This is the thread where you tell Hilton Betelgeuse why he should marry me!

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He says he won't marry me cause he hates Sonny and Cher. This is the stupidest reason ever not to marry someone. (OK, not marrying someone because they are a weird lunatic stalker that you only met a week ago is a good reason not to marry someone, but that's not the excuse he used.)

I have to go to work in an hour. When I come home, I want this thread filled with reasons that Hilton should marry me. Or at the very least sleep with me.

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 09:15 (twenty-two years ago)

1) So Kate will get bored of him and fucking SHUT UP about him on ILX!!!

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 09:16 (twenty-two years ago)

2) Because Kate is a scary, obsessive woman.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 3 February 2003 09:18 (twenty-two years ago)

3) Because Cher is due to pop her clogs, and then who will she have? No one! NO ONE I TELL YOU!!

― Robin (RJM), Monday, 3 February 2003 09:23 (twenty-two years ago)

4) And Sonny's been dead for a while.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 3 February 2003 09:30 (twenty-two years ago)

5) Then Hilton could go into politics! But I'd prevent him from taking up skiing...

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 09:34 (twenty-two years ago)

6) Because if he won't I WILL! HA!

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Monday, 3 February 2003 09:35 (twenty-two years ago)

7) And because Kate's v. demanding.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 3 February 2003 09:36 (twenty-two years ago)

i vote for number one

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 3 February 2003 09:38 (twenty-two years ago)

(for-fucking-real)

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 3 February 2003 09:38 (twenty-two years ago)

8) Apparently being married is great! Blow-job alarm clocks ever morning, or so my guy friends have told me... (when proposing... erm...)

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 09:38 (twenty-two years ago)

9) because I can annoy the fuck out of Jess with PLEASE HELP MY HUSBAND IRRITATES THE FUCK OUT OF ME threads once we've decided we don't actually like each other.

10) Hilton Betelgeuse is my friend,
Hilton Betelgeuse is my friend
Wherever I go, Hilton goes
Hilton Betelgeuse is my friend

11) Because if I don't obsess constantly about someone or something, then I will have to think about my crap new job and how I DON'T want to go to it. Sigh.

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 09:43 (twenty-two years ago)

12) he should marry you so you can make beautiful music together. literally and metaphorically.

― di smith (lucylurex), Monday, 3 February 2003 09:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I somehow read this as why he *should not* marry you. Rational thought blinded me.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 3 February 2003 09:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh. I thought you were just being snarccy at me. No! Reasons that he SHOULD marry or at least sleep with me. I mean, the reason why he shouldn't is perfectly obvious: BECAUSE I AM AN INTERNET MENTALIST.

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 09:53 (twenty-two years ago)

13) 'cause he has nuthin betta to do with his life anyway

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Monday, 3 February 2003 09:56 (twenty-two years ago)

He has a lot better to do with his life. He has free jazz spacepop arkestras to record and mix and edit. But wait...

14) I could be his muse and inspiration for free jazz spacepop arkestras! Just like Kate Radley. Oh wait... damn, I even dreamed about Kate Radley last night. Why did I do that?

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 09:59 (twenty-two years ago)

because you are a mentalist.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Monday, 3 February 2003 10:03 (twenty-two years ago)

CAN PEOPLE PLEASE NUMBER THEIR REASONS OR ELSE THIS THREAD WILL LOSE THE RUN OF ITSELF.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 3 February 2003 10:10 (twenty-two years ago)

15) bcz free-jazzy pop-space etc arkestras are overrated compared to girls surely?

― geeta (geeta), Monday, 3 February 2003 10:12 (twenty-two years ago)

16) Because marriage is an out-dated institution.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 3 February 2003 10:12 (twenty-two years ago)

::resists urge to start a thread entitled "Taking Sides: Free Jazz vs. Girls"::

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 10:14 (twenty-two years ago)

17) because if you get married, you get gifts and cakey items of eatiness

― rainy (rainy), Monday, 3 February 2003 10:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually... ::steps back from internet mentalism::

In real life, I'd never get married. But if I did, it would be FOR THE PRESENTS!!!!

::back to internet mentalism::

Ed can make us a special ALL MARZIPAN CAKE!!! MMMMMM!!!

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 10:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I still can't make the mind-shift. Anyone would think I'm bitter.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 3 February 2003 10:19 (twenty-two years ago)

bitter = butter

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 3 February 2003 10:19 (twenty-two years ago)

The cake was number 18.

19) permanent, full-time, live-in TEA MAKER!!!

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 10:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, you've won ME over with that argument!!

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 3 February 2003 10:26 (twenty-two years ago)

I've just realised that the fatal flaw in that argument would be that I would have to live with him. I don't want to live with him, I'm sure he'd annoy the fuck out of me with his moaning. (What is the difference between a lead singer and a puppy? A puppy quits whining after about six months!) I just want to marry him and sleep with him and snuggle to Spacemen 3 records and never have to deal with any of the other shit.

However, I would still make him tea whenever I was *around*.

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 10:30 (twenty-two years ago)

you could have two bedrooms

― rainy (rainy), Monday, 3 February 2003 10:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Another vote for number 1, I have contacted Africa, Asia and most of Eastern Europe aswell as 5 million Americans and I have their full support on this.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 3 February 2003 10:38 (twenty-two years ago)

If you got married in a few years time the relationship could disintegrate, enabling him to write his classic breakup album. This is flawed if you want this to be a married forever deal. Also flawed if he's already made his classic breakup album.

Alternatively you could break his leg with a heavy fx pedal and keep him trapped in your bedroom, like the mad woman from 'Misery'.

― fractal (fractal), Monday, 3 February 2003 10:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Hrmmm. And then I could write the dronerock Sk8tr Boi! Except it would be, like, FreeJa22 Boi. "She saw him rocking on Resonance FM..." etc. etc.

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 10:47 (twenty-two years ago)

OK, I really AM going to work now. Of course, watch me have internet access and NOTHING TO DO all day long.

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 10:48 (twenty-two years ago)

FreeJa22 Boi would probably be a much longer song though, at least 15 minutes.

― fractal (fractal), Monday, 3 February 2003 10:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey Kate, you don't have to live in the same house. Wasn't it Kirsti Alley and Miscellaneous Husband No.2 who lived in adjacent houses with an inter-connecting walkway?

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 3 February 2003 10:56 (twenty-two years ago)

20; So he no longer has to be known by the frankly ludicrous psuedonym 'Hilton Beatlejoose'.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 3 February 2003 11:09 (twenty-two years ago)

IN THIS PROPERTY MARKET!?

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 3 February 2003 11:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Cake is the best reason of all to get married! Who doesn't like cake?

― Nicole (Nicole), Monday, 3 February 2003 11:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Me.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 3 February 2003 11:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Could this not be the thread where we suggest, ever so politely, that you get over yourself just a bit and stop banging on about this?

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 3 February 2003 11:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Surely no one thinks that???

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 3 February 2003 11:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I love cake but not THAT cake. Uergh. Cake with horrible bits of chewy gross dried up rotten fruit in it = dud.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 3 February 2003 11:43 (twenty-two years ago)

And icing = sick-making, sweet gloop.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 3 February 2003 11:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm on my lunchbreak now. I've only been here three hours and already I'm on ILX.

Mark C, stop Hating Fun. :-P

If everybody on this board got over themselves and stopped banging on about ridiculous things, there would be no board. So piss off.

Now let's decide which kind of cake we shall all eat at the wedding if fruitcake is out. I would like marzipan cake.

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 13:43 (twenty-two years ago)

It should be an ILX cake, with trillions of layers, each made by a different ILXer!!

― smee (smee), Monday, 3 February 2003 13:53 (twenty-two years ago)

um, why don't we have ten threads abt comic books then...

''with trillions of layers, each made by a different ILXer!!''

we don't have trillions of ILXORS tho' (unless each actually assumed a few million identities).

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 3 February 2003 13:55 (twenty-two years ago)

i think some of them are trying for that julio

― gareth (gareth), Monday, 3 February 2003 13:56 (twenty-two years ago)

I see what you mean rageth.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 3 February 2003 13:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Tis a fantasy wedding, therefore tis a fantasy cake. Don't spoil my fun!! *throws self onto floor with flailing arms & legs*

― smee (smee), Monday, 3 February 2003 13:59 (twenty-two years ago)

On balance, you're right.

*stops hating fun*

I am in a MOOD today.

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 3 February 2003 14:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Fuck you all, fun-haters. You do not have to read this thread if you don't want to participate.

God, no wonder you're all such cranky fucks all the time. Three hours in an office and I Hate Fun And Want To Kill People, Too.

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 14:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I could very easily be in a MOOD today. EXCUUUUUUUUSE ME for trying to brighten up what would otherwise be a very stressful and traumatic and depressing day by talking about some dumb bit of frippery. PARDON me for wasting the ten seconds of your life that you wasted clicking on my thread.

Maybe I should just have my work address banned so I'm not even tempted.

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 14:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Kate, if you keep this up I may have to start calling you Becky.....

More wedding cake talk, quick!

― smee (smee), Monday, 3 February 2003 14:14 (twenty-two years ago)

::shoots self::

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

OK, perhaps that was a little harsh.....

― smee (smee), Monday, 3 February 2003 14:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I am bored. When is my boss back from lunch?

Someone post the lyrics to Sk8tr Boi so I can work on Free Ja22 Boi.

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 14:19 (twenty-two years ago)

You're always in a fucking mood - let someone else have a go once in a while.

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 3 February 2003 14:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Here ya go, kate:

"He was a boy ahe was a girl can i make it any more obvious he was a punk the did balet what more can i say he wanted her shed never tell that secretly ahe wanted him as well but all of her friends stuck up their nose and they had a promlem with his baggy cloths he was a skater boy she said see ya later boy he wasn't good enough for she had a pretty face but head was up in space she needed to come down to earth. 5 years from now she sits at home feeding the baby she's all alone she turns on t.v guess wh she see's skater boy rocking up M.T.V she calls up her friends they all ready know and theyve all got tickets to see his show she taggs along stands in the croud looks up at the man that she that down
he was a skater boy she said see ya later boy he wasnt good enough for her but now hes a superstar
slamin on his guitar to show pretty face what hes worth.he was a skater boy she said see ya later boy he wasnt good enough for her but now hes a super star slamin on his guitar to show pretty face what hes worth sorry girl but you missed out well tuff luck that boys mine now wearemore than just good friends this is how the ends to bad that you couldnt see see the man that boy could be there is more that meets the eye i see the soul that is inside hes just a boy and im just a girl can i make it any more obvious we are in love havnt you heard how we rock each others world im with i said see ya later boy ill be backstage after the show ill be at his studio singing the song we wrote about a girl you used to know"

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Monday, 3 February 2003 14:27 (twenty-two years ago)

20) babies! which could also be a reason NOT to get married, depending, but you could give them funny names.

― Maria (Maria), Monday, 3 February 2003 14:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I was about to post something really nasty to Mark C about starting his own thread to be moody on, but then Sarah saved me! Hooray!

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 14:29 (twenty-two years ago)

(wouldn't wanna piss on anybody's wedding cake here really, even by default, but a strange suspicicon's creeping over me. regarding what kate's job might *really* be about ...i'm already half convinced that she's hired to find a sweetheart, any sweetheart, for this Beetlejoose chap - by any means necessary. all this other talk is just pure camouflage for the actual market research)

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Monday, 3 February 2003 14:43 (twenty-two years ago)

No, there really is a Hilton. He has been in this flat and everything.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 3 February 2003 14:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Who's the 2nd crush, kate? Still julian?

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Monday, 3 February 2003 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I was about to post something really nasty to Mark C about starting his own thread to be moody on

Funny you should say that, Kate. There was a thread about me, but - look who turned up and hijacked it!!

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 3 February 2003 16:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Also, I downloaded bits of Lollies songs this weekend and really enjoyed them.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Monday, 3 February 2003 16:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Marc C & Kate just get a room and get it over with eh?

― smee (smee), Monday, 3 February 2003 16:38 (twenty-two years ago)

better yet: get two rooms.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 3 February 2003 16:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Okay, I retire. Enjoy your thread.

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 3 February 2003 16:43 (twenty-two years ago)

poor mark: look at what kate did to HIS thread.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 3 February 2003 16:48 (twenty-two years ago)

who's the guy, and what's to say he doesn't want to marry me instead?

― g-kit (g-kit), Monday, 3 February 2003 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

36532-it would be like being Madonna's boyfriend

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 3 February 2003 17:33 (twenty-two years ago)

There is so a Hilton. Several people saw him.

There is so a job. It sucks. Actually, no, it doesn't suck, it is just SO BORING that I am going to go mad within a matter of week. Why don't I get to sit around making free jazz? Why do I have to recconcile roaming agreements? Rooo-am if you want tooo-OOO Rooo-am around the wooooorrrrrld!

The second crush is still Pliny the Adorable Soundman.

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 18:02 (twenty-two years ago)

new crush suggestion: yeti the abominable snowman.

go--seek him out.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 3 February 2003 18:14 (twenty-two years ago)

I know this is all very merry and to deprecate it is hating fun, but is this bloke OK about your obsession? Are you really hassling him?

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 3 February 2003 18:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I've asked him several times if it bothers him, and he never says that it does. I have said that if it bothers him, to mention it, and I will stop. I think if it really bugged him, he would stop writing back. I think he knows that it's harmless fun, and I suspect he's actually quite flattered by it. Or, maybe he's just being nice to me when he flirts with me because I've been doing things to help out his band... go on, feed my paranoia. It wouldn't be the first time.

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 19:29 (twenty-two years ago)

No, that's OK. If you're sure I'm sure.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 3 February 2003 19:33 (twenty-two years ago)

fun ain't what it used to be

― forbidden or obsolete (24 hour troubleshooter), Monday, 3 February 2003 20:58 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah it used to be fun

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 3 February 2003 21:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Why can you still not use his real name?

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 3 February 2003 21:45 (twenty-two years ago)

62) (ain't been counting) Because The Delgados RULE. (this may or may not be relevant, but it's my answer to everything right now)

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 3 February 2003 21:50 (twenty-two years ago)

In all seriousness, I wonder what public opinion would be re: this whole affair were the party genders switched.

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 3 February 2003 21:52 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it's time for N. to start another thread.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 3 February 2003 21:53 (twenty-two years ago)

OK. You've made your point.

― kate, Monday, 3 February 2003 21:56 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it's time for N. to start another thread.

And that thread should be called "What's your favorite bra color?"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 3 February 2003 21:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Oops.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 3 February 2003 21:57 (twenty-two years ago)

something else.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 3 February 2003 21:58 (twenty-two years ago)

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