Post your limericks...

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...and make'em scan.

― weatheringdaleson (weatheringdaleson), Sunday, 26 January 2003 09:26 (twenty-two years ago)

An orchestra leader named Don
one day had misplaced his baton.
He conducted the band
with cojones in hand
and his dong became sine qua non.

― weatheringdaleson (weatheringdaleson), Sunday, 26 January 2003 09:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Shoudn't they all start something like "An ILX poster named Ned" or the like?

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 26 January 2003 13:49 (twenty-two years ago)

an ILX poster named Ned,
found Martin and Kate in his bed,
he thought thoughts of Di,
and came with a cry,
and kate slapped her tits off his head.

― thuddd (thuddd), Sunday, 26 January 2003 19:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Thank you, I am now immortalized.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 26 January 2003 19:32 (twenty-two years ago)

np :P

― thuddd (thuddd), Sunday, 26 January 2003 19:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I once wrote a genius dirty limerick about a friend of mine, but it rhymes both her first and last name, and I don't think she'd appreciate it being posted here. (It also requires some explanation of her complicated love life to even make sense...)

― Douglas (Douglas), Sunday, 26 January 2003 20:58 (twenty-two years ago)

**Shoudn't they all start something like "An ILX poster named Ned" or the like?**

Well, that's the traditional opening, sure.

― weatheringdaleson (weatheringdaleson), Sunday, 26 January 2003 22:58 (twenty-two years ago)

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who's prick was so long he could suck it,
One day in the bath
he said with a laugh,
"if my ear was a cunt,I would fuck it!"

― Hugh G.Rection (Hugh G.Rection), Sunday, 26 January 2003 23:07 (twenty-two years ago)

An ILX poster named Ned
got irked at a post in a thread:
"You don't know your rock
from a hole in my sock!"
Although that's not quite what he said.

― weatheringdaleson (weatheringdaleson), Monday, 27 January 2003 08:09 (twenty-two years ago)

are there any Limericks about Limerick and its spate of weird gangland feuds? and if not, why not?

― DV (dirtyvicar), Monday, 27 January 2003 10:50 (twenty-two years ago)

one month passes...

Tom, Pete, Dan, Nabisco and Ned,
All lined up to give Hanley some head
While one N. Dastoor
Lay prone on the floor
And spanked all their arses bright red.

― Sam (chirombo), Friday, 7 March 2003 14:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Delicious.

I had a sweetly vile one about Dan and his wife ready to go but it's been lost in the ether.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 7 March 2003 19:05 (twenty-two years ago)

aww i posted a bunch to another thread somewhere last week

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 7 March 2003 19:06 (twenty-two years ago)

An ILX poster named Dan
Who with the symphony sang
Said such dirty things
But the laughter it brings
Why he's a VERY BAD MANG...

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 7 March 2003 19:10 (twenty-two years ago)

There once was a man from Nantucket
whose dick was so long he could suck it.
His gigantic balls
barely fit in most stalls
and his cum could fill up a bucket

― PENIS JOKETEER, Friday, 7 March 2003 19:40 (twenty-two years ago)

eleven years pass...

A priest from the church of Christ Jesus
Took a fit of peripatesis,
Walked promptly to Jackson
To perform wicked acts on
A deacon, his wife and five nieces

― forum enthusiast (wins), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 23:20 (eleven years ago)

The poster known fondly as treesh
Had carved a peculiar niche
He liked to weigh in
On the books of Tao Lin
But not on the films of Kechiche

― forum enthusiast (wins), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 23:21 (eleven years ago)

Nice

― recommend me a new bagman (darraghmac), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 23:21 (eleven years ago)

The penniless poet from Slough
Decided enough was enough.
Said he with a cough,
"Oh hang it! I'm through,
I can't find a good rhyme for although."

― forum enthusiast (wins), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 23:22 (eleven years ago)

Niiice

― recommend me a new bagman (darraghmac), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 23:23 (eleven years ago)

I had a really horrible vomitous day today, I was actually sent home from work early because I spent all day being sick, and I had one of those things where I was kind of going loopy cause dehydrated brain, and I ended up compulsively writing limericks in my head all day because - for real - the opening "nasty old louis celine/on the semites he wasn't too keen" just came into my head unbidden, like some kind of anti-inspiration where your mind comes up with horrible shit completely of its own accord

― forum enthusiast (wins), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 23:27 (eleven years ago)

I didn't finish that one because

― forum enthusiast (wins), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 23:27 (eleven years ago)

When the bilious matter a-goes up
You're as well to avoid any close up
moral inspection
mid stomach infection
cos you cant help bout what yr mind throws up

― recommend me a new bagman (darraghmac), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 23:32 (eleven years ago)

bravo

― forum enthusiast (wins), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 23:35 (eleven years ago)

albums albums albums albums
albums albums albums albums
bands bands bands bands bands
bands bands bands bands bands
albums by bands albums albums

― Little Saint Hugh of Lincoln (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 23:49 (eleven years ago)

First line doesnt scan

― recommend me a new bagman (darraghmac), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 23:50 (eleven years ago)

omg

wheres lj can I get a :D

― forum enthusiast (wins), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 23:50 (eleven years ago)

deems check yr mail btw

― forum enthusiast (wins), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 23:54 (eleven years ago)

Yeah and what like

― recommend me a new bagman (darraghmac), Thursday, 17 April 2014 00:09 (eleven years ago)

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