Why do women get so upset by male infidelity?

However, this idea of sexual fidelity - is it an archaic patriarchal construct foisted upon our society, or a legitimate ideal to strive for? I would think that a person's inability to be intimate in non- sexual situations is the main reason for one's need for infidelity. It's about repression, innit?

tart -- Mike Hanle y (pennysong@japan.com), August 21, 2001.

The best yet?

Ally, dood, you need to be a bit more specific. Are you talkin' about infidelity in a shitty relationship, infidelity as an answer to the other's infidelity ... what?

In the meantime, if one is overwhelmed with the need to propagate or at least pretend to, then I believe the combination of one's imaginative facilities and that eternal friend of ours called Mr. Hand is enough.

Because it's not fair, I would guess, and unfaithfulness is a rejection as is the lying that typically goes with it (I HAVE TO WRITE THIS OR PEOPLE WILL TAKE ME SERIOUSLY AND COMMENCE TO YELLING AT ME).

I really wish casual sex (I mean REAAALLLY casual) was the norm. Maybe it would be if it weren't for pesky things like diseases and pregnancies.

I'm going to find a gold wedding band and hit the bars. Thanks for the advice, Tom!

That's kind of what I meant when I said it depended on the situation - I mean, it does wholly depend on the two (or three or four) individuals involved and little more than that. There is no one set answer to this.

What, so women should have their (insert female sexual organ) cut off when they cheat?

Fuck -- and I can't emphasize this enough, so: FUCK this insidious notion that the sexual mutilation of men is somehow (a) funny (b) just desserts (c) anything else of the sort.

Possible exception: rapists and child molesters. But opening that door again begs the question of what we then do with, for instance, female child molesters.

In any event, it's a line of inquiry that I find distasteful, and which implicitly perpetuates the infantilization of women, and demonization of men. Bleah.

B) Just because a woman talks about her boyfriend, or a man talks about their girlfriend, a lot doesn't mean they are valuing their entire self worth on their single/not single status. It means they like their mate and spend a lot of time with them and little more than that. I think that's a ridiculously faulty assumption.

C) I'm also wondering who the fuck came up with this assumption that women "freak out" more than men do. Personal experience says that there are men that go damn near psychotic over the idea of it. Would I be upset if my boyfriend cheated on me? Yes. Would I have been horribly upset if my last one did? No, I used it as an excuse to do the same. It depends on the situation.

D) I also find the idea of having one right perfect person ridiculous. What if you never meet them? I just think that there are a set few people that you are going to click with more than others for whatever reason. You meet one and that's that. It's happened to me twice. If I believed that the first time was my only one, I'd have killed myself when I was 16 ;)

E) This whole thread is just offensive. Men cheating is not "one of those things that happens". I mean, if I turned around and started a thread stating that men are base animals who cannot control their urges and as such are stupider than women, who wouldn't be (rightly) offended by it? But that's basically what Dave is saying here - it just happens, men are morons who can't control themselves. Why aren't any men getting bothered by this? Are you all admitting you are base, disgusting morons with no ability to behave like civilised humans? Are you APES?

I agree with Ally, there is a particular personality type which clicks with me. So there are potentially hundreds of soulmates out there for me, not to mention those who belong to a personality type which intrigues or interests me but might not be all that good for me. That way infidelity lies. However I certainly do not (wrestling the subject back to its title) thinkthat infidelity is in anyway inevitable. I was vaguely offended by the question by the way - then I saw who asked it and shrugged my shoulders.

Nude Spock OTM

THANKS GALE FOR EVERYTHING

It's the time of the season of Mr. Floppy 'round these parts. *cries self to sleep*

another masterful analysis by that brilliant profound genius dave q

What I don't really understand is women claiming they'd chuck their husband the minute they discover he has been unfaithful. Do they not love their husband? How quickly they can lose said love and coldly decide it's over. They aren't willing to wait and talk about why he was unfaithful? There are many possible reasons why someone strays, I think, and you should be willing to, at the very least, listen. Of course it's easier said than done, but I would hope I am ready to listen. I realize this is abut loss of face (?), status, but honestly a relationship should be worked on. It's a wild ride and you will have bumps along the way. I think a very big part of this is acceptance that neither is perfect.

ah the code word is "perfect"

If your relationship has a high "perfection" rating, it's hard to continue when that has taken a big drop down.

I blame it all on Hollywood.

Hollywood has that "I don't have to put up with this, I'm Brad Pitt" default setting tho.

And the end result is four kids. Hmm.

Also, I think the premise is just completely wrong (in this day and age). Both genders stray. I don't believe in the excuse that men want to spread their genes, nor that women want to find a good strong gene source. It works out well for nature, but is also used as a lame excuse for infidelity. *holds hands up* "I couldn't help it! My sperm just made me do it!" Fidelity is good for our culture because it avoids conflict, I guess.

culture: I guess society works better? I'm running on a few hrs of sleep. That's my excuse.