Laura R.I.P.

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Laura died this evening at about 11:30.

She had been experiencing breathing difficulties all day. Everything was tried from peppermint water to Domperidone without effect.

Of course what was really causing it was the tumour, which by now had spread so far that the lungs were involuntarily closing down.

She went into crisis tonight. The doctors and nurses did everything they could to save her but to no avail.

I was with her when she died, as were her sisters and father. The last things she heard (if indeed she was by then in a state to hear them) were words of undying love from me.

So much for "a year" - in the end she didn't even make it to a week. But even if she had survived another year, she would have been in such pain and agony, so I suppose the only way to look at this is to know that her suffering and torture are over.

Mine of course remain.

I thought I would have to wait another 50 or 60 years before typing out something like this. It's only because I feel completely numb at the moment that I'm able to type this even now.

I've never felt so alone. Never so much in need of friendship.

OH, WHAT'S THE BLOODY POINT???????????????

― Marcello Carlin, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Once again there is nothing i can say . My deepest condolances.

― anthony, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh my God...I'm so sorry, Marcello.

― DG, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

*looks down* Dammit.

I hadn't brought this up beforehand, if only because it seemed self- serving, but both my grandparents on my father's side died from cancer. The one thing, the one sole thing to cling on in both cases, was that it was mercifully quick. As you say, it's the only way to look at things -- but it is not much, and I won't pretend to understand what life looks like for you now.

*hugs* You'll need them. Even electronically.

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

My eyes are welling up as I write this. I can barely even see the screen.

I feel for you in such a moment. Nothing more I could say could change or help anything.

― Robin Carmody, Saturday, 25 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Take care, man.

― bnw, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I am so sorry. I really am.

― nathalie, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

fuck. hugs, for what little they can be.

― G, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

My most sincere condolences. You are in my prayers. Be strong and maintain.

― Tadeusz Suchodolski, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I offer my email address, my phone number if asked, and my friendship. I wish I could offer more. I'm so sorry, Marcello. I was hoping things wouldn't work out this way for you and her. I wish I knew what to say.

― Melissa W, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The people upthread have already said what I feel more eloquently than I can. So so sorry.

― Billy Dods, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

so very sorry Marcello - please know that even semi-strangers care, and deeply wish they could somehow help.

― Kim, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Sorry Marcello

― dave q, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Marcello, I can't express real grief over the internet, but I am so, so sorry and PLEASE don't give up on life, please- from the very little I've been able to know about you from these boards, you seem to be an exceedingly intelligent, understanding person- qualities that will enrich the lives of others. There is a point, you will find it.

― Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

my words are worthless right now, utterly inadequate.... there's too many tears for any clear thought, too much passion, and this isn't fiction, perhaps you understand, I'll leave it to you to find your way through, you're a writer. Marcello, there's nothing I can give you, I know you'll find it yourself.

― K-reg, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

My deepest condolances, Marcello. There's nothing I can say but express Mitch's sentiments and please dont give up on life.

― Michael Bourke, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

A quick glance at this thread shows how much you and Laura are in all of our hearts and minds. My most sincere condolences.

― Dave M., Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

There's really nothing I can say or could've ever said, which is why I never commented on your posts on this. My lack of comment wasn't out of callousness or not caring though, it's just that there's nothing I could possibly say in this context that would help at all. I'm posting this now after all this to let you know that I have been thinking of you this whole time and I'm really, really truly sorry that you had to go through all of this. *hugs*

― Ally, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Sorry Marcello. I can only echo what everyone else has said and offer my condolences, and wish you well.

― jel, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Again little more than can be said besides the sympathy of a stranger. Try to take solace in that she didn't have to suffer, try to take solace in that you had some time with her rather than none at all.

― matthew james, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm sorry too.I hope people are there for you & can help you feel like your life is still worthwhile & stuff,that's all. I'm sorry that's all I can offer...it seems weak & inadequate ... But please keep posting on ILM/ILE, I always enjoy reading yr stuff very much,I thought it was great that you still posted cool funny stuff when I knew you must be going thru the most hellish time. so I hope we're still going to see you here lots.

― duane, Sunday, 26 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Don't know what to say, except to offer my sympathy. It feels trite and insufficient, but it's heartfelt. I'm so sorry, Marcello. Hang in there, please.

― Arthur, Monday, 27 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

thinking of you, don't really know what else to say...

― carsmilesteve, Monday, 27 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

been there before, with the sudden death of my parents and fiancee....

It's a shock, great big shock, and the oddest thing, Marcello, is you will want routine in your life, at this point, follow routines, know the routines, know your day.........

Relax, the emotions will be with from this day, forever. They are heavy and you will be changed. It's a wave of things, hitting at this moment, a wave of emotions, relax, sleep and when you have the opportunity, go outside...

Basically Marcello, your life is going to be different. Almost like a rebirth, but a very difficult rebirth back into the world. It takes time.

And do not feel guilty for your life. Your loved one would not want it that way ....

And if things are v. bad, I suggest grief counselling, only, and only if, you are comfortable with the person you will be talking to. Support groups are out there as well, it feels good to be sharing the experiences and helps, and is not as morbid as it sounds.

And even though things are v. v. gloomy, believe Marcello, things will improve and you will feel hopeful about life again.

― tony, Monday, 27 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm so sorry. You are in my thoughts.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Tuesday, 28 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I can only echo what other posters have said - I'm awfully sorry, Marcello. I have no possible advice or comment but I can offer support and friendship.

― Tom, Tuesday, 28 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Marcello, I am so sorry about Laura.

― rosemary, Tuesday, 28 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I echo what has been said before. I offer you my deepest condolences and support. *hug*

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 28 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

terribly sorry to hear this. condolences.

― sundar subramanian, Wednesday, 29 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

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