New Orleans: Is it fucked up?

Anyway, I always love going to New Orleans, great atmosphere. Drink a couple Hurricanes, go to the Cafe du Monde and get coffee and those fancy donuts. Lots of terrific restaurants, too. But Bourbon St. can depress the hell out of me. Lots of drunken idiots parading around making fools out of themselves, and strip clubs proudly advertising "Wash the woman of your choice!!". Yeesh.

Why? Well... no good shows ever come through here, 'cause local interest in outside music is almost zero. I'm surrounded 24-7 by third-tier funk, shitty trad jazz, and bounce. But I really like the bounce stuff. It's the high point of living in New Orleans.

Economically, the whole state of Louisiana is fucked--industry ran roughshod all over everything--oil, sugar, chemical crap--and then left. So all of LA is buoyed by the New Orleans tourist industry, which is sick and disgusting.

Let's put it this way: raise for teachers (worst paid in the South) or a HUGE tax break for a casino that has already eaten billion$ and never turned a profit? Hmm. Y'all can guess what happened.

Ecologically, it's a mess that I won't even go into.

Decent pot is overpriced and not at all worth it.

The weather sucks.

The food is good though. And I love the neighborhood I live in, and the fact that it's cheap to live here.

Just had to get it out of my system...

my parents (ma and step-dad) went way out of their way to spend time in new orleans, and eventually went way out of their way to get married there, meaning they are now trying to return at least every two years.

and then in the are you going on a holiday? thread the dirty vicar talked about attending a wedding there (though truly that could be a different circumstance).

i just don't get what's so appealing to people who aren't fond of seediness. the weather's awful, the people are generally scary, and it smells like death. the only benefit i can see is the food, and if you don't live there, great non-tourist traps are harder to find than they should be.

maybe i'm just upset 'cause i have to get on a plane to go there in the morning and i have no proper clothes for hot sticky weather, but still.

are you going on a holiday?

At the first street light, I witnessed the following:

• A woman almost ran over a man crossing the street where he had the right of way.
• Said man starts giving the "I'm gonna kill you" look while walking past the woman's car
• Said woman opens the door of her car, not to confront the man, but to spit out some horrible gob of something onto the sidewalk, while getting some of the gob stuck in her 6 inch long fingernails.
• The sounds of "FUCK you, bitch!" immediately behind my car, as I saw a couple having a fist fight while diagonally jaywalking across the street the behind me.

That turned out to be the highlight of my visit, actually. I drove around Canal and Bourbon and thought it was very neat looking, but I just had this feeling that being a solitary guy walking around alone at night here and parking a car that was, at this point, my only life blood of survival, was not the best idea in the world. So I took I-10 further west, and found a motel in Gonzales.

I'd happily go back with friends (and I stress "WITH FRIENDS")... though I still have to say New Orleans is the only city on my trip that clearly told me "Nuh uh".

And of course, stopping in... RAYNE : THE FROG CAPITAL OF THE WORLD

'cause you'll come home with dual ear infections and a nasty cold even though you did not partake of the city's "charms".

grrrr.

why do you ask?

In general I'm not a good authority on what to do while visiting, because my answer was usually, "Come over. I'm making gumbo." The first time I went there, I stayed for six years. I'd never visited, and I've only experienced the French-Quarter-centric/bound-by-cabs tourist view of the Quarter the one night I was stranded there from a tropical storm, which doesn't count since nothing was open except Subway.

Various things from up-thread -- food and so forth -- remember that hardly anyone actually lives in New Orleans. It's physically very small, surrounded by canals and bayous and Lake and River, and the residential areas come in three flavors: poor (the East, Gentilly, Chef), rich (Garden District), and Just Here To Fuck (Tulane and Loyola students). So most of the restaurants aren't in the city, either -- they're in Metairie, Kenner, and so forth.

That said. Eating in the Quarter. Skip anything and everything with a guy outside telling you how good it is, but I'm sure that's the same in NYC -- if they have to tell you, they're lying.

Skip the Lucky Dogs. They're the closest thing you'll get to a real hot dog in the south, the way Macaulay Culkin's the closest thing to a woman you'd find in Michael Jackson's bed.

Go to Cafe du Monde, get a coffee, get some beignets, and yes they're too sweet. Drink the coffee black to make up for it.

Watch the break dancers across from Jackson Square. They're pretty good.

On Decatur Street, which is the street nearest the river -- the one Cafe du Monde is on -- face the river and look left. Walk down the street (on the lefthand side) until you see Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville. Wave to Margaritaville. Continue going another dozen-twenty feet or so, and go to Coop's instead. It's the cheapest good food in the city and the best cheap food. The gumbo is some of the best, although expensive by their standards; everyone raves about the jambalaya and redfish (either blackened and meuniere); the boudin is city-style boudin, and so not the best, but it's all right as a hint of what Acadian boudin is like; the creole shrimp is very popular when it's good, but is the only thing on the menu I know of that seems to be inconsistent -- sometimes it's too watery, sometimes it's too peppery.

Of the big-name restaurants, Brennan's is overrated, Arnaud's is underrated but best at brunch, Commander's Palace is as good as people say, the straight-up French restaurants (Louis the whatever, Galatoire's) are not worth the money because they're not there for the food -- they're there for lawyers and Old Money to network and interbreed, and Emeril Lagasse's Nola is worth going to for lunch, when both the prices and servings are reasonable.

The non-jazz local music scene goes through cycles because of ticket prices inflating from nationwide touring acts, and the loss of some local venues. In the Quarter, if you're not on Decatur, you're in the mood for jazz, and you hear some, follow your ear and you'll likely be happy with what you find.

"Oh, they're in the bathtub."

And about half an hour later, out of the bathroom came Michael and his never-before-mentioned fiance. He took my last banana and introduced us.

And I drove those two, with their bags and their boxes and their two hundred thousand gothic accessories and their twin inabilities to drive, home to Tampa.

I probably shouldn't hold that against New Orleans, but I do.

Wait, isn't that just in the Square itself (i.e. not in the space next to the info booth next to CDM)? I swear they were there the last time I went, which was ... er. Okay, not the last time, cause that was at night, but the time before that... which come to think of it was early May or late April. Blast.

(I picked up Cafe du Monde coffee-and-chicory at the store today while this thread was being revived, all unawares.)

--Cheap, awesome shrimp po' boys at convenience store lunch counters

--Donna's Bar on Rampart, the best hamburgers anywhere and the best regular gigs. Leroy Jones, Treme Brass Band, Shannon Powell.

--Jazz played like it isn't played anywhere else in the world...yeah, not every trad jazz band is great, but the ones that are are amazing (see above and add Roderick Paulin, Herlin Riley, Mark Braud, etc.)

--Going to see second lines in the 6th ward, and walking behind brass bands for four hours who are playing the shit out of some music that you can only really find in N.O. for everyone in the neighborhood.

My question is.. how can the goths in New Orleans deal with the weather?

(Actually, come to think of it, apparently there are a lot of them at the New Orleans Zen Temple, but I don't even know where that is.)

Well, NOW I would. I'm older and wiser. Not much meat on 'em, but the gators would probably appreciate 'em anyway. :-)

Daria, these people MUST all be somehow related... Michael Satan (as we call him to distinguish him from the many other Michaels running around) is probably wearing those fishnets right now. :-) The really funny thing is that when they finally got their own place in Tampa, Michael started wearing all and only white clothing, and had only white things in the house. The girl still wore colored clothes, but she had to keep them in a shed in the back yard. This was known to my snarkier friends as "closet apartheid", and to me as "why I am glad he went with her, not me".

Second time--with same girl--was, in equal measure, a nightmare. Scorned/feared/demeaned everywhere for being too northern or urban or lean-and-hungry or something. 'We are only interested in your money, and you don't look too loaded--are you sure you aren't homeless?' Lots and lots of southern hospitality at its loudest and least sincere. And more--borderline sense of supranatural or collective menace. Really.

Third time--weekend-long bachelor party, I'm the best man--didn't see much but strip clubs. Suffered through. On our last night, I made everyone go to the Circle Club or whatever by the big Robert-E.-Lee-on-a-stick statue, where Glyn Styler was singing. The room's about the size of a dorm, so Glyn was about two feet away, wig, sunglasses, and all.

And that was pretty goddamn cool.

I had a personal record of urinating on the street ten times in a row, my most brazen shower occurring at the corner of Bourbon and Canal while waiting for the trolley. With that said, do as I say not as I do. DO NOT urinate in public. I was lucky.

You'll score major voodoo karma points if you help the little girl mime chase down the greek sluts who spit beer on her. She may even hook you up with some weed.

And whatever you do, don't just go up to kooky looking people on the street and say "Get a picture of me with this guy!" Kooky looking people have feelings too.

My theory about New Orleans is that they act like that because every drink of water they've had has been already drank six times. Someone in Minnesota drinks a glass, pisses it, and it goes into the river. Someone in Iowa drinks a glass, pisses it, and it goes into the river. By the time it gets to N.O. Parish, I don't care how many times you "purify" it. It's still going to have crazy in there. Nawlins can't help it.

They have done away with licensing and regulations and eveything is chaotic. My fist night off Canal street (outside the French Quarter) I got run off by the cops within 30 minutes. All the cops tell you where you can't play, they will not tell you where you can play.

Cops would rather harass street musicians than go bust crack dealers and armed robbers-it's safer.

Having said that, yes, it is a shithole.

I know this place - it totally rocks.

Okay, fuck this noise, Sam, I'm coming to get you and we're going to NO.

(lemme know when you'll be by and I'll have the road pitcher of margaritas ready.)

I like to roll down the front and back windows and pretend its a convertible.

one time it was the 99-00 new year's and i was with my friends who were playing at the shim sham. ::shudder:: I've compared trying to get out of there at 4am to Rhett & Scarlett leaving Atlanta as it burned down around their ears.

I like going around Jazzfest. Yeah, it's sorta hot and touristy, but the tourists aren't nearly as annoying as at Mardi Gras and the bands are hot too.

I went in December to go to a second line, and it was great to be there without tourists, but the evenings were COLD.

well I'll just say, 3 cases of champagne chilling in a bathtub plus all the illicit substances you can handle.

being on the road with a band who has a whole album about drugs wasn't bad shakes in the party realm either, ;)

I'm even sad about the place with the "wash the girl of your choice" sign being gone.

A bit of justice--

A jury this morning convicted all five New Orleans police officers accused in the Danziger Bridge shootings, which took place amid the chaos after Hurricane Katrina and claimed the lives of two civilians, and a cover-up of startling scope that lasted almost five years.

The verdicts were a huge victory for federal prosecutors, who won on virtually every point, save for their contention that the shootings amounted to murder. The jury rejected that notion, finding that the officers violated the victims' civil rights, but that their actions did not constitute murder.

http://www.nola.com/crime/index.ssf/2011/08/danziger_bridge_verdict_do_not.html

Good news.

This, from 8 years ago upthread, is alltime classic:

And about half an hour later, out of the bathroom came Michael and his never-before-mentioned fiance. He took my last banana and introduced us.

And I drove those two, with their bags and their boxes and their two hundred thousand gothic accessories and their twin inabilities to drive, home to Tampa.

I probably shouldn't hold that against New Orleans, but I do.

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Tuesday, July 22, 2003 5:53 PM (8 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Watched the New Orleans episode of Foodography last night -- not even Mo Rocca could make it dud. Want to go there for many (more) meals.

It's pretty fucked up, and was even before the K-word, but I have an ever-present, low-grade urge to move there, which flares up during and after visits. This is based on more than tourist experiences; I lived there from June-November, 2006. The biggest drawback to me is that it's too small. I like that in Chicago we have everything: every kind of food, tons and tons of theater and music, good retail shopping, great thrift and vintage shopping, two major airports with direct flights to everywhere, maybe most importantly: PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION. Still, the thing we don't have here is New Orleans.

That sounds a little too clever, but it's what I mean.

we have enough carpetbaggers, thx

;__;

Never heard anything bad about John Besh – loved his food, thought of him as having the city’s goodwill – but now 25 women have stepped forward.

http://www.nola.com/business/index.ssf/2017/10/john_besh_restaurants_fostered.html

Major Incident Last Night:

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/crl378x8nnjo

Ten people have been killed and 35 injured after a man intentionally drove into a crowd in New Orleans and then began firing a weapon, police have said.

Police chief Anne Kirkpatrick said the attacker drove a pickup truck along Bourbon Street "very fast... trying to run over as many people as he could" at around 03:15 (09:15 GMT). He crashed, then shot and injured two police officers.

Just horrific.

Terrible. No idea what this guy's story will turn out to be, but I love NOLA and feel very sad about this.

It’s awful.

I was deep in the mountains of Maine this weekend and struck up a conversation with a dude working at the grocery store and found out he was from NOLA. I asked him how he liked being up there. He said, people don’t really know how to take me up here. I completely understood and immediately loved him

Wow, real life Maine Justice.

On a serious note, what a terrible act of violence. My daughter's boyfriend and his mom were literally just there a day ago.

Suspect identified, apparently. He is (allegedly/reportedly, maybe inaccurately) a melange of different backgrounds. 42, American citizen from Texas, worked as a programmer for Deloitte in Houston, went to Georgia state (comp sci, graduated 2017), was in the army reserve from 2015-2020. Wearing military gear, armed, reportedly some IEDs in the truck, driving a rented electric Ford F-150 Lightning pickup, maybe flying a black and/or ISIS flag. Might take a while to unravel this one.