a compendium of things companies do to try and appease disgruntled employees that do not help and just piss them off more

1) throw pizza parties
2) Starbucks gift cards

(not based on me, thread inspired by my friend M@tt who got passed over for promotion and complained so they gave him a bonus without comment lol)

3) 'team building exercises'

donuts!

5) "Mandatory" after hours social event.

holiday decorations

7. Staff surveys and request for staff input which they completely ignore.

8) $5 Starbucks gift cards after reducing/eliminating year-end bonuses.

gift baskets

cloying compliments

T-shirts/hats/merch with company logo

Encouraging staff to set up working groups on a volunteer basis, and then completely ignore the recommendations of those working groups, e.g. DEI groups, COVID task force during the pandemic, etc.

*ignoring

Calling branded merch "swag" as if it's something good that you want instead of another baseball cap and a water bottle.

Lmao yes mine does that. When we spun off they offered is free branded swag . I never went in to pick mine up. I'm not wearing work branded clothes in public!

Email sent at 4:38 PM, "Hey guys, it's been a long week and you've done such good work, why doesn't everyone go ahead and knock off early today?"

free ming vase for all

company branded medieval tunic

"corporate retreat" to some 3rd-tier destination

Hold a Christmas meal and drinks in Glasgow, meaning I have to take a flipping plane there and back on consecutive days

Lay two-thirds of my colleagues off, then get me to look after a cash-poor, underperforming area miles and miles and miles away from where I actually live and have no cultural ties to, and tell me I should look at it as "a fantastic opportunity" to grow the business just like I had already spent nine fucking years doing in my home patch. Cunts.

Hold a Christmas meal and drinks in Glasgow, meaning I have to take a flipping plane there and back on consecutive days

The Wire always sends me an invite to their holiday party. Even when I lived 10 minutes away from Newark Airport I wasn't flying to London to gather in a pub with other aging music dorks. Now that I'm in Montana it seems even less likely/appealing.

surveys, fucking surveys

T-shirts/hats/merch with company logo

we've just been given free points to spend on branded merch in the new company shop!!! rumours are this is in lieu of a christmas bonus.

I was once working at a call centre, not doing sales, then they tried to slowly get us to do sales. one day I was handed a cupcake, then after I'd taken a bite, was told "that's your reward for getting five accepts today!" - I got no "accepts" and put the half-eaten cupcake on my boss's desk as I left at the end of the day.

announce that Dec 23 will be a holiday on Dec 10

'm not wearing work branded clothes in public!

I feel like this was almost a requirement for san francisco techies a few years back, but they did it proudly which was repellent

I'm wearing a work t-shirt right now b/c it is very comfy. also, the company went out of business earlier this year.

xxp my company just did this for Dec 24th, but not through the normal system, so everyone had to cancel their leave and reapply. not complaining about the extra day off though.

i also don't like people knowing where i work. only like 3 friends know the name of my company cos I don't list it publicly

(because when they did know, someone contacted my boss once over something I wrote on FB)

counseling by incompetent counselors

omg x 100 "The dangers of burn-out" or semi-mandatory 2-hour mindfulness group Zoom coaching session with an outside consultant that they're paying to tell you to pretend you're at the beach.

Or even worse, in person. For the added stress of 90 minutes' travel at rush hour, to really make the 15-minute enforced silent breathwork period worthwhile.

the only time i have ever worn a work branded item of clothing was when i had to do some redecorating.

I admit that I used to have a really nice T-shirt with the Roadrunner Records logo that I wore to a number of metal shows.

by far the most repellent tech-bro shirt I've seen: "I LOVE MY PRODUCT!!"

“Times are really stressful, here is a seminar for managing work stress and maintaining work life balance. Attendance to the seminar is mandatory and attendance will be tracked”

when they had just axed 70% of my department we had a meeting to tell us what was happening and they asked us 'how are you feeling' and I basically said "I feel completely shattered right now" and they were like oh you all can take the rest of the day I'm like gee thank you for letting me take the rest of the day of work off now that I'm completely terrified that's so kind of you

also there was less than two hours left lol

Booking dot Com's gigantic Tower Of Babel HQ here in Amsterdam has a big merch shop inside.

Every time I've been sent home early from working with a client, I was reassigned the next day. Every time.

the only time i have ever worn a work branded item of clothing was when i had to do some redecorating.

lol yes, great for painting, I am also now remembering that an ex and myself used work shirts as cumrags

I've worn merch related to two full-time and at least two casual employers, between 2 and 15 years before working for them.

tmi sleeve.

the only time i have ever worn a work branded item of clothing was when i had to do some redecorating.

The one time I saw this backfire was the company I worked for was acquired in late '98. Our new owner gave everyone free sweatshirts with their company logo. In spring '99 when they announced that our plant would be closed and 90% of us laid off, a bunch of co-workers wrote 'FUCK' above the company logo in large black letters on the (white) shirts and wore them out into the community (the buyer had a consumer products division and was/is a 'household name' in the US).

I do sometimes wear my company branded t-shirt at home when I'm working and have no plans to leave my flat. I will never wear the hoodie and would like to set it on fire as soon as I think of a creative way to do so. Unfortunately they did call it "swag" so I regret to inform that has made it over to the UK

i've never worked anywhere with some version of performance-related bonuses where that wasn't a dishonest, divisive load of old bullshit

Too fucking right.

Effusive "thanks for all your help tonight"s at the end of every work shift. I don't know, maybe some people like that "we'd be dead without you" stink of desperation? Just be cool, honey bunny.

Im ok w that bc service industry work is legit physically taxing and emotionally draining. If someone is a drag on the team it makes a difference so being upbeat and helpful is gratitude worthy imo.

I agree it's a fine line mgmt has to walk, real thanks without having it seem like too much of a performance. But for me sometimes it's a bit too much of a performance.

Swag = shit we all get

"Unlimited vacation days" has been the biggest scam perpetrated against me personally. It meant very few folks qualified to take any days off and no payout of unused PTO at separation or the end of the year (which had been the norm)

having a fun 'holiday bingo' game that nobody wants to play during our mandatory all-team session this afternoon

it has been impressive how long it's taken to explain the rules of a game that literally everybody has played 3000 times

Christ, although if I was forced to play that I would mark my displeasure by being the most intentionally obtuse thorn possible to ensure it was the last time.

"wait, wait.. so what happens if you say 'B'? *I* get to shout out a number?"

"I'm still confused, what if the line on my card is crooked? I still win right?"

"sorry, I'm just not getting it, what do the numbers mean again?"

it's already veering close to not being secular, though it did at least pay service to other religious holidays besides Christmas and Hannukah.

there's not even a prize lol....how is this fun

BINGO without prizes is literally the most boring thing ever

they also made us do an MS Forms survey listing our favorite Holiday traditions/movies so I answered "Silent Night, Deadly Night" but my boss skipped over my answer deliberately lol

lol omg this sounds so painful

garbage day him

Our office has an annual Egg Nog party this time of year and it boggles my brain why it’s so well attended because they serve egg nog out of these massive twenty gallon buckets more suited for holding pool toys.

Spiked?

the reason it was painful is because prior to the massacre of my department, we used to have these types of things around holidays, but they weren't cheesy, since we all knew each other well after working together for years, we just had a chat and took a break from working and had fun.

now that we're under a different umbrella, we're brought into their lame old-school cringe

xp oh god no