Christmas: Classic or Dud?

plus my grandparents always get me really good presents.
Christmas is for the kids.

Classic.

i've had the flu so even the yummy white russians i just had taste funny. bah humbug.

even though i have flu:(

commerce and paganism unite to smite christianity!

On the dud side, I really don't want to have to explain what I (sort of) do for a (barely) living *again*. It's depressing.

So far have put on half a stone this December. That's a big dud too, though the masochistic part of me is looking forward to losing it in January :)

classic

Mark C, why are you getting compliments for your mattress? Why would people who hate your mattress kick ur face in??

Dud

I have always really hated Christmas. Especially Christmas cards, the inauthentic sentimentality, but also the pressure, the guilt trips, the disappointment. I also hate birthdays.

This is a stupid and immature opinion but it is how I feel.

Christmas is a difficult beast. Around young kids it can be pretty docile and affectionate, but it tends to get irritable at mealtimes and bite the adults who are in charge of feeding it.

xp you're a mean one, mister grinch

I guess I am also resentful because I never felt like I was allowed to “opt out.” Now I have children I definitely can’t. But even as a young adult. It’s everywhere. And I just find the aesthetics horrible. Wreaths, elves, all this bullshit.

I always like watching Christians adopt nakedly pagan traditions without even knowing it
I like some of the seasonal smells and trappings, wreaths and things
I like the Peanuts special
Egg nog is okay with rum in it
I grew up in a scandinavian family so we have little candle chimes and straw goats and dala horses and shit, I like all that stuff

Generally I treat it as some kind of nothern winter-fest rather that a season to shop and give obligatory trashy gifts.. I haven't sat around the tree opening gifts in years, tbh

It’s a deeply felt revulsion. If I express this to any family member or my spouse they become really angry and think I am trying to get out of planning, cooking, etc. But it isn’t that.

I do get annoyed when people ask "what are you doing for xmas?" and when I say 'nothing, maybe go for a bike ride or something,' they feel like that's a situation that needs fixing, like 'OMG you're coming to our house!' like I'm the lonely old man in a TWilight Zone episode

I have no principled reasons to hate it. I just dread this time of year. Maybe I dislike the pressure people put on the day. There is always a high chance of someone getting hurt on Christmas.

Maybe I dislike the pressure people put on the day

yeah I've mostly sidestepped all that now so it doesn't bother me... But when we'd go to my ex's mom's place, there was ALL KINDS of pressure that everything had to be perfect and she always bought gaudy trashy decorations online and a ham and a plastic tree and watching a shitty movie and it was just the pits.. everything I hate about American style Xmas

I’ve come to despise the holiday. I need less shit in my house, not more useless junk I’ll forget about. No one in my family makes a pageant of it. No parties, white elephant nonsense, dinners, etc.

Classic: Vince Guaraldi, A Christmas Carol, twinkly lights, cookies, the smell of a pine tree in the house

Dud: The incessant ubiquitous reminders that it is Christmas, most Christmas media, the commercialism, the cheap sentimentality, etc etc

I have found that the older I get, the older Christmas gets. It's like, we're doing this all again? Really?

I do get annoyed when people ask "what are you doing for xmas?" and when I say 'nothing, maybe go for a bike ride or something,' they feel like that's a situation that needs fixing, like 'OMG you're coming to our house!' like I'm the lonely old man in a TWilight Zone episode

I caved this year, and will be spending the day at a friends house with her family. She asks every year, but I've always enjoyed spending the day by myself. Last December though I think I was starting to feel a little left behind, so life's too short innit etc.

but xmas shopping=dud

watch its a wonderful life as early as possible that'll right ye

would be nice if we could have Christmas years where nobody exchanges presents, then it would be quite nice... time off work, a tree, nice dinners. just cut the shopping part out. but the present-buying reflex is extremely hard to suppress!

I guess I'm the anti-treeship here (no offense treeship!), in that I've always loved Christmas. Despite or probably partly because of never being Christian and being raised by Buddhist parents. My mom loves having a Christmas tree, making Christmas cookies, listening to Christmas music, and I grew up hearing about all the pagan traditions behind it and everything, understanding that this wasn't only a Christian holiday but was part of a long history of midwinter celebrations and lights.

Gifts I agree are a pain in the ass, and about 25 years ago I opted out of gift-giving with my family, just told them don't get me anything and don't expect anything. Of course, once I had kids I did start gift-buying again, but it's still mostly just for them. My wife and I mostly don't give each other Christmas presents, we just agree on some household stuff we need and/or some vacation we want to take. The day itself doesn't mean a lot to me, but I love "the holidays" (Thanksgiving to New Year's) as a time of year. I also like that we emerge out of it into the (relative) severity of January.

treeship i very much relate to your christmas feelings. this is definitely a thing:

Maybe I dislike the pressure people put on the day. There is always a high chance of someone getting hurt on Christmas.

i've spent many, many years despising christmas. this is very much related to the fact that i'm no-contact with my immediate family. this time of year is all about family and it's inescapable. so all of my grief is right at the surface from thanksgiving to xmas, every year.

but things are changing a little bit this year. 1) i have this very tight and loving little family unit. my husband and now a third. and most importantly, 2), there's no way to say this simply without being blunt but i've basically found god and it's legit changing my life. healing me for real. i'm not going to some church or anything i'm just praying / meditating. and it's changing me in a way nothing ever has. soooo we've done a few xmas-y things this year! j and i recorded a version of 'we 3 kings' and sent it to our third :). we talked about getting a tree (real naturally) but too much of a project, maybe next year. and we're getting gifts for each other. feels good to drop some bread on nice things for my men.

in spite of family grief i'm exceedingly grateful to have the family i have, grateful it isn't something else - i wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, not some huge family with kids where you can barely relate to anyone, not even for some ideal with wise parents, a bunch of kind aunts and warm eccentric cousins etc.

so it's still not my favorite time of year and i'm not going to stop being a hot mess during it (lack of light and poor air quality in winter where i live are also contributing factors) but suddenly parts of it i'm charmed by. even doing a little xmas shopping during a break at work on monday was enjoyable! and xmas music in stores doesn't irritate me nearly as much as it used to. i just kind of resign myself to it if it's poor. if there's something good, like a traditional carol of some kind, the spirit connects a little bit.

This is the year I finally saw the Rockettes’ Christmas show at Radio City Music Hall. There are many impressive moments in it although my friend and I agreed that it was pitched at too juvenile a tone (and we saw the late show). In making it family-oriented they go too far into vapidity.

This is the year I finally saw the Rockettes’ Christmas show at Radio City Music Hall

1939?

there's no way to say this simply without being blunt but i've basically found god and it's legit changing my life. healing me for real.

I'm glad to hear about the healing power of what you've found. I've found that living in a place full of natural beauty and power (not always benign) makes it easier to find proportion and to feel peace, gratitude & awe. From there it matters little if you call it god or something else, it's the mystery made manifest and it changes you.

thank you! "mystery made manifest", definitely.

what is figgy pudding?

My family gathering of 15-ish people is splitting up and will be smaller this year for logistical reasons, and for the first time in my entire life, we drew ONE name instead of everyone getting something for everyone. Yes it was a little crazy. We hand-make a lot of things or give food or practical shit like flashlights, pocket knives, socks, but it will be much easier to shop for one person.

I like the festivity and also the slow change into more darkness and adjusting to winter here in the Northeast. But I like winter, and rest, and observing seasons. I get that it's not for everyone.

They mystery/miracle of death/darkness and rebirth/the return of light is resonant for me.

i'm a big fan of the solstice for that reason. i'm looking around for pinon wood to light a fire somewhere outdoors on saturday night!

we did the name-drawing for family last year & again this year - we each get 2 names - one name gets nice present up to $75, and one name gets silly $25 or under

it’s been a lot easier to manage for mailing ovrrseas but it def is very weird still not getting something for everyone

The darkness-into-light rituals resonate for me too. The fundamental mystery of the light diminishing and then returning, the deep animal connections we still have to that cycle and all the myths and rituals we've built up around it seem deeply rooted in our physical and emotional experience of the world. It's why the Nativity story has always been the most relatable part of Christianity to me, it's a lovely allegory. (It resonates for me in ways that the Resurrection and Easter don't, even though they have a similar relationship to springtime rituals of renewal.)

All of you who get gifts for family members, do you have family members who actually appreciate them? The main reason I opted out at a certain point was that I got tired of trying to buy things for a dad who places a great priority on never being very satisfied or impressed by anything. I had aged out of needing his approval and it just came to seem like an exercise in masochism.

Two years ago an absolutely excessive blizzard hit JUST as we arrived at our destination after 15 hours of driving--flakes started falling for the last 40 mins of our drive and then it HOWLED for 2 days. We had firewood in case the power went out and we lost heat and we all had to live in one room (the power did not go out). That's kind of my ideal tbh.

xp I have nice family members and no one is crappy about presents. We all say lots of nice things and tell people how many times we've used the thing they got us last year. (I genuinely use the hand-quilted pot holders and adore giant jars of local honey.) We also regift or pass things on that we think someone else might like. We're a practical people.

That sounds nice. My dad grew up with a lot of issues around Christmas because his own dad was super controlling and weird about it, and he very rarely says anything nice about anything, everything's just "OK" in a generally disappointing way. It's exhausting as a character trait in general, and especially around gifts. He thinks the notion that "it's the thought that counts" is bullshit, basically. (As just one example, when my brother recently sent my parents a drawing that his 8-year-old daughter had done for them, my dad kind of sniffed and said it wasn't as good as the last one she'd done lol. Not TO her, fortunately, but that's what we're dealing with.)

i'm a big fan of the solstice for that reason. i'm looking around for pinon wood to light a fire somewhere outdoors on saturday night!

― hexham head (map), Wednesday, December 18, 2024 8:41 PM (twenty-seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

That sounds great! I'll be driving cross country alone on the solstice but I'll observe it in my own head. Does anyone live outside Toledo and have a couch I can sleep on?

xp haha see those "missing stair" relatives, that's one thing i definitely don't miss about family gatherings. our third will be in florida with his extended family for a week over xmas around some brutal and judgmental people, including to a certain extent his own parents, really his father, and i anticipate offering a sympathetic ear to him, but i'm glad that isn't me anymore! honestly fuck some of these people and their nasty maladaptive bs.

oh wow, a cross country trip in the dead of winter - that sounds exciting honestly - good luck!

Christmas is the one time when I ...

I'm regretting that I can't sleep in the car when it's going to be 12 degrees overnight.

But yeah f those people. I'm on record already as cutting off people who are detrimental to my survival and health. Being family is not a barrier. Good for you, map.

I am lucky in that I like being with my family and in laws. I see them all the time anyway, though. Christmas adds a strange pageantry to it.

thanks :) xp

what is it going to be, a strange night in a super 8?

Ugh I’m just trying to find the cheapest option where the reviews don’t mention bedbugs or roaches directly. Some with photographic evidence. I like it in summer when I can camp.

bleh. i saw you asking for a couch on fb. i'm sure you'll find a decent option!

happy holidays to all! may you find tha tspecial magic

classic for THIS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-AC0HLo8EM

It's Christmas without my dad and my brother had the nerve to ask me to come visit and someone is picking me up because I am blind in one eye and can't drive. It's the same twerp who insulted my dad.

Never mind last Christmas there was a fight and someone literally assaulted me.

I might have cancer. I miss my dad. I dumped a guy and am all alone.

I'd just rather be alone to process. I hate this cheery Christmas shit. I don't want to pretend. Fat lot of good any of this facade has done me.

I'm trying to save up money to move away. I don't want to live in the same place as any of these people.

I'm in a new spiritual thing and I don't want any of the selfish assholes from ten or fifteen years ago when dad was dying and mom wouldn't sign over the house to me even though I had the money.

really sorry you're having a rough go of it. i'm more depressed this christmas than i can ever remember being, but trying me best to glean some yuletide joy from the ellington/strayhorn nutcracker record and not drink myself into a coma. wishing ilx was somewhat more active at the moment but wishing y'all a safe and happy xmas

i'm really sorry for everyone feeling sad / angry / anxious this holiday. i know the feelings, i swear. howling grief and all that. first and foremost i wish everyone here physical and emotional safety at the very least.

i always used to hate people who would say "christmas is about giving." always with some pat and hallmark-y stunt act of charity to hammer the point home. unfortunately i have come around on this one, from a position of somewhat forced and somewhat willful surrender. not that i'm out looking for a big act of giving to do this holiday. it's just that this morning i was getting irritated at people behaving selfishly in small ways and i thought, wouldn't it be so much better if i just let them off the hook. make it a two-day get out of jail free pass in my own head for other people, stressed people, people who are not looking out for others around them in the moment. silly i know, but i like it as a starting point. in the meantime i impulse bought a deluxe frazetti norseman action figure as a gift to myself. it's my first action figure since i was a kid. happy holidays ilx. everyone for whom it's just not going to be happy, i invite you to join me in being grateful that it's almost over, again.

Awww I love your action figure purchase... have fun slaughtering the christians

I'll raise a hot buttered rum to anyone having a rough time this xmas of 2024

I've basically stopped buying gifts for anyone and only send out a couple cards each year... make this time of year what you want it to be and ignore what you think you're 'supposed to do'. As I said upthread, I just consider it a winter festival period and sidestep all the stressors and phony obligations
Keep your expectations low and you might be pleasantly surprised

I've never looked at the website for NORAD's "Santa tracker" before, and it's pretty awesome: https://www.noradsanta.org/en

Apologies, I just saw some of the posts upthread. The holidays aren't exactly a happy time most years - as usual there are people in my life who are going through a lot and the holidays usually amplify the wrong they shouldn't have to deal with. I don't have any great advice except nowadays I'm mentally somewhat removed from the holidays as if I was in foreign country and just witnessing some festivity that doesn't involve me. I do take pleasures in silly things once in awhile (see post above) but I don't re-arranged my life around it anymore.

Have definitely hit a point of "Should do Xmas differently". Was full of cold yesterday (Thanks work colleagues coming in and saying "I've had the worst cold but I'm not contagious anymore", over the last week) which didn't help. As it is, it feels too expensive for a not that enjoyable day. Pondering announcing that I'm going to stop buying presents for anyone over 18. Ended up cooking a veggie roast yesterday, in part to accommodate a planned visitor (who wouldn't have wanted anything more interesting), and that felt a bit tedious.