i can not believe i got away with IT

maybe you shoplifted, took some money off the company dime, acquired some internet things, the other avenues *CLAP*

I grew cannabis illegally for eleven years, now I do it professionally.

nice try, feds

At a slightly-upscale seafood chain I memorized all the managers’ codes when they forgot their swipe cards for the POS. Comps showed up on the books but voids just disappeared into the ether.

The goal was voiding too little to show up in food costs or with abnormally low sales but enough to pay the night’s bar tab and an excellent tip for the people happy to serve an 18-19 year old.

My supervisor at this job I was working received a request for a reference on me from another company which I had applied to. He said he didn't have time to write me a reference and could I write it myself. I got the job.

I was once sent a job description that still had tracked changes and internal comments shown. One comment, next to the salary, was "Minimum, we could go higher for the right candidate". Reader, I was that right candidate.

Tiny offense I suppose but I invented a quote on my high school English final essay exam. I actually pre-planned it. I had a weird respect/hate relationship with my English teacher that year — he was a domineering asshole but also had us read a lot of interesting stuff — so I decided as a final fuck you I was going to put a fake quote in my essay and dare him to catch it. In retrospect he certainly could have and possibly failed me on the test, but whatever, I was already accepted to college. I probably felt more protected than I actually was.

I don’t remember what the topic of the essay or the quote was, but I attributed it to “noted British historian Arthur Dent.”

(He didn’t catch it, or if he did he didn’t do anything about it, I got an A.)

Topic: vogon poetry

this wasn't meant to be a narc yourself out thread.

for example, about 4-5 years ago, i'd gotten tired at the job i'd been working at for the last 10 years. i'd been applying for jobs, customizing resumes/CVs/etc. for each individual potential business to no luck. the one time i just copy/pasted an old resume and showed up 15 minutes late for the interview was the time i got a job.

i’m Stephen King and I can’t believe I got away with IT

We had to write a story about a hero of some sort and I completely plagiarised a Slaine story from 2000AD. I even used some of the specific lingo from the comic--I remember putting in "waist mat" (Pat Mills' name for loincloth, a word I didn't know at the time). The story got full marks and a commendation from the headmaster... and I felt totally guilty about it.

I plagiarised this issue of Marvel's Doc Savage magazine for a school fiction writing test, and earned similarly high marks.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ebay.com%2Fitm%2F364950906300&ved=0CBYQjRxqFwoTCKit3o-KnpYDFQAAAAAdAAAAABA4&opi=89978449

And a friend who went to a well-known public school in England had great success ripping off Arak 1.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https%3A%2F%2Fdc.fandom.com%2Fwiki%2FArak%3A_Son_of_Thunder_Vol_1_1&ved=0CBYQjRxqFwoTCKjpgqeKnpYDFQAAAAAdAAAAABA4&opi=89978449

Sigh. If the new ilx makes posting pictures easier for the old and stupid I'll accept any amount of emojis and whatnot.

https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/marveldatabase/images/8/82/Doc_Savage_Vol_2_5.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20090903011143

https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/marvel_dc/images/9/9c/Arak_Vol_1_1.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20100617233240

Worked in a very analog secondhand music store. When the till got too full we'd wrap up the wad of excess cash and stick it inside this bit of old rolled-up carpet in the shop toilet/overstock/supply room, then tell the owner so he could bank it.

A colleague had put like $700 there and the owner completely forgot about it. Colleague offered to split the cash with me one Saturday when we were on shift together. Took it to make up for not getting a raise when another colleague did, which put his wage above mine even though I got him the job and we all did literally the same work.

And not mine, but in my grade 12 yearbook there's a photo of baby Hitler. Grade 12 students could submit a baby photo to go next to their grad photo, and one kid submitted Hitler instead of himself.

That wasn't the only weird thing he did but it was probably the weirdest.

I recently moved from one department to another inside a large business. Boss 1 stopped assigning me things in June; as I was leaving. Boss 2 didn't start assigning me things until August, because the transfer was not official yet.

I spent all of July taking walks, gardening, and napping. Paychecks kept arriving.

In high school my friends and I planned on sneaking into an outdoor Blondie concert at a winery. We ended up just walking right in through some checkpoint, unnoticed, no sneaking required. It was sort of anticlimactic after having skulked around the vineyards/venue perimeter for a bit, pretending to be all stealthy.

i was drinking alone in my apartment in l.a. and decided to drive a few blocks to carls jr. i got pulled over. police officer looked at my drivers license then let me go. still don't know what happened there but holy shit.

different kind of thing than the thread topic but recently i decided to climb up a colouir to a ridge in the mountains, about 500-600 feet and extremely steep. i just kind of assumed i could hack it. which i did and made it but i feel very lucky. i had no equipment or anything. one bad step and i could have been badly hurt + 20k in debt from an emergency helicopter ride or something.

I spent all of July taking walks, gardening, and napping. Paychecks kept arriving.

this kind of stuff with work is the best. i'm lucky i still telework 3 days a week. i do so much playing hookie it's kinda ridiculous.

Is everyone familiar with the concept of reciprocal states and how they can affect your driving record? As I understand it, it works sorta like jurisdiction across state lines, I guess. Anyway, I moved from a state that was non-reciprocal to one that was, and because I had a previous warrant stemming from speeding ticket in a state that was reciprocal, I was unable to get a license without risking getting arrested and / or having my license suspended. So, with the help of a friend, I "established a residence" in my former state, and long story short, I was issued a license for a state in which I did not reside, and that was my license for many years. It’s the only sneaky thing I have ever gotten away with.

My much younger half brother had a drunk driving citation in a small municipality in Missouri - one of dozens of "cities" near St. Louis where the police chief is also the council chair and he's the part-time mayor's brother and city hall is in a trailer that is also a deli, etc.

Subsequently the jurisdiction had some sort of some kind of meltdown around totally predictable corruption, like the police department consisted of two guys who tried to arrest each other. Or the prosecutor and the judge turned out to be the same guy under two aliases. I forget.

ANYWAY my half brother showed up for his court date and found that the jurisdiction no longer existed in any meaningful sense, so there were zero consequences. He was thrilled, of course, but I remember being less so, as his behavior had been reckless.

He became a lawyer and is now a judge.

Not me, but I know someone who sat the public service entrance exam for someone else. No idea how they managed it, but these were federal jobs and I imagine hell wouldve rained down on them if it was found out. The person who got the job is a revolting ex of mine, but I never dobbed him in because the poor sod he talked into doing his exam is a good person and I'd never.

during my school fete when I was in the Upper 6th (think that's year 13 nowadays) me and a friend had to run a stall where you could throw wet sponges at people in stocks. we stole most of the takings and spent it on beer and cigarettes

maybe one for the TIL thread but I have just learnt that the victims were not actually in stocks, they were in a pillory