Childhood jokes that were an excuse to swear lots

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they weren't funny, but they were big AND clever. the one i suddenly remembered had the "punchline": a duck for a fuck, a fuck for a duck, and fifteen quid for a fucked up duck. kids are rubbish.

― Alan (Alan), Friday, 10 January 2003 14:05 (twenty-two years ago)

i have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA why i started this thread

― Alan (Alan), Friday, 10 January 2003 14:10 (twenty-two years ago)

was it an excuse to swear lots?

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 10 January 2003 14:11 (twenty-two years ago)

That one which featured lots of unimaginative gross-out sequences, to which the protagonist responded, "I'm fuckin' disgusted", until he eventually has cause to place his manservant in a bowl of hot, yellow sauce. "I'm fuckin' dis custard." is the punchline.

Oh dear.

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Friday, 10 January 2003 14:12 (twenty-two years ago)

My favourite's punchline was 'over the wall, picking up poo'. The rest is far too rude to repeat here.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 10 January 2003 14:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Stretching your mouth and trying to say "Banker" or "Ship" always used to be amusing for minutes. Don't know if that even counts as a joke though.
I can't actually remember any childhood jokes, was propably we were probably all too busy laughing at words like penis at the time to formulate proper jokes at my school.

― fractal (fractal), Friday, 10 January 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

What about the one where the mom tells her son that bitch means the mainman and fuck means the mail or something like that? So basically, when the mailman comes to the door the kid cusses him out trying to talk to him...?

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 10 January 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Michael I haff nevah heard that joke but now I have the giggles so hard I fear I shall not recover until afternoon. Damn/bless you.

― J0hn Darn13ll3 (J0hn Darn13ll3), Friday, 10 January 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

N, was that the joke where someone had a friend called POO - tell it as i barely remember the details

― james (james), Friday, 10 January 2003 14:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Stretching your mouth and trying to say "Banker" or "Ship" always used to be amusing for minutes.

for twice the hilarity, try "BUCKET"

― g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 10 January 2003 14:23 (twenty-two years ago)

"Wanna hear a dirty joke? A pig fell in the mud" was about as dirty as I got while a child. I didn't start swearing at all until I was in my late teens. You'd have barely caught me even saying "bloody".

― kate, Friday, 10 January 2003 14:25 (twenty-two years ago)

OK James, but I did warn you..

There were these men called Shut up, Manners and Poo. Poo climbed up a wall and fell over the other side so Manners went to go and get him. Shut up went to go get help and he found a police man. The police man said "what's your name," Shut up said "Shut up!" then the police man said "where's your manners!" so Shut Up said "Over the wall picking up Poo!".

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 10 January 2003 14:28 (twenty-two years ago)

ha! that joke came flooding back as i read it.

― g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 10 January 2003 14:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I can think of a variant of that idea where three kids are lost in the woods and, for some extraordinary reason, they happen to be blessed with the names 'Shit', 'Upyourarse' and 'SodOff'. Imagine what happens when they meet a police officer!*

One is also reminded of the touching tale of a young, promiscuous lady named 'Shagarada'.

I think I'll leave it there.

(* - OK, Dastoor's stolen my thunder, but I'm leaving this in).

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Friday, 10 January 2003 14:33 (twenty-two years ago)

...even though I can no longer think of a way to make it work.

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Friday, 10 January 2003 14:34 (twenty-two years ago)

At age eleven, my favorite punchline was "A rat! A BIG fuckin' rat! With a DICK! THIS!! LONG!!"

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 10 January 2003 14:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I've just tried sayin "BUCKET" it's at least 20 percent funnier. :) N also reminded me of the Shut Up, Manners and Poo joke. Which is good.

― fractal (fractal), Friday, 10 January 2003 14:47 (twenty-two years ago)

20 percent!! pffft. recalculate, there's something amiss. it's definitely twice as funny.

― g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 10 January 2003 14:54 (twenty-two years ago)

you have to stretch yr mouth and say "I was born in a pirate ship"!

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 10 January 2003 15:02 (twenty-two years ago)

i can't, i might get the sack.

― g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 10 January 2003 15:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Getting gullible kids to stretch their mouth and say "My daddy is a banker" was also great. Bonus points if their daddy actually was a banker.

― fractal (fractal), Friday, 10 January 2003 15:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Wasn't the Shagarada joke that (eventually) she was upstairs with some bloke when her mum walked back into the house and shouted upstairs, "SHAGARADA?" The bloke shouted back down "I'm doin' me fookin' best....."

― SittingPretty (sittingpretty), Friday, 10 January 2003 15:07 (twenty-two years ago)

where i came from, the girl had huge tits and was called 'pullemada'. regional differences at such a young age.

― g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 10 January 2003 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Did anyone else tell the one that involved singing the Inspector Gadget song?

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Friday, 10 January 2003 20:59 (twenty-two years ago)

"sunshine city" 10x fast

I seem to remember one that starts with a kid bugging his mom on the telephone, she tells him to shut up, and he goes off and encounters several other people who ignore him in various ways, and the things they say magically turn into an extremely rude retelling of "what i did on my summer vacation" - or something?

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 10 January 2003 22:21 (twenty-two years ago)

What was the gag with the pregnant mother getting shot by the IRA terrorist and having three kids, two girls and a boy, and the one gurl comes up to her many years later and says 'Mum I had a period and a bullet fell out' and the other girl then comes up to her and says 'Mum I also had a period and a bullet fell out' and then the boy comes up and says 'Mum I was wanking and I shot the cat'?

Oh wait, I remember - it was that one.

― Al Ewing (Al Ewing), Saturday, 11 January 2003 00:23 (twenty-two years ago)

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