Taking sides: Being annoying until someone complains vs Not

its also the way you complain, it can be quite difficult to raise things without seeming arsey, its a good skill to have

Revenge is NEVER a good idea. Ever.

If you don't know them that well or are shy I'd say this is very difficult, I guess the best thing to do is talk to the most approachable or nicest person and say listen I don't want to sound like a dick or anything but could you PLEASE keep the noise down a little bit, it's always really loud and it bugs me a bit. You've got to kind of temper your annoyance with a few disclaimers like "it's no major problem or anything" and then kind of swing it the other way "but I'd really appreciate it, cos it does piss me off".

My problem with complaining is that I normally just put wityh it, and it's only when it really, really pisses me off that I just *HAVE* to, which usually means I only dare open my mouth long enough to maek my complaint and then leave before I punch someone.

There was reason for sacrificing the football. Last week king tosser ran into the kitchen and booted it into the end cupboards as hard as he could, where I happenned to be standing. It really, really fucking hurt but I didn't react at all, cos all his friends were there but the thing had been for the chop all week.

The problem with music is that it could be any time, early evening, 10am, 2am, whatever. The real problem is he insists on having it on loud enough that he can hear it in the kitchen or even the shower, which is beyond wankery, and the doors here don't fit and the walls are really thin, so it is a massive problem. But what really got me this weekend was that in the morning I asked him to switch it off, but then later on I was watchign a video and suddenly there was this blast of some awful rock record came on at full volume, obliterating any chance I had of hearing the film (though it was Italian with subtitles, but anyway),
but by the time I got up to complain he'd switched it off. What was the point of putting it on in the first place?

??????????????????????????

Why didn't you tell him he was an asshole? Even if his friends laughed, they would have to admit it was an assholish thing to do and odds are they're not going to beat up their buddy's flatmate over a rude word.

Yes it is! You just say, "Thanks, asshole!" and then get on with your life.

what a twat...I'd certainly pHuKK uP his football first chance I got...

Graham, if someone does something to you that you don't like, tell them. Don't be mean about. Don't be nasty. Don't try to pick a fight. Just say, "Look, I don't like that," and then assess what the person says. If they say, "Oh, okay," odds are things are cool. If they say, "Oh, come on, it's not a big deal," things aren't cool, but at least you know they aren't being intentionally malicious and you can temper later responses accordingly ("I know it's not a big deal to you and I know that you aren't out to get me, but that REALLY bothers me. Can't we work out a compromise on this or something?"; and in this situation you're going to have to endure at least some amount of the irritating behavior if you want to salvage the living situation). If they say, "God, you complain a lot," the living situation is shot anyway and I wouldn't waste my time or energy being considerate of the other person.

But forget that because this is his thread, the right thing to do is sort this diplomatically, think about who you're dealing with, think about how they'll react, think about how you want them to react and what you need to say to ensure this happens. It doesn't matter what you say, within reason, as long as you resolve the matter, because if you do it's all forgotten anyway. I guess I sound like some sleazy lawyer caricature now but I feel this is the way to handle these things.

Would he have broken down into tears and asked for Graham's forgiveness? Probably not. Would he have thought, "Hmm, Graham's pissed and isn't afraid to let me know. I guess he isn't as intimidated of me as I thought"? Maybe. Regardless, saying something puts Graham in a stronger position than staying silent, and since he is living with the guy, he needs to make it fairly clear that he isn't going to tolerate shit like that or else he's going to have to endure it all of the time.