itt we pitch the most useless, unnecessary prequels

ever see a prequel and think 'gee, why did we need to see this backstory?'. well we can do worse. time for you to contribute your own ideas for worst ideas of a prequel. the more banal, the better
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Robocop: The Rise of Dick Jones

Demonstrates how Dick Jones went from a mailroom employee at OCP to a ruthless, cut-throat Vice President. Demonstrating the tenacity, ruthlessness, and cunning he used, and culminating in the secret development of ED209. Robocop does not appear anywhere in this movie and his likeness is used in all of the posters, and Dick Jones appears nowhere in the poster. Dick Jones is played by former Solo star Alden Ehrenreich

Flags of Our Gremlins

Focusing on the WWII experiences of Murray Futterman.

I totally need the life story of Lisa’s mom from The Room.

Stuart Littler

Waterworld: Evaporation

I totally need the life story of Lisa’s mom from The Room.

― Are you addicted to struggling with your horse? (Boring, Maryland), Thursday, June 6, 2024 2:13 PM (twenty minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I'm more interested in how Denny got mixed up into that crazy little world

Chris R: A Bridge Too Far

Stuart Littler

he gets born from a human vagina at the start of the first one so there really is scope to fill in some backstory there

i must've missed that cut

i guess that's what happened in the book as opposed to the movie. in any case uh I would disagree that there couldn't be backstory for how a woman came to birth a mouse but I don't think any of which that would make it to shelves prior to being confiscated by authorities

I'm guessing it was more of a Richard Gere situation

i'm going to be sick

Flags of Our Gremlins

Focusing on the WWII experiences of Murray Futterman.

Would love to see a Mad Men prequel where Roger Sterling is sleeping and boozing around the Pacific in WWII.

Bugsy Malone: Knuckles Reckoning: Part One

An origin story for Monty Python's Mr Creosote....The Full Guy

Before the Tornado, the story of an unremarkable girl growing up in Kansas in the 1930s (B & W). 90 minutes in, the girl acquires a dog.

Private Ryan: The Pre-War Years

Would love to see a Mad Men prequel where Roger Sterling is sleeping and boozing around the Pacific in WWII.

― Dan Worsley, Thursday, June 6, 2024 6:00 PM (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Sign me up.

xp aka Raising Private Ryan

lol

Mr. Holland’s Onan

The story of Mr. Holland’s angst filled teen years

Fast Times at Ridgemont Elementary

Star wars Episode 1: A.... oh wait.

the pre-dawn club, where the breakfast club members are still sleeping

Friday Night Fever

The Dude, starring Timothée Chalamet as a young Jeffrey Lebowski

Fast Times at Ridgemont Elementary

2000: The Alright Stuff. A 2.5 hour montage of David Bowman and Frank Poole's astronaut training.

The Life of Brian's parents

Debbie Does Laredo

This Will Be Spinal Tap

The Life of Brian's parents

― StanM, Friday, June 7, 2024 12:59 AM (fifteen minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

but i would've watched that!

Elf 2: Walter Hobbs Goes to College

Star Wars: Rogue One Half

The Weekend Before The One At Bernie's

Problem Foetus

Home Alone Zero: The Rise Of Kevin

The McCallister family is going to see a theater performance of the Nutcracker on Christmas Eve, but the neglectful parents are one ticket short and decide to leave their toddler Kevin at home, after the latter had a fit for something his brother Buzz actually did. They get in a babysitter, who is secretly a petty thief (and happens to be the sister of Joe Pesci's character). Kevin decides to protect the family material wealth, using all of the tricks he knows from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons and secretly watching Buzz play Mortal Kombat. After being victimized in ways that would seriously maim or kill a normal person, the evil babysitter is about to get even with Kevin, but the day is saved by the scary mailman - somebody nobody wants to talk to because his unconformity to the neighborhood standards, who always delivers mail but never gets any himself, and was touched by Kevin giving him the 'Merry Christmas to the world's best grandson" postcard he got from his grandmother earlier in the film ("You must have a grandmother too! I'm sure she loves you. I would be proud if I was your grandmother."). The parents return, unaware of what had happened, and blame the mess on the babysitter who seemed to have vanished, but are delighted to find the family jewels they thought they had lost (they had fallen out of their hiding place behind the chimney after Kevin tricked the sitter in crawling up the fireplace looking for him & turning up the fire under her butt). They see it as a present from Santa Claus. Kevin's mother does blame herself for leaving Kevin at home and Kevin's father doesn't care.

In a post credits scene, the evil babysitter is led to court. Her attorney is frantically searching around for a toilet in the courthouse. Donald Trump tells him it's down the hall, to his right.

Dark Sarcasm - following the teacher from The Wall from youth, through brutal experiences in the war (Bombing of Dresden? Japanese POW camp?), early pedagogical idealism crushed and curdled producing Scarfe's nightmarish cane happy MCC tied ghoul

i've thought about writing a treatment for a hans gruber origin story called EASY LIFE.

that's too good for this thread though

The Neverstarting Story

whoa