please read if you love me.

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My lovelife is down the crapper. I feel absolutely desperate with pain. I need some ILX love, so please for the love of all things holy, get to it.

(One of the things he said in our hideous hideous conversation is that I "don't have a good solid group of friends" that will look after me, (and therefore he feels an unreasonable amount of responsibility towards me) this is obviously crap.

there was also mention of "fear of commitment", "we are far too different" and other party favourites. This is the person I have loved solidly for three years and who obviously adores me, no matter what fears he may have.

please help, I need you guys right now.

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 10:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll withhold my opinions about this ~~jerk~~ fellow because I'm not sure if that's the response you're looking for here. You have my sympathies, though.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 10:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh Rainy, I really hope you feel better. "fear of commitment" how fucking cliched. huggles huggles etc!

― Elisabeth (Elisabeth), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 10:58 (twenty-two years ago)

*hugs* for rainy!

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 11:07 (twenty-two years ago)

big hugs.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 11:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah big sympathies. If anyone did start a fear-of-committment thread I'd have plenty to say but I'll save it for later.

― Tom (Groke), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 11:10 (twenty-two years ago)

please don't save it for later, I need it now.

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 11:12 (twenty-two years ago)

OK, I used "fear of commitment" myself lots and lots. It was because I was scared of commitment. But I kept coming back/staying because I was committed whether I liked admitting it or not. In other words it's not always just a line (and there's two fears - fear of making the commitment/fear of the commitment you've found yourself making already) - I guess the way to find out whether it is just a line is whether they'll talk it through sensibly or whether they just repeat it parrot-fashion.

I hope it works out for you!

― Tom (Groke), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 11:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Well count this as love, don't know if it'll be of any use... I know you have at least one good close friend who's helping you, and as far as HE goes, if you go out w/someone (or are close to them at all, really) you carry a lot of responsibility for them and how they feel. That's how it is. Tough shit for him. His dumb cliches don't count for anything, as you said, and really aren't any kind of justification for not wanting you (or claiming he doesn't, obv I don't know too much about all this), esp since you've loved him so long... I can't see how he can't respond to that, it seems like a wonderful thing to me... I don't really have much idea what his problem is (well, I do a LITTLE, emotional repression/scared of getting too "serious" that kind of shit), but I wish he didn't have it. Please feel as good as you can under this, ok?

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 11:18 (twenty-two years ago)

fear-of-committment

Rainy, if he's finished with you, he should fear his committment...to the INSANE ASYLUM of your choice.

Also, DUD: men who don't utter a single cliche in the whole time you're with them...because they're saving up all the worst ones for when it all ends.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 11:22 (twenty-two years ago)

it's, like, yr own fault for having wack taste. i reckon.
have you got any money? we could score dope!

― duane, Tuesday, 11 February 2003 11:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Rainy, he's obviously a callow fool. You are very special, *everyone* on ILX loves you. I hope you can occupy yourself with nice things, and sort things out/move on with as little heartache as possible.

I've always thought Rainy would make a good ILX mascot as she represents lots of the best things about these boards. And it would be a welcome site indeed to log on and see her smiling face on the masthead!

― Mark C (Mark C), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 11:34 (twenty-two years ago)

― Sarah (starry), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 11:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't like fun

― Sarah (starry), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 11:37 (twenty-two years ago)

I think scoring pot is a good idea.

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 11:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I think scouring pots is a good idea.

― Sarah (starry), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 11:41 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm with andrew on this one.

― g-kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 11:44 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, sometimes mundane tasks (like scoring pot) can help a little to take my mind off really painful stuff. I was thinking the other day how ILX is such a comfort in my life, though I definitely am under no illusions that everyone here loves me. BUT, some of my best friends are here, maybe that's why he seems to think I have no pals.

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 11:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Smoke pot and listen to the Breeders. Sarah, what are you talking about?

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 11:55 (twenty-two years ago)

rainy you have no sane pals

however if this we-are-too-different guy is sane i pick mentalism

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 11:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll drink to that. And email you later. Chin up kiddo!

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 11:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, as if "difference" is a big bad thing... maybe if yr finding someone to hitch-hike w/for a couple of days, not for LOVE, baby. Men/women often are pretty different...

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 12:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Sorry to hear it rainy :( My fiancee broke it off with me (via email, from another country) and I got excuses thrown at me, too, that made me feel shit. He later admitted he didnt really leave me for all thes bad things I'd supposedly done, he'd just said all that to excuse his own shittyness that he couldnt handle. *yay*. Men are poop.

I'd go with the smoking pot too. Solver of all the worlds ills, and no hangover! :) *hugs* to you, even if I don't know you...

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 12:08 (twenty-two years ago)

rainy i have said this to you already... but you are one of the best things about dunedin, or the world for that matter. it pains me that you feel so sad, and i think that "dude" has obv had a lobotomy... either that or he NEEDS one.

― di smith (lucylurex), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 12:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I think pretty much everyone here loves you, Rainy. Sympathies and hugs and all that, and good luck.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 13:26 (twenty-two years ago)

does going around saying "yeah your man must be crazy yeah stoopid men with their issues" actually help anyone?

― zemko (bob), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 13:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I think both men and women have trouble with commitment, especially after going out with someone for 3 years. I think the best way to look at things is to ask oneself, "Do I like what we've got now?" You don't have to commit very far into the future. If it feels right, you just keep doin' what your doin', one day at a time. If you want to keep this guy, you should try to calm him down a little by explaining that you're in this together. If something happens down the road and you don't want to be with each other any more, then you can deal with that then. But for now, things are going well.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 13:58 (twenty-two years ago)

as you can see my name is Ben. i'm a tall and elegant new zealander and all the girls love me. i pick up many of my victims whjoops i mean ladiez via the internet. i have kind of a big one. i'm flush with cash and good at holding doors open. come across to london and meet up with me, i'll take your mind of these tyraumatic sad points in your life. some say i'm creepy but they're wrong yo.

see you soon if you'd like - email me and stuff and let's get the ball roling from me to you back to me and then to my boudoir.

― Ben, Tuesday, 11 February 2003 13:59 (twenty-two years ago)

rainy, I love you and ILE wouldn't be the same without you. The very idea of you cheers me up immensely. I can't bear for you to be sad. :( You bring so much happiness to people. Please know that.

― felicity (felicity), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 14:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Cheer up duck!
http://www.roseart.com/images/az_main_img_.jpg
All is for the best.

― Simeon (Simeon), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 14:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I love you Rainy

http://homepage.mac.com/dtcd/smiley.gif

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 14:50 (twenty-two years ago)

We all do.

http://www.rs-cloud9.com/images/happy.jpg

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 14:59 (twenty-two years ago)

rainy you shd check out my new car! i'm not allowed to drive it but it's pretty g/d cool.

― dz, Tuesday, 11 February 2003 15:00 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.norfolkwindmills.com/images/nelson.jpg

nelson is here, he cant do much to help, but he can try

― gareth (gareth), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 15:01 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.teddybaerenmuseum.de/muffy/Rainy_Day/rainyday.jpg

Sending you smiles, Rainy.

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 15:01 (twenty-two years ago)

seems a lot of people love you, rainy. so sorry to hear of the breakup. hang in there. ((hugs)) for you, though i don't know you...

does going around saying "yeah your man must be crazy yeah stoopid men with their issues" actually help anyone?

ah, it's not men, it's people in general who have a tendency to be stupid in relationships. after a breakup, it's a comfort to realize that it's not all your fault, since being dumped can bring about all sorts of unrealistic doubt and self-blame. hence the need for "stoopid men with bullshit cliches" comments. maybe (straight)women are more vocal about needing support during/after breakups, so you hear of men being called callous assholes more often...

walks in the woods with loud music on my walkman and lotsa cyberscrabble have helped distract me from a guy who's on my mind. distractions=good. also, anything that will make you laugh.

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 15:03 (twenty-two years ago)

these bears are creeping me out for some reason, I think it's the no-mouth thing. Anyway rainy I'm not sure what to say, but it sounds rotten what's going on. I hope that you will find your way out of that lame forest and I think you will because quietly clever people like you find a way.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 15:09 (twenty-two years ago)

We do love you, Rainy! As for his "fear of commitment" line, probably the swine was projecting his own moods onto you.

hUgGlEz AnD sNuGgLeZ 4 all!

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 15:13 (twenty-two years ago)

(I know this is rainy's thread, but can I have that tabby kitten, please?)

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 15:14 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.nottinghamevents.org/goosefair/images/lollipop.jpg

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 15:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I think Duane had a sympathy/I'm bored out of my mind thread when I was first on ILX and I recommended an interpretive dance party. Might I suggest the same thing to you? Interpretive dance party in Duane's new car that he can't drive!!!

And you're the greatest, doll, you know that.

― Arthur (Arthur), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 15:23 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.stanford.edu/group/berlin/data2/CLEAN/pathways/modern_dance/images/1origins/jsong-page1_inline.jpg

― Arthur (Arthur), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 15:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Now that's a photo! Arthur coming through in the clutch! :-)

Saying everything possible about somebody who put up a near-complete stranger in her place for a week would take far, far too long. Much love to that kindest of souls, Her Rainyness. :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 16:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Ah, Rainy, don't be down! I know you don't know me, but hey, I got nuttin' but luv fo' ya, grrrl!

Ever heard the Tom Waits song "I Don't Want to Grow Up"? You should listen to that, it's one of my favorite listen-to-when-people-take-a-crap-on-my-soul songs. Maybe it might do you some good, too! :D

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 16:24 (twenty-two years ago)

hey Rainy! The Triplets in the mindmeld picture are saying "hey Rainy! Cheer up"

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 18:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Rainy, you'll be fine. You seem to have all sorts of supportive friends, he doesn't know what he is talking about. Spoil yourself a bit.

― isadora (isadora), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 20:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Rainy you have the best name on ILX. :)

― Amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 20:33 (twenty-two years ago)

rainy you are of mad talent.

― anthony easton (anthony), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 20:36 (twenty-two years ago)

rainy you rule. I went through a breakup recently. it was terrible but I'm getting my freak back. and so will you!

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 20:38 (twenty-two years ago)

rainy day dogs

http://www.waggy-tails.com/images/slickers.jpg

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 20:38 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, i love rainy too and all, but bob is right

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 20:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Who is bob?

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 20:40 (twenty-two years ago)

read harder

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 20:41 (twenty-two years ago)

I wish I could offer something more than greetings card platitudes and sickeningly cute pictures. If you were in the same hemisphere I'd offer to cook you a big vat of comfort food.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 20:49 (twenty-two years ago)

i was going to make a cheap and bad joke centered around the phrase "so solid friend crew" but i'll offer my sympathies instead. yr mad keen and this too will pass!

― mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 21:12 (twenty-two years ago)

rainy, xoxo

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 21:19 (twenty-two years ago)

thank you everyone, so much.

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 21:30 (twenty-two years ago)

rainy what time is it in dunedin?

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 21:35 (twenty-two years ago)

it's 10:30 am, I am just about to go to work.

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 21:40 (twenty-two years ago)

when I come home, I just want to sit and read and re-read this thread.

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 21:41 (twenty-two years ago)

oh ok, i tht it wz the middle of the night

buy yrself a chocolate egg from me for yr elevenses

("from me" in the sense that you pay for it but i take the credit)

more sensible email on its way

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 21:45 (twenty-two years ago)

(Rainy, I will see you in a bit, mmkay?)

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 21:56 (twenty-two years ago)

I hate when love delivers such a beat-down!

Don't worry about the chuckleheaded commitment-phobe Rainy, it just clears the way for someone better to traipse along.

― Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't stop looking at Dan's lollipop girl! rainy the look on her face - THAT's what up.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Dan stole that lollipop.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:14 (twenty-two years ago)

This is some of what my best friend wrote me, it's the attitude I am adopting to get throught today. so far it is working like a charm.

"Now, call me crazy (why,.... she's crazy!) but I still feel strangely envious of you and this situation you have at hand. If only, my dearest lamb, you could see how ridiculously romantic and deliciously juicy your life is right now I'm sure you'd want to grab some sort of large tub of popcorn and a fluffy duvet, dim the lights, and sit back for the show. Not that your pain is entertaining to me, of course, but just in comparison to the most BORING life one could imagine (ie. mine) you'd be quite pleased to be you."

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Get mashed, stay away from the Breeders, and gd luck!

― Andrew L (Andrew L), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I had to steal that lollipop! It's attached to the cutest little girl in the universe!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Hahaha but of COURSE she says that, Rainy, she's in INDIANA.

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:42 (twenty-two years ago)

(Indiana is boring, see. I have to go there next month and will hide things so she can amuse herself with a scavenger hunt.)

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 22:43 (twenty-two years ago)

(@)

― ron (ron), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:03 (twenty-two years ago)

This is why everyone on ILX should live in the same place (London obviously, I ain't going anywhere), so we can all go round and give Rainy real hugs rather than these rather less useful cyberhugs.

Actually, that is probably a horrifying idea, Rainy. Sorry! I mean well!

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Rainy, hello I'm sorry you're so sad, this boy sounds like he's a harrogate or maybe an egg and cream.

You need to reserve your heart for a toffee de luxe! (Look for the boys with the red wrappers.)

― Nancy Drew, Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Nancy Drew came back for Rainy!

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:48 (twenty-two years ago)

she's a detective!

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I've been missing Rainy missing me.

― Nancy Drew, Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:51 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.shinolas.com/images/simon.gif http://spreadsheetstyle.com/images/ggitstinks.jpg

This is not

http://www.english.uiuc.edu/maps/poets/m_r/momaday/images/rainy.jpg

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 23:56 (twenty-two years ago)

xoxox rainy - boys are dumb.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 01:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Hope it works out, sounds awful, not much worse than this kind of problem and I have nothing useful to say except that it will get better.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 04:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I love you Rainy!

― That Girl (thatgirl), Wednesday, 12 February 2003 04:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I am having desperate urges to call him because last night he called me and he sounded really miserable, and I feel I can go on if I know he at least has some feelings about all this. and because I miss him so bad.

please stop me from calling!

― rainy (rainy), Thursday, 13 February 2003 08:22 (twenty-two years ago)

just discovered this thread

rainy, i think only you know ultimately whether this guys is right or not, so i can't comment on whether you should call or not. you have to listen to your heart...AND your head...it's very hard, i know

but what i can say is, althought i don't want to be like Everybody, after chatting w/ you so much on IM last week: I love you to, just like EVERYBODY!!

― Vic (Vic), Thursday, 13 February 2003 08:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Mr. "unreasonable amount of responsibility," "fear of commitment", and "we are far too different" called you?

― felicity (felicity), Thursday, 13 February 2003 08:33 (twenty-two years ago)

yes, he called me last night and we made some chit chat about our days and his voice was so sad and he told me he'd had terrible dreams all night, one after another and then his voice got even sadder and he quickly said goodbye.

Its very unnatural for us not to talk to each other, we are so close.

I have to force myself not to call, because I want to keep remeberin g that it's me who got dumped, so I won't start feeling sorry for him and so I can make some attempt to stop believing
with all my heart that he will come to his senses and things will work out the way I want.

― rainy (rainy), Thursday, 13 February 2003 08:39 (twenty-two years ago)

keep in mind how some men's pride gets in the way, though. him calling you and sounding sad may be his way of trying to let ou know that he wants to come to his senses

― Vic (Vic), Thursday, 13 February 2003 08:46 (twenty-two years ago)

But why should rainy have to do that work for him? He said some provocative things. Maybe he needs some time to think about whether they are true and what he wants to do about them.

rainy, maybe some time apart can help both him and you feel more sure of why you would be together. Either way, I hope he appreciates you more, if that's what you want.

― felicity (felicity), Thursday, 13 February 2003 08:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm not saying rainy should HAVE to. I'm just throwing the possibility out there that this may be his way of communicating. As she's known him for three years, I guess she already knows how he handles things

― Vic (Vic), Thursday, 13 February 2003 09:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Vic, secretly I think this might be his way of manipulating me, making me take responsibilty of all the sadness (his and mine) and then if I do anything about it (like suggest we should be together) then it would be my fault if it all went horridly wrong (again).

― rainy (rainy), Thursday, 13 February 2003 09:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh. Then I think Felicity's recommendation of a testing period of distance is perhaps better. As I said before, you probably know best. No one should make you feel that it is entirely your responsibility, or something you have to take upon your shoulders alone. If he is either too immature to understand this, or does and wants to manipuate you so he doesn't have to deal with his own wrong-doings, then he is pretty shady, but as I don't know him or your past, I cannot say more.

And fwiw, Felicity, when I capitalized HAVE i wasn't screaming at you, I just like to capitalize words for EMPHASIS too much

― Vic (Vic), Thursday, 13 February 2003 10:09 (twenty-two years ago)

(oh I understood. I'm an ENFP too.)

Courage, rainy.

― felicity (felicity), Thursday, 13 February 2003 10:12 (twenty-two years ago)

but what if what Vic said is true and I let him slip away? this is my constant internal conflict. To grab the bull by the horns, or just see what happens?

― rainy (rainy), Thursday, 13 February 2003 10:15 (twenty-two years ago)

a melding between communication and testing-period/space (and this is just one possible sugestion, there are lots of other variations or alternatives): write an email, or perhaps next time you talkon the phone, tell him that IF he wants to work this out perhaps he should email you exactly what he wants from the relationship, and what he really meant when he said those (hurtful, but dont say that) things. you need them explained more. and say that you only want to communicate through email for a while.

If he writes, and he seems genuinely sorry or regretful AND willing to bear his share of it AND desirous of trying to work it out, you may want to stat writing back. keep your distance and protect yourself emotionally, though...see it this way: him writing you puts the power of whether you accept his explanations in YOUR hands, so you don't have to feel like the one being rejected anymore. even though this is just the mental attitude to adopt, start viewing yourself as being as much as a position as he is to be "the Rejector."

IF he doesn't agree to all this and/or doesn't seem to like the email idea or agrees to it but then never does, then know that he wasn't worth it, and not trustworthy, but still DON'T view yourself as being 'rejected," (even hough that is impossiblee, you still will)...think of it as you finding out the truth about his real worth as a boyfriend, and being able to get rid of him. there is no way this is not going to hurt, if this is the sad path that unfolds, but think of yourself as being stronger, and much better off, weeding him out of your life by finding out the hard way that he was NOT good ENOUGH FOR YOU (ALWAYS put yourself in the more powerful position, mentally. Who is he to rejet you? YOU will be the one rejecting HIM if he fails this test).

i HEART the cap locks key

― Vic (Vic), Thursday, 13 February 2003 10:27 (twenty-two years ago)

rainy, the ball is in his court now. if he wants to get back, he has to do the work to get back. i think you have to assert yourself on this a bit. otherwise he is going to end up controlling the whole thing, and that is unhealthy.

its possible he made a mistake, its possible he does want to get back, its possible hes struggling now. BUT that is not the point. you dont want to be something that can be picked up and dropped at will. and anyway, the more you appear to be getting on with things well, the more he will realise what hes missing.

rainy if he wants to get back, he wont slip away from you not calling him! if he wants to get back he'll put the effort in. and if he doesnt, then he cant want it that much.

by all means hold the door ajar for him, give him another chance, but HE has to push the door

― gareth (gareth), Thursday, 13 February 2003 10:29 (twenty-two years ago)

rainy, i think gareth's advice is very sound.

― cameron, Thursday, 13 February 2003 10:56 (twenty-two years ago)

arf, yes.

― rainy (rainy), Thursday, 13 February 2003 11:54 (twenty-two years ago)

(Rainy, remember the story I told you the other day? In that story I kept calling and in this way that meant "oh but I do still need you to like me and be there for me even though I can't decide myself and have made you feel awful" -- the only thing that straightened me out was her very sensibly saying "sorry but I'm not going to do this unless you can figure out where you stand." You shouldn't let him lean on you for all sorts of happiness and intimacy if he's not sure he wants to offer you the same: be strong, say "in or out," and I guarantee that however tough it is now and however things turn out in the end things will turn out better for your having done that.)

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 13 February 2003 16:19 (twenty-two years ago)

(In fact, Rainy, I would call her sounding miserable and say "I miss you" and "this is so difficult" -- and she, feeling the same way, would nonetheless straighten her spine and say "well good, because you shouldn't have left me" or "I'm sorry to hear that, and now I have to go." Not only did this make her life better, but it made me stop being an ass and figure out what I wanted, which is exactly what S needs to do.)

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 13 February 2003 16:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Listen to nabisco Rainy, he is indeed wise. I'm not really good at the advice thing but I'm thinking of you and I hope it gets better.
*big hug*

― smee (smee), Thursday, 13 February 2003 16:37 (twenty-two years ago)

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