I discovered the true source of my low self-esteem.

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It's my overinflated ego.

I realized that I think that beneath all the fat, I am ravishingly beautiful. Indeed, I realized that my ideal for beauty is...myself.

And that I think despite the fact that I dropped out of high school, that I am a genius.

And thus I suppose the low self-esteem stems from the fact that both of these attributes seem tarnished beyond repair.

Is this incredibly twisted?

And I suppose in some truly twisted way, I want to fall in love with someone who is as attractive and as intelligent as I think I am.

I'm overstating this quite a bit, but that's the gist of it.

― Melissa W (Melissa W), Saturday, 23 November 2002 10:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Bodies are made of skin and bones --blood and livers, kidneys and stones . Minds are made of idea and thought - such beauty cannot in flesh be sought!

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Saturday, 23 November 2002 11:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Hanle y, thee I do love.

― Melissa W (Melissa W), Saturday, 23 November 2002 11:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Melissa, yes, it makes perfect sense.

― Mark C (Mark C), Saturday, 23 November 2002 11:11 (twenty-three years ago)

I have the same problems, Melissa. Don't even think for two seconds, by the way, that losing any of the weight - which you don't need to unless you want to - will change anything. It doesn't. You still think of yourself the same way.

You feel horrible because no one can measure up to yourself. And ergo you cannot measure up to yourself. It's a catch 22. If you are perfect in your head and no one else is, than how can you be? I don't know how to explain it better than that.

I guess it's just that you have to learn to accept that what you think you are and what you are are two different things. But this still doesn't help your self esteem any - so like I said, catch 22.

Sorry, I've been doing a lot of depressing thinking since I got home and I am of no help :(

I do think you're very beautiful though, Melissa, and you are very smart.

― Ally (mlescaut), Saturday, 23 November 2002 11:15 (twenty-three years ago)

But the key is you shouldn't need another to verify these beliefs for you. And you shouldn't feel the world owes you something, just because you are secretly wonderful. The counter-intuitive thing about low self-esteem is the megalomania and vanity that gets attached to it.

― bnw (bnw), Saturday, 23 November 2002 11:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Mel, if it helps, I totally understand. I feel very much the same way. But I was a dumbass and starved myself and lost 3 stone of weight, and you know what? I STILL hate myself. I just get laid more. Which probably only increases the self loathing at the end of the day.

Superiority/Inferiority complexes are the curse of the misunderstood genius.

― kate, Saturday, 23 November 2002 12:32 (twenty-three years ago)

?!?Where's the quick fix?? I WANT A QUICK FIX!! (Parenthetically, if it tastes like ice cream, that would be even better.)

― Aimless, Saturday, 23 November 2002 18:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Since when did dropping out fo school tarnish your genius, or being podgy tarnish beauty. So you haven't found a way to make use of either yet, so fucking what, you're only 19.

I feel totally unappreciated as any kind of genius by my course, and obviously I am sexy gorgeous too.

― Graham (graham), Saturday, 23 November 2002 18:24 (twenty-three years ago)

i am the same way mel, as my posts on the board have proven of late. im worse though, i have a desperation for other people to prove it for me.

― anthony easton (anthony), Saturday, 23 November 2002 18:45 (twenty-three years ago)

yep i can relate to this thread too, but i swing wildly between believing 'i am fabulous and why doesnt anybody else know it' and 'ah shit im hopeless, useless and a very bad person'.
i think that unless you are lucky enough to be an incredibly well-balanced person, it is pretty common to spend ages trying to change your physical appearance in order to be 'recognised' and accepted as the wonderful being you are.
bnw makes a good point too, if you start to get arrogant about what you believe you are, that in itself effectively destroys some of the beauty that would otherwise shine through.
one thing that i find is that the more you question and seek and worry, the worse it can get. there is a danger of becoming so self-obsessed that every moment is spent analysing yourself, and that leads to the need for the approval of others, as it becomes a cycle of 'hey im great look at me - ok im not this or that but look anyway -hell im a stupid hopeless moron please dont look at me in case you notice - whats wrong with all you people cant you see im great' etc.

having said all that, i think one thing to keep in mind all the time is that falling in love with someone may be great, but it most definately isnt the only thing that can bring you joy or peace with yourself. in fact it can often do the opposite.

― donna (donna), Saturday, 23 November 2002 19:34 (twenty-three years ago)

And I suppose in some truly twisted way, I want to fall in love with someone who is as attractive and as intelligent as I think I am.

I want to fall in love with someone who

a) thinks I'm as attractive and intelligent as I think I am
b) thinks he's as attractive and intelligent as I think I am
c) is as attractive and intelligent as he thinks I am

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 23 November 2002 22:05 (twenty-three years ago)

JBR est sur l'argent

― RickyT (RickyT), Sunday, 24 November 2002 00:07 (twenty-three years ago)

JBR, you may need to learn to live by the first commandment of Meat Loaf.

― J (Jay), Sunday, 24 November 2002 01:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Which would be... "two out of three ain't bad"?

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 24 November 2002 01:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Life is a lemon and I want my money back?

― David R. (popshots75`), Sunday, 24 November 2002 01:44 (twenty-three years ago)

OTM, JBR, since any two of those conditions are mutually exclusive of the remaining one. But now I'm thinking that David's got the better point anyway.

― J (Jay), Sunday, 24 November 2002 02:04 (twenty-three years ago)

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