101 Ways to kill a Hobbit

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

101) A cider press

― Jonathan Williams (ex machina), Monday, 16 December 2002 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

100) giving them a large bucket of fanta at the start of a THREE HOUR LONG FILM and seating them between tall people so they can't get to the lavs. then their bladders burst. they die.

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 16 December 2002 17:03 (twenty-two years ago)

SNOG them to death!

― katie (katie), Monday, 16 December 2002 17:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Is it important that it is fanta? Would Sprite not do just as well?

― smee (smee), Monday, 16 December 2002 17:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Giving them Coke may not do them much good, either

― C J (C J), Monday, 16 December 2002 17:08 (twenty-two years ago)

(i only drink fanta in the cinemarium. i don't know why. coke doesn't go with nachos so well, i suppose)

98) a critical hit on a roll of a d100/d20 (depending on system)

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 16 December 2002 17:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Take the camera crew away. Can you imagine what orcs do to hobbits when there isn't a camera crew of humans watching over their shoulders?

― Dave Fischer, Monday, 16 December 2002 17:17 (twenty-two years ago)

97) Run him over with a unicycle

― Jonathan Williams (ex machina), Monday, 16 December 2002 17:27 (twenty-two years ago)

96) Canapes

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 16 December 2002 17:30 (twenty-two years ago)

95) hug them to death!

― katie (katie), Monday, 16 December 2002 17:35 (twenty-two years ago)

94) pretend they failed their saving throw vs acid

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 16 December 2002 17:37 (twenty-two years ago)

93) Pick them up, snap them in half and say "See - that wasn't such a hard hobbit to break"

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 16 December 2002 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

'Nab him - jab him - tab him - grab him'

― Ed (dali), Monday, 16 December 2002 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Get a Troll to sit on them and squash them into Jelly.

― gazza, Monday, 16 December 2002 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

What are we on, 91?

91) a good ol' dependable CRUSHING

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 16 December 2002 18:34 (twenty-two years ago)

90) bury them in butter

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 16 December 2002 18:36 (twenty-two years ago)

89) Hookworms

― Sarah Johnson (coco), Monday, 16 December 2002 18:55 (twenty-two years ago)

88) Feed them to a tree.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Monday, 16 December 2002 19:01 (twenty-two years ago)

87) A 12-gauge shotgun.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 16 December 2002 20:15 (twenty-two years ago)

86) a stampeding wild herd of chihuahuas

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 16 December 2002 20:21 (twenty-two years ago)

85. Tie them to sticks and toast them in fiery Dragons breath like marshmallows.

― gazza, Monday, 16 December 2002 20:35 (twenty-two years ago)

84) A very large blender purchased from QVC; setting: "chop"

― Jonathan Williams (ex machina), Monday, 16 December 2002 20:37 (twenty-two years ago)

ha ha ha...

HOBBIT SMOOTHIE!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 16 December 2002 20:52 (twenty-two years ago)

83) shove them up Tipper Gore's ass and feed her plutonium biscuits

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Monday, 16 December 2002 20:56 (twenty-two years ago)

82) Put a hefty dose of cyanide in their ale.

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 17 December 2002 03:07 (twenty-two years ago)

carrot impalement

― bruice stringbean, Tuesday, 17 December 2002 03:19 (twenty-two years ago)

#81, that is

― bruice stringbean, Tuesday, 17 December 2002 03:20 (twenty-two years ago)

80. Booze and cigarettes. They kill everyone, you know

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 17 December 2002 03:27 (twenty-two years ago)

shave their feet while they're asleep, they'll wake up and kill themselves. maybe.

94) pretend they failed their saving throw vs acid

am i a geek for laughing?

― g-kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 17 December 2002 09:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Smother in goose fat, impale and spit-roast. Hairy crackling though.

― Madchen (Madchen), Tuesday, 17 December 2002 10:12 (twenty-two years ago)

77. Pull out their feet-hairs, one by one.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Tuesday, 17 December 2002 10:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Hairy Crackling, ew! Wait a minute, that'd be a great hamster name...

76 - Deep fry them in batter and serve them to unsuspecting Glasgow neds

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 17 December 2002 10:19 (twenty-two years ago)

75. Throw them to the voles

― Richard Jones (scarne), Tuesday, 17 December 2002 10:26 (twenty-two years ago)

74 Mmmm, smother them in goose fat and then ~~content has been censorxxed~~

― Sarah (starry), Tuesday, 17 December 2002 11:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Smother them in goose fat and then...ride 'em like you're from Rohan!

Eww, I just disgusted myself.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Tuesday, 17 December 2002 12:04 (twenty-two years ago)

but you made me chuckle Liz! :) n.b. i shall be smothering them in VEGETABLE OIL (vegan wayZ to kill hobbits!)

― katie (katie), Tuesday, 17 December 2002 12:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Or perhaps you could use vegetable suet.

― Madchen (Madchen), Tuesday, 17 December 2002 12:48 (twenty-two years ago)

or maybe SENSUAL MASSAGE OIL!

― katie (katie), Tuesday, 17 December 2002 13:01 (twenty-two years ago)

73. According to ILM if you hold a hobbit down and let busta rhymes fart in its mouth it equals sure death.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 17 December 2002 13:07 (twenty-two years ago)

72) With kindness

― Mooro (Mooro), Tuesday, 17 December 2002 13:16 (twenty-two years ago)

three weeks pass...

71. Throw them to the lions!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 8 January 2003 20:44 (twenty-two years ago)

eight years pass...

70. Don't go watch their movie?

― StanM, Sunday, 17 April 2011 08:42 (fourteen years ago)

eleven years pass...

Get Amazon involved

― | (Latham Green), Saturday, 15 October 2022 11:29 (three years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.