Books For Assholes

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We did this with records on ILM awhile back, where I happily found out that no less than 21 (!) of my favourite performers qualify me for asshole status (and they didn't even mention Blur); let's see if my bookshelf is similarly guilty.

I nominate Vergilio Ferreira- it's almost certain that none of you have ever even heard of this guy, but I haf to read his crappy angstful pseudo-philosophical poor man's Catcher In The Rye horny teacher gets depressed blather book fer sk00l right now and I need to get back at him in some way.

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 01:14 (twenty-two years ago)

"The Doors of Perception"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 01:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Howard Marks

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 01:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Andrew Motion

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 01:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Sylvia Plath

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 01:19 (twenty-two years ago)

And, of course, the category winner, "Bravo Two Zero" by Andy McNabb

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 01:20 (twenty-two years ago)

It's definitely this one.

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 01:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Who Moved My Cheese?

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 01:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Robert Persig.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 01:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Celestine Prophecy

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 01:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Jeffrey fucking Archer

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 02:03 (twenty-two years ago)

The Rules

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 02:07 (twenty-two years ago)

When I was thinking of how to respond to someone I know who seems to seriously not comprehend why people would want to take drugs, I thought of handing her The The Doors of Pereption. I don't think she understands that someone could enjoy an altered state of consciousness in an aesthetic or near-aesthetic way. It's not that I want to convince her to use drugs (especially since it's not as if I use them), but it bugs me that she genuinely seems unable to fathom why people would use them. (Yet, she drinks alcohol and coffee, and smokes cigarettes.)

― Rockist Scientist, Wednesday, 4 December 2002 02:13 (twenty-two years ago)

electric sound of jim is O T M.

also Dave Eggars. that book title is unforgiveable.

― Dave M. (rotten03), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 02:20 (twenty-two years ago)

i once stayed over at an investment banker friend's place, and the only books his roommate had on the shelf were:

- a book about how boys are being discriminated against in schools and how we need to rein in the feminist movement
- Dave Eggars
- The Idiot's Guide To NYC
- How To Get Ahead On Wall Street
- Patricia Cornwell

I have deduced that he is Satan.

― Dave M. (rotten03), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 02:24 (twenty-two years ago)

No mention of Ayn Rand shocker!

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 02:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I generally don't like people who read books about avalanche disaster survival and snowy mountain climbing adventures.

― rainy (rainy), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 02:34 (twenty-two years ago)

That book with 'zen' and 'motorcycle maintenance' in the title. The only people I've met who've read it - or are eager to talk about the fact they've read it anyhow - are assholes.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 02:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Manon Lescaut.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 02:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Thank you B, I ended up having to read the Fountainhead in high school and it is so hateable. It's the kind of book I'd wager some pompous ass like Donald Trump clutches to his breast and thinks of as deep and meaningful literature.

― Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 02:51 (twenty-two years ago)

JBR, there's a funny review of 'Who Moved My Cheese' on Amazon where the reviewer claims that this book has actually been handed out to workers a couple of days before they're fired. I don't want to say the books that I don't like because I know that they're other people's favourites and I like Irvine Welsh so what do I know.

― maryann (maryann), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 02:53 (twenty-two years ago)

manny I can't find the detective book

― rainy (rainy), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 02:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Left Behind. If you want to catch the rarefied air, amend to the series Left Behind: The Kids.

― J0hn Darn13ll3 (J0hn Darn13ll3), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 02:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Stranger in a Strange Land?

― thom west (thom w), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 03:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Harry Potter

― B, Wednesday, 4 December 2002 03:17 (twenty-two years ago)

the series Left Behind: The Kids.

I knew of the Left Behind series, and agree that there is a strong correlation between these volumes and assholedom. However, I did not know that there were versions of these books for kids, and I really, really did not want to know that.

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 03:22 (twenty-two years ago)

any book by Douglas Rushkoff and The Greatest Generation

― Chris Barrus (xibalba), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 03:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh but there are so many different Left Behind books, j.lu. Some of them are now among the best-selling books of all time. The Kids concerns hip, cutting-edge teens who didn't get saved until after the rapture, and follows them in their Walk With Christ as they await the Great White Throne Judgement, etc.

Being an American I feel like I owe somebody an apology for the Left Behind series but really anything short of history's biggest bonfire would be insufficient.

― J0hn Darn13ll3 (J0hn Darn13ll3), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 03:30 (twenty-two years ago)

anything written by Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, or George Will

― Tad (llamasfur), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 04:17 (twenty-two years ago)

donut bitch beat me to the punch re: Ayn Rand.

― Tad (llamasfur), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 04:18 (twenty-two years ago)

You forgot Sean Hannity (sic, as if I give a flying fizuck) and Bill O'Reilly.

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 04:47 (twenty-two years ago)

them, too. thankee, mr. popshots!

― Tad (llamasfur), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 04:57 (twenty-two years ago)

i had a room mate who only read the lfet behind series, i love jesus and i hate the banality of left behind christians

― anthony easton (anthony), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 05:03 (twenty-two years ago)

"Atlas Shrugged", "Flowers in the Dustbin," "Let it Blurt: The Life and Times of Lester Bangs," Camus, Nietzsche, "Generation X"

― geeta (geeta), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 05:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Pat Buchanan - "Right from the Beginning"

― geeta (geeta), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 05:22 (twenty-two years ago)

aw come on geeta, Douglas Coupland ain't so bad

― Dave M. (rotten03), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 06:17 (twenty-two years ago)

You want me to type out the entire contents of my bookcase or what?

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 08:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Men are from Mars....

Self help books of all kinds.

Any book sold by someone with a perma tan on an infomercial or at an 'empowerment seminar'.

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 09:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I second the Nietzsche nomination. Nothing against the guy himself, but people who read him tend to be pseudo-intellectual bohemian losers who think everything they say is profound and daring.

On the other hand, if I ever saw a girl reading Kierkegaard, I'd ask her to marry me.

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 09:04 (twenty-two years ago)

i've nothing against nietzsche, either. some of what's he inspired, on the other hand ...

― Tad (llamasfur), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 09:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Technically speaking, "Who Moved My Cheese?" is a book by an asshole given by assholes to the oppressed masses.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 09:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Anthony FUCKING Robbins

― dave q, Wednesday, 4 December 2002 09:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh speaking of Robbins - did u know that 'neurolinguistic programming' was invented by the CIA? And that one of the inventors of this process was later wasted in a drug deal? Tell this to the next person who tells you they're going to achieve 'real power through self-actualisation!' etc etc etc

― dave q, Wednesday, 4 December 2002 09:48 (twenty-two years ago)

other suggestions: "Chicken Soup for the Unsinkable Soul: Stories of Triumphing over Life's Obstacles," "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People", "My Life & the Principles for Success" by Ross Perot

― geeta (geeta), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 09:54 (twenty-two years ago)

God damn it Dave beat me to the punch about Robbins!

― geeta (geeta), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 09:55 (twenty-two years ago)

"The Selfish Gene", "Leni Riefenstahl: A Memoir"

― geeta (geeta), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 10:03 (twenty-two years ago)

If anyone has read or even seen a book called "Nirvana" by Lee Williams, I pity you. If anyone has ever received it as a gift from some well-meaning ASSHOLE, I pity you more.

The same goes for that book called "Bongwater".

― webcrack (music=crack), Thursday, 5 December 2002 00:09 (twenty-two years ago)

john locke, second treatise of government

― Josh (Josh), Thursday, 5 December 2002 07:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Do 'How To Stop Smoking' books count as self-help books? I actually know people they work for that are clearly not assholes. Plus, I believe you may need to trick yourself into quitting smoking, which is what self-help books are all about, but I still don't think these should count.

― Dave M. (rotten03), Thursday, 5 December 2002 07:21 (twenty-two years ago)

So that reading Kierkegaarde thing should have worked? It must've been the Anthony Robbins tape on my ghettoblaster that put him off.

― maryann (maryann), Thursday, 5 December 2002 07:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 6 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Yes I want to know the answer to that too.

― Sam (chirombo), Thursday, 5 December 2002 11:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I think the 'Selfish Gene' thing may be on the same tip as 'A Brief History of Time' i.e. popular science that's actually quite interesting, but which gets left on the coffee tables of people who want to look intelligent but don't know how. Durrr. Not quite in the 'asshole' chapter of my libre, but nevertheless.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Thursday, 5 December 2002 11:21 (twenty-two years ago)

There's nothing wrong per se with plenty of the books on this list. It's just that ownership of them is commonly associated with assholism. With The Selfish Gene, I guess it would be a partilcular kind of smug sociobiological determinism. The kind of person who highhandly says things like "Of course, there's no such thing as real altruism. People just do good deeds to make themselves feel good about themselves".

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 5 December 2002 11:24 (twenty-two years ago)

how can you not admire the fact that i only got to page 10 of the selfish gene *

*warning: i am messing with rickyt

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 5 December 2002 11:26 (twenty-two years ago)

N - people don't do good deeds to 'feel good about themselves', they just do it to try make everyone else feel shitty

― dave q, Thursday, 5 December 2002 11:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't mind it coming from you, dave. You're a genuine misanthrope.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 5 December 2002 12:10 (twenty-two years ago)

do magazines for asholes count? then this is the ultimate:

http://www.ussmag.com/multimedia/images/Men

― dakatin, Thursday, 5 December 2002 13:28 (twenty-two years ago)

kathy lette / marcel proust

― bob snoom, Thursday, 5 December 2002 13:55 (twenty-two years ago)

What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us: Why Happiness Eludes the Modern Woman by Danielle Crittenden.

― Genevieve, Thursday, 5 December 2002 14:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't believe nobody has gone for the obvious gags...
http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0VwAWA40cgB4nm0aBDsn2QffuoS0GWNxR*yezz7m!VentQ4XX!gu64QiYLcJJ!tcnY1Vk0SeyF9wmLJpmOroNyLrGeUie!3FAt7ZjOza2kCfpAjULmbaCngEE2gzGAwUR/BookForAssholes.jpg

― Simeon (Simeon), Thursday, 5 December 2002 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

or Lord of the Rings.

― Simeon (Simeon), Thursday, 5 December 2002 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh dear.

Being an American I feel like I owe somebody an apology for the Left Behind series but really anything short of history's biggest bonfire would be insufficient.

This not only puts it mildly but drastically understates what must be done.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 5 December 2002 16:22 (twenty-two years ago)

My poor wife bought one of the _Left Behind_ books in an airport without knowing what she was getting into. She said it was fairly reasonable right up to the point where the saved are whisked away, at which point it became one of the dumbest books ever written.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 5 December 2002 16:48 (twenty-two years ago)

David.Foster.Wallace.

― gygax!, Thursday, 5 December 2002 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

haha rock star sex, what like passing out in the middle?

― Dave M. (rotten03), Thursday, 5 December 2002 17:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Do you know they've made the Left Behind books into two movies? I saw an advertisment for it on the infamous capalert.com, which lead to some wretched official site. The "funny quotes" page where the director or someone lists all the "funny" things that people said while working on the second movie is startling in its total lack of humour.

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Thursday, 5 December 2002 18:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't like the whole idea of books for assholes. I think there is often something to be learned even from trashy books. For one thing, you always have the chance of learning if you read or listen to something for which you are not the target audience.

― Rockist Asshole, Thursday, 5 December 2002 18:31 (twenty-two years ago)

How is it even remotely possible that nobody has mentioned this yet?

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 5 December 2002 18:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Kerouac. Burroughs. Nabokov.

― daria g, Thursday, 5 December 2002 21:52 (twenty-two years ago)

I would also say D.H. Lawrence, but luckily it seems that used bookstores stock tons of his books b/c practically nobody buys or reads them now, and those who did have thought better of it. I have this idea that Norman Mailer books are for assholes, but I haven't read any and don't plan to anytime soon, and I bet if I went back and reread some Hemingway I would put him in this category too.

― daria g, Thursday, 5 December 2002 21:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I accidentally rented "left behind" while in a hurry and looking for an action flick to vegetate to. Even after the realization had begun to dawn on me I didn't want to believe that the disappeared people had been "whisked away to heaven". I was handicapped; I didn't have a TV while growing up so I didn't know who that joker Kirk Cameron or whoever was until my girlfriend enlightened me while ridiculing my movie rental.

― webcrack (music=crack), Thursday, 5 December 2002 22:04 (twenty-two years ago)

If I'm being all serious, I'd kind of agree with the Rockist Scientist that the whole concept of books for assholes is as crumby as that of CDs for people who only own 12 CDs.

I love people who read or listen to all these things in a totally guileless way. It makes me feel ashamed of my smartarsery, like being told off by Knightley on Box Hill for mocking Miss Bates. Badly done, Emma. Badly done.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 5 December 2002 22:26 (twenty-two years ago)

If I'm being all serious, I'd kind of agree with the Rockist Scientist that the whole concept of books for assholes is as crumby as that of CDs for people who only own 12 CDs.

It's fun until it hits your own favourites, then it's annoying for a few minutes, then it's hateful. And then fun again. And then kinda stupid, but entertaining.

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Thursday, 5 December 2002 23:51 (twenty-two years ago)

speaking of assholes..

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0595094724.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Friday, 6 December 2002 00:09 (twenty-two years ago)

The thing that really makes me laugh about that "anus" book is the unexpected use of the word "malarkey".

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Friday, 6 December 2002 13:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Though the whole thing about "constricting your anus" is pretty unexpected as well, but you know what I mean.

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Friday, 6 December 2002 13:56 (twenty-two years ago)

No, Books for Assholes is more legitimate I think. A lot of books contain advice or information or programs for living your life. If the advice etc. they give is liable to produce or be enjoyed by an asshole then the "books for assholes" epithet is valid. Of course just owning the book is no indicator, it would have to be actually recommended by somebody.

― Tom (Groke), Friday, 6 December 2002 14:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Anything by Carlos Castenada
Anything by Joseph Campbell

― J (Jay), Friday, 6 December 2002 14:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, I've scoured your list and the only ones on my shelf are Camus, Nabokov and Lawrence and WHAT EXACTLY IS WRONG WITH THESE? Hrumph. I nominate these:

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/0006513409.02.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/0006512062.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 6 December 2002 14:53 (twenty-two years ago)

The word "unputdownable" is assholish.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 6 December 2002 15:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I like 'unpickupable'.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 6 December 2002 16:16 (twenty-two years ago)

[as do other assholes]

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 6 December 2002 16:17 (twenty-two years ago)

http://lookinside-images.amazon.com/Qffs+v35lepJHkgr8yv4Vu3Hn2UX5uJBe9Y0MrXScyEXoMj0TBGV/Pz88cJdjlTCb0I6LD8+3Kk=

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 6 December 2002 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Tracer wins this thread.

― Dave M. (rotten03), Saturday, 7 December 2002 19:49 (twenty-two years ago)

nononono...

thomas mcguane redeems that whole compilation...

i know i know i know...

― gygax!, Saturday, 7 December 2002 21:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Another vote for Ayn Rand.

― Sean (Sean), Sunday, 8 December 2002 00:35 (twenty-two years ago)

seven years pass...

can't believe this thread exists without a mention of ayn rand...!

― not everything is a campfire (ian), Sunday, 28 November 2010 05:01 (fourteen years ago)

um.

― got electrolytes (The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall), Sunday, 28 November 2010 05:04 (fourteen years ago)

oh, i had match case on. fml.

― not everything is a campfire (ian), Sunday, 28 November 2010 05:04 (fourteen years ago)

i don't know what to tell you dude.

― got electrolytes (The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall), Sunday, 28 November 2010 05:06 (fourteen years ago)

All of them

― jeevves, Sunday, 28 November 2010 08:24 (fourteen years ago)

Don DeLillo
Richard Dawkins
Michael Chabon

― make the Pagan Dad a Pagan Father. (Dr. Superman), Sunday, 28 November 2010 16:14 (fourteen years ago)

(have enjoyed books by two of those, but have also not enjoyed the company of people who aggressively champion books by any of them)

― make the Pagan Dad a Pagan Father. (Dr. Superman), Sunday, 28 November 2010 16:15 (fourteen years ago)

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/411K1X7ZD5L._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg

― thirdalternative, Sunday, 28 November 2010 22:03 (fourteen years ago)

this is a stupid thread, but otm^

― karl...arlk...rlka...lkar..., Sunday, 28 November 2010 22:14 (fourteen years ago)

Ryan in the Office was reading that in the background in one episode; I LOLed

― Not the real Village People, Sunday, 28 November 2010 22:38 (fourteen years ago)

http://themusicalfruit.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/AssholeBook.jpg

― Roberto Spiralli, Sunday, 28 November 2010 22:46 (fourteen years ago)

y don delillo, i am reading the names. is he like the tyler durden of ppl who fly b.ness class? igs

― plax (ico), Sunday, 28 November 2010 23:02 (fourteen years ago)

good descrip

― rouxymuzak (nakhchivan), Sunday, 28 November 2010 23:36 (fourteen years ago)

I generally don't like people who read books about avalanche disaster survival and snowy mountain climbing adventures.
― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, December 3, 2002 8:34 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark

u_u

― BIG MUFFIN (gbx), Sunday, 28 November 2010 23:41 (fourteen years ago)

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