invent terrible fake cocktails in honor of terrible fake right wing politicians

The Hegseth

* double shot of room temp Fireball
* Rub copious cocaine across gums

― Andy the Grasshopper, Thursday, February 12, 2026 12:07 PM (ten minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

The Bondi

3 oz vodka
.5 oz peroxide
dash of wormwood oil

Shake it like you hate it

― paper plans (tipsy mothra), Thursday, February 12, 2026 12:16 PM (one minute ago) bookmarkflaglink

haha this should really be its own thread

― ILX is like synthpop Kerrang (sleeve), Thursday, February 12, 2026 12:18 PM

The Donald:

1 oz beef tallow, melted
1 oz used McDonald's fryer oil
1 oz liquid cortisol

The Farage

* A pint of best bitter with a swastika in the foam
* Inside, a drowned polecat

The Bondi II

Dash Angostura bitters
1/8 oz mint bitters
Splash Regan’s Orange #6 bitters
Tsp Peychaud’s bitters
Shake of lavender bitters
Combine, pour into pint of blonde ale
Shake well

Optional: attack bartender’s credentials

THE RFK

*a bag of cocaine
*toilet seat
*shark carcass

The Cancun Cruz

* 1 oz tequila
* 2 oz Lone Star beer
* lots and lots of ice

garnish with a fresh denial

The Donald:

1 oz beef tallow, melted
1 oz used McDonald's fryer oil
1 oz liquid cortisol

― ILX is like synthpop Kerrang (sleeve), Thursday, 12 February 2026 20:21 (seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Needs a dash of freshly-harvested adrenochrome

The Shaved Garfield

10 oz Bonded Rye
1 oz Sweet Vermouth

Add the ingredients with ice to the bag of a vacuum cleaner, preferably one you haven't emptied in a decade. Shake well and empty into a thermos.

The J.D. Vance

1 Oz Jack Daniel's
1 oz Diet Mountain Dew
Dash of furniture polish

The Noemgroni:

1 oz. Pepto
1.5 oz. Dubonnet
1 oz. ham hock

The Linday G.

* three oz Closet Du Bois pinot
* Bitters, so bitters
* garnish with boot polish

The Bolsonaro

2oz Cachaça
1oz aged rum
1/2 oz lime

sprinkle with sawdust and ash, garnish with mint

garnished with a COVID-19 floater.

The Maggie

* two oz Argentine Malbec
* three oz London Gin

shake violently and strain into a rusty miner's helmet

The Milei

2oz Yerba mate
1oz Cow's blood
Top with charred 1-inch leather belt cutting float

The Yaxley-Lennon

175 ml White wine
175ml soda
50ml Suntan lotion

The Jim Jordan

0.5 oz human sweat (naturally harvested from college athletes and aged to perfection)
2 oz vodka
4-6 lies
garnished with a shame-infused sauerkraut ball

could probably make some profit off relabeling generic bitters as liberal tears to sell to these people

The Duffy

2 oz tequila
3 oz milk

Garnish with half a slice of Wonder Bread

The "Is He Dead Yet?"

2oz Diet Coke
1oz burger drippings
0.5oz ivermectin
0.5oz Pepto Bismol
garnish with (fake) gold leaf

Ruby Rubio

2 oz rioja
1 oz rum
half a can of cream of mushroom soup

Shake with ice.

The Cancun Cruz

* 1 oz tequila
* 2 oz Lone Star beer
* lots and lots of ice

garnish with a fresh denial

Cut with a generous pour of cold Dr. Pepper

The Lindsey

1.5 oz citrus vodka
.5 oz triple sec
.5 oz cranberry juice
1 oz lime juice

It’s just a cosmopolitan but it’s garnished with spit

Boebert Smash

2 oz bourbon
1 oz Elmers Glue

Stir with ice and pour into a lowball glass rimmed with hand lotion

The Life on Mars

4 ounce coconut cream
3 ounce fresh pineapple juice
2 ounce amaretto liqueur
A dash Angostura bitters
2 ounce rum
A generous dash of ketamine
Garnish with a grated Mars Bar

It’s just a cosmopolitan but it’s garnished with spit

IRL lols, tyvm

Vancey Pants

3 oz club soda
1 oz condensed milk

Serve warm in a sippy cup

The Kush

8oz springwater
$2 billion loan from Saudi Arabia

Bovino Blast

3 oz grain alcohol
2 oz cherry schnapps

Serve in a beer stein garnished with habanero peppers

MTGherita

2 oz tequila
1 oz triple sec
1.5 oz castor oil

Serve up in a glass rimmed with sawdust

The Miller

4oz Manischewitz
1oz Jack Daniel's
3 Dulcolax
rub glass rim with Toppik

Le Pen

shake and stir:
1 oz. absinthe
1 oz. gasoline
12 match heads

float with 1/4 oz jet fuel
light on fire

The Musk

150 mg ketamine
6 bottles of Red Bull
25 billion dollars in small bills

Snort the ketamine, chug the Red Bull, light the dollars on fire just because you can