lou reed and laurie anderson's three rules to live by

work hard enough at one and two and three will follow

i would have said work hard enough at 3 and 1-2 will follow - just based on my experience.

i love how laurie delivers the words "imagine what your life would be like.... if you weren't afraid of... anybody" in footage of her performing this. i feel like it's the one i've made the most progress on and that i get the most satisfaction from - it feels like freedom.

Think the bullshit detector is stolen from Hemingway's writing advice but he expressed it in a more macho manner.

4. break up with your band by fax.

5. have a wealthy long island accountant father

6. never fall in love

no wait that was the tagline to the bodyguard

7. we must repeat

8. Work hard at Tai and Chi will follow

yall are not feeling these i guess! kinda weird but whatever

where is this list sourced from?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-KwY_6QwX4

applaud laurie for ripping off the mick fleetwood horny sound effect vest

She did it first!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRcVqL-2PMA

I thought they were pretty good, map, fwiw.

Bullshit detector is the one I feel closest to achieving.

Tenderness is the one I feel is most urgent and key.

Not being afraid of anyone is one I am happy to believe some people get to but doubt I ever will.

Foolish I think to imagine that fear of others isn't at least affected by yr own financial and social vulnerabilities

It sounds like the first 2 rules exemplify a very stereotypical 1970s New York musician attitude (street-wise/tough and don’t take any bullshit), and then a Buddhist compassion angle thrown in.

It’s ok as a mix I guess, but it sounds like someone following this will be blunt, and scathing of any perceived pretension. Not someone I would want to be around for long periods.

Not sure Lou was paying much attention to the first rule when he sent Sterling Morrison to tell John Cale he was out of the band.

These Rules kind of remind me of Gary Vaynerchuk who keeps coming up on my IG feed: an abrasive, hustle-style life guru, shouting at his devoted audience with almost veins popping in his head and eyes, and often ends by frustratedly screaming 'I love you all'.

Paul McCartney "Meat Free Mondays" vs Ringo Starr's "No More Fan-mail" videos

Also I sometimes hear anecdotal evidence here in NYC that, despite his public persona, Lou was still kind of a jerk in later years.

At least Alex Chilton had the decency to avoid such a pretense his whole life.

I’m skeptical of these self-created “codes I live by”, especially by public figures who want to portray themselves in the best light, as ethically-motivated people rather than the bundle of contradictory and unconscious and unarticulated motivations humans really are. To me articulating such a code is a retrospective justification for actions already made.

And the “fear no man”
thing is laughable when Lou broke up the ‘90s Velvet Underground reunion and the planned US tour via fax, probably the most impersonal form of communication man has invented.

some people here are missing the point--these rules to live by were presented in 2015 long long long after the VU reunion or Reed kicking Cale out of the band etc

yea, understood. i stand by my first point

I understand the way in which these sound unquestionably good and true, but only the third resonates with me.

Me. I actively love self-reliance. I applaud courage. But praising those virtues is a rhetorically tricky, because if you privilege them over other virtues and turn it just a tick too far it can become "blame the victim."

(In this regard the "other virtues" are things like empathy, patience, humility, tolerance of the frailty of others who are not so cool and brave and tough as you.)

Like when we praise someone for "beating cancer," because they're strong and brave, okay. But what does that say about people who get sick, feel terrified of dying, and die in agony? Well they must not have fought back enough. Fuck those losers.

"I'm so hard-nosed, me with my black leather NYC carapace, and I don't take no shit from nobody" is relatively easier to say from a position of being respected famous people who are probably secure as to basic material needs and physical safety.

If you are in situations where mean people want to hurt you, or your next rent payment hasn't materialized, fear is a completely reasonable emotion. And praising people for not feeling afraid has the backhand effect of denigrating people whose completely understandable human response to the awful awful things that can happen is to crumple up in a blankie and sob.

And bullshit? It is all around us everywhere, including in very cool smart hip artsy people. Rather than "I'm so smart I can see through all you fakes and posers," I might prefer an attitude toward other people that accepts and forgives the various fictions they live by. Try to meet them where they are.

I don't know for sure what "tenderness" means to Anderson/Reed especially in contrast to 1 and 2. Because it can mean compassionate (sympathetic) or personally vulnerable.

some people here are missing the point--these rules to live by were presented in 2015 long long long after the VU reunion or Reed kicking Cale out of the band etc

I know, it's just amusing to recall Lou having to get Sterling Morrison to do his dirty work for him.

especially by public figures who want to portray themselves in the best light, as ethically-motivated people

you're definitely saying a lot about yourself and no one else with this statement! my bullshit detector goes off first, but then my tenderness kicks in. hope you take care of your broken heart buddy.

Not being afraid of anyone is one I am happy to believe some people get to but doubt I ever will.

― a ZX spectrum is haunting Europe (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, October 28, 2026 7:49 AM (five hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Foolish I think to imagine that fear of others isn't at least affected by yr own financial and social vulnerabilities

― L'enfer, c'est les otters (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, October 28, 2026 9:05 AM (four hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

feeling tenderness here too. i get it. fwiw, i don't think not being afraid of anyone means not recognizing that a lot of people out there will straight up end your life. but being afraid of death is another thing. they can kill you but they can't capture you.

xp lou reed obviously did a lot of mean bitch stuff - i think of these rules as something he discovered later in life. i'm only familiar with laurie's performance of this tbh. as a piece of art i find it inspiring.

Well, fear of physical agression is def not what I was thinking of when I wrote that, though I accept that would be a well founded fear, too.

oh ok - what were you thinking of?

Well there's all sorts of scenarios - people whose (not physical) agressiveness succeeds in intimidating me, people with whom I have past history and their presence triggers old pains, people who succeed in drawing out my insecurities, hell, even people who are probably entirely unaware they're having this effect.

Now I'm sure both of us could easily type up cogent arguments as to why fear is not a helpful reaction in these scenarios, but if there's something years of therapy have taught me it's that being able to name your ills, even being able to fully explain where they come from in your personal history and why they are no longer useful, does not make them disappear. We all have our scars. I am not being fatalistic about this and can certainly envision progress, I hope to be scared of fewer people in the future, but not fearing people at all, considering my rate of progress so far and the probable years left to me, seems like hubris to expect that.

_especially by public figures who want to portray themselves in the best light, as ethically-motivated people_

you're definitely saying a lot about yourself and no one else with this statement! my bullshit detector goes off first, but then my tenderness kicks in. hope you take care of your broken heart buddy.

…ok, thanks?

where is this list sourced from?

it's near the end of her current show with Sexmob, and maybe was in the last one as well (also with Sexmob)

some people here are missing the point--these rules to live by were presented in 2015 long long long after the VU reunion or Reed kicking Cale out of the band etc

I mean presumably Lou would've wanted to live by them before that though, given he'd been dead for 2 years

FWIW, I love Laurie Anderson, but you can certainly read a lot of her stuff as only superficially deep; it has a sheen of insight but boils down to glibness. Obv has gotten worse the older and wealthier she's become.

Ethics is the aesthetics of the few-ture

1. you should be afraid of people! fear is a normal human reponse, did lanterns not teach anyone anything

2. bullshit detector - sure, fine, but we all know people with overfunctioning bullshit detectors who are themselves full of BS

3. self-reflection, sure! tender? if it's safe for you, sure! but also, see (1). anger is often a normal, non-pathological human response to something shitty happening

love laurie, always

Her bullshit detector has certainly gone to shit if her takes on AI are anything to go by.

But frankly I don't think the source matters much with these things, at the end of the day none of us actually knew either of them, good advice is still good advice even if delivered by a bullshit merchant or just a physician who has failed to heal themselves.

^^^^

like i get it we all want to remember lou reed as a dickhead but this is sensible and good advice but apparently is also acting as a mirror for some folks

xp to daniel_rf you don't sound like someone who is afraid of people to me, fwiw. i feel like scars make it easier to not be afraid of people, because you've experienced all the things they can do to you and come out the other side.

FWIW, I love Laurie Anderson, but you can certainly read a lot of her stuff as only superficially deep; it has a sheen of insight but boils down to glibness. Obv has gotten worse the older and wealthier she's become.

― I? not I! He! He! HIM! (akm), Wednesday, October 28, 2026 2:37 PM (six minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

more telling us a lot about yourself!

1. you should be afraid of people! fear is a normal human reponse, did lanterns not teach anyone anything

fear is definitely a healthy response and should in no way be ignored. i can't speak for la and lr here but i think of 'being afraid of people' as fear in a biblical sense - according other people power over you that they don't have any right to. for instance, a lot of people seem afraid of donald trump right now. of course that fear is telling people things they should definitely be paying attention to. but donald trump himself, the man, has no right to power over one's personal dignity, if that makes any sense.

at the end of the day none of us actually knew either of them, good advice is still good advice even if delivered by a bullshit merchant or just a physician who has failed to heal themselves.

yep i strongly agree with this.

I mean presumably Lou would've wanted to live by them before that though, given he'd been dead for 2 years

Laurie outlines the rules in an interview she gave in 2015 and yes I am aware that Lou is dead, just think it's really funny how sour people are on Lou Reed, he wrote the Ostrich maybe show some respect

i prefer “I’ve got a tiger in my tank”, but in all seriousness I genuinely love Lou Reed’s music and think he’s a great lyricist, one of the best there was.

I love Lou but it's understandable that people think he's a dick. That was his schtick for a long while.

is his music a dick

i mean..... somewhat

say more

It takes a walk on the dick side

live boldly, laugh at bullshit, love everyone?

otmfm

fear of physical agression is def not what I was thinking of when I wrote that

me neither. i'm not feeling good at elaborating today but let's say "there are people in positions of authority who can seriously threaten other people's livelihood, financial security and general wellbeing and i know (through various channels) plenty of people who are afraid of individuals with this power and it's pretty easy to tell other folks not to be afraid if your own wealth and status means you're unlikely to be faced with this kind of individual"

I don’t think people having a difficult time reconciling the rules with Lou has a lot to do with his music, but his persona. I personally don’t care, I’m on board with the notion that these are sound principles regardless of where they come from.

Regarding his music, have you listened to Take No Prisoners? “I Wanna Be Black?” “There She Goes Again?” I like all of that stuff, and his schtick doesn’t bother me. It’s a feature, not a bug that there is a lot of assholery baked into his work.

agree with most of that that--it's a schitck for sure. i guess i don't see it as assholery but that's ok? was just surprised at people's strong reactions to lou's solid advice

I don't know what fear in the biblical sense means, really, but I don't think you need to be obsessed with someone to fear them, there are people I avoid and when I am with them I feel trapped and panicky, that's fear to me. And this is just due to personal history and garden variety bullying.

Like to NV's point if you're, say, trans in the UK the amount of people who hold the power to make you lose your job or get you banned from places you love...

there are people I avoid and when I am with them I feel trapped and panicky, that's fear to me. And this is just due to personal history and garden variety bullying.

i see what you mean. i think that's just setting boundaries. i don't feel afraid of my sadly mean and nasty mother anymore, but i'm not going to spend time around her, in order to protect myself.

i'm not dismissing this advice btw it's just that like all life advice, when you're giving it you'd do well to consider the differences between your own context and other people's, and add some nuance (and then not offer any life advice at all lol)

my context today is feeling lousy with bad feelings so i shd also consider this and shut up <3

idk Lou pretty much lived his entire life doing the literal exact opposite of these three rules and achieved artistic fulfillment, wealth, great personal happiness, the love & affection of millions worldwide

This from map

i don't think not being afraid of anyone means not recognizing that a lot of people out there will straight up end your life. but being afraid of death is another thing. they can kill you but they can't capture you.

...sounds laudable in the abstract but can also a bit like a Mel Gibson Braveheart/internet hardman speech. It is right to praise fearlessness in the abstract but situations are often more complex when you are in a web of interdependency.

I spent some time on the edge of grisly death recently, and 90% of my thoughts had to do with the people who depend on me, way more than my own earthly husk. Nine catastrophic thoughts about the mess I would be leaving for my wife and kids (if I died) for every "you know I would kinda prefer not to die right now."

Same reason I am not at the barricades hurling molotov cocktails at the regime.

"(at the root of anger is a broken heart)"

My BS detector just went off

...sounds laudable in the abstract but can also a bit like a Mel Gibson Braveheart/internet hardman speech.

criticizing tone and not content is a choice. we do not like manly man stuff here on ilx to such a degree that the men of ilx sure like to bond over it.

the interconnectedness of us doesn't negate the uniqueness of us.

xyz i'm curious why you think that's bullshit

as for me i'm done playing capn save an adage today. people here need to neg it for whatever reason, which is fine, just not what i need to be around today.

I don't think there is a blanket root cause to anger.

These three 'rules to live by' can't lay a finger on the Four Noble Truths.

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I'm a big fan of #1.

Sometimes it's hard to take this sort of aphoristic wisdom in the spirit it's offered. I was 30 years old before I realized what "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" or "To thine own self be true" actually meant.

going #1 despite - or because - it's the one i have the hardest time with personally

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