Divorce financial advice needed

Okay, history. Got together with Jackie in 1978, married in '81. We split in August 2001, for various reasons, in large part due to my severe clinical depression. In the past, I had supported Jackie through college, and she had done the same for me later. We had both been earning virtually identical salaries - except in our last months together, when Jackie was sacked from her job for minor financial fiddling (expenses in wrong category, rather than anything to benefit herself). She was offered another comparable job, but when we split she chose to move away from the area, to live very near another man - she rented what she says is a nice house by a river, in Surrey. She had no job at the time, but started another one a while later. We had bought this house I'm in now in 2000, on our joint salaries. I couldn't have got a mortgage so big on my own.

Jackie chose to move out. She wanted the car, and that made practical sense, so I said yes. There were certain things of incalculable personal value. She wanted them so much she said she'd give up everything else for them, and I let her have them. There were other things she wanted too, and she made the point that she wasn't taking that much, so I let her have all of that as well. Soon after we separated, she said she was struggling for money. I took out a loan so as to give her £5k immediately, knowing that there was more to split. This left me with very tight finances indeed.

She used that money to hire lawyers. She had been uninterested in negotiating, and then said I was unwilling to negotiate (I have emails proving my version of this). I had offered a formula based on however much we could raise selling the house, plus other factors like legal and conveyancing costs, paying off mortgages and joint loans, pensions and so forth. Her side came back with a counter offer which I accepted. Her solicitors drew up the agreement, which I signed. By this point, we had a buyer for the house at the agreed price, and I had a place to buy, and had spent money on solicitors, searches, survey and the like.

Just before the deal went through last Autumn, I was told that the court had rejected the settlement as unfair to Jackie, in the circumstances. I was told (the first I'd heard this) that she had had to give up work because of illness. I've asked repeatedly, but no one will tell me what the problem is. I proposed that we have the sale go through, give Jackie the agreed amount (that she had proposed), and once I was in a less costly place, with debts paid off, we could sort out any adjustment necessary. She responded that she would only approve the sale if I could give her thousands more as her share immediately. That would make my purchase impossible, so that wasn't on.

Since then, she has been applying for legal aid and has changed lawyers, so has had to wait for them to get the papers. I have had to continue in a place I can barely afford, and my finances are deteriorating. Today I received a letter that includes the following: "in light of time taken to resolve matters so far, we are instructed to issue a formal application for anciliary relief. You will therefore receive a timetable directly from the court shortly."

Jackie declined to discuss the settlement repeatedly for five months, until 1/02. She then decided to use lawyers. We negotiated, and I put the house on the market last Easter. It took a while to sort everything through, and for me to find somewhere to go (one place fell through after my offer had been accepted), but I was ready to move months ago, when Jackie's side brought things to a halt and refused to let the sale go through. This has been the situation for over three months. I did give her £5k, before any agreement was reached.

Does this mean that I am expected to pay maintenance? I have a growing overdraft and credit card debts, and less coming in than going out. This would not be the case if I were in a cheaper place after paying off the debts - I wasn't worried last year, because I was always expecting to move very soon.

I've avoided hiring solicitors so far. I was told ages ago that it would cost me £2-3k (it might be more now things have become more complicated), and I don't have it. However, I guess they might wait to take it out of house sale proceeds, and maybe I can't afford not to take on lawyers now.

Also, how does an illness apparently begun over a year after we separated mean that she is entitled to a bigger share of the joint goods? If I get ill too, does she have to give some of that back? If she restarts work after the settlement, do I get some back? Where is the sense in any of that? In fact, due to depression, I've missed loads of time off work, to the point of final warnings and clear maximums, so that had I not returned to work last Monday after my latest illness, I would have been sacked.

Ah, I don't know. Should I take on solicitors? How do I find good, not too expensive lawyers? (I know there's probably a difference, but I don't know what it is.)