moving during chilhood

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How does moving a lot in childhood tend to change people?(in general)

― bob keefer, Saturday, 15 February 2003 14:10 (twenty-two years ago)

It fucks you up.

― Rockist Scientist, Saturday, 15 February 2003 14:14 (twenty-two years ago)

If you don't move during childhood your muscles will atrophy.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 15 February 2003 15:14 (twenty-two years ago)

moving once proved already traumatic.

― erik, Saturday, 15 February 2003 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

It depends on a lot of things, obviously. I move when I was 11 or 12 years old, which is not a good time to suddenly be uprooted.

― Rockist Scientist, Saturday, 15 February 2003 15:53 (twenty-two years ago)

i've never moved, one of my friends has a lot, and we both will next year for college. i'm a bit anxious and a bit excited, she just hates the idea. she said, "it's like i've been getting poked with knives all my life and now i'm waiting for the guillotine."

― Maria (Maria), Saturday, 15 February 2003 16:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I moved 3 times as a kid, at 4, 8, and 15. Each time it sucked (well the second two times more than the first I guess since I was very small). Major moves from California to Colorado and then back. The last time was at the tail end of my first year of high school right after a friend of mine, a girl who I was secretely and desperately in love with, tried to kill herself. That right fucked me up for at least another ten years. Still haven't completely resolved it all. I would say people should not move their kids around like that. It unroots them and makes them fractured. My wife has lived in more or less the same area for her whole life and she has life long friends; I certainly do not.

― kyle, Saturday, 15 February 2003 16:06 (twenty-two years ago)

I agree with Kyle. I moved because of my parents having to relocate for work when I was ten and it definitely had a profound effect on my ability to make long-lasting friends during my childhood/adolescence. I always kept expecting to move on so had great difficulty committing to being a friend to anyone because I always had the feeling I'd have to say goodbye to them eventually. I honestly don't think parents realise how traumatic it is to uproot children at a young age.

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Saturday, 15 February 2003 17:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Agreed; I attended 6 schools between first grade and high school. My family moved around several times just in the general area, but it still uprooted us and caused me to attend a different school.

― Sean (Sean), Saturday, 15 February 2003 17:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I lived on 3 continents by the time I was ten. In 12 years of school, I went to 14 different schools. Do you think *I'm* fucked up? Oh wait...

― kate, Saturday, 15 February 2003 17:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I move thoughout my childhood and mybe I'm a liitle messed up but who is to say I would not be messed up if I had sayed in one location. Was there no good to come from your moving about?

― bob keefer, Saturday, 15 February 2003 18:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Interesting point, Bob. Up until I was ten, I lived in a small rural village which was a pretty idyllic place when you're little. In some ways, if I'd stayed there through my teenage years I would've found village life to be incredibly insular and claustrophobic. On the other hand, staying there might have encouraged me to be a bit more independent.

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Saturday, 15 February 2003 18:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I move thoughout my childhood and mybe I'm a liitle messed up but who is to say I would not be messed up if I had sayed in one location.

Roughly my story, although given my personality flaws staying put probably wouldn't have helped matters. Although it probably was educationial to live in Germany and visit other European countries, even at so young an age.

― j.lu (j.lu), Saturday, 15 February 2003 21:52 (twenty-two years ago)

It fucks you up.

it fucks you up BIG TIME

― gaz (gaz), Sunday, 16 February 2003 09:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think if fucks you up if you have a stable and supportive family unit - a wild Thornburys sort of situation. I mean, Ned has moved around FAR more than I have during his childhood, and he's well adjusted and (relatively) sane and a lovely fellow.

In my case, moving around a lot turned my family in upon itself and we turned upon each other in the face of new settings, rather than uniting against a common experience. It's funny how my "immigrant to America" experience was so much more negative than many other first generation immigrants that I knew. I mean, I was lucky in that I *looked* like a WASP American preppie, I spoke the same language, etc. so I didn't experience the driving racism that many immigrants experience. However, because there was no ex-pat or immigrant community where we moved to, we felt INCREDIBLE isolation. Had there been a Limeytown in the centre of a any of the cities we lived in, maybe it would have been different. Not only were we immigrants learning a new and sometimes hostile culture, but we did so in utter isolation.

My family has moved an average of twice per generation since my great-grandparents' day, so I don't know where I'd have to go to find somewhere I'd have fit in or "belonged".

In terms of HOW it fucks you up... well, it's got its good points. I can develop incredibly close friendships and intimiacies incredibly quickly. But I have no way of holding on to them. Old friends may tell you that you "take them for granted" - and no, it's not that, you just take if for granted that they will be GONE in a year.

You learn how to grab attention and make an impression quickly. Attention seeking behaviour may result - hey, you're going to be called the weird new kid with the funny accent anyway, so why not get the first strike in and wear your oddness as a badge of pride and uniqueness?

You learn how to spend a lot of time by yourself. You learn how to entertain yourself. OK, this also may make you an incredible loner, but it shapes your personality. You may get to the point where you have been the outsider for so long that you don't know *how* to fit in, even when you find a community that is accepting.

Wow, this is really starting to depress me.

― kate, Sunday, 16 February 2003 11:29 (twenty-two years ago)

. I can develop incredibly close friendships and intimiacies incredibly quickly. But I have no way of holding on to them. Old friends may tell you that you "take them for granted" - and no, it's not that, you just take if for granted that they will be GONE in a year

yup

― gaz (gaz), Sunday, 16 February 2003 21:56 (twenty-two years ago)

It's funny how my "immigrant to America" experience was so much more negative than many other first generation immigrants that I knew. I mean, I was lucky in that I *looked* like a WASP American preppie, I spoke the same language, etc. so I didn't experience the driving racism that many immigrants experience. However, because there was no ex-pat or immigrant community where we moved to, we felt INCREDIBLE isolation. Had there been a Limeytown in the centre of a any of the cities we lived in, maybe it would have been different. Not only were we immigrants learning a new and sometimes hostile culture, but we did so in utter isolation.

oh please.

― hostile native, Sunday, 16 February 2003 22:05 (twenty-two years ago)

i moved around a lot during childhood - the worst was to a hell-on-earth boarding school in a totally foreign country, where we got beat up and basically lived in depression and fear. luckily, having a twin sister helped get me though this, because we could always be there for each other if no one else was.

i think it fucked me up, but i would've been fucked up anyway, due to so many other factors unrelated to moving around.

― sand.y, Sunday, 16 February 2003 22:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I moved around a lot as a kid, too - also 3 diff. countries by the time I was 10, and went to 12 different schools between kindergarten and 8th grade - then landed in Maine with my dad and stayed there for 8-12, and yeah, I think it can fuck you up to a certain degree, but it also gives you life experience that not a lot of other people necessarily have... I do tend to make friends more quickly, and learned to fend for myself in many areas at a young age, but what bothers me most is that I've never really felt like I have a home.

― luna (luna.c), Sunday, 16 February 2003 23:02 (twenty-two years ago)

I moved when I was 14 and, creatively, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. It took me a *very* long time to realise that, though ...

― robin carmody (robin carmody), Monday, 17 February 2003 01:35 (twenty-two years ago)

see Marshall Mathers

― That Girl (thatgirl), Monday, 17 February 2003 01:36 (twenty-two years ago)

hmm, I moved areas significantly when I was 13. Lifestyle shift as much as geographical. Family went from affluent SE to dirt poor SW in a couple of months which was interesting to say the least, Dad's atrempt to duck the rat race ended up tearing everything apart. But things like that happen, all in all I can't imagine not having lived in Cornwall, so despite everything that went wrong (and there really was a bunch of stuff) I have to say plus. Gave me perspective, of a sort.

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 17 February 2003 02:41 (twenty-two years ago)

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