Sexual Confessions C/D

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A friend of mine has just confessed to doing something which I find totally, outrageously, gross. Thankfully it was by text message and she couldn't see the look of utter disgust on my face but I know she’ll wanna talk about it next time we meet up and, quite frankly, it turns my stomach and it’s not something I think I can be objective about.
I like to think I’m very open minded when it comes to sexual matters but this is one a taboo I’m not happy even contemplating. I’ve told her it’s weird but she seems determined to get a second opinion and I’m it – what would you do?

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 14:55 (twenty-three years ago)

it's just poop

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 14:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Tell her if you wouldn't do it or if you think it's gross. She'll get over it. She can still do whatever she wants. Plus, knowing that you think it's stomach-churning might prevent her from giving details later.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 14:57 (twenty-three years ago)

It has nothing to do with bodily excretions, OK?

I've did the "Ew ew ew, please say you are joking" text but it's not really done the trick.

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 14:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Tell her you don't wanna hear about it any more.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:02 (twenty-three years ago)

I know but she's going through a tricky time at the moment and her head is all over the place, I'm her only female friend and she usually talks to me about this stuff. I'm really worried about her.

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:05 (twenty-three years ago)

>It has nothing to do with bodily excretions, OK?

Bestiality is not as uncommon as one might think.

― fletrejet, Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:08 (twenty-three years ago)

It doesn't invovle children or small animals either you pre-verts.

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:09 (twenty-three years ago)

so how bad could it possibly fucking be then?

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:10 (twenty-three years ago)

Necrophilia!

― Dave B (daveb), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:12 (twenty-three years ago)

is it some sort of rape/bondage thing? if so, then i suggest a good talking too.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:12 (twenty-three years ago)

It's kinda flirting around the incest area but with an added pensioner type twist

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:12 (twenty-three years ago)

Maybe you should just feel her out to see if she's really ready to take this step...?

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:13 (twenty-three years ago)

they slept with grandpa ned!

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:13 (twenty-three years ago)

>It doesn't invovle children or small animals either you pre-verts.

Horses then.

But seriously, jess is right. Scat, pedo, and beast are the only things that are still considered gross these days.

Oh, and maybe vomit.

― fletrejet, Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:13 (twenty-three years ago)

So shagging elderly relatives is acceptable these days?

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:15 (twenty-three years ago)

>So shagging elderly relatives is acceptable these days?

Ack! It didn't warn me of new posts! Disregard my previous post.

― fletrejet, Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Ask her to post and we'll sort it out together.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:18 (twenty-three years ago)

If you really are her only female friend and you don't have any other reason to object than the 'ew' factor (safety, hygiene, mental health, legality, morality etc) then you need to try to suppress the gag reflex and support her, I guess. If it really is incest then it's more than an 'ew', obviously.

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:18 (twenty-three years ago)

I really am her only female friend. Before I thought she was just a bit adventurous but now I'm really worried about her. She doesn't think she's done anything wrong. She says it's her fault coz she got him drunk and seduced him but jesus christ...he should have know better!

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Have you tried shaking her?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:25 (twenty-three years ago)

When I see her I will. I've told her I'm really worried about her and she's just like "chill, it's out of my system, it wont happen again". How do I get her to see how utterly horribly wrong this is?

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:28 (twenty-three years ago)

they slept with grandpa ned!

Definitely a bad idea when you're my age. Where's my hot water bottle? *cough hack*

More seriously, I approve of Dan's advice...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:28 (twenty-three years ago)

How do I get her to see how utterly horribly wrong this is?

You obv. need to tell us exactly what she's done, then we can advise from a position of knowledge and provide statistics and such like to back it up.

Seriously though, if she's done it, then her refusal to accept it could be that she simply doesn't see it as wrong. Or maybe she knows it is wrong, but doesn't want to face up to it, and so affects a blase attitude as defence mechanism.

I'd have thought that depending on whether it was 'legally wrong' or 'morally wrong', you need to hector and berate or try to understand why respectively.

― Dave B (daveb), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:32 (twenty-three years ago)

plink, your life is weird.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:33 (twenty-three years ago)

What kind of elderly relative? How elderly? Eeeeuuuww! Was it wrinkly uncle sex?

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Welcome to my soap opera. I think people would suspect I make shit up if it weren't for the physical evidence! My mum reckons I attract weirdo's, today's event make me suspect she's OTM

Nick gets the prize for guessing correctly.

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:37 (twenty-three years ago)

weirdo's what? you have physical evidence? ew ew ew.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:39 (twenty-three years ago)

yuck! Is he a blood relation?

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes, not even a distant one. See why I got grossed out?

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh. My. God.

― Dave B (daveb), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:40 (twenty-three years ago)

ARGH!

She's an UNCLE FUCKER!

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:40 (twenty-three years ago)

(enter South Park movie sound track)

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:41 (twenty-three years ago)

shut your fucking face, uncle fucker

(damn you sarah)

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:41 (twenty-three years ago)

What's the prize?

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:41 (twenty-three years ago)

A date with the girl in question?

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:43 (twenty-three years ago)

The mind boggles

― Dave B (daveb), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:44 (twenty-three years ago)

In answer to the threadular question, this Sexual Confession is both classic (for comedy value!) and dud (for being GROSS).

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Top tips to seduce a gerontophile No1:

Chew a lump of cordite to make the skin greyed and pallid.

― Dave B (daveb), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Sexual confessions from your mom - DUD DUD DUD

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:46 (twenty-three years ago)

i think my intimated when i was home for xmas that she was having an affair

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Spill!

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:48 (twenty-three years ago)

If your friend got her uncle drunk in order to do this, she almost certainly broke any laws regarding consent. I actually agree with you on the squickness factor, and if she were my friend I'd tell her to get some help NOW as why she did that.

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:49 (twenty-three years ago)

My auntie got divorced after years of marriage and discovered the joys of Alex Comfort anew. And would she used to talk about it to anyone who'd listen. We wouldn't listen and now have a conversational strategy to stop her getting onto the subject. Not good.

― Dave B (daveb), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Are there consent laws relating to women acting without consent on men in this manner (ie, aside from gender neutral harassment schtuff?)

― Dave B (daveb), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Told her how worried I am and how gross it is, told her is crosses the line etc etc but she just wont accept it as wrong. Will probably have to work on it.
She said she tried it on with him and he told her he loved her as a neice that's all, so she got him drunk. Ew ew ew repeat to fade

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:53 (twenty-three years ago)

The seriousness of consent laws aside...
This reminds me of a hilarious incident in college in which my very naive and virginal roommate claimed that women rape men all the time by "stuffing it in."

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Now *that's* funny

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:56 (twenty-three years ago)

is her uncle famous? has he ever featured in any tabloidnewspapers?

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:56 (twenty-three years ago)

(now enter 3 x 1 minus 1 from Mr. Show with their song, "Ew Ew Ew")

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 15:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Skipping 22 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

She lied to you? She did her brother? Her uncle did her brother? Dan Pery shagged your uncle? Dan Perry is your brother?

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:34 (twenty-three years ago)

What about Coco Pops?

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Dan Perry's uncle shagged your Coco Pops?

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:35 (twenty-three years ago)

an attention seeking tomato ketchup pom-bear, yo.

― g-kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:36 (twenty-three years ago)

My baby is a fruit loop
I love her lucky charms
Shredded wheat and golden grahams
Total in my arms

We got a serial cereal love
We got a surreal cereal love

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Which one of you bastards is my shredded wheat?

― Dave B (daveb), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:37 (twenty-three years ago)

So, smee, in what way is the story not true?

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:37 (twenty-three years ago)

(I have NEVER, EVER had sexual relations with those Coco Pops.)

― Dan Perry's Uncle (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:37 (twenty-three years ago)

In the way that I am the worlds most gullible fule, and she is rolling around the floor in hysterics....go on mock me, I'm a twunt

Dan - define sexual relations?

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:39 (twenty-three years ago)

(I have NEVER, EVER had sexual relations with those Coco Pops.)
-- Dan Perry's Uncle (djperry@post.harvard.edu), February 4th, 2003.

But what about other Coco Pops, Mr Perry Snr?

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:39 (twenty-three years ago)

I like her sense of humour.

― Dave B (daveb), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Wait for it. She softening the blow. She's had sex with *your* uncle.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:42 (twenty-three years ago)

What are you guys still doing on this thread? Word on the streets is that hilton betelgeuse posted to the male vs. female crush thread.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:42 (twenty-three years ago)

*whoa*

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:43 (twenty-three years ago)

big deal--he can't even spell 'weird'.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:44 (twenty-three years ago)

What is Hilton Betelgeuse?

And where is the street where the word is, my dear?

― Mr Justice Boyle (daveb), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:45 (twenty-three years ago)

YOU LEAVE THOSE OTHER COCO POPS OUT OF THIS, DAMMIT.

― Dan Perry's Uncle (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Hilton Betelgeuse is the pseudonym for kate's crush.
The streets is where I am. I'm just Sarah from the block.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:46 (twenty-three years ago)

My head hurts.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Go tell a relative.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:57 (twenty-three years ago)

arf!

― g-kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:57 (twenty-three years ago)

(Careful, Greg...)

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 16:59 (twenty-three years ago)

smee,

I'd suggest that you tell your friend, simply, that you are not comfortable with the topic and suggest that she consider talking the matter over with a counselor or someone in the mental health community if she needs to have someone to bounce ideas off of/validate her decision, etc. It is unfair of her to ask you to accept and listen to her sexual escapades just because you are her friend. As my friend says "I love my friends, but I don't want to know what they look like while having sex," - a bit more dramamtic, but the same idea. Friendship is based on mutual attraction and affection and support. It is not *wrong* that you cannot support your friend in this decision tha she has made. We all make decisions about our sexual activities and have to acknowledge that not everyone is comfortable with our particular interests nor is everyone interested in hearing about our sexual interactions. Simply tell your friend this, but I'd advise against being overly judgmental.

Why the latter advice? Because most of us are screwed-up about sex and think that it's wrong or perverse or twisted or unsanitary or whatever - and the last thing that any of us needs is a peer that we respect and whose acceptance and understanding we need telling us that we're sick, disgusting, ill, or whatever other terms you wish to add. I am not going to comment on her decision to seduce her uncle. That is a decision between her and her uncle, and I am assuming that they are both adults who are capable of making decisions on their own. However, I would venture to guess that your friend is feeling a bit disoriented, now, and needs someone that she can talk to. If she isn't willing to talk with an open-minded counselor-type, I'd suggest that she seek-out a local gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender support group/organization. She should be able to find people there who will not be repelled by her actions and will help her deal with the resulting emotions.

I wish you (and her) the best of luck in a tough situation.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 01:52 (twenty-three years ago)

wowsers smee, i can see why your worried.

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 02:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I was about to make a pretend-huffy comment about Ms Laura's logic seeming to imply that the queer community is a haven for people OK with uncle-fucking. But then, you know, I realized that I was a queer person who doesn't really think what this mystery person did is such a big deal. I mean, I certainly have no interest in fucking my uncle, and I wouldn't really recommend them trying to conceive, and hopefully they're aware of the potential bucket of worms they've put their feet into: Nevertheless they were both (presumably) consenting adults who knew what they were getting into -- and that probably includes his getting drunk around the woman who's actively seeking to seduce him but who it's socially taboo for him to schtup: "Yeah, I was drunk, I didn't mean to, etc." is the preferred excuse in such situations.

But so: MsLaura is spot on.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 02:29 (twenty-three years ago)

yeah but, uh, didn't smee say this whole thing turned out to be a big hoax?

― That Girl (thatgirl), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 02:59 (twenty-three years ago)

This is the best hoax since John Peel pretended he had three unreleased Smiths tracks to play.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 03:09 (twenty-three years ago)

*grin* Thanks for agreeing with my logic, Chris - I was basically going on the theory that the people I know who are gay/otherwise into alternative sexual orientation stuff, and are out about it (such as those who are part of support groups and so forth) tend to be more accepting of others experimentation, at least to some extent. (Though there is always that damn "My kink is good, your kink is bad" attitude thing that pisses me off.

So, this was all a hoax, eh? Still, an interesting discussion and fascinating to see how people responded to such an idea.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 04:31 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm going to go eat a big bowl of cereal now.

― M Matos (M Matos), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 07:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Laura, do you have AIM? I really, really admire your clear-headed nd kind advice...as someone else said, Andrew I thinnk it was, you're like the female Ned around here. SO nice. Always. Your counseling skills are incredible!!!@@@

I wish you had AIM and set up a nightly advice chat room - Laura's Therapy Lane for Troubled Ilxors. I would pay, I'm sure others would too

― Vic (Vic), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 09:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Wait, which thread revealed this to be a big hoax?

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 16:32 (twenty-three years ago)

This one.

This thread may not be based on a true story...
-- smee (smee4ilxor@hotmail.com), Yesterday 4:27 PM.

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 16:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Laura does in fact have AIM, a few of us were chatting yesterday!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 16:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Naturally it got lost amongst the Coco Puffs. Sigh!

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 16:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Pop!

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 16:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Thanks, Ned *smile* Vic, I do have AIM - I think my screenname is "ImPasinOpnWindos," but I can't rightly recall because I had to do such odd abbreviations and wasn't paying attention while doing them - anyway, I added you to my buddy list in case and if I have my name wrong *grin* But no chatroom advice for me - though I'll usually listen :)

Chris - I forgot to say it over on the picture thread, but I really liked that pic of you in Southern California, looking all dramatic and stuff. It's dramatic and fun and makes me really homesick.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 18:53 (twenty-three years ago)

That's me, I guess: Dramatic and fun, especially when I'm on the rocks.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 18:54 (twenty-three years ago)

While I think Laura is generally right about who is more likely to be more open-minded about sex, I think the person I got the hardest time from over my bisexuality was my oldest and best gay friend. I guess some gay men's attitudes to bi men is a special case.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 19:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Suddenly I wonder if smee's friend was telling the truth, realized smee was freaking out about it, and so decided to tell her that it was just a hoax and she should relax.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 19:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Martin, from what I've seen there is some backlash toward those who identify as being bisexual from those in the gay community, like "Can't you just make-up your mind?" But, also, responses are different based on how well the person coming-out is known to the gay person. Er, I don't think I typed that correctly. I meant to say that if someone is emotionally attached to another - crap - can't do it that way, either. I need someone to do my wording here *grin*

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 19:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Chris - next time I'm out West I'll kidnap you and drag you to some awesome cliffs - with incredible echoing potentials. Oh, and I think you might well be right about smee's friend.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 19:39 (twenty-three years ago)

I want Martin's comments to spin off into a new thread. But I am too lazy to spin it off myself.

I'm sure you wouldn't need to kidnap me, for heaven's sake. I maybe be indoorsy but I'm not that ruthless about it.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 19:42 (twenty-three years ago)

*laughing* But the kidnapping is ever so much more fun!

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 19:51 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm not intending to spin it off. However, the attitude that I found from one or two gay men was weirdly resistant to the facts. I was married and monogamous, and openly bisexual (with a stated preference for women). Gay men would explain to me that those men who claimed to be bi were really gay, but scared to admit it, so were running around secretly fucking men while pretending to be straight. I would have to insistently point out in detail that my case was opposite to that in almost every detail to get them to recognise that what they were saying was not universally true.

The thing with my friend had something else in there too. I'd been with this one woman since my teens, and I'd never had sex with a man (this has very much changed more recently, by the way). He asked me once how I knew I was bi. I asked him if he knew he was gay before having sex with a man, or if it was some bizarre but fortunately pleasant accident. I knew because I fancied men as well as women.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 21:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, yes. There are the gay men who start off claiming to be bi men before they can deal with being gay. There is also the idea that actual bi men will end up shacking up with the (presumably less-of-a-hassle) heterosexual option. There is also the idea, which you also find in some straight people, that bisexuality messes up the perfect binary system that they've created.

Of course, my main problem with bisexuality is that it gives me false hope when when dealing with guys like the one I have a crush on right now. ;-)

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 6 February 2003 01:44 (twenty-three years ago)

two years pass...

This was a good thread.

― JTS, Wednesday, 24 August 2005 20:31 (twenty years ago)

Have you tried shaking her?

Dan, was this an Airplane! reference? Either way it's excelsiorish.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 24 August 2005 20:35 (twenty years ago)

I don't remember now! It might have been.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 24 August 2005 20:50 (twenty years ago)

This thread is wonderful!

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Thursday, 25 August 2005 05:10 (twenty years ago)

Hmm, I'm interested in Martin's comments above because it's reminded me that the only person I've ever seen vehemently against/unable to comprehend bisexuality was a gay fellow who was working with briefly. He was asking about my (married) friend, and saying how could he possibly be bi and married, because wont his wife worry he's going to run off with some other man, he must be gay, bla bla bla.

I couldnt understand how he was even coming to such conclusions. I just asked him if he understood what "being in love and married" actually meant. Strange man.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 25 August 2005 07:01 (twenty years ago)

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