Bad Advice ILE Has Given You

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"Kate, just call him and tell him, for MY sanity if not for yours."

I pointed the real-life person behind the myth that is Hilton Betegeuse in the direction of these threads. Cause I felt guilty as fuck, and paranoid that he was going to find out anyway. And though he was nice about it, and said it was "sweet and creepy and funny and interesting all at once" not "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU PSYCHO" I still feel like a fucking idiot now. I guess that showed me!

What's the stupidest thing that ILX has ever advised you do, and how did it embarrass/tramatise/fuck up YOUR life?

― kate, Wednesday, 29 January 2003 18:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

Let me guess. No one will answer my thread. I feel so unloved right now.

And BTW, that should be "traumatise".

― kate, Wednesday, 29 January 2003 18:54 (twenty-one years ago) link

You get caught AND THEN YOU START ANOTHER THREAD? This chap is going to take out a court order!

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 18:57 (twenty-one years ago) link

i never take advice. its unhealthy i know, almost as bad as not showering.

― kephm, Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

I didn't get caught. I turned myself in. Bit of a difference.

The fun is over. Time for a new imaginary crush and time for some different silliness. Someone volunteer, I'd like to have a *willing* crush for once. That would make things so much easier.

I wanna hear about stupid things other people have done.

― kate, Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

JESUS Kate, people were telling you to TELL HIM YOU LIKED HIM, not SHOW HIM THE THREADS IN QUESTION!!!

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:06 (twenty-one years ago) link

KATE YOU CAN CRUSH ON ME

― anthony easton (anthony), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

so is that finished now kate? :(

― gareth (gareth), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:32 (twenty-one years ago) link

i never take advice. its unhealthy i know, almost as bad as not showering.

Just how do you define "almost"? And do you ever take your own advice? How about advice from an 8Ball? From fortune cookies?

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:38 (twenty-one years ago) link

I just wrote the real person back and told him it was like "lancing a boil" which is exactly what it feels like.

Going into an imaginary/ironic crush like that is really a kind of form of hysteria. Really fun to engage in, but ultimately no good for me, and impossible for my friendships. It blows up into an obsession, and that's really scary to be part of and even scarier to be the object of.

Telling him "woo, look how crazy I got for a minute there" nips the crush, and therefore the obsession in the bud. (it also drives him the fuck away, but that's a good side effect.) And lets me go back to normal. Or what passes for it.

Hrmmm, maybe I *will* crush on Anthony instead. I mean, it's perfect, because he never will sleep with me because he's gay. Wonderful! Anthony Easton, I love you!

― kate, Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

fuck, it is the grammar police! eightballs are for cokeheads and i usually order thai.

― kephm, Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

*laughing* Thanks for the clarification.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:55 (twenty-one years ago) link

"lancing a boil"

!!!

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

I am a boil. A big, pustulent, bleeding, swollen, nasty, awful, horrible boil.

― kate, Thursday, 30 January 2003 00:57 (twenty-one years ago) link

Did someone call for a Lancing?

― Lance Johnson (tracerhand), Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

oop ha heh... ooer

― -- (tracerhand), Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:18 (twenty-one years ago) link

I only want to be lanced by Hilton. And he doesn't want to lance me. Hurrah! I am so happy about this.

― kate, Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:18 (twenty-one years ago) link

nonsense, kate.

― rainy (rainy), Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:18 (twenty-one years ago) link

Did he tell you whether or not it had crossed his mind that you might fancy him (and thus might not appreciate the nature of his whining)?

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:20 (twenty-one years ago) link

hell w/ that guy anyway, he drinks pee

― duane, Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:21 (twenty-one years ago) link

No. He didn't actually bring up fancying at all. Not a jot. He said that I couldn't be in his band, even though I begged. I didn't actually technically tell him that I fancied him, or ask if he actually fancied me... uuuhhh... boys are dumb, aren't they? They don't get inferrals, do they? They're very good at ignoring obvious clues. And I'm really dumb at following really obvious advice, and now he thinks I'm a lunatic and REALLY won't sleep with me.

But I don't really WANT to sleep with him! I just want to be totally besotted with him, and have him refuse to sleep with me, so *I* can moan about how he doesn't fancy me.

(Though if he asked, I wouldnt' say no.)

― kate, Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:26 (twenty-one years ago) link

They're very good at ignoring obvious clues.

i don't want to depress you or anything but they're also very good at *deliberately* ignoring obvious clues as well..

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:28 (twenty-one years ago) link

HOW COULD HE NOT KNOW YOU FANCY HIM AFTER READING THAT THREAD?

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:29 (twenty-one years ago) link

he did realise that he is Hilton Betelgeuse didn't he?

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:31 (twenty-one years ago) link

He didn't actually say that he had read the thread.

Oh, who the fuck cares, it doesn't matter if he got it or read it or anything, HE STILL WON'T SLEEP WITH ME AND THAT MAKES ME SAD, AND I CAN MOAN, SO THAT MAKES ME HAPPY!!! YAAAAAYYYYY!!! HILTON WON'T SLEEP WITH ME!!!

― kate, Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:34 (twenty-one years ago) link

Either way, at least the result = moaning...

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:35 (twenty-one years ago) link

Fuck you. You'd have had to listen to it if it HAD happened.

― kate, Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

It didn't happen at ALL and what am I hearing? Moan, moan, moan all the doo-dah day.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

He does not fancy me at all. He is so traumatised by even the idea that he didn't bring it up again, not once, not ever. Thanks for being the icy cold wind of reality blowing away my lovely fluffy dreams, Nick and Jim. You suck.

― kate, Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

KATE
YOU ARE NOT PERVING ON ME.

― anthony easton (anthony), Thursday, 30 January 2003 02:01 (twenty-one years ago) link

slurp

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 30 January 2003 02:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

gulp

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 30 January 2003 02:16 (twenty-one years ago) link

this town needs an enema

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 30 January 2003 03:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

Hrmmm, maybe I *will* crush on Anthony instead. I mean, it's perfect, because he never will sleep with me because he's gay.

kate this has been my general strategy for YEARS. don't knock it.

― Maria (Maria), Thursday, 30 January 2003 03:14 (twenty-one years ago) link

mine too, except change that to "lesbians"

― M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 30 January 2003 09:14 (twenty-one years ago) link

Isn't advice bad/good only when you use it? (Everyone goes *duh*.)

― nathalie (nathalie), Thursday, 30 January 2003 09:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

Anthony is not Lesbians.

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 30 January 2003 09:43 (twenty-one years ago) link

I think Hilton is a lesbian. I really do. Had more mail, and he's all "I actually understand... that's cool." about it. AND THE FUCKER HAS STOLEN *MY* NAME "HILTON BETELGEUSE" FOR HIS OWN NEFARIOUS PURPOSES! THE BASTARD!

― kate, Thursday, 30 January 2003 10:44 (twenty-one years ago) link

Sounds to me like your crush is cured, so you actually did make things better by following ILX advice!

― smee (smee), Thursday, 30 January 2003 10:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

Hmm, I am not sure anyway that you followed said advice to the letter.

I can't wait until we get proper space travel. Then maybe you could stay in the Hilton Betelguese.

(Grebt name for a band btw).

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 30 January 2003 10:55 (twenty-one years ago) link

My crush is not cured. Not at all. The boil of obsession has been lanced, so I don't have that scary, out of control, I can't handle this feeling. I still have a crush. It's just a nice, happy "Oh, yay, the coolest boy in the world thinks I'm OK" happy happy birds are singing, the sky is blue sort of feeling. But the best friendships always start with this sort of a crush.

That's it, he's in for it, I'm caling my new song "Hilton Betelgeuse I Love You".

― kate, Thursday, 30 January 2003 10:57 (twenty-one years ago) link

Ed I am chastened. thank you for showing me the light.

― M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 30 January 2003 11:35 (twenty-one years ago) link

He's a 40 year old fat man like the rest of us.

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 30 January 2003 11:43 (twenty-one years ago) link

With a tunnel cunt.

― Lara (Lara), Thursday, 30 January 2003 11:55 (twenty-one years ago) link

― M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 30 January 2003 11:57 (twenty-one years ago) link

jess with friends like this who needs enemas?

― duane, Thursday, 30 January 2003 12:54 (twenty-one years ago) link

sorry i only just got here

― duane, Thursday, 30 January 2003 12:55 (twenty-one years ago) link

Matos, that was my strategy for years too. Didn't work.

― Douglas (Douglas), Thursday, 30 January 2003 13:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

I hate crushes, I honestly do. It's like getting a bad Enrique Iglesias song stuck in your head.

― Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 31 January 2003 13:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

Let me be your Hee-ro, Nicole.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 31 January 2003 13:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

Colin, I don't why-ayeee but I love to see you cry.

― smee (smee), Friday, 31 January 2003 13:43 (twenty-one years ago) link

Let Colin be your ho.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 31 January 2003 13:50 (twenty-one years ago) link

I've decided that it was really, really good advice after all. He STILL won't sleep with me, but I am sitting in on and jamming with his band this afternoon. Considering my average relationship lasts 3 months and my average band lasts 3 years, I think this is the better option. Everybody wins. Yay!

So thank you, ILE!

― kate, Friday, 31 January 2003 13:54 (twenty-one years ago) link

I can be your he-ho, babe
I can make you feel alive
I can stand by your forever
It only costs two eighty-five.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 31 January 2003 13:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

Pretty fucking cheap there.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 31 January 2003 13:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

The best advice I got was on the relationship infidelity thread I started.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 31 January 2003 13:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

Or rather, pretty cheap fucking.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 31 January 2003 13:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

Ned will be your he-ho too
Ned will kiss you on your knees
Ned will stand by you forever
But it'll cost a couple Gs.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 31 January 2003 14:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

Stop it stop it...can't....breathe....must...pee...

― smee (smee), Friday, 31 January 2003 14:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

DAMN YOU WORK FOR KEEPING ME BUSY

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 31 January 2003 14:12 (twenty-one years ago) link

*smiles with Buddha-like calm*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 31 January 2003 16:01 (twenty-one years ago) link

Aw, I go away for the day and I miss all the he-ho talk...

― Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 31 January 2003 23:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

hee-haw?

― di smith (lucylurex), Saturday, 1 February 2003 00:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

Ho ho.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 1 February 2003 00:18 (twenty-one years ago) link

a couple months ago one of my friends started a thread saying she didn't like most of her friends anymore and what should she do. ile said: take a break, find new friends. lately we're starting to get along well again, and it makes me happy :)

― Maria (Maria), Saturday, 1 February 2003 02:53 (twenty-one years ago) link

Worst advice ILX has given me:

Contribute an answer

― Christine "Green Leafy Dragon" Indigo (cindigo), Saturday, 1 February 2003 03:18 (twenty-one years ago) link

haha

― di smith (lucylurex), Saturday, 1 February 2003 03:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

Good one!

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Saturday, 1 February 2003 04:22 (twenty-one years ago) link

*smiles, flaps wings*

― Christine "Green Leafy Dragon" Indigo (cindigo), Saturday, 1 February 2003 04:23 (twenty-one years ago) link

*wonders if the wings are functional or purely decorative*

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Saturday, 1 February 2003 04:31 (twenty-one years ago) link

Decorative, I'm afraid. The weight limit for flight is about 25-27 pounds, and I'm, uh, well over that now. Oh, and before you ask....

― Christine "Green Leafy Dragon" Indigo (cindigo), Saturday, 1 February 2003 04:39 (twenty-one years ago) link

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