Instant Friendships, classic or dud?

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Have you ever hit it off with someone after meeting them just a few times?

I met a girl about 2 months ago, and have seen her on 6 or 7 occasions since, we always have really good fun and we're pretty close friends now I suppose. But at the same time I feel as though I hardly know her. At the beginning of the friendship she'd hug me and stuff and I thought it was a bit fake perhaps, but now it feels like the norm. Is it possible to have a connection with someone that goes beyond actually knowing them that well? There's a sort of mutual physical attraction there aswell and I wonder is this what makes it possible. Could this kind of thing happen with someone you weren't attracted to?

Has this kind of thing ever happened you? It's weird getting so much affection from someone I hardly know.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 17:06 (twenty-two years ago)

so, eh, did you meet her in a nightclub when you were in an, er, enthusiastic frame of mind?

I have made many friends of that sort.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 17:11 (twenty-two years ago)

yes, of course this happens, you hit it off because theres a wavelength thing, this is good! the details fill in later, but you know that person is cool. there can be a residual attraction in these situations, but not neccesarily, its very easy to hit it off really really well, but its 100% platonic. either way, its all good!

― gareth (gareth), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 17:15 (twenty-two years ago)

getting along is always nice.

― Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 17:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes. I am usually quite wary these days becasue people I really like (in non-sexual way) from the first second of meeting them often turn out to be absolute shits that I would never have liked in a million years. I cannot think of a single instance of good friends I currently have where there was an instant like. Quite a few of them still don't like me.

But yes it is possible, and it can be great though I put it personally down to some sort of primal alpha-male/female behaviour where two people from different groups both have a sublimated desire to impress one another.

― Pete (Pete), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 17:17 (twenty-two years ago)

How do we explain the wavelength thing? it's really cool yes.

DV mentioning drugs is interesting cos the first few times were when I was on drugs and I remember us saying "we have a connection!" and actually joking about the drugs thing, but then we met in a pub a week or so later and it was just the same anyway. (note:I was not drunk)

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 17:18 (twenty-two years ago)

It's absolutely for real and it's so classic. All my best friends happened this way. I met my bf of 9 years this way, and my best friend a week or two later the same way.

I'm generally very good on first impressions, to the point where it's a little spooky. The reverse also works...some people I just hate or distrust on sight, and they'll usually eventually prove me right. I wonder how much of it is being a good judge of people and how much it's a self-fulfilling prophecy?

(I did once beg my boss not to hire someone because I had an intense distrust of them on sight plus a feeling that they were unlucky, particularly when it came to cars. Employee later turned out to be a prodigous liar and indeed had many arrests for driving drunk and eventually got his license suspended. That's the best example I can think of offhand.)

But back to Ronan's original thing, in a way it's wonderful that you feel like you hardly know her because if there wasn't much to know, you'd know it all already, know what I mean? I'm saying that maybe there's a lot to her, and you'll have fun learning more about her.

Oh, and the physical attraction definitely helps. I always have girl-crushes on my best girlfriends. It's not so much attraction as very healthy admiration and respect, though.

― teeny (teeny), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 17:45 (twenty-two years ago)

yes its great! my best friend and i met on new years eve when we were both 'under the influence' many years ago and we immediately had a connection. we ran around holding hands and being very silly ( as you do on nye ) and havent stopped since. there was definately that sense of it being 'just right' and i knew then and there, that we were going to be the best of friends and we are perfect for each other.

i think its a good thing ronan, dont analyse it too much, just enjoy.

― donna (donna), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't have any friends that I *didn't* make this way. I tend to know within minutes whether I will like a person or not.

― Melissa W (Melissa W), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 17:58 (twenty-two years ago)

they could settle wars with this - if only they will.

― piscesboy, Wednesday, 4 December 2002 18:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Instant friends are great. Hi, starry!

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 18:34 (twenty-two years ago)

"just a few times"

oh, you charmingly reserved Brits. In LA, that's a palimony claim.

― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 20:29 (twenty-two years ago)

: ( Brits?

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 21:37 (twenty-two years ago)

sorry? my bad.

― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 22:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, see, it's coz you knew and were friends with them in past lives...

― Vic, Wednesday, 4 December 2002 23:26 (twenty-two years ago)

It's classic!

― Kim (Kim), Thursday, 5 December 2002 00:18 (twenty-two years ago)

My frienships can be that way or the way Pete describes, didn't like first time but grew to really like. If you're comfortable keeping this a run-into relatinship, that's cool, but if you want to try and explore the friendship (the way you're talking it sounds like there is some physical attraction but more of a friendship than anything), you should say so: "We keep running into each other and I'd love to talk sometime that's not at a club or bar or pub. Give me your email and let's have coffee or lunch sometime." Keep it low-pressure and let the friendship blossom from there.

― M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 5 December 2002 01:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Dammit, I want an instant friend!

― Poppy (poppy), Thursday, 5 December 2002 02:45 (twenty-two years ago)

just add water

― Kim (Kim), Thursday, 5 December 2002 02:55 (twenty-two years ago)

instant friends are alarming. I am suspicious of people who want to be my friend instantly, they must be desperate.

― rainy (rainy), Thursday, 5 December 2002 02:58 (twenty-two years ago)

If instant friends were like sea monkeys, they would eventually end up eating each other after the water has been added.

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 5 December 2002 02:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Whhaaaat? Cannibal Sea Monkeys? What happens to the little crowns and sceptres?

― Kim (Kim), Thursday, 5 December 2002 03:05 (twenty-two years ago)

when I was a kid I liked those instant noodles that you put into a cup with hot water

― Josh (Josh), Thursday, 5 December 2002 04:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Only had one of these that was worth a damn. On the other hand, the one that worked I married.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Thursday, 5 December 2002 09:40 (twenty-two years ago)

can be great. within two weeks of meeting one person we were moving in together and she became one of my closest and dearest friends. that said, it is not typical for me to hit it off with someone that quickly.

― H (Heruy), Thursday, 5 December 2002 15:25 (twenty-two years ago)

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