PERSONAL QUESTION

for my going away to england party my sister takes her friends, fat bitch, her children to fabulous chinese restaurant. everyone is having a good time, asking me questions and what not. in the middle of said good time fat bitch goes:

Errreere....doom-e I remember when you first started to smoke when you were fourteen and you set fire to that garbage pale outside of your school.

doom-e: no.....that was not me.

fat bitch: yes, yes it was....you set fire to the garbage pale and i had to be called in.

(goes on for about five minutes)

doom-e: actually no. you are lying or delusional and either way it really does not matter as you hardly paid attention to me when i was fourteen.

fat bitch: fuck you FUCK YOU......(etc. etc. etc.) never want to see you again when you go to england i hope you fuck off for good....

Maybe as it's December 1st soon - he is making plans early????

Anyway the escape route from being fucked up by this is complete trust between the siblings. We do do things difft ways, have difft bad habits and difft saving graces and lifestyles, and this works well for us (all of us). Including actually being more forgiving of mum for doing it in the first place, seeing as it can't cause any sigificiant harm any more.

doom-e you shd recognise that the way this guy behaves is rooted in (possibly unconsconcious) envy of yr freedom and yr better relationship with yr sister and stuff. So it's kind of a (badly expressed) compliment.

Anyway you should def talk to yr sister abt this, when you and she are alone together. And make the point of the talk that you don't want this guy to drive you and yr sister apart (not eg how evil you think he is, and how she shd think so too).

But Mark S this is one insane scheme after another - arent we serving cross purposes by constantly talking about the fat bitch? We are in some respects - anaylsing and over anaylsing how/what/why of the damage of his mind and the damage perp. to maybe my mind or sister's mind.

my sister and i always come out stronger as she also realises (though nobody in the family does) what an inept shithead he is.

but i'm tired of getting shocked and wish death upon the man (and yes, tired of wishing death upon the man) i.e. giving s**hie a 'my sympathy' card for our marriage or painful conversations with my prof. at uni about how much of a tough cowboy he compared to me, the faggot or yelling at me for not going to church more often in front of my dead mother's body.

maybe the miles and the time spent away have weakened my immune system and when i do have contact, i am repulsed.

doom-e you shd recognise that the way this guy behaves is rooted in (possibly unconsconcious) envy of yr freedom and yr better relationship with yr sister and stuff. So it's kind of a (badly expressed) compliment.

you are right and it's funny the more concentrated upon normality he is, the more he gets it very wrong. and the more damage he tries/tried to inflect upon my psyche = the more freedom i seek.

fuck. is life always a catch 22?

As to your family, the steps have got it wrong and Mark has got it right. I've got a chubby stepmunter who can't open her mouth without A) inserting food or B) expelling bullshit so I know where you're at.

and they installed an apartment for him.

in some ways - my sister and i know the score (he has been in my life since i was eight years old) but it does good to talk to her about it.

some choice quotes:

my birthday.

doom-e: uuurr....is v*******a there?
fat bitch: WELL THE NEWS IS OUT.
doom-e: what's that?
fat bitch: I'm dying.

christmas

doom-e: uuurr....is v*******a there?
fat bitch: WELL THE NEWS IS OUT.
doom-e: what's that?
fat bitch: I'm dying.

anniversary of my mother's death.

doom-e: uuurr....is v*******a there?
fat bitch: WELL THE NEWS IS OUT.
doom-e: what's that?
fat bitch: I'm dying.

or this disturbing habit of coming to jobs that were i was a part-time job worker and talking to employees trying to convince them that i was gay, etc.

a disturbed man. my mum, she knew how to pick 'em!

You do! Hahhahaha....I grew up in ice-hockey country as well and was forced to skate by tyrannical gym teacher who was annoyed of my habit of bringing a book and fully prepared to read during gym class.

ps - my step father recently went into chronic care. he was telling all of the nurses that my sister was abusing him. i.e. when she yells at me I get scared. my sister sensing drama and frankly tired of dealing with him got him into chronic care and shortly a rest home.

and...she still visits him thrice weekly out of duty to my mother, i would suspect.

i'm off - to buy some coffee and cakes and eat like a pig.

Of course this is assuming that your goal is to get things to go your way. If you're wanting to look out for your own mental health, then you should just tell everybody exactly how you feel & in no uncertain terms. But I don't suppose you need to be told that in that case there'll be fireworks.

Good luck — I am successfully avoiding my family for the seventh Christmas in a row and I've never felt better :)

oh well - even dealing with it, briefly, got me depressed. and i had to take a bath (going to wash that fat bitch right out of my hair) and went out and got some cds (retail therapy) nico, chelsea girls, velvet crush, free expression and wauvenfold.

but the best news is that the crush have released an album i never knew about! soft sounds..

thanks, john. 'tis crazed behaviour. i've felt stronger since moving away from the whole mess but guilty for leaving it for my sister to deal with.

i.e. made it very clear that living with me is not an option.

john is 100% correct. can be difficult to do, not reacting can be very hard, but is necessary - reaction validates the behaviour. response/reaction sought after...response/reaction achieved.

****** has realised this with her stalker, hes tried all tactics but she never ever reacts to it. this is infuriating for him, without the audience/reaction his behaviour has no point. of course, now that the authorities are involved he'll be dealt with, but he hasnt achieved anything at all, just bluster in the wind. it helps that ****** is almost completely imperterbable.

L in mcr, on the other hand, reacted to her stalker, angrily, which provided encouragement to him. of course he was disciplined in the end as well, but i think he enjoyed his stalking more while it lasted.

models of behaviour such as this seem to me to expose a need for importance, a need to matter, not to be irrelevance. i always look at things this way whenever people engage in difficult or threatening behaviour (ask the question, why?). these things are always about power, a need to exercise power in perhaps the only domain they feel they have any. reaction only proves to them that they do indeed have this power, and then the whole thing just drags on and on

all this is easier said then done of course! i respect ****** for not reacting or losing her temper, because she could quite easily just take a saucepan to his head, and, weirdly, i feel he would actually prefer this to happen than the imperturbability hes facing.

i am opting to ignore my step father.

thanks, gareth.

i think it has to be more treating him like you treat the bus driver, the man in the shop, the woman 2 doors down. no particular emotion attached. ie, not important enough to actually ignore, if you see what i mean. think of someone you dont really speak to that much, you dont dislike them, its just one of those things, you just dont know them well enough to call or anything. treat him like that.

of course you may be seething inside, the trick is not venting this. and it isnt that easy, i'm not great at it myself

this oddly, seems up my step father, it's a need to matter, a need for power, he could not achieve this through regular routes due to high levels of self-absorbed behaviour thus he is being negative, which of course, worked effectively until i reached the age of 14 or so when i realise that it was not a need for love but a need for power that he craves and desires. when my mother died suddenly, he now struggles and it a pattern which continues with his own family.

i never ignore him, like you said in your post above, i treat him with detachment because if i give him any sort of response beyond detachment he will launch into wild drama (i.e. the last conversation that i had with him) but at the same time, i have to listen to his infuriating drones, lies, racism, bitterness and hatred of me.

she wants to be quoted. i thought she was not coming on here again. what's the headline PL*NKY OFFERS ADVICE TO FELLOW INTERNET MENTALIST: STEP DADS ARE EVIL.

self-grandeur bs.

and keep it off the thread.

Brrr, I get nervous just thinking about it. Best to you anyhow!

PS "anon," Doomie is right, this has nothing to do with your situation & we're all adults here -- if we wind up in the tabloids, that's our headache not yours -- thanks for your concern all the same

(already, maybe you can feel a sort of pity for the fact that someone so obviously needs your subservience and your reaction? i mean, they're quite indebted to you, no? without his audience he has...what?)

this is cruel and heartless but at my mother's funeral, he shouted at me, in front of everyone because i dared to put flowers in her heads and mess up the rosary, which was positioned to say a specifc prayer. so calls me fuckhead, etc, at the funeral, and when everybody recoils when i say 'i'm sorry i wanted to place some flowers in my dead mother's head' he breaks down liza minelli styles and goes 'OOOOOOO....HE HATES ME AND THINK I'M A TERRIBLE FATHER' (always a given).

he thrives off of it. for example, at my sister's house (which is fairly large), the apartment was very small, converted garage, and he tells everyone 'How can ************** do this to me? Make me pay 700.00 dollars a month to live here? How can she be so evil'

When my brother-in-law got wind of it, he went, 'Well, when you kicked her out of the house, she had to live in a rooming house for the same amount of money (not mentioning the two black eyes he gave her)....'

My sister, heard it and just said 'Listen, we lose money on you staying here, the food that you eat, the television cable, the phone, the nurses, the ceaseless errands that i go for you, the doctor's appointments that i drive you on...'

and there is always that famous quote that gets bruoght out on family occassions - 'you wished it was me, not your mother that died' well, yes. is it not obvious?

i mean, he went to me, last christmas and went 'Doom-e, I got ************* really good, we were arguing and i said 'you wished it was me and not your mother that died don't you'

so, in summing up, i can't afford to give him pity, love, anger, nothing, he's a black hole of human emotions.

i can just afford to detach myself.

and he was laughing, this gumless chuckle because she was crying, no, not because he had said that, but becuase my mother and ***************** were best friends.

he's evil. i don't want anything to do with him.