Crying in public: C or D, etc

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Today I was shouted at by a bus driver after my car broke down. I really needed to cry while she was shouting at me but she stayed behind me and kept beeping until I'd pushed my car out of the way, by myself. I felt kind of like I was betraying myself by not crying because I needed to desperately. So, what do you do when you need to cry in public? Do you think it's wrong?

― sap (maryann), Sunday, 1 December 2002 02:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I mean, do you think crying is pathetic, or annoying? Part of the reason I didn't cry was to save the bus drivers feelings - it would have seemed like I was manipulating her if I'd started crying! And then I didn't want to seem weak.

― sap (maryann), Sunday, 1 December 2002 02:10 (twenty-two years ago)

But, when I did get to cry at home, it felt really good. I know that if I could have cried while she was shouting at me, I would have been able to cope much better.

― sap (maryann), Sunday, 1 December 2002 02:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Can I also ask, if you saw a girl standing in front of a bus, being shouted at by the bus driver, and crying her eyes out like a baby, what would you think of the girl - honestly?

― sap (maryann), Sunday, 1 December 2002 02:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd want to give you a hug, probably.

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Sunday, 1 December 2002 02:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I was once shaken up pretty badly by a bus driver shouting at me. He claimed I'd walked out onto the zebra crossing too quickly. I don't know what it is about bus drivers. They can be really upsetting.

For a while a year or so ago I was crying *on* buses quite a lot too. Not because of anything the bus driver had done, though.

Yeah, I'd want to give you a hug too.

― N. (nickdastoor), Sunday, 1 December 2002 02:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I think you would be more likely to generate feelings of sympathy. I had a GF who used to cry in public regularly when she felt she was being treated unfairly (ex. once in a hotel the water pipe burst and damaged some of her clothing) and it usually made whoever she was dealing with extremely uncomfortable and more willing to capitulate to her demands. Bystanders and witnesses were also more likely to vocally support her cause.

― webcrack (music=crack), Sunday, 1 December 2002 02:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Has crying ever been recommended as a boardroom negotiation tactic? Perhaps this is a Big Train sketch.

― N. (nickdastoor), Sunday, 1 December 2002 02:37 (twenty-two years ago)

i just read a magazine article that recommended crying for executives - "a good leader is self-aware and shows his or her humanness. if your goal as a leader is to never make a mistake and to be perfect, you're not going to be perceived well. crying isn't a sign of weakness; it's saying 'this is affecting me strongly.' to have that kind of self-awareness takes enormous integrity."

― minna (minna), Sunday, 1 December 2002 03:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, but surely not in an "I'm not going to stop crying unless you let me buy this shipment of pig iron for $3.6M less than we paid last quarter" context? Actually, in what context *are* they recommending it?

― N. (nickdastoor), Sunday, 1 December 2002 03:59 (twenty-two years ago)

it is recommended for 'bully broads'! apparently in the u.s. there is a leadership training program ('bully broad bootcamp') for women executives who are too aggressive

― minna (minna), Sunday, 1 December 2002 04:06 (twenty-two years ago)

the executives will be crying when the workers rise up and destroy the capitalistic hegemony! ;-)
The lsat time I cried in semi-public was during my junior year of high school after watching Cinema Paradiso late at night when I was vulnerable. I was watching with my friend Greg, who was nice enough to take me out for a cigarette. It was very dangerous to smoke at my high school because it was against the rules, but we snuck out of the dorm anyways. Right when we were about to light up, a security guard, whose job it was to punish us for our violation, came by and said that we should be careful walking around so late at night because we could get caught. I felt much better after that.
Oh, and classic. crying is a natural reaction, and to prevent it is unhealthy.

― Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Sunday, 1 December 2002 04:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I cried the last night of the Radiohead tour in Spain. I must have looked like an idiot. But I was just crushed, realizing it was all over and the next day I would never see most of the wonderful people I'd met ever again. One of those people was nice enough to come over to me and hug me and tell me that everything was going to be okay.
The only other time I can remember ever crying in public was in high school. I was confronting someone who had been really awful to me, and I wanted an apology. But all I got was some very poor justification for the way he treated me. So he walked off, and I collapsed on the stairs in tears. He came back fifteen minutes later, and I was still there crying. But all he said was the same fucking lame justification in a more soothing tone. *still bitter*

― Melissa W (Melissa W), Sunday, 1 December 2002 05:07 (twenty-two years ago)

cry ... and carry a big fucking stick!

― Paul (scifisoul), Sunday, 1 December 2002 05:13 (twenty-two years ago)

pig iron?

― Kim (Kim), Sunday, 1 December 2002 05:26 (twenty-two years ago)

sap, if i had seen you i would have helped push your car and then given you a hug while you cried! its horrible needing to cry that badly but feeling stifled by what 'someone' might think or how they may react. i cried at the childrens hospital a few months ago after a rotten day with my son there, but i waited til we were leaving, so i could do it in the semi-privacy of me pushing him in his pushchair along a corridor. it felt awful because i was still trying to hold it in, but it got me in the end and i had to sit down and let it all out. public crying just makes me want to ask if the crier is ok, or do they need some help. only a moron would belittle someone for crying in public.

― donna (donna), Sunday, 1 December 2002 05:30 (twenty-two years ago)

mind you, there are those 'manipulative criers' ie: mothers who cry when you refuse to remain tied to the apron strings at 30........"b-b-but im your MOTHER' they bawl as you sprint down the path to a waiting escape vehicle.
no it didnt happen to me, i just know people like this.

― donna (donna), Sunday, 1 December 2002 05:32 (twenty-two years ago)

crying in pubics is far more fun

― Queen G (Queeng), Sunday, 1 December 2002 09:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I know someone who cried when they kicked the guy off Irish Popstars for being too fat. And also someone who cried during Sally Jessie Raphael.
But on the topic of crying in public, it depends on the situation I guess. If a nasty bus driver was yelling at me, combined with my fear of buses in general, I wouldn't blame myself for crying, and I'd sympathise with anyone in the same situation. But on the other hand there are those people who insist on crying loudly and publicly everytime something goes mildly wrong, which can get really annoying, especially if you have to be the one dealing with cheering them up.

― Livvie, Sunday, 1 December 2002 09:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Pig iron.

― N. (nickdastoor), Sunday, 1 December 2002 12:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Pig Iron

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Sunday, 1 December 2002 13:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I try to never cry in the presence of anyone, including my girlfreind. Perhaps it has to do with my New England - puritan upbringing or something. I do less loose when alone late at night sometimes, its quite wet. I dont think there is a right answer as to whether you SHOULD have cried or not , it was obviously a situation any human would be upset by. It would have been good if you shouted this at the bus driver " I AM TRYING TO FIND CONTENTMENT IN THE GENERAL OBFUSCATION OF YOUR STUPID ANUS!"

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Sunday, 1 December 2002 23:27 (twenty-two years ago)

If you feel comfortable really, and I mean REALLY crying in front of someone, it's a pretty profound way of saying that you trust them not to hurt you. Whether they deserve your trust or not, depends upon your own naiveté and/or their ability and willingness to deceive you. In the ideal combination of the two - it's one of the most beautiful things that can happen between people, period.

― Kim (Kim), Monday, 2 December 2002 00:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Allthough I suppose my answer strays more than a bit from the whole "in public" part of the original question. Sorry!

― Kim (Kim), Monday, 2 December 2002 00:30 (twenty-two years ago)

It depends on the situation. There are some situations where if somebody was crying (and it was obviously only because of the situation in question) I might think it a bit pathetic, and assume they were putting it on. In the scenario described above, though, I think Sap was perfectly entitled to cry.

I also like it a lot when people cry because they can't help it, and get a little embarrassed and laugh at the same time.

(I like it because it's endearing, not because I'm a sadist who gets his kicks from seeing people cry obviously.)

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Monday, 2 December 2002 01:18 (twenty-two years ago)

My eye's are quite damp in this library.

― Graham (graham), Monday, 2 December 2002 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

The only places I've ever cried in public have been at work. It's demonic. The first time I broke up with Ramon, I was hysterical for days at work, but this I also attribute to the fact that they were keeping me there from 8:30am til sometime between 12am and 3am every night. But it was really bad, like the birthday party we threw for someone, I like fell down crying and the auditors were all convinced I was dying of a horrible illness. Then later when they fired Justine for no reason I lost my mind again but not so bad. Sometimes I really want to cry at work but I won't let them get to me, I just kind of lose it when I get home afterwards sometimes... Something about my workplace really makes you want to kill yourself, to be honest.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 3 December 2002 04:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I know what you mean. I never let 'em see it tho (refer to that trust thing upward) - oh bathroom stall, my protective friend!

― Kim (Kim), Tuesday, 3 December 2002 06:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Dud, because I feel obliged to keep it in, otherwise I'd have been so much more openly tearful, and spiteful.

― Damian (Damian), Tuesday, 3 December 2002 12:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Crying at work is dud but sometimes you can't help it. If you are a woman and you cry at work I reckon you lose the respect of some of the men a bit, so I head for the bathroom stall too.
My worst ever case of crying in public was at a wedding. I was there with a fairly new boyf to meet his family for the first time, one of the hymns they sang was played at both my grandparents funerals so I just lost it and wept like a child. Nobody knew why I was crying so they probably thought I was overcome by the wedding, which is just mortifying!

― smee, Tuesday, 3 December 2002 12:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I've cried at work many times (but whilst standing outside having a fag) much to the horror of editor standing next to me, giving me scared pats on the shoulder ("Why do all the female staff cry on me don't any of you know I don't know what I'm doing?") There was a lot of crying in that office around that time.

I think the worst was taking one of those end-of-relationship phone calls that hurt like a real body blow in Charing Cross Station. I cried so hard I fell over and I was so upset that even a station guard picking me up wasn't embarrasing ("come on love, you're a pretty girl under all that snot, he can't have been that special" WAAAAH) Although, in retrospect, it's terribly embarrassing.

Sap, I would have helped you push the car.

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 3 December 2002 13:29 (twenty-two years ago)

"come on love, you're a pretty girl under all that snot[...]"

Did he REALLY say that?????

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 3 December 2002 14:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know when I last cried in public, I think maybe a few months ago when I had a 3 hour argument with my parents which culminated in me going outside for a cigarette/walk I probably was crying but noone saw so I am still tough ok?

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 3 December 2002 15:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes Dan really. I think he was trying to make me laugh, or at least stem the hysterics. He was at least 60, it was said in a nice uncle kind of way.

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 3 December 2002 17:16 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread has made me remember how at primary school it was well know that I could not be made to cry. Like, I was a wimp who could never win a fight, but I would not cry no matter what. I totally forgot about this until now. I think it was just chance at first, I'd probably never been hurt enough to cry, but once it was pointed out I had to live up to the reputation. And I have grown up to be such a cold fucker.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Tuesday, 3 December 2002 17:53 (twenty-two years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.