Why I am a Happy Camper

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Lately, I've been trawling my PC's memory looking at old essay, letters and emails. This eveningI found the following:

‘Why I am a happy camper’ by Lara Byrne.

1. I do not have any known diseases.
2. I have not lost any of my limbs in freak accidents.
3. My name is not Melissa or Jessica.
4. I am not a prisoner of war.
5. I have never been taken captive by Islamic fundamentalists.
6. I can still bear the pain of my scorching bottom, just about.
7. I have never been eaten alive by hungry cockroaches.
8. I don’t get food poisoning much.
9. I have never been sacrificed to an evil spirit.
10. I have a lava-lamp.

I have no idea why I wrote it and to what purpose I put it. I'm slightly worried about it to be honest.

So that I am not all alone in the world, what ten things are you grateful for?

― Lara (Lara), Saturday, 1 February 2003 22:45 (twenty-two years ago)

6. I can still bear the pain of my scorching bottom, just about.

Explain, immediately. Are you saying you're hott? Or had you just had a curry? WE NEED TO KNOW.

― Mark C (Mark C), Sunday, 2 February 2003 00:36 (twenty-two years ago)

1. I am in good health
2. I am relatively rich
3. I have many friends
4. Many people find me attractive
5. I love my family
6. I can still beat the pain of my scorching bottom
7. I am not 30 yet
8. The world is at my feet
9. I am not worried about going to hell
10. I am not insane

― N. (nickdastoor), Sunday, 2 February 2003 01:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Mark my thoughts exactly. Also I think you should apologize to Mel. (assuming it's short for Melissa and not Melanie).

― That Girl (thatgirl), Sunday, 2 February 2003 01:12 (twenty-two years ago)

1. I have a red coat.

2. I am going to a good school.

3. I'm dating someone I actually like, and his brother doesn't mind.

4. There is no one currently breaking into my house.

5. My friends might be lowlifes, but they're good lowlifes.

6. All the boys think I'm a spy cos I got Bette Davis eyes.

7. I am not a trophy wife.

8. I have a decent body.

9. I have amassed an enormous wardrobe and could theoretically wear a different outfit every day for the next year and not run out of things to wear.

10. I am Jack's ex-girlfriend.

― Ally (mlescaut), Sunday, 2 February 2003 01:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Is this a riddle? Are you assuming someone else's personality? If not, what's with the Jack stuff? That's a little odd. Or do you mean you are pleased to be rid of him?

― N. (nickdastoor), Sunday, 2 February 2003 01:23 (twenty-two years ago)

no mention of scorching bottom = mystery inside a riddle wrapped in an enigma inserted into a conundrum muffled up in a baffle

― mark s (mark s), Sunday, 2 February 2003 01:24 (twenty-two years ago)

bah good riddance to all bad boyfriends and sympathy for their current women.

― That Girl (thatgirl), Sunday, 2 February 2003 01:25 (twenty-two years ago)

1. I like my job a lot
2. I live fairly cheaply
3. I have lots and lots of music to listen to
4. I have made lots of good friends over the past two years in NYC
5. I live in my favorite city (so far)
6. I'm not at all bad looking
7. I'm a pretty good dancer
8. Most of the stress in my life is self-induced and therefore not such a big deal
9. I enjoy learning new things, and do learn new things fairly often
10. I'm almost 28 and actually enjoy getting older, which isn't the same as wiser, and thank God

― M Matos (M Matos), Sunday, 2 February 2003 01:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Lara's 3. is why I am misserable.

1) I am very drunk.
2) Cute crush said hello.
3) I very occasionally look kind of cute.
4) This computer has a snazzy optical mouse.
5) Nicole's breasts.
6) I can get hoem tonight.
7) Good things can happen.
8) My chat with Katie yesterday.
9) [person x] exists.
10) Melissa is coming here soon.

― Graham (graham), Sunday, 2 February 2003 02:12 (twenty-two years ago)

11) Mimi from Crossroads
12) "I'm not a girl not yet a woman" has been stuck in ym head all day. Note perfect.

― Graham (graham), Sunday, 2 February 2003 02:16 (twenty-two years ago)

5) !!

― N. (nickdastoor), Sunday, 2 February 2003 02:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Happiness is impossible to locate or even observe. Am I happy? I can't say if I am or not. I probably will spend my life collecting the data before I ever have an answer.

― kimberly felix jason dickerson (kfjd), Sunday, 2 February 2003 02:27 (twenty-two years ago)

1. my name isn't something inane like "britney"
2. despite financial wierdness, i'm not living with my parents.
3. my beloved laptop and the web.
4. cool friends
5. my car hadn't died last week when i thought it might have...it just doesn't much like below-zero weather.
6. good songs that get in my head and keep me smiling.
7. i'm going on a trip to visit my sister in a coupla weeks. (NYC! yay!)
8. banana milkshakes. chocolate cake too.
9. maintaining sanity (kinda)
10. graham's number 3. oh, sorry, number 7, though i can be cute too.

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Sunday, 2 February 2003 02:49 (twenty-two years ago)

5) Nicole's breasts.

Graham WTF??????

― Nicole (Nicole), Sunday, 2 February 2003 03:21 (twenty-two years ago)

See the bras thread. Or maybe don't.

― Graham (graham), Sunday, 2 February 2003 03:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't

― N. (nickdastoor), Sunday, 2 February 2003 03:35 (twenty-two years ago)

1) i had some reaaally good gingerbread cake today
2) the police cars around the driveway are not here for my house, they're here for the neighbors
3) my parents went to a college i want to go to, so the unfair legacy advantage is actually useful
4) if i am unhappy it is only because i am ungrateful/stupid
5) i have full usage of all of my body parts and i'm especially grateful for my fingers and feet
6) i live in a hick town no one's going to bomb
7) and my hick town has snow right now!
8) tickets to see the metamorphoses the weekend before it closes
9) i'm female
10) red satin and black lace

― Maria (Maria), Sunday, 2 February 2003 03:37 (twenty-two years ago)

I have an adorable, cuddly puppy dog who knows what "sit" and "stay" mean
The 8 pounds I lost when I was sick are slowly coming back, and it's an excuse to eat all the ice cream I want
Every book in my huge to read pile looks interesting
I have no idea where in the country I'm going to be living in 9 months, and I'm actually really excited about that. I miss moving around a lot like I did in college (haha, I think I just gave away that I own barely any furniture, though ;) )
I broke the sideview mirror off my car, but I found a repair shop 3 blocks from home & got it fixed
The mix I'm making to mail to Boy is coming out pretty well so far
I'm going to be an aunt in a few months

― lyra (lyra), Sunday, 2 February 2003 03:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Apparently I either can't count, or I'm only 7/10ths as happy of a camper as the rest of ILX, though.

― lyra (lyra), Sunday, 2 February 2003 03:40 (twenty-two years ago)

(1) [content excised]
(2) [content excised]

― forbidden or obsolete (24 hour troubleshooter), Sunday, 2 February 2003 03:53 (twenty-two years ago)

1) The IRS accepted my e-filed tax return, and therefore I will be getting a refund before long.
2) I also am getting a refund on my DC taxes.
3) While my current finances are weird and disappointing, I still live better than at least 98% of the human race.
4) My health is good.
5) My apartment is well heated (it's quite easy to get used to not having to wear a sweater inside.)
6) A new DC band I like, Black Eyes, is playing a couple shows soon.
7) Also, Mike Doughty will be playing a DC show in March.
8) My appetite is under better control than any previous time in my life.
9) I've sewn some things recently that came out quite well.
10) A certain silk undergarment that I'm working on right also is coming along quite well.

― j.lu (j.lu), Sunday, 2 February 2003 04:13 (twenty-two years ago)

1 - 5) the New Year is playing Dallas in April
6) i'm recently debt free
7) the distant phase my cat and i were going through has passed
8) miraculously found a great jogging path nearby that's smog/traffic free
9) went overboard at the grocery store today and got lots of fancy/tasy stuff
10) no major family crises at the moment

― Aaron A., Sunday, 2 February 2003 04:26 (twenty-two years ago)

I am Jack's ex-girlfriend = I saw Fight Club too many times in the past couple months.

― Ally (mlescaut), Sunday, 2 February 2003 04:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Gaham, you only mention women. Try relating to males once in a while, it may help.

― Mark C (Mark C), Sunday, 2 February 2003 10:09 (twenty-two years ago)

OK, I'll have a stab...

1. I have a new job!
2. My band isn't breaking up after all, in fact, we might be touring again!
3. Pliny sticks his tongue out at me when he sees me and is happy to let me flirt with him as much as I like
4. My inbox is full of mail from Hilton
5. Hilton's band have agreed to play my birthday party! woo!
6. My "sister" is coming to the UK for our birthday!
7. I've made a wonderful new friend in the form of my psycho ex's lovely ex
8. Hilton, Hilton, Hilton he's a planet, he's a galaxy boy
9. I don't live in a scum-infested cesspit of squalor any more
10. I am going to start recording my solo project today!

Wow. What's wrong with me? I'm a fairly happy camper right now.

― kate, Sunday, 2 February 2003 10:16 (twenty-two years ago)

1. I have a beautiful girlfriend who I love very much and who loves me very much.
2. I have some very nice friends who don't seem to dislike me.
3. I can spell.
4. I still have time.
5. I like a lot of things.
6. I can draw and write.
7. I am surviving in the world despite not having a job etc.
8. I am not bald.
9. I am quite tall.
10. I get to go home and sleep in my own bed tonight.

― RJG (RJG), Sunday, 2 February 2003 11:32 (twenty-two years ago)

1. I have a bunch of wonderful friends.
2. I seem to be coping with my depression well.
3. My job is going very well at present.
4. ILX.
5. I have had a sex life that astounds me.
6. I have thousands of winderful albums.
7. And thousands of wonderful books.
8. I live in London, the place I most want to be.
9. Despite looking really horrible to me, some people find me attractive.
10. My finances are improving.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 2 February 2003 12:19 (twenty-two years ago)

1; I have kimchi ramen noodles in my mouth right now!
2; I have a chocolate eclair waiting for me after the noodles.
3; I have a lovely girlfriend with a sexy fringe.
4; I have a job I enjoy!
5; I have lots of records!
6; Emma's nearly finished that Pullman book so I'm gonna read it soon!
7; We're going to see Lord Of The Rings this afternoon!
8; I might buy some Orb!
9; Lots of great friends!
10; Excellent trainers!

Negatives.

1; Malfunctioning knee = no football for two weeks.
2; Not earning enough.
3; Friends too far away to see every day.
4; Not Michaela Strachan.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Sunday, 2 February 2003 12:29 (twenty-two years ago)

"Despite looking really horrible to me, some people find me attractive."

so horrible-looking people find you attractive? that's always been a negative for me...though it's indicative of their exquisite taste i s'pose.

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Sunday, 2 February 2003 17:17 (twenty-two years ago)

1. I tidied my room in less than half an hour (didn't bother dusting or hoovering)
2. It's February
3. I have good family/friends/pets

I can't think of anything else

― jel -- (jel), Sunday, 2 February 2003 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

That was badly phrased, wasn't it? Sorry Julia, I meant that despite the fact that I think I'm horrible looking, some people have clearly proven that they find me attractive, of course.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 2 February 2003 18:10 (twenty-two years ago)

1. 10 months remaining in my contract w/ USAF
2. EXCELLENT job prospects
3. I have decided to get a papermill BA instead of going back to school
4. I have decided on a pair of affordable monitor speakers
5. My income has been effectively doubled
6. I am really healthy and off the sauce
7. I have gotten in touch with some old friends recently
8. I enjoy my work
9. I like my new apartment with the new floor and my new 1200-CD barrister
10. I am writing every day/becoming quadrilingual/sleeping well.

― Millar (Millar), Sunday, 2 February 2003 18:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I like my new apartment with the new floor and my new 1200-CD barrister

Ah, now that's heaven. :-) Or one facet of same.

I'll ponder a list at some point...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 2 February 2003 18:22 (twenty-two years ago)

We should use this thread for the next ILx compilation. As in every contributor selects a post or two fm this thread and uses it as a lyric sheet. And nobody is allowed to sing their own ten.

― Millar (Millar), Sunday, 2 February 2003 19:13 (twenty-two years ago)

The fact that I am glad that I am not called Melissa is a matter of taste. And a matter of great personal relief. The sibilance doesn’t appeal to me.

― Lara (Lara), Sunday, 2 February 2003 19:14 (twenty-two years ago)

What a relief that I wouldn't have to sing about my scorching bottom!

I have no idea what I was referring to. I doubt it was curry- or bottom activity related. I also doubt it was sunburn as the list was compiled in March. It may have been the result of a comment someone made; I have been called 'an arse-attention seeking tyrant' in the past.

― Lara (Lara), Sunday, 2 February 2003 19:16 (twenty-two years ago)

im not a happy camper

― Chupa-Cabras (vicc13), Sunday, 2 February 2003 20:39 (twenty-two years ago)

i knew what you meant, martin...just found it kinda funny. ;^)

seems to me that fitting "scorching bottom" into lyrics would be highly amusing.

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Sunday, 2 February 2003 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I just realized that if you sing N.'s first nine as the verse and use his 10 as a chorus it's grebt on several levels.

― Millar (Millar), Sunday, 2 February 2003 20:45 (twenty-two years ago)

it's the lost Nirvana song!

― jel -- (jel), Sunday, 2 February 2003 20:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Sorry about another 'what if?' but what if the only reason the song wasn't released is because it's a sort of jokey, crap jam?

― Nicole (Nicole), Sunday, 2 February 2003 21:12 (twenty-two years ago)

You will never understand my pain.

― N. (nickdastoor), Sunday, 2 February 2003 23:50 (twenty-two years ago)

For which I am forever grateful.

― Nicole (Nicole), Sunday, 2 February 2003 23:52 (twenty-two years ago)

I think "arse-attention seeking tyrant" is like on my business card.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 3 February 2003 02:28 (twenty-two years ago)

It reads more like a personal ad.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 3 February 2003 02:45 (twenty-two years ago)

1. they pulled a small tumor out of my mom today so it looks like all will be okay.

― That Girl (thatgirl), Monday, 3 February 2003 02:50 (twenty-two years ago)

1. My wife loves me and I love her.
2. My dog is just so damn great.
3. My condo is actually realy nice,
4. I'm getting a new home pc soon.
5. I'm going to Vt. this weekend and going sledding for the first time in about 15 years.
6. I have great friends.
7. Music has been good as of late.
8. I got my playstation back
9. Photoshop has been installed at work
10. I'm a pimp.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Monday, 3 February 2003 17:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Can't contribute because a) do not know how to do separate lines and b)honestly can't think of reason to be happy.

― alix (alix), Monday, 3 February 2003 17:34 (twenty-two years ago)

1. My boss has not (and probably will not) be coming into work today.
2. I've been making new friends lately and getting to know old ones all over again.
3. My band is playing lots of shows these days.
4. My cats are healthy and cute as ever.
5. My bf is happy and cute as ever.
6. I really enjoy my apartment. AND it's totally clean for once! My bf even cleaned the bathroom floor. :)
7. My youngest sister is in town. I've been seeing my family more lately.
8. My band's cd is ready for mass copying.
9. New kitty/puppy to join my life vicariously.
10. It can only get warmer outside. Yay for spring!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Monday, 3 February 2003 18:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Alix, you do separate lines by hitting the return key on your keyboard, same as you do in any word processing thing. It's been like that since we moved to Graham's wonderful new code.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 3 February 2003 18:49 (twenty-two years ago)

13. Martin thinks my code is wonderful.
14. Look how I empower Alix*!

(* to write lists on the internet)

― Graham (graham), Monday, 3 February 2003 18:51 (twenty-two years ago)

1; I have kimchi ramen noodles in my mouth right now!

Nick is on the verge of failing the #6 test.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 3 February 2003 19:19 (twenty-two years ago)

1. I finally have anytime access to the net! wahoo!

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 3 February 2003 19:52 (twenty-two years ago)

3. My name is not Melissa or Jessica.

My sister's name is Jessica.

― Melissa W (Melissa W), Saturday, 15 February 2003 13:11 (twenty-two years ago)

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