Terrific Breakups

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I just broke up with my gf. It was great!

We both realized there was a death sentence on the relationship, we were looking, ultimately, for different things, and ending it was the thing that made the most sense for both of us. Still friends, all that. Made a nice dinner, watched American Idol, kiss goodnight, went home, slept peacefully.

So, give me your sweet, your amicable, your yeah-we-should-probably-hang-it-up stories please.

(Lack of sturm und drang makes for short threads but better living, surely?)

― g.cannon (gcannon), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:00 (twenty-two years ago)

i don't have any, i just came here to read about other people's.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:03 (twenty-two years ago)

DESPAIR IS LOOMING

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:04 (twenty-two years ago)

yours or mine?

― g.cannon (gcannon), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:05 (twenty-two years ago)

don't call me despair, i'm not *that* bad.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah most of my break-ups start like this and 24 hours later BOOOOOOOM!!!! Misery and tears for about 8 months. Not to rain on your amicable parade or anything...

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:06 (twenty-two years ago)

I was gonna say that too but I didn't wanna burst his bubble...

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Yours.

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Well I'll probably be bored. And lonely. I mean, she had a TV and I don't OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE

― g.cannon (gcannon), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

i don't think i'd ever be able to handle summat like that happening.
i think i've been lucky, really.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:09 (twenty-two years ago)

There ya go. It's ok, you still have ILX...

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I never had a good break up in my life.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Me either. Even ones I initiated calmly and matter-of-factly ended up getting gorey.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:12 (twenty-two years ago)

ilx devoid of positivity shockah.

okay sure "bittersweet," heavy on the sweet, and fuck if I'll offer up my bitter to you lot! Suppose it could have been gory, we were annoying the shit out of each other near the end. When the exit presented itself we were both relieved to step out. But enough about me...

― g.cannon (gcannon), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:14 (twenty-two years ago)

I've been lucky, they're generally pretty amicable.

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

in fact i never broke up with anyone in my life either. they all dumped me. boo hoo.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

(of course that's because I've been growing colder and more distant over a period of months, leading to a point where she initiates the break-up conversation and thus IT IS NOT MY FAULT)

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:16 (twenty-two years ago)

(I didn't mean that)

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Bad situations in which I've been dumped:

In bed. Just after we've had sex. After a 3-year relationship. It wasn't fun.

― caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:37 (twenty-two years ago)

That's horrible caitlin! Yikes. (Was the sex good?)

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:38 (twenty-two years ago)

What an insensitive prick, I hope you had many many long drunken rants over that one!

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I hope she threatened Bobbitectomy at least.

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:49 (twenty-two years ago)

: /

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Is that the international interweb symbol for Bobbitectomy or a wee puzzled face?

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:52 (twenty-two years ago)

I've been involved in the breakup of a 3 year relationship for over a year and half now. doesn't that sound like oodles of fun? so hard to get over egos when neither one wants to be the one to quit.

― Megan P, Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Usually the ego only gets in the way when you want to get back together, no?

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

No, the sex was a bit rubbish too

― caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 16:05 (twenty-two years ago)

My break-up with someone else on this bitch was painful, sad, heart-breaking but couldn't really have gone any better. She's a terrific person and I really enjoy spending time with her.

― Mark C (Mark C), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 16:19 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread should be re-named Terrific Freudian Slips.

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 16:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Time does heal with painful breakups, When I remember how the actual break up went I'm amazed how horrible and painful it was, as we both agreed it was for the best, and we're both doing amazingly well now.

If only I could go back in time and give myself some advice and a slap!

My first break up (well the second and final time we broke up) was great, but I think it was only great on my part, because he'd broken it up earlier and come crawling back, and I'd realised I didn't need him or want him.

Even when it's what I want, and everything's hunky dory, I'm such a sap and cry at anything, I'll always end up in tears.

― Vicky (Vicky), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 16:41 (twenty-two years ago)

In bed. Just after we've had sex. After a 3-year relationship. It wasn't fun.

I'm trying to imagine what the segue was.

No, the sex was a bit rubbish too

This admittedly makes it a bit easier to imagine.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 17:07 (twenty-two years ago)

My last breakup ended completely amicably, after a four year relationship and several years' engagement -- we're still best friends, I'm the Honor Guy in her wedding this fall, etc. -- but that's definitely been the exception.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 17:08 (twenty-two years ago)

me: "I'm in love with somebody else. Sorry"

Not too long after, the ex comes out of the closet. Years later a bunch of us are sitting around and the ex tells everyone that I was the only woman he ever "loved" (it was puppy love) and that all break-ups should be like ripping off a band-aid.

We are still friends. I couldn't date someone I wouldn't want to be friends with. I'm friends with all my exes unless they reveal a truly incorrigible, negative personality trait during the relationship. (note: this does not include feelings of non-reciprocration -- you can't ask for something that's not there).

― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 17:19 (twenty-two years ago)

my last email to a guy who'd just broken things off with me:

a)fuck you, bastard.
b)i agree, it would be good to remain friends.

i found the juxtaposition amusing, but appropriate in the circumstances.

he agreed that a) was well deserved, actually. since we're remaining friends, i guess it's amicable, but it still royally sucks.

so...less than terrific, but not wrenchingly dramatic and bitter and vitriolic, either.

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 18:03 (twenty-two years ago)

The last breakup I had was in college. As I was walking to see my gf and hang out, I saw in her window and saw her making out with one of my friends. It was a crushing experience.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 18:16 (twenty-two years ago)

jesus christ chris that's awful/so doo-wop.

― g.cannon (gcannon), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 18:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, my friends and I broke into an impromptu "For The Longest Time" by Billy Joel.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 18:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I called her and we talked and I told her what I saw. She told me to come back down so we could talk. She dumped me right there, with no shame for what she did either...damn slut.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 18:56 (twenty-two years ago)

My break-ups over the last eighteen months have been fairly easy and non-horrible. 18 months ago I broke up with my wife, after 23 years together. It could have been much nastier (she had saved some nastiness for a bit later), but it was still the most devastating thing I've ever gone through, and I'm still a little surprised that I survived it.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 21:08 (twenty-two years ago)

all my break-ups are horrible, sloppy messes. i broke up with one girl after 4 years (becuase she was cheating on me), i guess she didn't see it coming and started crying (big surprise) and i started laughing! uncontrolably! i tried my best to stop but i couldn't. the more i fought it, the harder i laughed! still makes no sense to me today, i kinda felt bad about it.

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 21:21 (twenty-two years ago)

that sounds pretty terrific to me.

― g.cannon (gcannon), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 21:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Lara, explain?

― Mark C (Mark C), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 22:28 (twenty-two years ago)

i had what i thought was an amicable breakup once, but it was a false alarm. don't count yrr chickens before they hatch etc etc.

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 22:57 (twenty-two years ago)

di smith speaks the truth

― dyson (dyson), Thursday, 6 February 2003 03:08 (twenty-two years ago)

amicable breakups don't occur, but on one occasion i've managed to salvage a friendship a few years down the track, so it wasn't all bad.

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 6 February 2003 03:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Mark - I don't think Lara is familiar with bitch=board.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 6 February 2003 03:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I agree with Di.

My most amicable was my marriage. No hard feelings and still close relationship there.

Most recent serious relationship was complete "hey, let my throw you off a ten story building" kind of thing. Without much warning I was moving to a new place (w/out any of his help) and being the butt of ex-girlfriend jokes. I wanted to be amicable, saw no legimate reason why we shouldn't be, but some people are so damaged you can't change them. Besides, as a parting gift he gave me a nasty disease so why should I be friends w/him?

Heard from a friend he accused me of cutting his brake lines. Response to his friend: Why does he think I would deign to get near his broken down piece of shit car? Unless you count a brick through the window.

(that last bit was a joke.)

― That Girl (thatgirl), Thursday, 6 February 2003 07:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Am friends with all exes, or at the very least if I see them at a party/gig/whatever after not seeing them for ages we're going to have an OK conversation. I think this is because I try to choose my friends with care (and the common-sense issue: if someone's gotten close enough to me to put THAT in THERE, I've decided there's a basic level of trust). Oddly, all friendship hassles I have ever experienced have been with women only, never the men I know.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 6 February 2003 09:16 (twenty-two years ago)

I once finished a relationship, climbed into a taxi and "I'm into Something Good" by Hermans Hermits was playing full blast half of the way home. I was laughing my head off and the driver was looking at me funny. Classic.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Thursday, 6 February 2003 14:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I was devastated when Steve Perry left Journey and they broke up. Although it seemed terrific at the time because "Oh Sherry" is fucking fantastic.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 6 February 2003 14:29 (twenty-two years ago)

One of my breakups provided me with a classic line. The girl was crying, she looked angry and hurt. Then, through the tears and clenched teeth she told me why: "YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY WHOLE SOCIAL LIFE!"

― Bryan (Bryan), Friday, 7 February 2003 03:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Never had a good one, though.

― Bryan (Bryan), Friday, 7 February 2003 03:39 (twenty-two years ago)

ten months pass...

bump

― the surface noise (electricsound), Monday, 8 December 2003 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

(or should i say.... DUMP!)

― the surface noise (electricsound), Monday, 8 December 2003 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

i broke up with my gf of 2 and a half years last night. it took about ten minutes, completely tear free. we'll probably still be sharing the house for two more months though.

― the surface noise (electricsound), Monday, 8 December 2003 21:39 (twenty-one years ago)

bet you're the type who doesn't quit his job until he has a new one lined up, huh?

― oops (Oops), Monday, 8 December 2003 21:43 (twenty-one years ago)

haha

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 8 December 2003 21:43 (twenty-one years ago)

hmm

― the surface noise (electricsound), Monday, 8 December 2003 21:45 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, i wonder how many people who have "terrific breakups" have been fucking or contemplating fucking someone else for about a month or more beforehand.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 8 December 2003 21:46 (twenty-one years ago)

actually perhaps the 'terrific' thread was the wrong one to revive, because it wasn't terrific at all. just quick.

― the surface noise (electricsound), Monday, 8 December 2003 21:46 (twenty-one years ago)

i had a post break-up break-up, because we can't be friends anymore either. But this time i got him on tape speaking out against lapdogs, so i won't forget why.

― nobody today (mandinina), Monday, 8 December 2003 22:52 (twenty-one years ago)

i deeply regret this revival now and i wish i was dead

― the surface noise (electricsound), Monday, 8 December 2003 22:53 (twenty-one years ago)

see, you do feel bad after all!

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 8 December 2003 22:54 (twenty-one years ago)

it only took me two months this time to feel "okay" about my breakup.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 8 December 2003 22:55 (twenty-one years ago)

no, i'm being serious. it was only last night and it was awful.

― maybe somebody (mandinina), Monday, 8 December 2003 22:56 (twenty-one years ago)

it took me about 9 mths to get over my last one. and now we're fucking again and it's great.

― A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Monday, 8 December 2003 22:59 (twenty-one years ago)

it took about ten minutes, completely tear free. we'll probably still be sharing the house for two more months though.

Even with things being OK, this can get pretty touchy. But can be done, I've done it and still consider the ex a good friend. We didn't see much of each other during the two months, and I don't think either of us was at 'home' more than six or eight hours per day.

― webcrack (music=crack), Monday, 8 December 2003 23:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Jim - she moving out, or you selling up? or that sorta shit not for discussion here?

Also, glad you finally got it done with, huzzah!

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 8 December 2003 23:38 (twenty-one years ago)

she's moving out in a couple of months. the relief i feel is immense.

― the surface noise (electricsound), Monday, 8 December 2003 23:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Good luck, esoj -- I've done the "living with an ex after an amicable breakup" thing, and it can be weird, but it can definitely be done. Congrats on the tear-free breakup, too.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 01:01 (twenty-one years ago)

"yeah, i wonder how many people who have 'terrific breakups' have been fucking or contemplating fucking someone else for about a month or more beforehand."

wasn't true in my case, sorry. i'm not saying that everything was totally unproblematic, mind.

good luck esoj. if you feel more relief than hurt you probably did the right thing. the hurt can still hurt tho.

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 01:58 (twenty-one years ago)

The only terrific breakup I've ever had was the one where we weren't really that into each other romantically anyway, and he immediately moved to China. Why can't all ex-boyfriends immediately move to China, or somewhere equally far away, that would make things so much easier.

― THAT Kate (kate), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 09:57 (twenty-one years ago)

i am so happy this breakup happened. my life has just started again

― the surface noise (electricsound), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 10:44 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

jesus christ a year to the DAY and i'm reviving this.

because it happened AGAIN, and in the guise of asking for ilx's collective wisdom, let me go on about myself and my life for a few lines:

over the holidays i got close with this girl i had a crush on for a few years, and wouldn't you know it, it was mutual. things were really going well, very well. she spent three weeks of january in mexico for school, and i was a little worried that would kinda be the end of it, but when she came back it was right back into it.

here's the other shoe: i knew her life was a little chaotic at the moment but apparently it is, to her, a total shambles. while saying that she thought i was great, really thought something was happening, would miss me, she ended it, saying it was all too much at the moment. she broke up in the summer w a guy she's known since she was a little kid, very ugly still (a big blowout w him precipitated her giving me the talk...) job/school/living situation all at maximum stress as well. also, she planned on being out of the country in the new year for months but the program fell thru, so her hookup with me was (to her) no-strings at first but found she liked me a lot more than she planned to.

anyway she said she hoped it would happen again sometime and hoped it would give her another chance...sometime. that was a couple weeks ago. i want to get in touch with her again, an email at least, so now i'm playing little games with myself (wait another day, dude, no, another week...) as to when and what to say.

comment upon my life plz.

― g--ff (gcannon), Friday, 6 February 2004 06:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry g--ff, sounds tough. I've been given some advice from a close friend lately: "stop trying to save these women". I thought of this immediately while reading your story. If it was meant to be with this girl, it will happen later, when she has her sh*t together.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 6 February 2004 06:13 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah apparently hanging out w me was happy time, and all the life shit got put on the back burner. but after a certain point i guess they were encroaching on each other too much

― g--ff (gcannon), Friday, 6 February 2004 06:31 (twenty-one years ago)

All you can do is let her know how you feel and that you'd be happy to hear from her if things change for her. Fate can be cruel, but it's better to lose her to it, than to suffer through her inability to make a real connection.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 6 February 2004 06:39 (twenty-one years ago)

(thx btw spencer)

― g--ff (gcannon), Friday, 6 February 2004 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

This sux & I really feel for you. I think you should contact her if you wish to do so, maybe just let her know that you do still like her & that if something else were to happen you'd be interested.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 6 February 2004 15:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Spencer is completely OTM.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 7 February 2004 02:56 (twenty-one years ago)

three weeks pass...

update: ok so today i got an email from the girl asking how i was, saying that she's been thinking of me, and that she had gotten back together for the Nth time with aforementioned ex-bf. so this is where it gets less terrific, i guess.

i emailed her back saying a) i want the best for you, but b) i don't think this is it. c'est la vie, OH WELL, sayonara, etc.

shit.

― g--ff (gcannon), Wednesday, 3 March 2004 01:45 (twenty-one years ago)

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