World History Maconie Style

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It's an ILE Game (like Chain Reviews on ILM kind of). You name a year - any year. And some lucky poster gets to be Stuart Maconie* in quipful nostalgia-pundit mode and reduce that year to one line, as crassly as possible. And they then pick another year.

*ex music journalist geezer now on TV all the time saying "Spacehoppers eh? WHAT WERE WE THINKING?" and the like.

So to kick off: 1492.

(inspired by Mark S' gag on the Berlin Wall thread.)

― Tom, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Columbus? a westward route to Asia? not with America sitting bang in the way mate! what were we thinking of?

― Alasdair, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

oh, and the next year - 1815

― Alasdair, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Waterloo? It wasn't only Wellington who made a song and dance about Bonaparte falling apart.

― Martin, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

umm.. next year can be 1666.

― Martin, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What I want to know, right, is how come his blinkin' book didn't catch fire? Eh?

1792.

― Tim, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

everyone always thought fire was really rubbish, but the thing was, it were great. you could roast apples and stuff, and all the other boys would look on really jealous like, aye.

― gareth, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

fuck! too slow

― gareth, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Wooden houses in London, well they were bound to catch fire. Still only killed 4 people - a poor innings compared to the plague. What were we thinking of?

― Pete, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

1792 - The French, eh? Call that a revolutionary war? COS I DON'T.

1848.

― Sam, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Those guillotine parties were mad! Me and my girlfriends would always go along and collect the heads in baskets - it was a rush! And at the end of the night you'd see who had the biggest wig! Whoever designed the guillotine must have been on drugs....

(Cut to ROBESPIERRE)

ROBESPIERRE: Fookin' ell, we even gave special names to the fookin' months! Mad times, mate!

1903.

― Editor Of THE FACE, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Women's rights? Whatserface Pankhurst? Aw, give over.

Or: Wright brothers? Shite brothers, I call them.

55BC.

― Sam, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Julius Caesar's invasion party? what was it with them barnets lads? "AT MY COMMAND UNLEASH HELL" ? must've been what you said to your barber, mate.

― Terry Christian, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

55 BC: the romans take the scottish highlands. they later (wisely) reconsidered this.

1532 AD

― fred solinger, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

2000 bc

― Alasdair, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

sorry fred, your turn

― Alasdair, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

1532, eh? Boring fookin year that was eh? What were we thinking?

(I'm sorry, I've googled away and I can't find anything for that year, unless the answer is "The Prince, eh? What a twat, eh?")

― Sam, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

listen, i'm not going to reply to my own year here. let me just point you all in the right direction: rabelais.

― fred solinger, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Rabelais? What a gargantuan pile of toss. What was he thinking?

― Martin, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

1877

― Martin, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

He invented the telephone. Well, his name WAS Bell. At our house we just shouted.

― mark s, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

call that a reunification? 1929.

― Geoff, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

535

― mark s, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What people don't realise about the Dark Ages, right, is that lads were bored of all that civilisation stuff. They just wanted to let their hair down and have a bit of barbarism. Krakatoa just brought that whole thing to the front, you know? Have a laugh, have a party, have a big explosion, blot out the sun for two years - it were mad lookin' back of course, I mean what were we thinking?

2001.

― Tom, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

.. and who'd of thought that Robbie Williams would get eaten by wild pigs that autumn? fooking hell!

2000 bc

― Alasdair, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

2001 - "Everyone was like 'Woo - the future's here - but where are the moving pavements, personal helipads and a complete meal in one pill??' I think I spent the whole of 2001 in a serious depression."

― Vernon Kay, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Abraham, eh, he's a card that one. Changes his name, drags off his wife and concubine to find a land to invade by himself and almost fookin murders his son. I mean what was he thinking?

33 AD.

― Sam, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

that jesus right, he were walking round like he were god's gift or summat, 'e got what were coming to 'im.

How were we to know he were?

1914

― cabbage, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"So who's up for a family trip to Sarajevo?" - Archduke Francis Ferdinand.

1776

― Phil-Two, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

any of you bastards, when you get tired of this yankee thing, wanna go and grab us some colonies for lunch?

― Geoff, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

oops...1972

― Geoff, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Me dad were best mates with George Washington. 'Ee didn't really chop that tree down, ee were a big jessie.

― DG, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hey Womans Sports aint just for lesbians anymore YAH !!!
1939

― anthony, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Polish war strategy: Send in the cavalry!! French war strategy: Collaborate!!

1945

― Phil-Two, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hiroshima eh? I were dead jealous of them Japanese like, cos wot with all that radiation an' that they could, like, mutate into superheroes an' that. Dead good.

1588AD

― DG, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Enola Gay eh? WHAT WERE THEY THINKING? Imagine being the pilot what were flying that? And what if your name were Noel??

1692

― Tom, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Witches? Bitches more like! I tell you if my wife spend more time riding my broomstick I'd not have set light to her in the pub last week.

1879

― Sam, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ol' Joe Stalin was born in 1879, it was a cold winter that year!

1536

― jel, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Aye, dunno what happened then, I moost've been listening to Brootherhood of Man when I should've been doing me 'istory 'omework. Eh? Tender Pervert? Dunno what the fook you're on about."

1988.

― Robin Carmody, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

1536 - cor blimey they knew how to break up back then, instead of a quick stop shop for divorce, they had a quick chop!

Back to Robins 1988

― jel, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"That Gary Davies, eh? You'd think his parents had arranged to go on a trans-Atlantic cruise and specifically ensured that he was born exactly halfway across before they came back to rainy old Manchester! Did you see what I did there, eh?"

1587.

― Robin Carmody, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Mary Queen of Scots, come on love no need to lose your head over the Earl of Bothwell.

1903.

― Billy Dods, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Since we've already had 1903, I'll say 1314 if anyone wants to continue.

― Ally C, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

hmph. I like Stuart Maconie. I would've preferred him over fucking Mel & Sue on 'I Love 1991'

― DavidM, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

That came out wrong.

― DavidM, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think you came out perfectly. Congratulations.

Everyone wanted one. They were cute, they were skirts, and the blew into bagpipes. But by 1314, The Scottish Fad was over, and Edward II axed the show.

Kate Thornton: "Robert Bruce, what a dreamboat."

1215.

― Graham, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Three in One, No Three different,
Fuck you you red hatted ponce
You wouldnt know angels dancing if they wre up your ass and you wouldnt know G-d if he shit down your throat
1647

― anthony, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The Levellers, eh? Bobbins, they were. Never made a good record in their lives. Forgot all about this collaboration with Parliament though, what were George Clinton thinking?
1485

― DG, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

As a gift to all men who love rotund redheads , Titan was born to choirs of angels.
2001

― anthony, Saturday, 1 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"We were all trying to sound very ironic then, weren't we?"

1970.

― Robin Carmody, Saturday, 1 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

(passing observation, and yes bearing in mind thred-mutation and anthony's being canadian and all, and thus I assume blissfully unexposed to Maconie et al, is there a sentence LESS likely to have been actually written or spoken by S.Mac than "As a gift to all men who love rotund redheads , Titian was born to choirs of angels"...?)

― mark s, Saturday, 1 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Nostalgia's overrated, let's live for the future..."

― Andrew L, Saturday, 1 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Rick Astley was shite, 'The Poison Boyfriend' is the best album ever made. What was I thinking?" - Maconie's last words before that house fire ...

― Robin Carmody, Saturday, 1 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

1994: Blur and Parklife...shitelife more like. Bunch of fake Cockneys. What were we thinking? Give me The Clash's 'London Calling' any day.

― Toby Cooper, Sunday, 9 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

one year passes...

Goethe to thread

― George Steiner, Thursday, 24 April 2003 10:30 (twenty-three years ago)

five years pass...

Quite like this.

― Dingbod Kesterson, Thursday, 15 May 2008 12:26 (eighteen years ago)

Hiroshima eh? I were dead jealous of them Japanese like, cos wot with all that radiation an' that they could, like, mutate into superheroes an' that. Dead good.

1588AD
-- DG,

sheer class from day one

― Frogman Henry, Thursday, 15 May 2008 13:29 (eighteen years ago)

vernon kay posted on this thread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

― DG, Thursday, 15 May 2008 14:02 (eighteen years ago)

this thread also got in the guardian, really

― DG, Thursday, 15 May 2008 14:04 (eighteen years ago)

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