An empty cigar tube filled with wasps makes a good vibrator.

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Is this true?

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:29 (twenty-three years ago)

It would have to be sealed very well, and the wasps would suffocate, so it would not last long. How long does it take for a wasp to suffocate?

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Suddenly I no longer want the details of Tom's homemade vibrator.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:33 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't see why you couldn't have small airholes at one end.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Just a little less time than it takes to orgasm with a wasp-powered vibrator.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:34 (twenty-three years ago)

I SECOND DAN!

― Sarah (starry), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:35 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm the expert round here and this method sucks.

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeh, and while you're at it with your airholes, why not install a miniature Starbucks for the wasps? Which end were you thinking of, N?

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:36 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't see why you couldn't have small airholes at one end.

at one end?? you say that like: at least one end. which end would you choose? [like lixi types while I did]

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:37 (twenty-three years ago)

URGH. This thread drips with wrongness (and soggy wasps).

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:38 (twenty-three years ago)

surely the wasp vibrator is not vegan friendly

― Ed (dali), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Which end were you thinking of, N?

The other end from Tom was?

― Graham (graham), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Maybe there is something that is like a wasp, but not harmful. Like, a um, a, um. um. I dunno.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Are there wasp masochism sites?

What about jumping beans alix?

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:42 (twenty-three years ago)

a fly?

― michael wells (michael w.), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Humming birds? They are quite tiny I believe.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:42 (twenty-three years ago)

i mean flies. just one would be pretty underwhelming, i imagine.

― michael wells (michael w.), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:43 (twenty-three years ago)

There was an old lady who inserted a fly...

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Archel, well done for bringing a little prettiness to this ugly ugly thread.

― Tim (Tim), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:44 (twenty-three years ago)

what about some sort of a small electric motor?

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Still not vegan friendly though (jumping beans are moth larvae).

― Graham (graham), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Moths. I was thinking of the non-inserted end, just in case the sting pokes through. But you might want that danger. It's horses for courses.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Horses?

― Tim (Tim), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:46 (twenty-three years ago)

I wonder if there are sites where womens' clothes get all eaten off by moths?

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:47 (twenty-three years ago)

N. doesn't have the time for those boring middle verses.

― Graham (graham), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Jumping beans are plastic! And would be rubbish, unless you were in some kind of gyroscope. I think Gillander's small electric motor might be the answer, although possibly someone has already thought of this. Apparently the woman who founded Ann Summers moved into a house down the road from my parents. Imagine the village gossip. Or don't.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:48 (twenty-three years ago)

angry wasps in a condom add a certain pleasure both to the fellow and his lady friend

― WilliamR (WilliamR), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Imagine Tom's poem taken to it's logical conclusion...

"There was an old lady who inserted a horse,
She came of course..."

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:49 (twenty-three years ago)

barbed for her pleasure?

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:50 (twenty-three years ago)

This is the best/horriblest/most wrong thread EVAH!

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:51 (twenty-three years ago)

ITS A WASP. YOU DON'T WANT IT NEAR YOUR BITS. Although there are people that enjoy stinging nettles in this way.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Have you tested this yourself, Nick?

I can imagine a porn film set in an adult toys' factory's quality control department -- Inspected by Number 69.

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Not me, obv.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:53 (twenty-three years ago)

all home science experiments EVER (as found in Usborne's "So Your Kid is A Precocious Shit and wants a chemistry set for christmas" series)started "you'll need two expty cigar tubes". i never ever had any. or friends. i could do the electric experiments -- they needed brass split pins, wire, a battery, aluminium foil and a matchbox (to make home-made lamp holders)

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Are you trying to clean up this thread, Alan?

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:55 (twenty-three years ago)

That's what I meant by wasp porn - it's the next step from the nettle thing innit?

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:55 (twenty-three years ago)

My stepdad used to work as a packer at an Ann Summers factory. They were allowed to take home any damaged chocolate phalluses. I don't think wasps were involved though.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:55 (twenty-three years ago)

the next step being?

blue ringed octupi, spitting Cobras, box jelly fish?

― Ed (dali), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:56 (twenty-three years ago)

But it's in a cigar case!

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Hamlet's only come in thin cellophane.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:59 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm sure there's a joke to be made there.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:00 (twenty-three years ago)

anyway, the Usborne "So your Kid has worked out how to wire up a bulb and battery, woo hoo" series had a home made vibrator on page 46*. It started "For this you will need an empty cigar tube." I also wanted to be a spy when i was a kid, and liked making code wheels. Mirrors were also fascinating for some reason. And Pinhole cameras, obv.

(*Does that make things better, Alix? Though that bit is a lie)

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:01 (twenty-three years ago)

"Ophelia kink depression suicide shockah" etc

― g.cannon (gcannon), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:04 (twenty-three years ago)

Thank you for filthying things up. I actually was a spy when I was younger. This too is a lie. I was fascinated by periscopes though.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:08 (twenty-three years ago)

I have one inserted at the moment, and I certainly would extoll its pleasing virtues. I'm sorry - I've just come.

― WilliamR (WilliamR), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:09 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm shocked that no one actually commented on the SIZE of hummingbirds as a strike against their usefulness in a vibrator context (TAKE INTO ACOCUNT THE WINGSPAN, PEOPLE!).

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:09 (twenty-three years ago)

ACOCUNT?!

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:10 (twenty-three years ago)

WilliamR has a periscope inserted at the moment? "I was just looking up an old friend" ho ho

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:11 (twenty-three years ago)

a rattlesnake would make a much better vibrator.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:11 (twenty-three years ago)

A periscope has many pleasing virtues.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Skipping 88 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Somehow I think if I started this thread, you would not think it so awesome. That's racist!

― Scorpion Tea (Dick Butkus), Friday, 10 November 2006 02:34 (nineteen years ago)

t/s: sand vs. wasps

― You've Got Scourage On Your Breath (Haberdager), Friday, 10 November 2006 02:38 (nineteen years ago)

uh, sand, obviously unless it's in your kidney (and even then)

― Scorpion Tea (Dick Butkus), Friday, 10 November 2006 02:39 (nineteen years ago)

Oh, and BTW 'Joei wasp vibrator' will eventually come up with a Google hit

#1 hit Dan!

― ONIMO ph34rz teh NOIZE (GerryNemo), Friday, 10 November 2006 12:49 (nineteen years ago)

An empty cigar tube filled with WASPs makes an even worse vibrator than you'd imagine.

― Feargal Hixxy (DJ Mencap), Friday, 10 November 2006 13:19 (nineteen years ago)

#1 hit Dan!

ROFFLE

RUN NOW, RAGGETT

― The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Friday, 10 November 2006 20:35 (nineteen years ago)

two months pass...

Two CO2 cartridges filled with a wooden dowel makes a good dildo:

http://godlovesmeat.com/spatulatzar/dildo/

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 14 January 2007 17:53 (nineteen years ago)

Insight into ILXors web-browsing habits = EEK

― The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Sunday, 14 January 2007 18:15 (nineteen years ago)

nine months pass...

OK, I admit it I'm intrigued...
http://www.theconevibrator.net/images/product.jpg
Anyone had personal experience of this? It's good for men and women or so it says on the box.

― Ned Trifle II, Wednesday, 7 November 2007 13:52 (eighteen years ago)

How does that even work? Do you sit on it?

― Tuomas, Wednesday, 7 November 2007 14:02 (eighteen years ago)

ding ding ding

― ^@^, Wednesday, 7 November 2007 14:04 (eighteen years ago)

I'd love to test it, but I doubt there exists a shop which'd let you test vibrators before buying one.

― Tuomas, Wednesday, 7 November 2007 14:12 (eighteen years ago)

Actually no, I think some sex stores have tester vibrators their customers can check out. But I don't think you can test it in, er, real use.

― Tuomas, Wednesday, 7 November 2007 14:13 (eighteen years ago)

two months pass...

"think"

― Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Sunday, 27 January 2008 22:32 (eighteen years ago)

I lol'd.

― Bodrick III, Sunday, 27 January 2008 23:15 (eighteen years ago)

This fucking thread.

― Dom Passantino, Sunday, 27 January 2008 23:51 (eighteen years ago)

three months pass...

OK, I admit it I'm intrigued...

― omar little, Monday, 19 May 2008 23:46 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.theconevibrator.net/images/product.jpg

― omar little, Monday, 19 May 2008 23:46 (eighteen years ago)

I can't see how that would be fun for anyone.

― HI DERE, Monday, 19 May 2008 23:58 (eighteen years ago)

http://amandaziegler.com/tn_oglethorpe1.gif would hit it

― iiiijjjj, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 00:03 (eighteen years ago)

one year passes...

http://xhamster.com/movies/191509/my_homemade_1_50_dollar_store_sex_toy.html

― Tracer Hand, Sunday, 6 September 2009 23:35 (seventeen years ago)

that's really, really NSFW by the way.

― Tracer Hand, Sunday, 6 September 2009 23:37 (seventeen years ago)

xhamster???? no thanks.

― ian, Sunday, 6 September 2009 23:38 (seventeen years ago)

dying @ How Long Can You Last? ad on the side.

― clotpoll, Monday, 7 September 2009 00:38 (seventeen years ago)

two years pass...

Wait, what?

http://gizmodo.com/5909857/the-bizarre-history-of-the-vibrator-from-cleopatras-angry-bees-to-steam+powered-dildos

I thought Tom invented this?!

― Alba, Monday, 14 May 2012 08:10 (fourteen years ago)

There really aren't any new ideas, huh

― I'M THAT POSTA, AAAAAAAAAH (DJP), Monday, 14 May 2012 08:31 (fourteen years ago)

"cleopatra's angry bees" would be a neat band name. Possibly.

― Pureed Moods (Trayce), Monday, 14 May 2012 08:53 (fourteen years ago)

eight months pass...

Ten year anniversary of this magnificent thread just passed.

― i would never inflict the process of making a sandwich on myself (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 25 January 2013 16:30 (thirteen years ago)

four years pass...

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/ground-wasp-nest-vagina-tighten-warn-gynaecologist-painful-sex-bacteria-hiv-a7766376.html

― how's life, Thursday, 1 June 2017 13:35 (nine years ago)

I neither know nor care what that story is because nothing could possibly top that url.

― Trockasturm Hoar The Ramming Battle Ceraton (Old Lunch), Thursday, 1 June 2017 13:38 (nine years ago)

i'd hate for you to miss out on this rare use of 'pro-tip' in a clinical context

“Here's a pro-tip, if something burns when you apply it to the vagina it is generally bad for the vagina,” Dr Gunter added.

― heck i've even been an 'oyster pirate' (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 1 June 2017 14:02 (nine years ago)

"Another pro-tip: if your arm becomes detached from your body it is generally good to have it reattached to your body," Dr. Gunter sagely advised.

― Trockasturm Hoar The Ramming Battle Ceraton (Old Lunch), Thursday, 1 June 2017 14:10 (nine years ago)

Dr. Gunter dispensing that arcane esoterica to which only the pro-est of tippers have access.

― Trockasturm Hoar The Ramming Battle Ceraton (Old Lunch), Thursday, 1 June 2017 14:11 (nine years ago)

I should have known someone else would beat me to reviving this thread with that article

― PJD PDJ DPJ (DJP), Thursday, 1 June 2017 21:16 (nine years ago)

i came here to post this story :)

― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Friday, 2 June 2017 11:15 (nine years ago)

this is the beauty of ilx, really - how many other boards would have an extant thread suitable to put this story, and have three separate posters all think to put it there

― heck i've even been an 'oyster pirate' (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 2 June 2017 11:19 (nine years ago)

Do you check through the archive esoterica or just remember the threads years later?

― Stevolende, Friday, 2 June 2017 11:50 (nine years ago)

dude obviously no one who read it has ever forgotten this thread

― mark s, Friday, 2 June 2017 11:52 (nine years ago)

i can't speak for the others but the phrase 'an empty cigar tube filled with wasps makes a good vibrator' has been indelibly inked on my brain since i first read it years ago

― heck i've even been an 'oyster pirate' (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 2 June 2017 11:52 (nine years ago)

it's indelible bcz it's true

― mark s, Friday, 2 June 2017 11:54 (nine years ago)

the premise of this thread seems like it'd be good test of the limits of rule 34 but no fucking way am i going to be the one to conduct it

― heck i've even been an 'oyster pirate' (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 2 June 2017 12:00 (nine years ago)

one year passes...

i’m sorry we’re all out of cigar tubes filled with wasps, but i can interest you in this receptacle containing the world’s largest bee

https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/067f0fa3cb527f2a7c22badf68ff3a90a558d4ad/50_242_5381_3228/master/5381.jpg?width=1920&quality=85&auto=format&fit=max&s=90f70f0a19c0cfeb69f7a75f60b0aa23

― “Emotional Interest Underwear” (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 21 February 2019 16:11 (seven years ago)

― “Emotional Interest Underwear” (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 21 February 2019 16:12 (seven years ago)

one month passes...

Four Bees Living in Her Eye, Feeding on Her Tears

― mick signals, Wednesday, 10 April 2019 21:33 (seven years ago)

ten months pass...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CvqmD0CZao

― nothing in the dialog (unregistered), Monday, 17 February 2020 02:21 (six years ago)

An empty cigar tube filled with wasps makes a good vibrator

sufjan stevens

― sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Monday, 17 February 2020 03:47 (six years ago)

Great beehive

― Le Bateau Ivre, Monday, 17 February 2020 08:20 (six years ago)

Was this thing a Viz Top Tip originally or did somebody plagiarise it and submit it as a top tip afterwards?

― Dadjokke (Sgt. Biscuits), Monday, 17 February 2020 12:23 (six years ago)

i dunno if anyone can really 'plagiarise' just plain common sense like this tho tbf

― Homegrown Georgia speedster Ladd McConkey (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 17 February 2020 12:54 (six years ago)

four months pass...

What if you were *inside* a giant cigar tube filled with... bees?

https://horizontalhive.com/honey-bee-images/bee-bed-sleep-apitherapy.jpg

https://horizontalhive.com/how-to-build/bee-bed-sleep-hive-plans.shtml

― Piedie Gimbel, Friday, 3 July 2020 16:09 (six years ago)

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