Personals Revisited

Just make sure you screen guys a little at least. My general rule for personals (not that I would ever use them) is to assume everyone is a digusting horrible 500 pound guy living in a basement. So always, always get a picture. Also, salon.com has a good personals site (not that I have ever used it.) (But beware, because it is shared with nerve.com.)

or say yer easy ... that'll get the dates real fast

I'd like to say something positive re: personal ad type things, but they've been a big fat flaming dudorama for me (that is, haven't met anyone face-to-face, and have scared off / been scared by a handful of folk), but this has more to do with my ways & means than with the system, which, theoretically, could work just fine.

I imagine, BTW, that you'll get a whole lotta e-mail traffic, for all the obvious reasons, so keep that inbox nice & tidy.

The real key is whether or not this is blatantly horrible to be going into this with the idea of possibly chronicling the experience in some way (obv. "names will be changed to protect the innocent"), does this make this dishonest, or less honest than any one else's reasons for doing this?

Also, will I get murdered?

Obv. I'd be screening, I can't be seen with just anyone. I wrote a profile on nerve.com but will probably delete it in the morning when I get 40 emails and realize this is a HORRIBLE IDEA. This is what I wrote, if this link even fucking works. Sorry Mike, but I cut you out of the picture.

It seems to have worked out quite well, but I am still curious about "real" dating and would be interested to read the results. I have several friends who have experimented with on-line dating, no relationships but no total freak stories either.

Result: I met a lot of people I would _never_ otherwise have met. A few of them are still good friends of mine (one was eventually the photographer at my wedding!). A couple were horror stories (but amusing horror stories, thankfully). Most of them were perfectly nice to have dinner & a two-hour conversation with once, and in any case it was easily worth it for the friends I made.

Ally asks if it's bad to go in with the idea of documenting it all. I think if it's _only_ with the idea of documenting it and you don't tell them that upfront, yes, it's sort of dishonest. But if you announce on your ad, outright, that it's a project you're documenting and that's basically it, that's fine (and I don't think it'd scare off everyone); also, if you're _open to_ something other than a dud surprising you, even if you assume that what you're going to get is all duds, that helps.

I tried a similar experiment once, and after a not very entertaining sampling of duds, met someone quite charming -- hardly a homicidal basement mentalist -- who was trying the same experiment herself and turning it into literature rather successfully.

I think that saying you're doing it just for the experience will be interpreted by most potential dates as a common defense mechanism; i.e., they won't entirely believe it.

I find dates quite fun but I can't explain exactly why. I don't want to admit that I relish the other person's awkwardness, but that might indeed be part of it. Plus it's like a game or flying a kite or something: fun to see if you can follow all the cues and traditions correctly and keep it aloft.

And the Web now makes dating easy, instant, and mess-free! I highly recommend it as an experience, but do expect to be disappointed/depressed by the cross-section of humanity you uncover.

You also might learn a thing or two which might help when the time does come, which makes it completely honest from the get go...

Is Nerve, like, really huge in your city.? It seems half the folks I know in my town have had a nerve.com profile at one time or another.

Yeah, so Ally, we should compare and contract stories.

How this answers that question is for you to decide, but I have made extensive use of these over the last fifteen months, and had a great time. I met my current girlfriend through them, and she is genuinely wonderful. You need to be choosy - I know you aren't looking for a partner, but you don't want your evenings to be too miserable or tedious. Looking like you do, plus being intelligent and interesting, and being in a big city (are you in NY, or have I got that wrong?) you will have an immense number of people to choose from, so you can be very choosy and still not be short of dates.

Also, will I get murdered?

Standard sensible practice seems to be to not give out your address before getting to know someone, letting friends know where you're going (or possibly just claiming you have done this!), meeting in safe places, etc. If someone wants to meet in an abandoned industrial estate at midnight and asks how he can recognise you from the back, proceed with caution.

Aside from that, I got a lot of e-mail from music dorks, most of whom seemed really boring. One of them just e-mailed me a list of his favorite bands! I was like "Are you a human being, or just a bunch of albums glued together in the shape of a person?"

and then the VV made a typo, so the actual ad ran SLOPPY HAIR. it was... interesting. though the only action i ever got was from a garage rock guitarist with a white boy fro. typical...

i don't think i'd do it again. too high noise to signal ratio. and my old housemate was OBSESSED with computer dating to the point of addiction. it really scared me the way that he would fish through these things looking for lonely and desperate women in order to get sex. really scared me away from them for good.

meeting people through common interests much better idea. though my interests seem to get narrower and narrower these days... sigh. i like danelectros and dronerock and damien hirst and ASS. who the fuck is going to date me? whinge, whinge, whinge, etc.

I have always been under the impression that, once you're a lead vocalist in a band, you're meeting-people troubles are over...let me be the first to say "HA!" to that!

Don't be surprised if'n my disturbing-ass self pops up on this nerve.com.

There's huge piles of dishes in the sink, the prospective date-ee is sitting in a bean bag chair in their boxer shorts playing Tony Hawk on P2, they haven't shaved in 3 days and it's NOT the cute kind of shaggy that Johnny Depp pulls off, there's a guitar or keyboard in every room of the house (yes, even the bathroom), all of which are out of tune so as to ruin any even slightly charming possible serenades, a variety of piles of clothes adorns the floor in varying degrees of cleanliness, etc, etc.

Well, okay, maybe that's just for when they catch ME off guard. No wonder I haven't had a date in so long.

your pulling-people troubles are over, that's for sure. but you're meeting-people-you'd-like-to-see-again-the-next-day potential spirals down into non-existent. waaaahhhhh!!! etc. etc.

You and me both. It's losing its appeal I have to admit.

btw, I don't think it would work out between Ally and Erik.

Also, did you actually buy credits? I set mine up over a year ago, but just couldn't bring myself to actually spend money on it. Then I hid it. However, I know quite a few people who've had good experiences with Nerve.

OH and of course Ally, if I lived in NYC, I'd definitely buy credits and IG you.

i read these in the guardian article on the london review of books personals.

Yesterday I was a disgusting spectacle in end-stage alcoholism with a gambling problem and not a hope in the world. Today I am the author of this magnificent life-altering statement of yearning and desire. You are a woman to 55 with plenty of cash and very little self-respect. When you reply to this advert your life will never be the same again. My name is Bernard. Never call me Bernie.

Normally on the first few dates I borrow mannerisms from the more interesting people I know and veyr often steal phrases and anecdotes from them aloing with concepts and ideas from obscure yet wittily written books. It makes me appear more attractive and personable than I actually am. With you however Im going to be a belligerent old shit from the veyr beginning. Thats because I like you and feel ready to give you honesty. Belligerent Old Shit (M 53)

All I need is the air that I breathe and to love you. And a five door saloon (fully air con). And a minimum income of £55k per annum. And two holidays a year (Latin America plus one other of my choosing). If you can meet these requirements apply to 'Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Mens Constitutions. (37).

IF intense, post-fight sex scares you, I'm not the woman for you (amateur big boned cage wrestler, 62).

I hate you all. I hate London. I hate books. I hate critics. I hate this magazine, I hate this column and I hate all the goons who appear in it. But if you have large breasts, are younger than 30 and don’t want to talk about the novel you’re ‘writing’ I’ll put all that aside for approximately two hours one Saturday afternoon in January. Man, 33.

unnnngh