Post a controversial opinion

but don't, as its surface temperature is zero kelvin and yr fingers wd shatter into an icy dust

*cough*

"What would you ask us?"

Miss Lavis laid her hand pleasantly on Lucy's arm, as if to suggest that she, at all events, would get full marks."

OK, then, something I DO believe; Derek Bailey will have a number one single before this decade's out.

*does this controversial opinion necessarily have to be mine?

that's something I WANT to believe.

AND WHAT ANDREW SAID!!

The people who sometimes annoy me on ILE are on the whole the ones whose talents I most envy.

AND WHAT ANDREW SAID!!

I believe the Harry Potter industry is even more guilty of this.

But he DID!

I don't have a firm opinion on whether abortion should be legal. I've yet to see a totally convincing pro-choice argument (not that I've been reading in depth). My main reason for being sort of pro-choice is that it's a controversial topic and since I don't have a firm decided opinion I want to leave it up to personal choice.

we say "don't compare traumas, trauma is trauma" or "all problems are important, yours still matter if someone else is suffering worse", but I find when you talk to people long enough, you find maybe half of the people that say it don't really mean it.

i found myself writing a Gish Gallop of an explanation of why I was depressed with a friend recently and I realized it was because of toxic interactions I'd either been a part of or witnessed where basically people demand a resume for your feelings to determine if you're entitled to feel bad or not. as soon as I recognized I was doing it, I stopped because fuck that - a friend should assume good faith on my behalf and I shouldn't have to 'audition'.

I've known plenty of people who are very intent on showing that their experiences have been the worst, and if anyone wants to bring forward their own bad experience, then they have something that easily outstrips it.

A very cutting comment that I heard lately is that while not limited to Americans, the idea that your personal pain and struggles are in some way meaningful is something we culturally seem to believe. Made me think a bit.

So yes, it may mean a lot to them personally, but it's not a competition and the truth is that everyone has, in some way, suffered.

Personally, I think some trauma is obviously much more terrible than other types, but if you have limited life experience, the way your limited suffering looms over your mind to fill the suffering-shaped void that most of us possess.

I accidentally a few words there, but you get the point

my therapist basically said your brain processes trauma as trauma, it doesn't assess grades or levels to it because it can only react to what happened to it and isn't framing it in relation to other people. that was helpful to hear.

While I agree that everyone has suffered, I don’t think it’s to the same degree, and that one person’s “trauma” is another person’s daily life…

yes, but using the fact that your trauma "beats" someone else's trauma when they are trying to share something with you isn't super helpful

for instance my best friend's abusive ex would constantly tell her she couldn't talk about her issues because his were more important and that she was selfish if she didn't ignore her needs (he had all these convos via text so that is how I was able to tell my friend 'just so you know, this isn't normal'). also she'd been traumatized, sexually assaulted, abused by her parents growing up, so it's not like she was bitching about grocery shopping.

thankfully we extracted her from that relationship

yes, but using the fact that your trauma "beats" someone else's trauma when they are trying to share something with you isn't super helpful

also the degree to which someone is damaged longterm by the trauma they experienced is largely determined by what happens afterward, not the trauma itself. what happened to me (or whomever) may pale in comparison to, say, being trafficked by rich old men on an island, but the fact that no one was there to support me afterward and actually diminished my experience and gaslit me into diminishing it myself is what causes the damage.

there is nothing to be won by busting out your own story when someone is trying to share theirs. this makes people not want to share with you.

there is nothing to be won by busting out your own story when someone is trying to share theirs. this makes people not want to share with you.

^^^^^^^^ put this in the water supply

I have done this a lot and apparently it's an ADHD thing, it feels like I'm sharing that I have had a similar experience and can therefore empathise, I was not aware that NT people hated it until fairly recently

i don't feel like you do it here fwiw.

oh I mean in real life

trying to one-up a trauma is obv despicable. but.

i literally had my life and relationships severely damaged by physical trauma. one of the best effects of sharing what i’ve experienced is that surprisingly frequently others will then share their own traumas and difficulties back to me. in addition to being able to recognize, support, sympathize, and admire their strengths, i further realize that the real world is incredibly difficult and challenging in ways exceeding my own.

and so many will not simply tell you, and you will likely never know. people you know have survived and even surpassed your challenges in ways you had not known tried or believed in.

i tend to agree. i think that there are ways of sharing about trauma that don’t have to be about one-upping others, but about how our experiences have made us into who we are.

for example, a woman whose son i coached for a while, her husband died of horrible, protracted stomach cancer. i met him before he passed, he looked 20 years older than he was, but when she spoke to me about how her son had benefitted so much from coaching and the environment that the gym offered, especially given how sick his dad was, i mentioned that i empathized because i had been on my own “cancer journey” in years previous. she asked me more questions, as did he, and we had a good hug at the end. we keep in touch on socials and run into each other at parties sometimes, and when i was in hospital this summer, she sent a card.

this is the kind of thing that comes about from sharing about traumatic moments and experiences, and i think it can be really positive.

Of course — the idea is not to not-share bc sharing is obviously healing.
The act of interrupting someone who is trying to share their experience w your experience is the troublesome behavior and we all can make the distinction between different modes of disclosure.

everyone very on point today

I think the problem sharing your experience comes not necessarily when you’re doing so to speak over someone, but when someone’s trusting you with something that is deeply held and you’re not giving it space. It can feel like you’re not acknowledging the gravity, and in the worst case, you’ve added another dimension of bad feelings to your interaction.

Saying you’ve been through something someone else is going through without dragging them through a full narrative is good, I think. Some solidarity is good.

its sometimes impossible to do anything right enough for a person who is deeply invested in their own trauma

and some other times anything at all you do can be worth so much, even when you feel it is hopelessly inadequate

I have a standard line i use a lot at work to try and avoid this which is "I'm not you, and wouldn't presume to know what you're going through, but I have my own experiences of bad mental health so I recognise some of what you're telling me"

I mean not that clunkily I hope but I think you can tell people "i hear you" without going on a diversion into your own stuff

right hand guitars should be called left hand guitars since the left hand does all the complicated stuff while the right hand is just idly banging away

This depends on the style of music you’re playing

There are loads of left-handed people who play righty. Me, for example.

Same with violin, other way round with piano.

... I mean fiddly (excuse pun) with left hand.

... fiddly stuff.

“Idly banging away” you said the quiet part out loud

This depends on the style of music you’re playing

^^^ this. if you're doing music that requires complex picking then the left hand is doing the easy work.

even if you're not picking it's the right hand that controls tempo, volume, etc.

... rhythm.

the only important thing these days is rhythm and melody

rhythm

and melody

a good use of ai would be to recreate kermit the frogs voice on any new muppet ventures.

lol I too have felt it sounds all wrong

like i'm instinctively pro live-voicing and reinterpretation of roles but this role just doesn't need or benefit from it, to me, a nostalgic fool. i mean, maybe the voicer is great and i just need time to mourn.

Bbbut Henson died decades ago. Wasn’t Kermit subsequently voiced by a shithead dude who had a dramatic firing, iirc?

wasn't that Elmo?

No, Steve Whitmire (who played Kermit) was apparently just kinda an ego-maniac, rather than a potential abuser.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Whitmire#Dismissal_from_the_Muppets

Kevin Clash was the OG Elmo, and had a fawning documentary done about him, just before a series of accusations of inappropriate relationships with minors.

Ugh, I forgot about the Elmo guy.

Sometimes it feels like the scene in Wild At Heart when Laura Dern flips out over the increasingly horrible news bulletins on the radio.

For a second I thought you were saying Elmo voiced Kermit

Meta-Muppets

No, I was thinking of Whitmire. I thought he was amazing at voicing Kermit, note perfect. But I read Brian Henson’s statement upon his firing and remember Whitmire seemed off-the-rails. Funny, too: Brian Henson’s statement was the first time I’d encountered the word “brinkmanship” and I just remembered that upon rereading

Even as an adult, The Muppets remain educational

right hand guitars should be called left hand guitars since the left hand does all the complicated stuff while the right hand is just idly banging away

― Andy the Grasshopper, Thursday, January 29, 2026 4:45 PM (three weeks ago) bookmarkflaglink

if, as a guitarist, you had to choose between having a great right (picking/strumming) hand or a great left (fretting) hand, you'd be much better off with a great right hand in terms of actually making music

What if you're okay with sucking at both?

Asking for a friend.

that's the best actually

Yea the reason I'm a shit guitarist is i pick like shit

I can move frets like a motherfuckin riot

*bad solo*

I have mostly been playing drums and mandolin/bouzouki for a decade plus. Recently I had to pick up a guitar to record something for a friend and it felt weirdly huge.

Mandolin has a lot in common with drums; indeed in bluegrass it functions as such. Interestingly the bodhran (which I am trying to play) requires a motion weirdly like playing rhythm guitar.