Being single - Classic or Dud

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Discuss. At the moment I am single. Loving every *single* minute of it.

― nathalie, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

nope. i was always despearte and obsessed with finding the next catch.

― anthony, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You know, I used to love being single. I used to love the sense of freedom, of release, of knowing I wasn't tied to anyone or anything.

Now it just feels like a great big hole in the pit of my stomach. That's nothing to do with being *single* per se, it's to do with not being with the person that I want to be with.

― Kate the Saint, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I like being single really...some of my comments may not reflect that properly...but honesty I do.

― jel, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

classic. you get to have sex with lots of people. but dud cos sometimes you just wanna know where your next lay is coming from.

― lady die, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I love being single. Except now I'm engaged.

― Ally, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Since when Ally. Christ tell us more.

― anthony, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm single, and I wish I wasn't...*sigh*...

― DG, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

singleness, when wanted - classic; when not, major dud. but questions do have to be asked as to (well part from the rumpoling of the baily bits) why do you need someone else for fulfilment.

― Geoff, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's shit to be alone. As Louise Wener once said.

― DavidM, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I have to agree with dud, artistically it works at many levels, but as far as personal growth...not (it also doesn't help when you are in a town of 15K where everyone is either married or has a steady)

― jameslucas, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

After three months of being single, I actually said to myself one day "you know what? I'm happy to be single. Nobody tries to tell me what to do, I can flirt or even shack up with whoever I want, and I don't have any obligation to see anybody if I don't want to - I can hole up in my room all weekend and order pizza in, and nobody feels particularly neglected because I wanted time to myself. This is great". Now that she and one of my good friends have announced to me that they're going to get together, I feel like utter shit again. So being single is alright, until you see a couple walking down the street holding hands, or watch just about any movie ever made.

― Dave M., Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's really dud when you're single and listening to Ryan Adams, but its kind of classic sitting there knowing how dud it is and basking in it. But its fucking dud most of the time being single, but then its dud going out with someone if you dont really like them obviously and you cant make something happen

― Ronan, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm not single (yay) but currently live as if I am (boo) in that Jane the Wonderful is in the UK and I'm here -- and I don't mean that in the 'opportunity for playing around' sense, I mean that in that 'nobody to give you a hug when you need it' sense. D'OH!

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Blows.

― JM, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I will answer my own question: It is neither. Of course staying single for the rest of your life is dud. But I am currently enjoying my single life, thank you very much. Also, I woudn't say it hampers your personal growth.

― nathalie, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Not classic, but not worth agonizing over, surely.

― Lyra, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think the definitive answer is as follows.

If you're a woman, or a man who's handsome and charming enough to get laid with any regularity: classic.

If you're not: dud.

Overall: dud. I mean, half of everything that happens on Earth is about people trying to not be single -- shouldn't this tell us something?

― Nitsuh, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yes, that we're going to rely on Nitsuh to tell us what the dating scenario is like in Chicago. Fun for all!

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Trying to get hold of people who work uneven hours: dud.

― Lyra, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Being newly single, I can agree that 'freedom' sucks. Though I'm sure it would be much better if I were more comfortable with casual sex.

― Phil-Two, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I am enormously comfortable with casual sex. Casual sex is not however comfortable with me. So it's a good thing I'm not single. The last time I was - two months of absolute paranoid self-hating hell, one month of scary, giddy freedom. But I'm not keen to see if that experience fits a pattern.

― Tom, Tuesday, 28 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

one year passes...

dud
dud
dud
dud
dud
dud
dud
dud
dud
dud
dud
dud

― meirion john lewis (mei), Friday, 15 November 2002 19:33 (twenty-three years ago)

no its classic if you want to be single ie: are the one who made it that way and even if you werent, given time and space you realise it is so good you never want to be 'coupled' again!
i love singledom, for the first time ever i feel completely free and independant.
but of course it all depends on how you feel about yourself. if you feel like shit it can be dud, and newly dumped is dud.

― donna (donna), Friday, 15 November 2002 20:02 (twenty-three years ago)

It all depends on how you look at it, don't you think? I'm in a limbo, I don't want to be single - but not because of some fear of singleness that leads me to just want to date, quite to the contrary. I'm horrible at dating anyone besides one person, and can't be bothered and prefer to be single in light of circumstance.

If any of THAT makes sense.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 15 November 2002 20:03 (twenty-three years ago)

I've never really been single. Not since I was 16. Longest stretch was maybe a few months.

― Yancey (ystrickler), Friday, 15 November 2002 20:09 (twenty-three years ago)

On the whole it's pretty classic, but when you're feeling down and need a hug it's a complete dud. Plus I think I've forgotten how to snog. Dud.

― Alfie (Alfie), Friday, 15 November 2002 20:35 (twenty-three years ago)

haha, I'm still single!

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 15 November 2002 22:33 (twenty-three years ago)

I am a selfish and cold person who is a bit creeped out by the idea of giving anyone my eternal allegiance, and frankly I'm used to it and like it that way. As long as I've got friends (and am living under my parents' roof and turn to them for everything) I don't feel like I'm lacking anything by being single.

― Maria (Maria), Friday, 15 November 2002 22:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Despite many, MANY attempts to, whatever weird-ass reason, convince myself that I was a co-dependent kinda guy, I've thankfully accepted that, for the time being, I enjoy being single very much (allowing casual sex, of course). It took an entire setting change for me to realize that, though.

So, yeah, I'm not serious about anything right now and happy about that.. allowing if something in the future ever becomes seriously good to take that path.

jesus, I make no sense today.

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 15 November 2002 23:23 (twenty-three years ago)

does it have to be about casual sex right away? it can be about romance & crushes and that feeling of being able to go out somewhere and all that possibility. single is classic because you don't have to worry about the 'where is the relationship going? are we going to be long-term, is this person right for me?' and just feel all flushed and flirty with anticipation of who you might meet next.

― janey, Friday, 15 November 2002 23:33 (twenty-three years ago)

no, no it doesn't. Believe me, it's not as if I "get some" on a highly regular basis, anyway... I just wanted to clear up the surprisingly frequent misconception that single = celibate = weird & creepy. (and I'll also add how much I want to strangle this misconception and all the negative baggage that it carries)

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 15 November 2002 23:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Furthermore, I'll add that I've been spending some time with a lot of really good friends, but friends who have never been single since their school days, and have no grasp of people who enjoy being single... so I've had to be really defensive about the issue, and I do apologize for having bothered or cared to clarify any distinction I mentioned just now.

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 15 November 2002 23:53 (twenty-three years ago)

It's cold.

― Melissa W (Melissa W), Saturday, 16 November 2002 00:06 (twenty-three years ago)

donut bitch, i totally understand. when i mean 'it doesn't have to be about casual sex' i wasn't directing at you, but more the notion that being in a relationship is better than single, because single people just have meaningless casual sex all the time whereas being in a relationship they are in looove etc. so untroo.

i prefer the anticipation aspect of singledom. so and so or that stranger can hold endless possibilities in your mind.

and hell yeah there is something to be said for independence! i think esp. if you've been in a relationship since schooldays. you can focus on a lot of stuff (career/education/art) that might've gotten pushed aside.

― janey, Saturday, 16 November 2002 00:25 (twenty-three years ago)

i don't think celibate = weird and creepy. i'm all for this waiting for marriage idea (not for everyone, because i certainly don't know what's best for everyone, but for myself). random crushes are fun though.

also i don't believe there should or could be anyone in the world whom i could turn to to understand and support everything about me, and that seems to be what drives a lot of people to get into relationships. without that expectation, being single is quite natural. i bet that when i'm older and have no family around and all my friends are getting married and having families i'll end up not wanting to be single anymore, though.

― Maria (Maria), Saturday, 16 November 2002 01:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Its great being single...when your still looking for someone. But once you find someone you care about...you lose interest in being single. At least I did.

Classic for having lots sex with different women...but in the big picture, dud.

― Juan (Juan), Saturday, 16 November 2002 01:46 (twenty-three years ago)

It's not all beer and skittles. Being single, that is. You have to work hard on your relationship with yourself. It's neverending.

― Aimless, Saturday, 16 November 2002 02:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Juan says what I was about to. I hope I have just found the right woman for me, and so far she gives every indication of feeling the same way about me, for some reason.

I think a period of being single (after my long marriage ended) did me good, taught me to rely more on myself, and I found some strength that I didn't really think I had. That doesn't mean I want it to continue, of course...

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 17 November 2002 16:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Aimless and Martin are OTM. Taking a vow of deliberate singleness for about a year was one of the best decisions I ever made.

― felicity (felicity), Sunday, 17 November 2002 16:31 (twenty-three years ago)

i have been single pretty much always. there have been girls here and there, but only one that it felt like i was "with" and that was a long time ago.

every once and a while i may get a little down about it, but the truth is, i'm not sure i would be able to deal with being in a relationship with someone.

the way i see it could happen is if i met someone and we both kind of accidentally felt like we MUST be together. fat chance of that. i just can't see putting any effort into it. the worst thing about having this attitude is that it does put you on the outside of society, at least in one regard.

c/d - neither

― ron (ron), Sunday, 17 November 2002 17:10 (twenty-three years ago)

There are those moments post-relationship (and possibly pre-, when optimism reigns and meaningful nookie is in the works) where being single looks to be the most pathetic state possible - ye olde Don't Know What You Got 'Till It's Gone syndrome (apologies to Cinderella). But, as most everyone has said already, in one form or another, being single is pretty damn OK, IF you can get yourself out of the notion that you NEED to meet someone. That's where meaningful distractions (i.e. friends, work, hobbies, school, etc.) are very, very helpful.

The only thing I worry about re: singledom (2+ years & counting, thanks) is being too aloof about independence, substituting the actual state of togetherness (however tenuous) for the easier-to-handle concept & notion of said togetherness - that is, wussing out of trying to get with someone because of the work & responsibility & vulnerability involved.

― David R. (popshots75`), Sunday, 17 November 2002 17:26 (twenty-three years ago)

i don't see it as wussing out if it's actually something you don't enjoy

― ron (ron), Sunday, 17 November 2002 17:29 (twenty-three years ago)

I am in the middle of my deliberate singleness but no one listens to me that I am choosing this and therefore am not really "available" per se.

― Ally (mlescaut), Sunday, 17 November 2002 20:14 (twenty-three years ago)

two years pass...

I'M ON THE MARKET LADIES

― Cool Hand Luuke (ex machina), Sunday, 12 June 2005 05:38 (twenty years ago)

You mean the auction block

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Sunday, 12 June 2005 05:43 (twenty years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/6302571251.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Sunday, 12 June 2005 05:55 (twenty years ago)

Wow, I'm married and pregnant now. What a change! :-) It's probably only classic for a short period of time.

― nathalie's post modern sleaze fest (stevie nixed), Sunday, 12 June 2005 06:31 (twenty years ago)

Those poor market ladies ;P

j/k Jon =)

― Trayce (trayce), Sunday, 12 June 2005 06:44 (twenty years ago)

classic, all you ladies who independent throw your hands up at me

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Sunday, 12 June 2005 13:31 (twenty years ago)

Skipping 674 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

being set up would be fan-fucking-tastic

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 17 November 2006 01:35 (nineteen years ago)

well what's that old saying? you can get married and regret it, or stay single and regret it.

― ryan (ryan), Friday, 17 November 2006 02:12 (nineteen years ago)

Or you can kill yourself and not be around to regret it!

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 17 November 2006 10:50 (nineteen years ago)

Unless you're a girl, in which case you can try to kill yourself, fail and be around to regret that too!

― ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 17 November 2006 10:51 (nineteen years ago)

has any guy here ever tried to set one of his friends up?

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Friday, 17 November 2006 10:53 (nineteen years ago)

hell no

― benrique (Enrique), Friday, 17 November 2006 10:56 (nineteen years ago)

My friend met someone through Sarah Beeny's mysinglefriend.com, though it wasn't me doing the referring.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 17 November 2006 10:57 (nineteen years ago)

"I can't get married. I'm a 30 year old boy."

(OK, 24, but I think I'd take everything but the marriage, really)

I was set up a year ago, but circumstantially, it wasn't quite best time. What happened afterwards really sucked tho'.

― Badrock Example (Barima), Friday, 17 November 2006 11:29 (nineteen years ago)

I've never been set up nor set someone else up. I can't decide if this is good or bad.

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Friday, 17 November 2006 11:32 (nineteen years ago)

i went to the first wedding of contemporaries this year, weird. not *that* weird since they're my g/f's schoolfriends, not mine, but it's still a bit of a moment.

― benrique (Enrique), Friday, 17 November 2006 11:32 (nineteen years ago)

Noone's ever tried to set me up, although one ex did promise to try if she saw someone suitable for me. I assume this just means I'm too creepy/weird for anyone to find someone they think would like me.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 17 November 2006 11:35 (nineteen years ago)

I've been set up more times then I care to mention, mostly by people who evidently have no idea of my taste whatsoever.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 17 November 2006 11:37 (nineteen years ago)

i've never been set up! but i have introduced two sets of couples who ended up getting married

― gem (trisk), Friday, 17 November 2006 11:49 (nineteen years ago)

actually now that i think about it, i tell a lie, i have been unsuccessfuly set up a couple of times, just not for ages so i forgot. like matt dc it appears my friends had absolutely NO idea about what boys i would be interested in.

― gem (trisk), Friday, 17 November 2006 11:53 (nineteen years ago)

been set up a few times, all complete failures. totally dud force fed relationship venture, including dating sites, personal ads, etc. i want to meet someone casually and naturally. if it never happens, then thats just meant to be.

classic when you don't think about it tho and you can just get on with living and shit.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Friday, 17 November 2006 11:56 (nineteen years ago)

Set up? Yeah, that one time was so horrible I'm still recovering from it.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Friday, 17 November 2006 11:57 (nineteen years ago)

xpost - that's exactly how i feel Ste! lately i'm getting really sick of people trying to talk me into dating sites and speed dating and such out of some nice but misplaced concern for my social and mental wellbeing. i have lots of things to do thanks! i lack time for embarking on some fruitless search for mr 'right'. if he happens along at the bus stop or something, so be it.

― gem (trisk), Friday, 17 November 2006 11:59 (nineteen years ago)

I can vividly remember the friends leaving so we could have some time alone and I just wanted to hang on to their coats begging "Get me outa here!" I think this is why I would/will never do it to my friends or at least give the opportunity for them to *escape* by hanging around unless they specifically ask that I fuck off.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Friday, 17 November 2006 12:01 (nineteen years ago)

When you don't even know what you're looking for yourself, having someone else do it for you = mega DUD. I imagine, having never been set up or having never set anyone up ever*

* though I have done a bit of go-betweening with people who had expressed a mutual interest independently of each other, which is not the same thing

― ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 17 November 2006 12:04 (nineteen years ago)

nah that's completely different i think ailsa. that's a cool thing to do! and fun if it works out.

― gem (trisk), Friday, 17 November 2006 12:05 (nineteen years ago)

It did! (I think it would have done anyway)

― ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 17 November 2006 12:08 (nineteen years ago)

dud also = friends who've been in one relationship for years and years telling you how easy it is to just 'go up to someone you fancy and chat them up'. No it really isn't and btw HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW?!

― Ste (Fuzzy), Friday, 17 November 2006 12:23 (nineteen years ago)

that sounds sucky. it certainly isn't how i got into a relationship, jesus! just because ur in a relationship doesn't mean you're any good at making moves.

― benrique (Enrique), Friday, 17 November 2006 12:25 (nineteen years ago)

The one time someone tried to set me up was on a drunken pub crawl around L'boro once Xmas when (a) both would-be matchmaking female companions ended up copping off themselves [NB not with each other] and (b) I had unknowingly met the future love of my life and mother of my daughters 24 hours earlier in Manchester anyway!

Heartwarming, innit?

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Friday, 17 November 2006 12:30 (nineteen years ago)

sounds like ste and i have the same friends

― gem (trisk), Friday, 17 November 2006 13:28 (nineteen years ago)

(mike, i want names!)

― Koogy Yonderboy (koogs), Friday, 17 November 2006 13:30 (nineteen years ago)

It's occasionally easy to just walk up to someone you fancy and chat. The problem I faced last time I did this (last month) was that it took an hour and her mates dragged her away after 3 minutes as I was suggesting a drink the following week.

I suddenly feel like I've turned into Matt just writing that.

― Badrock Example (Barima), Friday, 17 November 2006 13:34 (nineteen years ago)

[NB not with each other]

;_;

― Kv_nol (Kv_nol), Friday, 17 November 2006 13:38 (nineteen years ago)

i dont even see anyone i fancy. ever.

― i've dreamt of rubies! (Mandee), Friday, 17 November 2006 13:58 (nineteen years ago)

(mike, i want names!)

It was TC and CG. TC met some handsome fellow who subsequently visited her a couple of times in Milan and I think CG (though attached at the time) met the tree-surgeon chap who she eventually moved in with. I could be conflating two separate evenings, I was very drunk. I met no one that night but it didn't really matter cos seven weeks later I was flying into Dulles...

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Friday, 17 November 2006 14:30 (nineteen years ago)

Did they have massive memory loss due to... I don't know... beating their head against a rock or something? I can still remember being so nervous asking my husband if he would be coming the next day. I nearly peed my pants. :-)

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Friday, 17 November 2006 14:33 (nineteen years ago)

(ha, having spent several minutes trying to remember CG (made more difficult because i never knew her surname (C as in R&C?)) i realise i'd misread your post and had thought those were people you were being possibly set up with. with hilarious consequences, etc.)

the one time i did get approached in the Hagger by drunken, attractive female (albeit one who had already done the rounds of satellite members of our group) was the one time i could do nothing about it - another friend, who i was responsible for, was simultaneously vomitting her guts up in the ladies...

― Koogy Yonderboy (koogs), Friday, 17 November 2006 16:12 (nineteen years ago)

I tried to fix up a friend once. I wanted him to get laid so I hooked him up with a girl I knew.
It was obvious things has gone awry when they got engaged and it was clear to me that this was nothing more than a step in her sinister plan to utterly destroy his life.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 17 November 2006 16:37 (nineteen years ago)

i'm not in a relationship and i still tell people it's easy to just go up to someone you fancy and chat them up.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 17 November 2006 16:53 (nineteen years ago)

haha graham to thread.

― benrique (Enrique), Friday, 17 November 2006 16:53 (nineteen years ago)

"thatsabitweird"

― benrique (Enrique), Friday, 17 November 2006 16:53 (nineteen years ago)

[mapoflibrary.txt]

― teh_kit (g-kit), Friday, 17 November 2006 16:55 (nineteen years ago)

i guess it depends on where you are, and who this person is too

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 17 November 2006 16:55 (nineteen years ago)

and who you are, i suppose

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 17 November 2006 16:55 (nineteen years ago)

if you're somewhere where there are special and fun things happening, and this person is someone with whom you have common interests to talk about, it is kind of easy to go up to someone and chat them up

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 17 November 2006 16:56 (nineteen years ago)

if you have social skills and stuff.

― benrique (Enrique), Friday, 17 November 2006 16:57 (nineteen years ago)

or a few bevvies in you.

― benrique (Enrique), Friday, 17 November 2006 16:58 (nineteen years ago)

now you're on track, punchy.

― teh_kit (g-kit), Friday, 17 November 2006 16:58 (nineteen years ago)

and even in a library with a girl you've only looked at several times, you can still do it, and strike up a conversation and make acquintance as taht thread suggested.

Make fun of it if you may, but i think having talked to someone like what happened on that thread, is still way better, and WAY less creepy than to carry on obsessing about somebody in silence. at least it settles the score.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 17 November 2006 16:59 (nineteen years ago)

yeah, but there is a huge gulf between making acquaintance with a friendly chat and actually chatting someone up with romantic consequences. i tend to get lost somewhere in that gulf. at least i have a lot of acquaintances....?

― Maria (Maria), Friday, 17 November 2006 18:41 (nineteen years ago)

I used to be able to chat up people without worrying, and probly made a pratt of myself more often than being succesful.

Now it scares the shit out of me, and has become the hardest task on earth.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Friday, 17 November 2006 18:58 (nineteen years ago)

Thread question: Dud, today. I want someone to pet my head and bring me soup and give a shit. Maybe if I got sick more often, I'd whine about it less?? Instead I hardly ever do and then it's a trauma.

― Laurel (Laurel), Friday, 17 November 2006 19:25 (nineteen years ago)

one year passes...

revive.

how are people feeling about this today?

― Upt0eleven, Monday, 17 December 2007 11:02 (eighteen years ago)

i'm going with dud

― That one guy that hit it and quit it, Monday, 17 December 2007 11:08 (eighteen years ago)

I'm going with amazed this isn't gershy's fault.

doesnt change the fuck you factor

― TOMBOT, Monday, 17 December 2007 11:10 (eighteen years ago)

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