have you ever been to Cockfosters?

Yes. No.

No. Yes. But I've never been to me.

Yes. Not really no. It takes you into a place which is very like most of Surrey - quiet subsuburban lanes.

I think I might go there. It sounds nise. Is it leafy?

What about Upminster?

I always pronounce that as 'Upminister'

Drink it warm, mate.

My hairdresser lives there.

Dan's favorite location in London.

on boxing day, 2000, i was coming back from spending christmas alone in oxford to my home in welwyn garden city (don't laugh). as it was the first (and only) christmas i spent in the u.k. i didn't know that trains didn't run on boxing day. i sort of figured it wasn't possible to shut down train service in a country so reliant on them (or reliant on hating them, whichever is more accurate).

so i got as far as cockfosters on the tube and decided to walk to barnet or potters bar and hope for a bus (or work up the courage to shell out for a taxi to WGC). i stopped at an off-license and bought a couple of cans for the walk, and (in a flash of brilliance) stopped to phone my flatmate's mobile to find out if he was on his way back from bristol (if he was, then he would be coming through barnet and would be able to pick me up). he was, so i decided to walk as far as barnet (which barnet, high barnet?) and wait. after walking for over an hour (with 'loveless' on my headphones, not knowing which way to go but finding it instinctively in this strange country full of cheerily drunk people walking home in jumpers they gleefully unwrapped the previous morning) i found myself at the wetherspoons in high barnet and had a couple of pints to celebrate it being boxing day and me being not totally lost and shit out of luck. i then decided i should call paul again to tell him i was in barnet and arrange a place to meet, but as i fished through my belongings i realized that i had left my wallet in the call box in cockfosters. containing 1) all my meagre cash (save about 70p) and bank cards, b) all my identification (save my passport which was at home), 3) paul's phone number.

so the camera zooms out, revealing one final stillframe of the protagonist standing mouth agape in some existential moment. i decided to walk all the way back to cockfosters and hope my wallet was still there. it took over an hour through the same roads (that i'd never been down before, i just guessed the whole time) but i found the callbox. my wallet was gone, that dear wallet i had purchased in california on a family vacation when i was 13 years old. i checked the off-license and no luck (though they were very helpful). i stood there in the grass, with no money, no identification, and seriously considering this might be my first night "roughing it" (ironically i spent christmas eve with homeless people in oxford and chastised myself for going back to my cushy bed and breakfast instead of sticking it out).

something caught my eye -- the card with paul's phone number on it was laying in the grass nearby. i called him with my remaining 70p and he came and met me (an hour later) at cockfosters station. i'd also like to submit this for the "london walks" thread.

I am pouting because Graham and Ned have stolen the jokes I wanted to make.

i have, its rural, it feels different from Surrey though. all the north london piccadilly stations have great generic architecture, when you come out at cockfosters, its just nowhere, just a lane disappearing into green...

used to work in an office directly across from the tube station. great place to travel to every day because I was going completely against the flow of traffic and would have the whole carriage to myself after finsbury park. liked the place itself too. it does have that slightly rural feel gareth describes and also a decent pub or two. on sunny summer afternoons there'd occasionally be a cricket match a couple of fields over from the office. and there was a lovely park only five or ten minutes walk from the station which I'd visit on the weekends sometimes when I wanted some fresh air and some peace and quiet.

Sounds great. Is it especially expensive?

It's where most of the Arsenal players - esp the French contingent like Vieira and Pires - choose to live. A couple of the others live in the posher parts of Enfield.

It must be pricey then, but I won't let that put me off, because Ronaldo used to live where I live now, although not on the same street.

I was going to go one time, when I was about 13, but I only got as far as Arnos Grove.

Oh my word... I've lived there for a year. Go see it, there's not that much there, but it is my home, kind of... and I miss it like crazy. Try Trent Park for a nice sunny day walk, and Anuraag for the best indian food you'll ever taste. And wave to the flat above the Gray's newsagent!

Oh my word... I've lived there for a year. Go see it, there's not that much there, but it is my home, kind of... and I miss it like crazy. Try Trent Park for a nice sunny day walk, and Anuraag for the best indian food you'll ever taste. And wave to the flat above the Gray's newsagent!

(Haha I saw the thread revival and AGAIN came charging over to make that joke that Graham made way up top. WILL I NEVER LEARN?)

i've been past Upminster station (tho not on the train) but not Cockfosters - like West Ruislip, Amersham, Chesham, Watford (of which the tube station is a good 20 mins walk from the town centre)and Stanmore there's bugger all there but leafy suburbia.

i want to go to Epping i think. its a shame you can't go to Ongar anymore - they had a scorpion colony there...

i work in chesham.and the tube from chesham is the most stupid pointless and evil thing ever. it takes liyterally 2 hrs to get into london, because 'mr dickface' (probably not his real name but close) who planned it all originally seemed to have thought htayt iut would be a good idea if you could get all the way to chalfont and latimer. then instead of the train running all the way thru to chesham, make you get off, wait 30 mins for another train to take you there. its 8 miles away. coming back, trains from chesham run at half hourly intervals. so do ones from chalfont and latimer into london. but they completely miss each other. theres no attempt to link the two, even though its painfully obvious that most of the people on the train from chesham arent just going to chalfont for a daytrip.
so it pretty much takes an hour just to get to chalfont. which isnt even a place.

fuck the metropolitan, in summary.

still, it felt good to get that off my chest.
let this be a warning....

chalfonts playing up?