Telling someone how you feel about them two years later--Classic or Dud?

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Is it wrong to, oh, I dunno, email someone you haven't seen in two years but have been thinking about a whole lot during that time--during which you moved to another city to pursue a different relationship, which mutated into a very good friendship fairly quickly--to tell them you really miss them and care about them? Even if, mmm, you haven't talked to or emailed with in a few months? If, let's say, they were someone you didn't date but would probably have done if you both hadn't been in other relationships at the time? Despite the fact that, let's see, maybe we could say that you'd talked to her best friend for the first time in about two years also--she's coming to town, so you were making plans to hang out--and you'd spilled your feelings to her and she'd said to go for it? Because I think I just did that.

Classic or dud?

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 10 February 2003 11:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Classic!

Well done buddy, very brave! I really, sincerely hope it works out.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 10 February 2003 11:29 (twenty-two years ago)

classic, sometimes. don't feel bad if she doesn't respond right away: something similar happened to me and she just called me out of the blue a couple months after I emailed her. friendships are strange.

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Monday, 10 February 2003 11:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Classic, as long as your motives are clear and honourable. I think more people should do this kind of thing. Repressed (positive) feelings just seem such a waste!

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 10 February 2003 11:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Dud, if she happens to like someone else that her best friend may not now about, but HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW about such things? Sooo, Classic, since you are putting your heart on the line and ay very well be taking a chance that pays romatic dividends to you in time - (just remember that she may have alredy moved on, and it's HER decision this time, just like it was yours last time, to have left)

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 10 February 2003 11:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Indeed, Mark C is OTM. No repression! Be honest and be excellent to each other!

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 10 February 2003 11:45 (twenty-two years ago)

definitely, Vic. I didn't talk about it with her (or anyone really) for that reason. I'm not going to be crushed or angry if she says thanks-but-no-thanks, but you have to do this kind of stuff sometimes, right?

In the meantime, ladies, I'm open and market-ready!

[chirping crickets FX]

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 10 February 2003 11:46 (twenty-two years ago)

ahem. anyway....

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 10 February 2003 11:46 (twenty-two years ago)

*tumbleweed*

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 10 February 2003 11:56 (twenty-two years ago)

really, this is helpful. thanks everyone

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 10 February 2003 11:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, just remember your promise to yourself to not be either crushed or angry. The ball is most certainly in her court. If you got to have the last word regarding your decision to leave, and you chose to do so, it is only fair that she has the last say here, you know?

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 10 February 2003 12:01 (twenty-two years ago)

if it's been two years I certainly can't expect anything

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 10 February 2003 12:04 (twenty-two years ago)

BUT you can HOPE for mind-blowing sex and lasting emotional satisfaction with a beautiful woman!

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 10 February 2003 12:07 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, well, there is that....

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 10 February 2003 12:07 (twenty-two years ago)

just remember the odds. ok i sound like such a spoilsport partypisser on this thread. think of mind-blowing, matos-blowing (phone, for now) sex!!

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 10 February 2003 12:16 (twenty-two years ago)

if she's cool, she'll take it as a compliment either way. i find it very admirable for men to be upfront and honest about such things, and i agree that it's brave of you in these circumstances.

honesty is sexy!

...rooting for the emotional satisfaction/mind-blowing sex option, of course.

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Monday, 10 February 2003 15:16 (twenty-two years ago)

A friend of mine did this to me and the awkwardness it caused brought the friendship to a premature end. He couldn't cope with his unrequited feelings and the fact that mine didn't mirror their intensity.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 10 February 2003 15:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes! I'm with Lara! The "thank you VERY much, TWO YEARS BLOODY LATER" response is also a risk you run. Then again, I'm bitter.

― Sarah (starry), Monday, 10 February 2003 15:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Classic.

I think it's sweet how luvved up Matos gets right before Valentine's Day.

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 10 February 2003 15:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd say classic,

I think about doing this sometimes, but 10 years is a little too long.

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 10 February 2003 17:03 (twenty-two years ago)

"All I want to do is see you
Don't you know that it's true

Well I know five years is a long time
And that times change (oh that times change)
But I think that you will find
People are basically the same (basically the same)"

― gareth (gareth), Monday, 10 February 2003 17:08 (twenty-two years ago)

if she's cool, she'll take it as a compliment either way

Yeah, that's all very well but I think if he's done this then he probably wants them to take it as more than a *compliment*.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 10 February 2003 18:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Never tried it but my instinct would be DUD: see all the other threads where we discuss crushes / telepathy / the dangers of having significant relations with people in your head and forgetting the crucial IRL boundary.

― alext (alext), Monday, 10 February 2003 18:16 (twenty-two years ago)

As long as you don't start the conversation with, "I've always thought you'd kill at a dick-sucking competition," you should be fine either way.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 February 2003 18:17 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, but sometimes it actually works!!

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 10 February 2003 18:18 (twenty-two years ago)

i meant that for matos, but it works for dan's too!

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 10 February 2003 18:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I can think of much worse openers.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 10 February 2003 18:19 (twenty-two years ago)

(ie. fraught emotional mush is more likely to freak them out long term)

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 10 February 2003 18:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Classic, someone told me they'd liked me for years after I went to uni. When I finished punching him, I told him I'd felt the same but there had never been the right time to do anything about it.
Nothing ever did happen, I lived too far away to do anything about it, but I was glad he'd told me.
We stayed friends too, probably better friends than before, because the tension had gone.

Good luck M Matos.

― celeste (Celeste), Monday, 10 February 2003 18:36 (twenty-two years ago)

well, it's not exactly news--we fancied each other when I lived there, we even made out a couple times. I'm just still harboring those feelings two years later when I thought they would have been gone. it's not quite like "oh I never said this before but I'm telling you now" and potentially throwing a serious kink into the relationship. I told her I had a crush on her the first time we hung out and we were friends for a year after that!

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 10 February 2003 18:42 (twenty-two years ago)

(felicity why did you emphasize Matos, am I not loved up all the time?)

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 10 February 2003 18:43 (twenty-two years ago)

It's a lot more fun to confess that you've always hated someone.

― sundar subramanian (sundar), Monday, 10 February 2003 19:45 (twenty-two years ago)

"I've always wanted to stick my nose in your beef curtains" may not produce the best results, either.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 February 2003 19:46 (twenty-two years ago)

''It's a lot more fun to confess that you've always hated someone.''

yup. hate roolz!

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 10 February 2003 19:47 (twenty-two years ago)

"I've always wanted to stick my nose in your beef curtains" may not produce the best results, either.

I'm gonna be sick.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 10 February 2003 19:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I've no idea whether it's C or D, but the best of luck.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 10 February 2003 19:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Dan, I'm afraid yr slipping big-time

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 10 February 2003 19:53 (twenty-two years ago)

SIGH

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 February 2003 19:53 (twenty-two years ago)

"It's great to see your breasts DADDY WANNA SUCKLE!!!" should not be how you greet her.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 February 2003 19:56 (twenty-two years ago)

(oh i give up)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 February 2003 19:58 (twenty-two years ago)

dont listen to him dan

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 10 February 2003 20:00 (twenty-two years ago)

(Matos, it just reminded me of this, from the ILE Crushes thread:)

"oh an not for ME. I see. nobody crushes out on Matos, Matos isn't good enough for anybody to have a crush on. Well, HMPH!

-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...), November 18th, 2002.)"

(It's not really similar but it's nice to see you all wuvvy and sweet instead of just sassy about it.)

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 10 February 2003 20:16 (twenty-two years ago)

slowly Perry crawls back to life....

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 10 February 2003 20:16 (twenty-two years ago)

"oh an not for ME. I see. nobody crushes out on Matos, Matos isn't good enough for anybody to have a crush on. Well, HMPH!

Haha Matos it could be worse. You could be me -- totally ungrateful that half the internet has a crush on me, because the couple of people I actually like have no interest in me.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 10 February 2003 20:28 (twenty-two years ago)

well, that post is a few months old, and also mock-angry, JBR. still, you're right, it could be worse.

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 10 February 2003 20:30 (twenty-two years ago)

it always could be worse, that's the beauty of other peoples misery.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 10 February 2003 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

(I don't mean that)

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 10 February 2003 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

it could be worse

*kills self*

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 10 February 2003 20:47 (twenty-two years ago)

awww. [[hugs JBR]]

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't patronize me.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I've tried this, I hope you get a good response and not an evil yawning silence. Those are the worst.

― Amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:13 (twenty-two years ago)

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:16 (twenty-two years ago)

(and two years is a blink of the eye for this sort of thing in my book.)

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:23 (twenty-two years ago)

whatfuckingever, JBR

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:24 (twenty-two years ago)

somebody needs a hug!

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:25 (twenty-two years ago)

How close were you with this person two years ago, Matos?

(I'm totally mental re. these things, every now and then I feel inclined to email this girl with whom I shared little more than some awkward giggles and furtive glances and sundry other ambient flirtations almost four years ago, just b/c she was sooo cute. And then I come to my senses.)

― Amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:25 (twenty-two years ago)

whatfuckingever, JBR

The winky face was implied, Matos.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Nothing is more tragic than an impied winky (face).

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Or an impious one.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Me to typo therad.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Matos, I'm sorry I ever brought up the italics!

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:34 (twenty-two years ago)

IMPIOUS WINKY TO THREAD!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:35 (twenty-two years ago)

How about obvious winky to thread?

;-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:36 (twenty-two years ago)

when come back, bring impied.

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:38 (twenty-two years ago)

(haha I knew Ned couldn't resist showing everyone his winky)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:39 (twenty-two years ago)

two years ain't that long a time

― James Blount (James Blount), Monday, 10 February 2003 21:41 (twenty-two years ago)

so was mine, Jody. Felicity, why? it was funny! :-)

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 10 February 2003 22:06 (twenty-two years ago)

I think my response would probably be similar to the one Sarah mentioned. But I am a bitter girl, too, so don't listen to me.

― rosemary (rosemary), Monday, 10 February 2003 23:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Matos: The Hands of Fate

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 00:09 (twenty-two years ago)

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH.

(that = jealousy for not getting to the joke first)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 00:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Classic, classic, classic. Be honest, put it out there, and see what happens. Yep, it can be a dud, but I still think it's the best thing to do (and something I will be doing whenever I make it back to the West Coast).

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 00:16 (twenty-two years ago)

I hope you're not too bitter to come to my birthday, Rosemary

um, guys, that joke is about a decade old now, but thanks :-)

― M Matos (M Matos), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 00:59 (twenty-two years ago)

mega-dud-o-rama

― Ben, Tuesday, 11 February 2003 14:02 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm so unbitter that I am bring presents!

― rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I just received a nice email from someone I emailed a year ago, and who I haven't seen in more than three years. Color me whatever color best expresses a happy sort of bemusement.

Is this revived thread the one where we talk about the positive role that email has played in keeping us in touch with our far-flung friends? I believe it may be.

― Amateurist (amateurist), Sunday, 23 February 2003 08:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I've thought about e-mailing a girl I was in love with in Italy about five years ago but decided against it as it would be VERY creepy.

― James Blount (James Blount), Sunday, 23 February 2003 09:02 (twenty-two years ago)

but what about Matos? do we get an update?

― gaz (gaz), Sunday, 23 February 2003 09:21 (twenty-two years ago)

she wrote back. very nice letter, actually, sort of saying what I'd been thinking after I'd written it. we'll hang out again for sure. again, it's not like we lost touch, just hadn't been talking about that particular subject. so it's out in the open and pretty much dealt with, which is basically what I'd hoped for. so, um, yay!

― M Matos (M Matos), Sunday, 23 February 2003 10:24 (twenty-two years ago)

...but did you get head?

― Girolamo Savonarola, Sunday, 23 February 2003 10:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Go-o-o-o Matos!

― Mary (Mary), Sunday, 23 February 2003 20:45 (twenty-two years ago)

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