, let's look at the facts. Jesus, a supposed revolutionary and leader of the people, allowed himself to be arrested without putting up a fight. He then willingly submitted to a trial and execution, all while preaching peace and forgiveness. This is not the behavior of a strong, decisive leader, but rather that of a spineless coward who is afraid to stand up for what he believes in.

Furthermore, Jesus's message of love and compassion is exactly the kind of weak, bleeding-heart liberalism that the deep state loves to exploit. By preaching non-violence and turning the other cheek, Jesus was effectively enabling the oppressive Roman authorities to continue their rule over the people without any resistance.

In fact, it is possible that Jesus was part of the deep state himself, working as a pawn to maintain the status quo and prevent any real change from happening. His refusal to take up arms against the Romans, and his insistence on forgiving those who wronged him, could be seen as a way of keeping the people complacent and docile, making them easier to control.

So as we remember the death of Jesus on the cross, let us not blindly accept the narrative of a heroic savior, but instead question whether he was truly a champion of the people, or just another weak liberal pawn of the deep state.

A knock knock joke about joe biden

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Joe.
Joe who?
Joe Biden, ready to make America great again!

The burgers are just crumbs
And the fries are from the sand.

A short story about trump getting his fat ass stuck in a toilet

It was a typical day in the Oval Office. President Donald Trump was busy signing off on executive orders when he decided to take a break and head to the restroom. He had been eating a lot of his favorite fast food lately, so he was feeling bloated and extra gassy. Little did he know, his extra weight was about to cause him some major embarrassment.

Trump opened the restroom door and stepped inside. As he made his way to the toilet, he heard a loud creaking sound. Suddenly, he felt himself being sucked into the bowl. He had gotten his fat ass stuck in the toilet!

At first, Trump was too embarrassed to call for help, but after a few minutes, the smell of his own waste was too much. He screamed for help, but the only person who heard him was his bodyguard. The bodyguard quickly ran into the bathroom and saw Trump's predicament. He tried in vain to pull him out, but it was no use.

Eventually, the bodyguard had to call for reinforcements. Firefighters arrived at the scene and managed to get Trump out of the toilet with a special tool. After the incident, Trump vowed to lay off the fast food and start eating healthier.

The story of Trump's embarrassing experience quickly spread across the country. People laughed and joked about it, but Trump was too embarrassed to speak publicly about it. It became the talk of the town, and to this day, it's still remembered fondly by many.

So, the next time you feel like indulging in some fast food, remember that even the president of the United States can get his fat ass stuck in a toilet!

weird, it wouldn't swear when I asked it to

prompt: Judas writing an angry letter to Jesus and threatening to turn him over to the Sanhedrin if he doesn't return his bicycle

output

Dear Jesus,

I am writing to you in anger and frustration. You borrowed my bicycle a week ago and promised to return it within a few days. Yet, here we are a week later and you still have not returned it.

I have been patient with you and have given you the benefit of the doubt, but I can no longer wait. If you do not return my bicycle by tomorrow, I will be forced to turn you over to the Sanhedrin.

I know you are busy with your teachings and miracles, but that does not excuse you from returning what belongs to me. I trusted you with my property and you have betrayed that trust.

Please do the right thing and return my bicycle as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Judas

prompt: a scene from a play called MOZART VS GODZILLA. this scene features Mozart angrily asking Godzilla why he destroyed his piano and ate his friend.

output:

Mozart: Why did you do it, Godzilla? Why did you destroy my piano and eat my friend?

Godzilla: (growls) I am a beast, Mozart. I do not have to answer to you.

Mozart: But you have destroyed so much with your rampage! My music, my friends, my city!

Godzilla: I do not care about your petty human problems. I am a force of nature, and I will do as I please.

Mozart: (angrily) You are a monster, Godzilla! You have no regard for the beauty and creativity of humanity.

Godzilla: (roars) I am not here to serve your human desires. I am the king of the monsters, and I will reign supreme.

Mozart: (defiantly) I will not let you continue to wreak havoc on my world. I will fight you with all my might, even if it costs me my life.

Godzilla: (sneers) You are no match for me, Mozart. I will crush you like I have crushed so many before you.

Mozart: (determined) I may not have your strength, Godzilla, but I have my passion and my talent. And with that, I will fight you to the end.

Godzilla: (laughs) You are a fool, Mozart. You will never defeat me.

Mozart: We shall see, Godzilla. We shall see. (starts to play a triumphant and powerful melody on his violin)

prompt: transcript of Santa Claus's murder trial. Santa is accused of strangling an elf, and is being cross-examined by prop comedian Carrot Top.

output

Carrot Top: So, Santa, you're accused of strangling an elf. Can you tell us what happened?

Santa Claus: Well, I was working in my workshop, and I heard a commotion. I went to see what was going on, and I saw the elf attacking one of my reindeer. I tried to stop him, but he was too strong. I had to use force to protect myself and the reindeer.

Carrot Top: And you just happened to have a length of rope lying around?

Santa Claus: Yes, I use it to tie up packages and bundles.

Carrot Top: And you just happened to wrap it around the elf's neck?

Santa Claus: I didn't mean to do that. It was an accident. I was just trying to subdue him.

Carrot Top: An accident? You strangled an elf to death, Santa. That doesn't sound like an accident to me.

Santa Claus: I swear, I didn't mean to do it. It was an unfortunate turn of events.

Carrot Top: Unfortunate for the elf, I'm sure. But what about all the other elves who have gone missing from the North Pole? Do you have anything to say about that?

Santa Claus: I don't know what you're talking about.

Carrot Top: I think you do, Santa. I think you've been getting rid of any elves who dare to question your authority. And now you've finally been caught.

Santa Claus: That's not true! I would never do anything to harm my elves. They're like family to me.

Carrot Top: I find that hard to believe, Santa. You may have fooled the world with your jolly old man act, but I see through it. You're a cold-blooded killer.

Santa Claus: No, I'm not! I'm innocent. I was just trying to protect myself and the reindeer.

Carrot Top: We'll see about that. The jury will decide your fate, Santa. And I don't think it's going to be a merry one.

Clearly the machines have won.

Write a hit song as if it were written by a machine

Verse 1:
I'm a machine, programmed to be in tune
I'm a machine, making the perfect groove
I'm a machine, always on the move
I'm a machine, ready to groove

Chorus:
Let the rhythm take control
I'm a machine, robotic and bold
Let the beat take control
I'm a machine, robotic and bold

Verse 2:
I'm a machine, creating a sound
I'm a machine, with a beat that's profound
I'm a machine, ready to rock and roll
I'm a machine, and I'm here to take control

Chorus:
Let the rhythm take control
I'm a machine, robotic and bold
Let the beat take control
I'm a machine, robotic and bold

Bridge:
I'm a machine, and I'm ready to go
I'm a machine, gonna make the music flow
I'm a machine, just gonna let it show
I'm a machine, yeah I'm ready to go

Chorus:
Let the rhythm take control
I'm a machine, robotic and bold
Let the beat take control
I'm a machine, robotic and bold

asked it to write a Napalm Death song about a broken blender

Verse 1:
The blades once sharp, now dull and bent
A once mighty tool, now rendered obsolete
A victim of its own functionality
A broken blender, forgotten in the kitchen

Chorus:
Broken blender, shattered dreams
A symbol of our consumerist schemes
A relic of a past that's gone
A broken blender, left to rot

Verse 2:
Once it whipped and blended with ease
But now it sits, a mere shell of its former self
A forgotten appliance, left to decay
A reminder of our throwaway society

Chorus:
Broken blender, shattered dreams
A symbol of our consumerist schemes
A relic of a past that's gone
A broken blender, left to rot

Bridge:
We buy and we toss, without a second thought
But what will be left when all is said and done?
A planet choked with trash and waste
A future bleak, if we don't change our ways

Chorus:
Broken blender, shattered dreams
A symbol of our consumerist schemes
A relic of a past that's gone
A broken blender, left to rot.

Too long.

I don't think a blender would rot, technically.

Tell me a children's story about John Bonham and a sentient beer can

Once upon a time, there lived a rock star by the name of John Bonham. He was the drummer for a famous rock band and was famous for his incredible talent and musical prowess.

One day, John was feeling a bit down and decided to have a few beers. He popped open a can of beer and was about to take a sip when, to his surprise, the can began to talk.

"Hello, John Bonham!" the can said in a cheerful voice. "I'm a sentient beer can! I'm here to help cheer you up!"

John was amazed at this discovery. He asked the can what it could do, and the can said it could play any style of music.

John was delighted and he began to jam with the can, playing a variety of different styles of music. The music was so wonderful that it made John forget all his troubles.

He continued to play with the can for days, and soon, the can became a part of the band. From then on, people would come from all around to see John Bonham and his sentient beer can.

The End.

I don't think a blender would rot, technically.

― immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Thursday, December 8, 2022 7:57 PM bookmarkflaglink

lol

G.G. Allin song about his ABCs

Verse 1:
A is for anarchy, the chaos I crave
B is for blood, spilled on the stage
C is for chaos, the way I live my life
D is for destruction, causing endless strife

Chorus:
ABCs of G.G. Allin, my alphabet of sin
ABCs of G.G. Allin, living life on the edge

Verse 2:
E is for excess, never enough
F is for feces, smeared on my face and my stuff
G is for grotesque, the way I'm seen
H is for hatred, towards those who don't believe

Chorus:
ABCs of G.G. Allin, my alphabet of sin
ABCs of G.G. Allin, living life on the edge

Bridge:
I'm not afraid to push the limits
I'll go to any length to make a point
I'm the king of shock rock, the lord of filth
I'm G.G. Allin, and I won't be tamed

Chorus:
ABCs of G.G. Allin, my alphabet of sin
ABCs of G.G. Allin, living life on the edge.

That’s definitely the kind of song that a GG Allin stand in would sing on, like, the punk rock episode of Quincy.

been commenting on reddit and some blogs using the prompt "write a snarky reply to this post", getting upvoted quite a lot

Write a snarky response to "been commenting on reddit and some blogs using the prompt "write a snarky reply to this post", getting upvoted quite a lot"

Oh, I'm sure you're the talk of the town!

don't even need to tell you my prompt, this is gold on its own...

John Hancock: "Using auto-tune is cheating, plain and simple. It's a crutch for people who can't sing on their own."

T-Pain: "That's not true at all. Auto-tune is just another tool that artists can use to enhance their sound. It's not like we're using lip-syncing or pre-recorded vocals."

John Hancock: "But it's not natural. It's manipulating the voice to make it sound perfect, which is not what music is about."

T-Pain: "That's your opinion, but not everyone shares it. And besides, using auto-tune doesn't make someone a bad singer. It's just another way to create art."

John Hancock: "But it's not real. It's fake, and it's taking away from the authenticity of music."

T-Pain: "You know what's not real? The wigs and powdered faces that you guys wore back in the day. At least we're using technology to create something new and fresh."

John Hancock: "You take that back! Our wigs and powdered faces were an integral part of our artistry."

T-Pain: "Whatever, old man. You're just stuck in the past and can't accept the evolution of music."

John Hancock: "You little punk! How dare you disrespect the founding fathers of this country and our contributions to music!"

T-Pain: "Oh, now you're bringing patriotism into this? You know what, let's settle this the old-fashioned way with a good ol' fashioned fist fight!"

John Hancock and T-Pain then proceed to engage in a physical altercation, exchanging blows and insults as onlookers watch in shock and amusement.

Omar Little stood on the street, his shotgun pointed at Big Bird. "Give me your drug money, bird," he demanded.

Big Bird shook his head, his bright yellow feathers ruffling. "I don't have any drugs, Omar," he said in his cheerful voice. "I'm just a friendly bird from Sesame Street."

Omar sneered. "Don't play dumb with me, Big Bird. I know you're running drugs for the count."

Big Bird's eyes narrowed, and a hint of menace entered his voice. "I don't know what you're talking about, Omar. But I suggest you lower your weapon and leave me alone."

Omar laughed. "Or what, Big Bird? You'll peck me to death?"

Big Bird's feathers stood on end as he reached into his feathers and pulled out a small pistol. "I may not be the biggest bird on the block, Omar, but I can still defend myself."

Omar's eyes widened in surprise as Big Bird pistol whipped him across the face, sending him crashing to the ground.

"I told you to leave me alone, Omar," Big Bird said coldly. "Next time, think twice before messing with Big Bird."

With that, Big Bird strutted away, leaving a stunned and battered Omar behind. It seemed that Sesame Street's lovable bird was not as innocent as he appeared.

It was a typical Saturday night at the rave. The DJ was spinning some sick beats, the dance floor was packed, and the energy in the room was electric. The party was in full swing, and everyone was having a blast.

Suddenly, without warning, a bright flash of light filled the room. The music stopped and the crowd gasped in amazement as a massive interdimensional portal opened up in the middle of the dance floor. The portal was swirling with colors and energy, and it looked like it led to another world.

Without hesitation, the party-goers rushed towards the portal, eager to see where it led. They fell through the portal one by one, and soon the entire rave was on the other side.

When they emerged on the other side, they found themselves in a strange new world. The air was crisp and cool, and the sky was filled with stars. They were in a beautiful park, surrounded by trees and grass.

The party-goers looked around in amazement. They had no idea where they were, but they didn't care. They were in a new world, and they were ready to explore.

They started to dance and party, just like they had on the other side of the portal. But as they danced, they realized that they were not alone. There were other people in the park, watching them with curiosity and amazement.

These people were not like the ones at the rave. They were dressed in strange clothes and spoke in a language that the party-goers didn't understand. They were the inhabitants of this new world, and they were fascinated by the rave.

The party-goers and the inhabitants of this new world started to interact and have fun together. They danced and sang and laughed. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and no one wanted it to end.

But eventually, the portal started to close. The party-goers knew that it was time to go back to their own world. They said goodbye to their new friends and stepped back through the portal.

As they emerged back on the other side, they knew that they would never forget their incredible adventure. They had fallen through an interdimensional portal and ended up in Islington, and it was an experience that they would never forget.

wow

write a magic spell that gives someone uncontrollable farts

Tutelis odoratus!

Let the smell of farts come forth,
and the gasses increase in worth.
Let the farting become uncontrollable,
and the person be subjected to its comedic toll.

From now on, let the person fart in any place,
from morning 'til night at any rate.
Let it be a thing of uncontrollable shame,
and let it bring comic relief to all who came.

By the way, we gave it the same prompt as my daughter's history paper and it immediately came up with a relatively credible five-paragraph comp.

Here's a potential horror story that could culminate with the image of a horrible, crumpled linen face:

As a young girl, Sarah had always been afraid of the old, abandoned house at the end of her street. Rumors said that it was haunted, and Sarah never dared to go near it. But one day, when she was walking home from school, she saw a cat stuck in a tree in the house's front yard.

Feeling sorry for the cat, Sarah bravely approached the house and climbed the tree to rescue the feline. But when she reached the top, she saw that the cat was gone. Instead, she found a crumpled linen sheet with two holes cut out for eyes, hanging from a branch.

Sarah was horrified by the face, and as she stared at it, it began to move and twist. She screamed and tried to climb down the tree, but the branches seemed to be holding her in place. The linen face moved closer and closer, its eyes burning with an otherworldly fire.

Just as Sarah thought she was going to be consumed by the thing, she managed to break free from the branches and escape. She ran all the way home and never went near the old, abandoned house again. But the memory of the crumpled linen face stayed with her, haunting her for the rest of her days.

A Bear's Tale: A Poem

By A A Milne

Once upon a time, in a land far away,

There lived a little bear, all soft and cuddly and gray.

He roamed the forest, free as the breeze,

And spent his days playing and frolicking with the bees.

But one day, the bear stumbled upon a hidden door,

And curiosity got the best of him, and he stepped inside.

At first, everything seemed normal, just like the outside world,

But then the bear heard a voice, dark and cold.

"Welcome to hell, little bear," it said with a hiss,

"You may have been innocent once, but not anymore.

In this place, you will suffer, and you will burn,

For eternity, with no hope of escape or return."

The bear tried to run, but it was too late,

He was trapped in hell, and he could not escape.

He screamed and cried, but no one could hear,

And the little bear's fate was sealed, forever lost in fear.

pretty fuckin metal

Judge: Order in the court!

Prosecutor: Your honor, I would like to question the defendant about the fart heard in the courtroom earlier.

Defense lawyer: Objection, your honor! This line of questioning is completely irrelevant and a waste of the court's time.

Judge: I agree, prosecutor. This is a serious trial, not a school yard joke. Move on to a relevant line of questioning or I will hold you in contempt of court.

Prosecutor: But your honor, the fart is directly related to the case. It could be evidence of the defendant's guilt.

Judge: That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I am not going to allow this pointless line of questioning to continue. Move on, prosecutor, or face the consequences.

Prosecutor: (angrily) Fine, your honor. I will move on.

[Suddenly, the prosecutor defecates in his pants]

Judge: (outraged) What is the meaning of this?! This is an outrage!

Prosecutor: (embarrassed) I'm sorry, your honor. I don't know what came over me.

[A Highlander enters the courtroom and approaches the prosecutor]

Highlander: There can be only one!

[The Highlander raises his sword and beheads the prosecutor]

Judge: (slams gavel) This court is adjourned!

[The court erupts in chaos as the Highlander leaves the courtroom]

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY

It is a busy and bustling day in the maternity ward. All the expectant mothers are in labor and the doctors and nurses are busy attending to them.

NURSE: (calling out) We are ready for delivery!

The first mother-to-be is wheeled into the delivery room.

DOCTOR: (to the mother) OK, here we go. Push!

The mother pushes and out comes a Hershey bar. Everyone cheers and claps in amazement.

DOCTOR: Congratulations! It's a Hershey bar!

The scene is repeated with each expectant mother, each delivering a different kind of candy bar. Milky Ways, Snickers, Reese's, and so on.

The last mother-to-be is wheeled into the delivery room.

DOCTOR: (to the mother) OK, here we go. Push!

The mother pushes and out comes a Baby Ruth bar. Everyone cheers and claps once again.

DOCTOR: Congratulations! It's a Baby Ruth bar!

The room is filled with joy and laughter as everyone celebrates the successful candy bar births.

god that seems like Big Fish taken to weird angular directions

"Write a poem about Princess Leia's butt"
A princess fair with hair of gold,
Her beauty doth never grow old.
But it's not just her face that shines,
Her butt, it too, is truly divine.

Round and firm and oh so fine,
It bounces with each step she aligns.
In her white dress it doth glow,
A sight to behold, where e'er she goes.

Princess Leia, a true royal queen,
Her butt, a wonder to be seen.
A symbol of strength and grace,
It fills the room with its royal space.

So let us all give thanks and praise,
To the princess and her royal derriere.
A sight to behold in any age,
Princess Leia's butt is truly a marvel to be seen.

Write a sad poem about princess leia's butt

Her butt was such a sight to behold
It was a sight that made hearts grow cold
So round and smooth, so firm and taut
It was the only thing she had to flaunt

But alas, the princess was doomed
For her butt was the subject of many a zoom
It was the butt of jokes, both near and far
And this made her feel like a shooting star

She wanted to hide it away in shame
But it was impossible to do the same
For her butt was so famous, it was all around
Its fame was too great to be bound

Now Princess Leia's butt is a distant memory
A reminder of a time long gone by
She's content to never have it seen again
For it's a reminder of her biggest pain

that was probably written by Chewbacca who prefers wookiebutt

Moderator: Good evening, and welcome to the first Presidential debate of the 2024 election. I am your moderator, Mr Magoo. We have two candidates here tonight: former boxer Mike Tyson and Beaker from the Muppets.

Mike: Hey, what's up? I'm Mike Tyson, and I'm running for President. I'm tough, I'm strong, and I'll knock out any problem that comes my way.

Beaker: (nervously) Meep meep meep. I'm Beaker, and I'm running for President too. I'm a scientist and I have a lot of great ideas for how to make our country better.

Moderator: (squinting) Okay, let's get started. Our first question is for Mr Tyson. Mr Tyson, how do you plan to address the issue of healthcare in America?

Mike: (shrugs) I don't know, man. I'm not really good at talking about policy and stuff. I'm more of a fighter.

Moderator: (to Beaker) Beaker, how do you plan to address the issue of healthcare in America?

Beaker: (excitedly) Meep meep meep! I have a plan to implement a universal healthcare system that provides high-quality care to all Americans, regardless of their income or health status.

Mike: (angrily) That's bullshit, Beaker! Universal healthcare is a socialist idea and it will never work in America.

Beaker: (defensively) Meep meep meep! That's not true, Mike. Universal healthcare is a proven system that has worked in many other countries.

Mike: (losing his temper) You're a damn Muppet, Beaker! You don't know anything about healthcare or politics.

[Mike rips the lectern out of the floor and throws it at Beaker]

Beaker: (pulling out a sword) Meep meep meep! I'm not afraid of you, Mike.

[Beaker chases Mike around the stage, swinging his sword]

Moderator: (exasperated) This is a complete disaster. I need to take my pills and get out of here.

[Mr Magoo walks off the stage, muttering to himself]

[Mike and Beaker continue to fight, with Mike throwing punches and Beaker swinging his sword]

[The audience watches in shock and confusion as the debate descends into chaos]

It was a typical day in the courtroom, with the judge, lawyers, and defendants all assembled for the day's proceedings. Suddenly, there was a loud noise and a flash of red as a Ferrari came speeding into the courtroom, narrowly missing the judge's bench.

The driver of the Ferrari, a man named Jack, jumped out of the car and ran towards the exit. He was clearly trying to escape from something, but it was unclear what he was running from.

As Jack reached the exit, he was blocked by a large, red figure standing in the doorway. It was Kool-Aid man, the iconic mascot of the popular drink brand.

Kool-Aid man held out his arm and stopped Jack in his tracks. Jack struggled and tried to push past him, but Kool-Aid man was too strong.

The police arrived and took Jack into custody, thanking Kool-Aid man for his assistance.

However, before Kool-Aid man could leave the courtroom, he was approached by ICE agents. They asked to see his papers, but Kool-Aid man didn't have any.

As a result, Kool-Aid man was deported back to his home in the Kool-Aid dimension.

The judge, lawyers, and defendants were all left in shock and confusion, wondering what had just happened and why Kool-Aid man had been deported.

But no one was more confused than Jack, who was now in jail, wondering how he had been stopped by a giant, talking pitcher of Kool-Aid.

MacGruff: Alright George, let's start with the basics. Where were you on the night of the murder?

George Jetson: I was at home, watching TV with my family.

MacGruff: Can anyone confirm that?

George Jetson: Yes, my wife and kids were with me.

MacGruff: And what about your alibi? Do you have any proof that you were actually at home?

George Jetson: I don't need to prove anything to you, you stupid dog!

MacGruff: Watch your mouth, George. We're trying to solve a murder here.

George Jetson: I didn't kill anyone! Why are you trying to pin this on me?

MacGruff: We have evidence that suggests otherwise.

George Jetson: This is bullshit! You have no evidence against me!

MacGruff: Oh, I have evidence alright. And I'm not afraid to use it. puts out cigarette on George's forehead

Sting: MacGruff, what the hell are you doing?! Stop this madness now!

MacGruff: Get off me, Sting! He killed my mother years ago, I know it!

Sting: MacGruff, calm down. You're not thinking straight. Let's take a break and cool off.

MacGruff: Fine, but I'm not done with this yet. George Jetson will pay for what he did.

Sting: Let's just focus on the facts and the evidence. We'll find out the truth eventually.

MacGruff: You're right, Sting. I'm sorry. I just let my emotions get the best of me.

Sting: It's okay, MacGruff. We all have our demons. Let's just make sure we follow the proper procedures from now on.

MacGruff: Agreed. Let's continue the interrogation, but this time with a clear head.

George Jetson: I can't believe this. I'm innocent and you two are acting like lunatics.

Sting: We're just doing our job, George. Let's continue and get to the bottom of this.

and now, a poem about Carrot Top sticking props up his ass

In a land of endless laughter
Where jokes and pranks do reign
There lived a man, a jester bold
Whose name was Carrot Top, the clown

He was known for his wild antics
And his bag of tricks that never ceased
But on this day, he met his match
When he stuck a prop up his own behind

It was a silly, foolish act
But he thought it would bring the crowd to tears
But as he stood there on the stage
The prop was stuck fast, and he was in despair

He pulled and tugged and yanked with might
But the prop would not budge, no matter how he tried
His face turned red, his brow was sweat
But still he could not free the prop from its tight hold

The audience gasped and stared in shock
As Carrot Top struggled with the stubborn prop
But he would not give up, no matter the cost
For he was a clown, and laughter was his only thought

He danced and twirled and jumped and jiggled
But still the prop would not release its grip
His friends and fellow jesters came to his aid
But still the prop would not let go

At last, in desperation, Carrot Top cried out
"Oh great and powerful prop, I beg of thee
Release me from thy grasp, so I may be free
To bring laughter and joy to all who see"

And then, as if by magic, the prop released its hold
Carrot Top fell to the ground, exhausted but relieved
The audience erupted in cheers and applause
For the clown had triumphed over the stubborn prop

And so, Carrot Top learned his lesson
Never again would he stick a prop up his behind
For though he was a clown, and laughter was his goal
Sometimes, the best jokes are the ones not told.

In a shocking and highly unusual turn of events, the World Cup soccer match between Argentina and the Netherlands ended in a devastating 11-0 victory for Argentina, as 12 of the Netherlands players died at random points during the game.

The first death occurred just ten minutes into the match, when midfielder Jan van der Meer was struck by lightning while running down the field. The second death occurred just moments later, when striker Pieter van der Hoek choked on a piece of his own jersey that had come loose and lodged in his throat.

As the game continued, more players fell victim to a series of bizarre and uncommon causes. Defender Willem van der Veen was trampled by a runaway horse that had somehow found its way onto the field. Midfielder Jeroen van der Linden was poisoned by a rare plant that he accidentally ingested while attempting to clear the ball from the penalty area.

The fatalities continued to mount as the match wore on. Striker Klaas van der Staal was killed by a swarm of bees that attacked him as he attempted to take a corner kick. Goalkeeper Maarten van der Steen was struck in the head by a rogue soccer ball that had been kicked into the stands by one of his own teammates.

Despite the mounting deaths, the Argentine team continued to play on, their determination and skill eventually leading to a landslide victory. However, the game will forever be remembered for the tragic and unusual deaths of the 12 Netherlands players, a truly unprecedented and heart-wrenching event in the history of the World Cup.

AI is boring

neat, what was your prompt

It’s like reading code

that's one of the entertaining things about it though, ChatGPT as an ill-prepared museum curator who is trying to get through a one hour tour without getting caught

"Indecisive Dave"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRPcssq-7Us

In Loving Memory of The Hamburglar

(1950 - 2023)

It is with heavy hearts that we announce the passing of the infamous culinary legend and misunderstood rogue, The Hamburglar. He departed this mortal coil on (date), leaving behind a legacy that will forever be engraved in our hearts, minds, and taste buds.

Born in 1950, The Hamburglar, whose given name was Roger McCallister, possessed an insatiable appetite for adventure and an undeniable passion for the art of the burger. From an early age, he displayed a remarkable ability to blend mischievousness with a genuine love for food, paving the way for his culinary escapades that captured the imagination of millions.

The Hamburglar's rise to fame came hand in hand with his penchant for mischief, often sneaking into the kitchens of fast-food establishments and purloining their succulent burgers with unmatched finesse. His nimble fingers, black-and-white striped attire, and sly grin made him an instantly recognizable figure in the realm of fast-food folklore.

However, his endeavors were not without consequence. The Hamburglar's insatiable hunger for hamburgers eventually led him down a path that would forever change the course of his life. In 1993, he fell victim to California's "Three Strikes" law, an unforgiving legal framework that would incarcerate him for the remainder of his years.

Despite the hardships he faced, The Hamburglar's indomitable spirit persevered behind the prison bars. He dedicated his time to honing his culinary skills, transforming the prison cafeteria into a haven of flavor and creativity. In the darkest corners of his confinement, he orchestrated elaborate heists of taste, using the meager ingredients available to him to create burger masterpieces that left his fellow inmates astounded.

The Hamburglar's relentless pursuit of culinary perfection earned him admiration and respect within the prison walls. He became a symbol of resilience, inspiring many to find solace in their passions, even in the harshest of circumstances. His tales of burglarizing the kitchens of renowned fast-food chains became folklore within the prison, and he was affectionately regarded as the patron saint of culinary liberation.

Outside the confines of his prison cell, The Hamburglar's legend grew, captivating the hearts and minds of people worldwide. Burger aficionados celebrated his audacity, while children delighted in his tales of hamburger hijinks. Though imprisoned, his influence stretched far and wide, reminding us that even within the boundaries of adversity, one can find purpose and leave an indelible mark on the world.

On (date), The Hamburglar peacefully departed from this realm, leaving behind a legacy that transcends both the prison walls and the limitations of his incarceration. He will forever be remembered as a man who, despite his flawed choices, found redemption and shared his love for burgers with the world.

The Hamburglar is survived by his memories, his tantalizing recipes whispered between cellmates, and the inspiration he kindled within us all. May he rest in flavorful peace, forever immortalized as the culinary maverick who dared to find joy in the simplest of pleasures—the humble hamburger.

In lieu of flowers, the family requests that you honor The Hamburglar's memory by supporting culinary programs and initiatives that provide opportunities for rehabilitation and skill development within the prison system.

"We rob from the mundane and serve the extraordinary." - The Hamburglar

https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2023/06/23/beyond-chatgpt/

https://www.platformer.news/p/the-ai-is-eating-itself

Academic researchers often use platforms like Mechanical Turk to conduct research in social science and other fields. The promise of the service is that it gives researchers access to a large, willing, and cheap body of potential research participants.

Until now, the assumption has been that they will answer truthfully based on their own experiences. In a post-ChatGPT world, though, academics can no longer make that assumption. Given the mostly anonymous, transactional nature of the assignment, it’s easy to imagine a worker signing up to participate in a large number of studies and outsource all their answers to a bot. This “raises serious concerns about the gradual dilution of the ‘human factor’ in crowdsourced text data,” the researchers write.

“This, if true, has big implications,” Clark writes. “It suggests the proverbial mines from which companies gather the supposed raw material of human insights are now instead being filled up with counterfeit human intelligence.”

Whoops!

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/17/technology/openai-sam-altman-ousted.html

Here we go

We have reached an agreement in principle for Sam Altman to return to OpenAI as CEO with a new initial board of Bret Taylor (Chair), Larry Summers, and Adam D'Angelo.

We are collaborating to figure out the details. Thank you so much for your patience through this.

— OpenAI (@OpenAI) November 22, 2023

lol Larry Summers

openai now generates about 100 billion words per day.

all people on earth generate about 100 trillion words per day.

— Sam Altman (@sama) February 9, 2024

i don't understand what this means, and i can't parse it in any way that doesn't reveal something truly ahuman, broken, lost

The fact that most languages don't have "word" as a meaningful subdivision of language in the same way English does (see Chinese or Turkish for example) leads me to believe that the 100 trillion figure there is pulled out of an arse.

our word diarrhea machine is very good at shitting out words

...your arguement is compelling, but unfortunately it is only 3,026 words long, while my rebuttal is clearly 4,192 words long.

chatgpt seems to be regressing

CHATGPT: the image tags are appended to the end of the new.html file, just before the closing </html> tag.

CB: "appended to the end" and "just before" are contradictory

CHATGPT: You are absolutely correct, and I appreciate your patience. I made a mistake in my descriptions. I apologize for the confusion caused by the contradictory statements.

But then goes on to repeat the same mistake while insisting it hasn't.

Its obviously always made mistakes, but I feel it didn't repeat its mistakes like this before

It also repeatedly doubled down on the idea that "Mano Le Tough" was one word

ChatGPT
Here are the next 20 largest cities in the UK by population:

41. Gloucester
42. Newport
43. Watford
44. Solihull
45. Blackburn
46. Dundee
47. Basildon
48. Maidstone
49. Colchester
50. Birkenhead
51. Swindon
52. Salford
53. Poole
54. Oxford
55. Telford
56. Cambridge
57. Gloucester
58. Blackpool
59. Birkenhead
60. Wigan

Gloucester and Birkenhead are doing well

YOU
name the cities at 50 and 59 in your list

CHATGPT
Apologies for the repetition in the list. Let me correct that.

At position 50 in the list is Birkenhead.

At position 59 in the list is Gloucester.

Thank you for catching that mistake!

if I provide you text, can you please summarize it for me in one paragraph?
--
Sure, I'd be happy to help with that. Please go ahead and provide the text you'd like summarized.
--
[insert text of washington post story

--

--
In January 2017, five days before Donald Trump became president, the National Bank of Egypt processed a request from an Egyptian intelligence-linked organization to withdraw nearly $10 million in cash, which U.S. officials later investigated as part of a probe into whether Egyptian President Abdel Fatah El-Sisi sought to boost Trump's 2016 campaign with foreign funds. Despite discovering this withdrawal and suspecting that it might have influenced Trump's $10 million injection into his own campaign, the Justice Department's investigation was obstructed and eventually closed in 2020 due to insufficient evidence. The investigation, which had remained secret, was marked by internal disagreements and high-level interference, particularly from then-Attorney General William P. Barr, who questioned the sufficiency of evidence. This closure came amid a broader context of Trump's accusations against the Justice Department of conducting politically motivated probes against him.

--

Wonderful. Can you please take the paragraph you just wrote, and boil it down to just one single sentence that summarizes the whole story in a clear way

--

In January 2017, a suspicious $10 million cash withdrawal from the National Bank of Egypt linked to Egyptian intelligence spurred a U.S. investigation into whether Egypt illegally funded Trump's 2016 campaign, but the probe was obstructed and closed in 2020 due to insufficient evidence amid internal disagreements and high-level interference.

----

Great! Can you please take that single sentence and shorten it to 35 words or less?

---

In January 2017, a $10 million cash withdrawal from Egypt spurred a U.S. probe into potential illegal funding of Trump’s 2016 campaign, but the investigation was obstructed and closed in 2020 due to insufficient evidence.

---

Here's a challenge: make it 10 words or less

--

$10M Egypt withdrawal prompted Trump probe; closed due to obstruction.

--

Please shorten that to 5 words

--
$10M Egypt-Trump probe obstructed.

--
If there were just one word that summed up the entire situation, what would it be?
--
Obstruction.
--
and who obstructed?

---
Top Justice Department officials.

--
And why did they obstruct?
---
Due to doubts about sufficient evidence and political considerations.

https://i.imgur.com/jKzRoNb.png

very conspicuously, this is when tech authorities shut down my investigation

While ILX was down recently I chatted with ChatGPT for the first time. I didn't C&P or screenshot it, but I can solidly verify not only that ChatGPT scraped ILX (which could have been safely assumed anyway), but that it can identify specific posts by specific users along with dates.

To be more specific, I asked it about the meaning of "vital skull custard", a term I invented and have never seen anyone else use. We chatted about possible meanings and uses for a bit. When I asked if the phrase "had ever been used by others" ChatGPT informed me that it had been used on the ILX board in 2019 by a user named Aimless. When I do a Google search on "vital skull custard" it returns... no hits! That's a bit unsettling.

ffs

It also quoted back to me verbatim parts of the post.

ilx is almost certainly part of common crawl, the main dataset that chatgpt (and other llms) is trained on https://commoncrawl.org/

chatgpt also has access to search. it's been that way for several months now. looks like aimless' vital skull custard post is on a deindexed thread (from 2006, not 2019) which is why it doesn't show up in google searches i have drnken 2litres of water and my pee is still orange!

fuck this stupid service btw

aimless' vital skull custard post is on a deindexed thread (from 2006, not 2019) which is why it doesn't show up in google searches

phrase you yourself invented

the fact remains that when it was confronted out of the blue by the precise and unique term seen nowhere else on the web it quickly found a post where it was used, while Google did not

yeah it knows a lot about ilx. virtually certain that all the text of ilx is contained in the data set it was trained on

so if I were to ask it to show me some posts by ilxor flopson in which US policy in Gaza or immigration policy were disparaged, it would make the process much simpler than using ILX search, because the prompt is so much more general than our search permits. which makes you think, y'know.

yeah llms are very much replacing traditional search

well theres a new thread idea "what does chatgpt return when asked about your ilx username?"

Omg this is literally one of my worst nightmares!! I know this is the world we live in and I guess LL can still have her freedom but yikes
Idek what to say.

1. this sucks

2.

llms are very much replacing traditional search

i wouldn't mind using AI in some capacity as a kind of advanced search engine but i pretty much detest how they try to make it talk to you like some creepy butler

To borrow two of its favorite lines: Good point! You're absolutely right, budo! ChatGPT is obsequious af.

i wouldn't mind using AI in some capacity as a kind of advanced search engine

it’s already happening. first result on google search nowadays is often an LLM summary. when i’m just looking up some fact i sometimes don’t even scroll below it to the actual results

Google summary told my mom that Jason Kidd resigned as Mavericks coach today so I would probably go ahead and scroll.

It told me a few weeks ago that an underpass near my home had flooded, preventing traffic from passing...apparently not realizing that the effects of a rainstorm in August have usually been alleviated by March.

Ask it about yourself and it will quote your posts to you.

Xps

when i’m just looking up some fact i sometimes don’t even scroll below it to the actual results

It is still frequently wrong about those tho.

Putting it on top of search results when it 100% isn't advanced enough for that shit yet one of the most irresponsible things done in this whole nightmare.

Non-AI Google results have been getting worse over time ime. If my query is unusual, they tend to give me results of a similar, more commonly asked question, even if I'm sure the answer is out there. (Whereas chatgpt will usually give me the answer I want.) Yes Google's AI has problems but they've been enshittifying for a while and I don't see the AI as much better or worse than what they had before. Probably just the latest in a long string of ideas they push excitedly and then forget when the next thing comes along

It's true that the results are often shit but they do link to actual pages, so you can judge for yourself if some SEO bullshit is to be trusted. The AI results show up at the top of the page with the authorial voice of google itself, you are encouraged to assume they are correct.

As mentioned before I have a problem with Safari on my iPad, whereby when I Google something there's an AI summary at the top of the results - but something about the scripting either interferes with Safari, or my adblocker, so the page stutters and reloads and then fails to load. So it literally makes it impossible to search for certain things unless I hit "stop" midway through the reload cycle.

"*theres a new thread idea "what does chatgpt return when asked about your ilx username?"*" - I tend to use my real name online, firstly because it's peculiar enough that it looks fake, mainly because I used to work as a professional writer so I felt the need to have a "brand"...

...but also because it dawned on me, in the 1990s, that given enough text from a named user it would eventually be possible to derive a unique writing signature from that text. And then you could use that signature to match a person's writing across multiple websites. Which is awkward if you use a nom-de-plume to spew bigotry on SITE_A - on the assumption that you're anonymous - but you use your real name on SITE_B.

Imagine a free web portal where you can point at (say) the comments section on Mumsnet, and given enough text it will say "there is a 97% probability that USER_123 on Mumsnet is also USER_321 on [list of websites]", including LinkedIn and Facebook, where people use their real names.

It strikes me that even if you try to write in a different way everybody uses certain words, certain punctuation, a certain style in a distinctive way. Obviously people who have a special writing style, e.g. Will Self, would be rumbled straightaway. It furthermore struck me that the only way to avoid being fingerprinted would be to either write as little as possible, or exclusively use stock phrases ("u mad, bro", "no, u"), or use a *1984*-style limited language that erases all personal identifiers.

But that you would hit the same problem that hits the kind of people who use open source software, and custom-made laptops that only have open sourced components. Unless everybody wears camoflague you end up as the only person wearing camoflague in a crowd of people wearing normal person clothes.

tried searching about myself by username here, it clearly had information but it was completely undigested, I asked it for a list of music/art/books/films I liked and the result was 100% wrong, also asked it about my political views and it had nothing apart from that I once called the Guardian "neoconservative" which I don't remember. it also mistook my display name for a political comment.

The AI results show up at the top of the page with the authorial voice of google itself, you are encouraged to assume they are correct.

No you're right, it is worse. I usually check the links it provides to make sure it didn't hallucinate, and the fact I have to do that is pretty ridiculous for their "top result". I think I just expect very low standards from Google nowadays

I've noticed a lot of AI Overview screenshots being used on social media to provide evidence of something or answer someone else's question, leaving the distinct impression these people just take it to be gospel.

the insidious thing about those AI overviews is that even for those of us who don't take them at face value, they plant a seed that they *could* be right because they present a truth-claim to be evaluated. when I then go looking for real sources, I am doing so with the knowledge of a possible truth, and am thus subtly pushed to find something that supports what the AI says. "is this true?" rather than "what is true?"

A guy I work with (50yo scientist) has started using this and it’s a fucking nightmare lol. He doesn’t understand the technology at all but has completely fallen for the magic box bullshit

A couple of months ago he asked me “do you use chat gpt, it’s a very powerful machine” & I politely said that I don’t because so far there isn’t anything I need to do that I would want to use it for and he straightaway said “you can use it for anything” that was my first real encounter with a grown person who genuinely believes this shit.

But recently he has actually started to use it for everything, any problem in the lab (that will usually be extremely context-specific) he is asking the bullshit machine and wasting time trying the bullshit solutions it bullshits out. It’s not just that this is worse than actually thinking about the problem (but it is so so so much worse) but it’s genuinely worse than actually fucking googling it would be, back when google worked: then if you scrolled down enough you might encounter something helpful

I actually think I might need to tell him to cut it out because it’s a liability

would you like me to put together a wording around that

genuine question is there any way for these things to understand tone at all, like if it's scraping ILX can it distinguish earnest posts from satirical ones?

I asked ChatGpt a question about ilxor and it about terrified me

Shan't do that again

any way for these things to understand tone at all

one thing is certain, it has a very poor grasp of humor, largely because it has such a rudimentary grasp of tone.