― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 19:38 (twenty-two years ago)
"Ritalin Cures Next Picasso"
"Latest Dirigible Accident Prompts Safety Officials To Call For Less Hydrogen, Fire, Cloth In Airships."
― Andy, Wednesday, 11 December 2002 19:45 (twenty-two years ago)
― Nick A. (Nick A.), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 19:51 (twenty-two years ago)
― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 19:53 (twenty-two years ago)
― mike a (mike a), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 19:55 (twenty-two years ago)
― Ferg (Ferg), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 20:00 (twenty-two years ago)
― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 20:01 (twenty-two years ago)
― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 20:14 (twenty-two years ago)
― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 20:16 (twenty-two years ago)
Clinton Vetoes "Stab Clinton" Bill
Notorious B.I.G. Cremation Enters Third Week
Little Indonesian Kid Loves To Volunteer
& the all time best:
Mothership Descends On Hootie Concert By Accident
― DV (dirtyvicar), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 20:20 (twenty-two years ago)
The picture of the protester with a sign saying "No Blood For Funk!" with the opposing one saying "SADDAM NEEDS TO GIVE UP THE FUNK"
― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 20:24 (twenty-two years ago)
Nader Vote, Voter WastedClinton Declares Self "President For Life"McVeigh Urges Calm
― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 20:29 (twenty-two years ago)
― M Matos (M Matos), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 20:29 (twenty-two years ago)
― M Matos (M Matos), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 20:30 (twenty-two years ago)
Local Girlfriend Still Hasn't Seen Apocalypse Now
― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 20:31 (twenty-two years ago)
― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 20:36 (twenty-two years ago)
One of my all-time favorites is: "Amish Give Up". "'This is bullshit,' say elders."
― die9o (dhadis), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 20:37 (twenty-two years ago)
― Chris Barrus (xibalba), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 20:38 (twenty-two years ago)
― Ferg (Ferg), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 20:39 (twenty-two years ago)
― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 20:52 (twenty-two years ago)
"Massive Oil Spill Results In Improved Wildlife Viscosity"
Point Counterpoint: The Space Program...
"According To This Article In The Economist, NASA Is An Industrial Subsidy In Disguise"
vs.
"Ooh Look At Me! I'm Reading The Economist!"
― robster (robster), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 21:13 (twenty-two years ago)
― cprek, Wednesday, 11 December 2002 21:19 (twenty-two years ago)
― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 21:31 (twenty-two years ago)
― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 21:35 (twenty-two years ago)
"National Funk Congress Deadlocked On Get Up/Get Down Issue"
Also I must say how fortunate I feel to get free paper copies of the Onion every week, nothing like the real thing.
― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 21:37 (twenty-two years ago)
― cprek, Wednesday, 11 December 2002 22:01 (twenty-two years ago)
"Soviet Space Program Ahead in Dog-Killing Race"
"Hippies Celebrating 'Fuck-Summer '67'"
"Area Man's Blood Runs Cold After Harrowing Centerfold Sighting"
"Why Do People Laugh After I Do Something Funny?" by Ralph Malph
Point Counterpoint: Bears"Whoooooo! Bears!" by Bob Bratzke, Bears Fanvs"Aaaaaggh! Bears!" by Dan Turpin, Bears victim
― Richard Copping (avoid80), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 22:04 (twenty-two years ago)
― Vinnie (vprabhu), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 22:27 (twenty-two years ago)
"Guy From Strokes Accused Of Trying To Look Like Guy From Strokes"
― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 22:57 (twenty-two years ago)
― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 23:03 (twenty-two years ago)
― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 23:12 (twenty-two years ago)
― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 23:14 (twenty-two years ago)
― DV (dirtyvicar), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 23:15 (twenty-two years ago)
― dwh (dwh), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 23:21 (twenty-two years ago)
...but yes, "Area Bassist Fellated" still wins for its sheer economy and specificity.
― Douglas, Wednesday, 11 December 2002 23:35 (twenty-two years ago)
The O.G. to the dreaded Chick Music Primer thread, too.
― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 23:39 (twenty-two years ago)
― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 23:45 (twenty-two years ago)
― , Thursday, 12 December 2002 00:03 (twenty-two years ago)
"An Informed Electorate is Necessary for a Functioning Democracy"vs."Dixie Chix Fever Sweeps America!"
― llamaskool, Thursday, 12 December 2002 00:09 (twenty-two years ago)
― Joe (Joe), Thursday, 12 December 2002 00:56 (twenty-two years ago)
(story continued on page 2)
― Al Ewing (Al Ewing), Thursday, 12 December 2002 01:45 (twenty-two years ago)
― rat, Thursday, 12 December 2002 02:06 (twenty-two years ago)
"134-Year-Old Man Attributes Longevity To Typographical Error"
― A Nairn (moretap), Thursday, 12 December 2002 03:10 (twenty-two years ago)
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 12 December 2002 03:48 (twenty-two years ago)
― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 12 December 2002 05:17 (twenty-two years ago)
― jm (jtm), Thursday, 12 December 2002 05:39 (twenty-two years ago)
― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 12 December 2002 09:00 (twenty-two years ago)
Dildo Washed
New Cambodian Barnes & Noble: Will It Threaten Cambodia's Small Book Shops?
― weatheringdaleson (weatheringdaleson), Thursday, 12 December 2002 10:05 (twenty-two years ago)
― NA (Nick A.), Saturday, 15 May 2004 04:58 (twenty-one years ago)
'Cambodia Switches to Skull-Based Economy'
― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Saturday, 15 May 2004 05:01 (twenty-one years ago)
― Chris F. (servoret), Saturday, 15 May 2004 06:44 (twenty-one years ago)
Area Cat Speed-Dials Man's Ex-Grilfriend
― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Saturday, 15 May 2004 22:34 (twenty-one years ago)
― Evanston Wade (EWW), Sunday, 16 May 2004 00:27 (twenty-one years ago)
"John F. Kerry: More than just a big cock and a nice ass."
"Kerry: A voice of reason who's killed, like, 20 dudes."
"John Kerry: Certainly not worse"
― de, Tuesday, 18 May 2004 00:26 (twenty-one years ago)
― Enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 07:58 (twenty-one years ago)
Taste Acquired
― Enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 07:59 (twenty-one years ago)
the best one was "ask a foxtrot collection."
― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 08:09 (twenty-one years ago)
― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 18:36 (nineteen years ago)
"Life begins at forty!"
― deej.. (deej..), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 18:56 (nineteen years ago)
― schwantz (schwantz), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 19:25 (nineteen years ago)
Point Counterpoint: You The Man vs No, You The Man
Killing Wheelchair-Bound People With Missiles Is Justifiable If They're TerroristsvsKilling Wheelchair-Bound People With Missiles Is Awesome
Also, the link above is broken now, so here's the new link to Holy Fucking Shit
― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 19:41 (nineteen years ago)
― Dave will do (dave225.3), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 19:42 (nineteen years ago)
― peter in montreal (spaces are allowed), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 19:45 (nineteen years ago)
― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 19:53 (nineteen years ago)
― Black Arkestra (Black Arkestra), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 20:10 (nineteen years ago)
"U.S. Military ordered to pull out of small, Vietnamese peasant girl. 'That's enough now boys', says Captain."
"Clinton escapes through air vent"
― darin (darin), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 20:40 (nineteen years ago)
European Men Are So Much More Romantic Than American men
American Women Studying In Europe Are Unbelievably Easy
― Ash (ashbyman), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 20:52 (nineteen years ago)
September 26, 2001 | Issue 37•34
TWO WEEKS after 9/11!
― Cracks (Crackity), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 20:54 (nineteen years ago)
Radio stations still in operation are advising store owners and white people in the affected areas to locate firearms in sporting-goods stores in order to protect themselves against marauding blacks looting gun shops.
― viborgu, Tuesday, 28 February 2006 20:54 (nineteen years ago)
― Cracks (Crackity), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 20:58 (nineteen years ago)
― Jena (JenaP), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 20:59 (nineteen years ago)
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v165/noodle_vague/onion_imagearticle231.jpg
Cos somehow the dog looks so pleased with itself.
― Raw, Uncompromising, and Noodly (noodle vague), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 21:00 (nineteen years ago)
― Stephen X (Stephen X), Tuesday, 28 February 2006 21:14 (nineteen years ago)
-- Ash (ashbyma...), March 1st, 2006 7:52 AM. (later)
Point: European Men are so much more romanticCounterpoint: Female US exchange students are so easy
-- Dave B (REMOVETOREPLYdave.boyl...), December 12th, 2002 9:46 PM.
― S- (sgh), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 02:56 (nineteen years ago)
Copy Editor's Revenge Takes Form Of Unhyphenated WordBOSTON—Bruce Huntoon, a copy editor at Pilot magazine, intentionally did not correct the copy of columnist Justin Mann Monday. "I am tired of that insufferable asshole's mean-spirited jokes," Huntoon said. "So, when he described the carburetor warmer as a 'twentieth century' invention, I decided to leave the copy untouched and let him deal with the consequences of his actions. The fucker." Huntoon said the unhyphenated compound modifier is the most extreme step he has ever taken, adding that he drafted a resignation notice that he will hand in should his superiors notice the omission.
― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 03:55 (nineteen years ago)
― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 04:14 (nineteen years ago)
― joseph (joseph), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 04:29 (nineteen years ago)
― shookout (shookout), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 04:33 (nineteen years ago)
― clotpoll (Clotpoll), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 05:18 (nineteen years ago)
― Allyzay Rofflesberger (allyzay), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 18:31 (nineteen years ago)
I also love Jean Teasdale's "Women Are From Venus . . . Men Are From Out Of This World!!!"
Opinion piece from the head of a razor company: "Fuck Everything: We're Doing Six Blades"
― Wax Cat (Wax Cat), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:01 (nineteen years ago)
― Wax Cat (Wax Cat), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:02 (nineteen years ago)
― and what (ooo), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 13:07 (nineteen years ago)
Melon balled
― sleep (sleep), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 14:48 (nineteen years ago)
NAGASAKI BOMBED JUST FOR THE HELL OF ITSecond bomb would have just sat around anyway, say generals.
Also:JAPANESE JOIN FORCES WITH WHITE SUPREMICISTS IN WELL THOUGHT-OUT PLAN
― chap who would dare to be a nerd, not a geek (chap), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 16:35 (nineteen years ago)
― Michael A Neuman (Ferg), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 16:45 (nineteen years ago)
― and what (ooo), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 16:48 (nineteen years ago)
M.
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33708
― pisces (piscesx), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 16:50 (nineteen years ago)
― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 16:57 (nineteen years ago)
So very very accurate.
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 17:02 (nineteen years ago)
and the one about greenland thinking it looks fat on the mercator projection.
― sunny successor (katharine), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 17:08 (nineteen years ago)
Sources have found that the people of Kuwait were liberated from Iraqi forces by the bottom 10% of last year's graduating class. The study goes on to reveal that the coalition soldiers were largely students who failed to make grades sufficient to attend college, putting their relative worth to society in sharp contrast to the importance of their duties in the Middle East. First Private Chad Palmer was quoted as saying, "Yeah dog, Iraq is totally off the hook! Party!"
― and what (ooo), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 17:13 (nineteen years ago)
― and what (ooo), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 17:17 (nineteen years ago)
Pope Emerges From Chrysalis A Beautiful Butterfly
Soup Kitchen Thinks It Can Solve The World's Problems With Soup
White House Denies Existence Of Karl Rove
― sleep (sleep), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 17:39 (nineteen years ago)
"Despite its slow-witted demeanor and tendency to bask motionlessly in the hot sun, it's a mistake to believe that an alligator will passively tolerate a half nelson, no matter how much Southern Comfort is fueling it."
― darin (darin), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 22:27 (nineteen years ago)
― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 22:35 (nineteen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onion_imagearticle477.jpg
― chap who would dare to be a nerd, not a geek (chap), Wednesday, 17 May 2006 22:52 (nineteen years ago)
With Trump a no-show, Mar-a-Lago guests left to party maskless with Rudy Giuliani and Vanilla Ice
I mean this literally is a The Onion headline if there ever was one.
― Paul, Sunday, 3 January 2021 00:31 (four years ago)