Insecurity

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It's the most over used word ever. It's a real get-out clause word. Whenever you're discussing a person who is a little, ooh, obnoxious, say, a bit prickly an dismissive, if you get me: someone always says "It's just cos they're so insecure within themselves."

Of course it can be at the heart of someone's rudeness, but not always. I know some people who are a bit, eh, mean, who are very confident and sure of themselves. Let's use the word "insecurity" less, please.

Discuss

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Thursday, 13 February 2003 14:14 (twenty-two years ago)

kilian, you're just being insecure.

But seriously, I totally agree. If anything, I think that people who accuse other people of being insecure are insecure themselves. Ah-ha!

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Thursday, 13 February 2003 14:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm feeling too insecure to answer..

― smee (smee), Thursday, 13 February 2003 14:19 (twenty-two years ago)

agreed totally kilian.

― gareth (gareth), Thursday, 13 February 2003 14:26 (twenty-two years ago)

I did a course of this during my MA on the security/insecurity paradox - ie, the more you take steps to secure something, the more you create the conditions that make your situation insecure, never mind the psychological factor of becoming obsessed about 'security' leads to the foregrounding of threats which thus increase the perception of insecurity.

Course then went onto talk about Levinas and was less fun.

― Dave B (daveb), Thursday, 13 February 2003 14:29 (twenty-two years ago)

i think if someone's being obnoxious then its more likely they're TOO secure with themselves and could do with a lesson in humility myself

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 13 February 2003 14:34 (twenty-two years ago)

i guess the reasoning here is encouragement to the non-rude to contribute: ie if someone is being obnoxious but full of certainty and you disagree but say to yourself, "well, the thing is, i disagree but i'm nowhere near as certain [x] is wrong than [x] is certain they are right" then yr allowing an imagined security in others to combine w.natural politeness to chill debate

on the other hand, some ppl here consider me tremendously aggressive and rude, and i am not particularly insecure (at least not abt what i know and don't know and feel and don't feel)

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 13 February 2003 14:36 (twenty-two years ago)

amazing, isn't it? so, does it follow that there is no real security? i believe i've heard more about "insecurity" in the last few weeks than i'd ever like to again in my life, and i'm really starting to realize that it's a great excuse for not participating in life and for feeling sorry for yourself. nevertheless, it's a fairly common emotional construction, and i feel it a lot myself (for example, went to a bar i'd never been to before and couldn't hang for more than an hour because i was so insecure about the whole thing), so what's going on here? i suppose i've jumped on the excuse-making bandwagon? aren't i more secure than that? ah! what the hell?!?!

― megan p, Thursday, 13 February 2003 14:36 (twenty-two years ago)

OK, so there's a guy at my soon-to-be-ex place of work who is nothing but a nasty bastard to me. He wraps it up as jokes but really he's being very cruel. I can give as good as I get and I like a bit of banter (I'm your original cheeky cow) but this crosses the line into nastiness and he knows it. I don't think I'm overly sensitive, basically it always goes like this -

He makes a smart arsed comment, I make one back, he replies, I answer again
He then makes a joke about my weight and/or sexual attractiveness and I am stunned into silence by the sheer rudeness of it (for a few seconds anyway!)

To me, it's coz he's insecure about being seen to be outdone by me in the smart arsed comment stakes. Am I wrong?

― smee (smee), Thursday, 13 February 2003 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Just say, "Your momma!"
That's a great come-back.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 13 February 2003 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I usually just say something about baldness/impotence/masturbation!

― smee (smee), Thursday, 13 February 2003 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

i've never met him so i don't know. of course, it could be insecurity that's at the root of his rudeness. very often insecurity IS what's going on. but some people then make the assumption that ALL unpleasant behaviour is down to insecurity, and i don't agree. there could be any number of reasons, it could be insecurity, but it needn't be.

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Thursday, 13 February 2003 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, even if it is insecurity, it sure as hell isn't an excuse! For all that I laugh it off, it still hurts - not what he's saying coz I've heard it all before and worse, but the fact that he feels the need to try and hurt me like that.

― smee (smee), Thursday, 13 February 2003 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

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