2003: first realisation that your life is futile and you are entirely alone in a bleak void of perpetual despair

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oh i'm loving it really, take no notice

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 1 January 2003 21:33 (twenty-two years ago) link

This is pretty much my default state...

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 1 January 2003 21:38 (twenty-two years ago) link

Even with all those ice lollies and chocolate?

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 1 January 2003 21:41 (twenty-two years ago) link

steve I didn't see you at my party last night!

oh.

― Josh (Josh), Wednesday, 1 January 2003 21:43 (twenty-two years ago) link

CJ, they are part of the desperate attempt to divert myself from thinking like that.

Actually, maybe my resolution ought to be to stop acting as if my depression is still a huge problem, when it may not be.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 1 January 2003 21:43 (twenty-two years ago) link

I greatly admire anyone who is able to eat ice lollies. I can't do it, because my teeth start to scream.

That's an interesting point about your depression, Martin. A good friend of mine is in a bit of a bad way with chronic depression, but I do sometimes wonder if he finds it useful to have a label to hide behind.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 1 January 2003 21:49 (twenty-two years ago) link

oh I feel like this often, it makes me feel oddly happy.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 1 January 2003 22:08 (twenty-two years ago) link

basically waking up, and spending the first hour of the day staring at the ceiling until neccessity drove me from my bed. and thn ran into someone with worse drama in their life and felt petty 4 being so consumed by my own personal drama.

do you know, i don't actually like ice lollies... except 4 rocket pops, and u can't get them here.

― masonicboom, Wednesday, 1 January 2003 22:08 (twenty-two years ago) link

or what I mean is feelings of being small and inconsequential in comparison to the vastness of the universe. I must be a hippy.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 1 January 2003 22:09 (twenty-two years ago) link

12:01, but chaki saved me.

― rainy (rainy), Thursday, 2 January 2003 03:49 (twenty-two years ago) link

Not had it yet. Still in This Year Will Be Better mode, long may it continue

― smee (smee), Thursday, 2 January 2003 03:52 (twenty-two years ago) link

10 minutes ago, but Rainy saved me.

― Graham (graham), Thursday, 2 January 2003 04:50 (twenty-two years ago) link

last night at 3am over my friends bottle of wine. andrew saved me

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 2 January 2003 05:13 (twenty-two years ago) link

Di kind of saved me too, I wasn't feeling too hot.

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 2 January 2003 05:27 (twenty-two years ago) link

So I guess this isn't the thread where I go 'WOOOOOOOOO, I AM GETTING MARRIED!', right?

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 2 January 2003 10:06 (twenty-two years ago) link

Congratulations, Ms Archel!

― RickyT (RickyT), Thursday, 2 January 2003 10:16 (twenty-two years ago) link

yay! that's brilliant!

― rainy (rainy), Thursday, 2 January 2003 10:42 (twenty-two years ago) link

Waking up with my shoes still on in a loft on a quarter-inch thick piece of foam with a Casiotone keyboard inches from my face with my glasses lodged between keys, with a note sustaining endlessly, I layed completely still for damn near 45 minutes just listening to that "BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" from the keyboard thinking 'this is the sound of the Universe, a futile drone that vibrates and emanates outward but ultimately can never actually accomplish anything, when all matter and energy are utterly empty dying nothing.

Then my buddies took me out for some pancakes, and all was right with the Universe.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 2 January 2003 14:03 (twenty-two years ago) link

Nickalicious, Are you sure that wasn't just cuz you were wasted?

I was feeling rather sensitive yesterday, it being the first day of the new year and everything. I cried a wee bit last night, but mostly just because I almost crushed my kitty.

I had cleaned out the secretary (ie: a desk basically) and was trying to fit the last drawer back in. I had a really hard time with it and kept forcing it in with all my might but I couldn't get it closed. Then when I jerked it out, I saw my little kitty's startled face and she jumped out and ran away and under the bed.

She seems to be ok, but I felt really bad. So my bf brought her in to me when I was crying in bed and sat her on my chest. Then I pet her for a really long time.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 2 January 2003 14:14 (twenty-two years ago) link

I'm certain. Waking up wasted for me generally puts me in a mode where I simply MUST DO SOMETHING, whether it's sleep, eat, play music, write, whatever...whereas that morning, I was overwhelmed by the feeling that everything I could possibly do would be utterly futile and pointless in a Universe as empty as our own.

But I did get over it pretty quick.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 2 January 2003 14:30 (twenty-two years ago) link

Heh. During the cab ride home at 7am on the 1st, happily alone until my cabbie broke the post-revelry, morning after silence with a consolatory "No luck, eh?"

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 2 January 2003 14:36 (twenty-two years ago) link

If the only thing in life that really matters is interpersonal relationships, things are very bleak for me indeed. Things are ok in almost every other sector, but what point is having icing on the cake when there is no cake?

― Sean (Sean), Thursday, 2 January 2003 14:38 (twenty-two years ago) link

Eating icing from the bowl is good enough for me sometimes. But that's not metaphorical. I just luv icing.

I've got a great relationship with my bf, but I sure could use some more friends in general. So I guess I'm having interpersonal problems too. Hmm... All part of my 'Be more happy-go-lucky' resolution where people will be magneticly attracted to me... Mwah ha ha!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 2 January 2003 14:43 (twenty-two years ago) link

When Sister Act 2: Back In The Habit fell off air this afternoon.

― Graham (graham), Saturday, 4 January 2003 17:21 (twenty-two years ago) link

I saw Star Trek: Nemesis!

― jel -- (jel), Saturday, 4 January 2003 17:26 (twenty-two years ago) link

I always get a bit down when i think about things too much.....so just dont think.....well hey, it works for me !!!

And Buffy...she rocks !!!

― baggy (baggy), Saturday, 4 January 2003 17:35 (twenty-two years ago) link

The Poseidon Adventure just now saved me.

― Graham (graham), Saturday, 4 January 2003 21:07 (twenty-two years ago) link

''I saw Star Trek: Nemesis!''

what's wrong with you jel?

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Saturday, 4 January 2003 22:46 (twenty-two years ago) link

We were gonna see Dirty Pretty Things, but it wasn't on anymore, and then we decided against Spider, and then we thought Star Trek will be a laugh!

― jel -- (jel), Saturday, 4 January 2003 22:48 (twenty-two years ago) link

I was with my family and half of them were asleep, so we had to be quiet and not wake them up at 12:00, and then at 12:01 everyone was just like "Right now let's go to bed." I said "That's a pretty pathetic start, isn't it?" and my dad said, "It's not like the first minute of the New Year actually means anything." Yeah but I'd like a bit of noise next time!

2003: I want it to be good but I'm bracing myself just in case.

― Maria (Maria), Sunday, 5 January 2003 03:53 (twenty-two years ago) link

five months pass...

I dunno if life is a bleak void, but, I'm not really liking this year too much.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 4 July 2003 07:05 (twenty-one years ago) link

Not that it helps, but I think 2003 has been kinda great. It's been a year of huge changes so far and we only got halfway through. Bring it on.

― Alex K (Alex K), Friday, 4 July 2003 07:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

I am reading perec's 'the void' right now.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 4 July 2003 07:48 (twenty-one years ago) link

2003 has been very up and down. many positives but also not a stable base, really stressed at moment, but so many good things to look forward to at same time

― gareth (gareth), Friday, 4 July 2003 07:53 (twenty-one years ago) link

haha its 'a void' no letter e.

cheer up folks.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 4 July 2003 07:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

yeah. i got one of those after a large brownie at an amsterdam bake shop.

― lolita corpus (lolitacorpus), Friday, 4 July 2003 08:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

A stupid void, maybe. Need a new set of circumstances that'll result in exactly the same thing. See me bother.

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Friday, 4 July 2003 15:19 (twenty-one years ago) link

three months pass...

What a fucking weird year it has been. Despair? Not quite. Well, sometimes.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Friday, 31 October 2003 23:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

It took people until 2003 to figure this out?

Black hole. Someone wake me up from my desk and give me a reason to care about any of this stuff.

― anthony kyle monday (akmonday), Friday, 31 October 2003 23:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

there aint no point.

― jed (jed_e_3), Friday, 31 October 2003 23:57 (twenty-one years ago) link

great then I'm going to sleep! fuck this shit.

― anthony kyle monday (akmonday), Saturday, 1 November 2003 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

2003: The year I realized how much of a mess life can be.

Also

2003: The year I accomplished far more than I thought I would.

I need to get to sleep.

― Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Saturday, 1 November 2003 06:57 (twenty-one years ago) link

I just want an iPod. Really, that's all I ask of life for now.

I'm a consumer-whore. And how!

― Girolamo Savonarola, Saturday, 1 November 2003 07:28 (twenty-one years ago) link

sorry a.k.m. - hope your feeling better today mate!

― jed (jed_e_3), Saturday, 1 November 2003 15:34 (twenty-one years ago) link

2003 has officially been the worst year of my life. Right now I'm in such a deep hole of despair that I cannot imagine a time when it will ever get any better. The only ace in the hole I have is that a lot of what made the year bad was my fault so perhaps I can do things to make the future better, but I doubt it. There were a few bright spots but for the most part it's been really really awful. I should've put this on my blog, sorry kids.

― Bryan (Bryan), Saturday, 1 November 2003 15:46 (twenty-one years ago) link

Today, I feel strangely like all the futility and despair has lifted! It was pretty much lingering in the shadows for a lot of this year, but now it's like it's been arrested by some invisible police-man! YAY!

― jel -- (jel), Saturday, 1 November 2003 15:48 (twenty-one years ago) link

oh, and Bryan, I hope things start feeling better soon for ya!

― jel -- (jel), Saturday, 1 November 2003 15:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

three weeks pass...

okay so wtf has changed. this was only almost the worst year ever, in every way possible

― Vic (Vic), Friday, 28 November 2003 20:27 (twenty-one years ago) link

The best thing is that 2003 is almost over! And December is the best month of the year, and 2004 is gonna be great coz it's an even number again.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 28 November 2003 20:32 (twenty-one years ago) link

things are ok in almost every other sector

Ha, well since this statement is now very much no longer true, I wonder if I even have the icing let alone the cake. Worst year ever?

― Sean (Sean), Friday, 28 November 2003 21:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

Sean if you'e online right now can u im me

― Vic (Vic), Friday, 28 November 2003 21:01 (twenty-one years ago) link

i forgot how to spell your aim name!

― Vic (Vic), Friday, 28 November 2003 21:01 (twenty-one years ago) link

Yay for 2003 being almost over, anyway.

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Friday, 28 November 2003 22:38 (twenty-one years ago) link

Second-worst year ever.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 28 November 2003 22:39 (twenty-one years ago) link

seconded

― A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Friday, 28 November 2003 22:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

Seeing Surfin' Congressman Dana Rohrbacher on TBN was really soulsucking. I mean, I always hated the guy, but I would have never expected this. Was this just performance art? Or has Dana now become a Religious Right Republican Fucker as opposed to being Just A Republican Fucker?

(otherwise, uh, i'm feeling far less futile than I did a month ago)

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 28 November 2003 22:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

this happened to me last night in the wee hours

― s1utsky (slutsky), Friday, 28 November 2003 23:14 (twenty-one years ago) link

Yeah, a mostly bad year for me too - single since January, the vicious harassment earlier in the year, the colossal stress of this house business, the serious eye problems - but things seem to be changing. I've mentioned that I'm moving on Tuesday, I'm still hopeful of hearing that I have my promotion very soon, and I feel that I have some chance of a special new(ish) relationship in the immediate future. The eye troubles look set to hang around, but they'll get solved eventually, I hope.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 29 November 2003 14:11 (twenty-one years ago) link

I don't think I'll look back and be all "Yay 2003!" but it's been OK...but there's still a month left! *touches wood*

― DG (D_To_The_G), Saturday, 29 November 2003 15:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

I've got an even greater number of records, i've heard a wider range of stuff and enjoyed lots. I've also had lots of CDR trading with ILXORS. and i've gone to more gigs this year more than any other.

Work wise fine.

the other aspects: complte shit. nothing has happened.

Music is getting me through.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Saturday, 29 November 2003 15:15 (twenty-one years ago) link

twenty years pass...

can we please revive this thread?

it's just the right amount of cynicism at 8. am

― stwahberrymilkgirlll, Friday, 12 April 2024 12:04 (eight months ago) link

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